I just sat down at my computer. It’s the first time today and I’d just spent an hour shoveling snow. As I settle in to enjoy a few minutes of “me” time I find my 9 year old son at my side saying, “Mom can we make some of those cookies?”

How do they know? I’m not just talking about pinpointing possibly the least convenient moment, I’m talking about the little boost you didn’t know you needed when you take those precious moments to do something with your child.

So the lesson for the day is that love really is spelled T-I-M-E. And if you’re up for a great recipe, that’s included too!

These are the best peanut butter kisses cookies!

1/2 C (1 stick) Butter
1 C Sugar
1 Egg
1/2 tsp Vanilla
1/2 tsp Salt
1 tsp Baking Powder
2 C Flour
1/2 C Peanut Butter
3 Dozen Unwrapped Hershey Kisses

Roll into 1 1/2″ balls and coat with sugar. Press thumb imprint, bake 5 minutes at 375 degrees. Remove from oven, gently press hershey kiss into the impression. Return to the oven and bake 3 more minutes.

It’s been quite a while since I blogged anything about ADHD. As I looked over past blog posts, I realize I’ve taken a little vacation from learning and helping my daughter with it. I didn’t mean to, it just became easy to get complacent and right now I feel a bit chastened. Don’t get me wrong, I never forget it’s there. We deal with it every day as I struggle to find effective and successful communication with my teen daughter. But as she’s grown and made such amazing strides compensating on her own for the struggles, I’ve allowed myself to take a backseat. I haven’t been reading, learning and keeping up with information on it and I know how valuable that is. Today I just feel like I owe that kiddo a shout out. She is amazing and she can (and does) do hard things every single day!

In the past 16 months we’ve lived in three states, moved two and half times and lived in 4 different homes. That’s a boatload of new neighbors, schools, church friends and social experiences. It’s a lot of change to digest in a short time. In fact, it makes my head spin to see it written out like this! Top it all off with moving headlong into teen years and it’s no wonder I’m a bit dazed.

As a parent, it’s hard to know when and how to share important information about your kids. Everyone knows something about their children that others don’t. Sometimes this information is big, sometimes it’s small but either way it’s a balancing act for the parent to identify the right times/situations in which to share these nuggets of wisdom. You constantly ask yourself if sharing will result in greater good, or make things worse. For example, when my daughter began Kindergarten I made sure the teacher was aware of her adoption status. This wasn’t because I wanted to call attention to her being adopted, in fact quite the opposite as I wanted to avoid any awkwardness about it. I felt the teacher needed to know before her upcoming family unit that my daughter’s details about birth and inherited genetic traits would be different and potentially awkward. Moreover, at that age she herself was still developing an understanding and I needed to help make sure it was positive. It was the right time to share this information, but it is still deeply personal and can carry unexpected consequences good and bad; it has to be held carefully. Her ADHD is much like this and because of those unknown and potentially unexpected consequences, I tend to err on the side of sharing too little especially as she gets older and gains more independence. I also worry that sharing can result in preconceived ideas or judgements that could be more harmful than helpful. Most days I’m a drowning puppy just struggling to keep my head above water. This is when some of my friends would say they put a dollar in the jar for future counseling and just move on. You do the best you can at any given time with what you have, but you always worry that it’s not enough or too much.

Well, last week my daughter (now 14) had a run-in with a fellow classmate. I found myself sitting in a room with the teachers, my daughter, the other party and that child’s parent discussing the mishap and trying to resolve any unkind feelings. As soon as I understood the dynamics involved, it was obvious why there had been some fireworks. Unfortunately, I was the only one in the room who could see with that clarity because I was the only one who understood key information about my daughter’s ADHD. I found myself wishing I’d been able to share my knowledge before the confrontation. With my daughter’s permission, I was able to share it after with the teacher. While it ended on a positive note, I couldn’t help but question if I’d dropped the ball in the balancing act of sharing information which would have altered the conflict resolution scenario.

Here’s the reality. My daughter has ADHD. She will always have it. It won’t magically go away as she gets older. But as she continues to mature and develop she can learn to balance and counter its detriments and live a functional and happy life. The strides she’s made in the past two years are evidence of this. But it’s still hard and I often forget how hard. In reviewing past articles I’ve written on it I came across this list on communication and ADHD and immediately felt myself sink in my chair for how much I’ve forgotten. Four years ago I found this checklist and shared thoughts on it. The intent is for the person with ADHD to circle and rate which of the items in the list they either acknowledge themselves or have been told by others they struggle with. Constant review of the list can help them see if they’re improving. Where I felt short was the constant review because in four years the issues have shifted for my daughter a great deal.

Ability to identify and express your feelings
Check-repeat what you heard and ask if you heard it right
Join a conversation without disruption
Stay on track in a conversation
Identify and reflect feelings of others
Actively let others know you are following the conversation
Miss pieces of information-”blinks”
Ability to keep a conversation going
Voice too loud or too soft
Speak too quickly
Interrupt others
Too quiet-rarely speaking in conversations
Talk excessively
Order or boss others
Criticize-judge or make evaluative comments
Disregard or minimize statements of others

The reason I share this is an effort to help others understand what “hard” means for my daughter. Most of us have experience with several of the above issues at one point or another in our lives. But my daughter knows each item intimately and experiences all of them simultaneously, every single day. I can’t even imagine that. She doesn’t experience them because she’s not smart or doesn’t care, she experiences them because she has a medical condition that impedes her ability to communicate. She has no control over it happening, only learned responses in dealing with the results. Her condition, while not as visible as an eye astigmatism with corrective lenses, is every bit as real. In fact, the lack of visibility is harder on her because it feeds the lack of understanding and harsh judgements of those around her. I wish so much I could remember myself, as well as share with others how hard she works to keep relations good with everyone she knows. I wish the rest of us could have a little more compassion and understanding accepting her mistakes with it. If she can do hard things, so can we.

More of my thoughts on ADHD.

It’s 2012. Twelve years ago, many of the civilized world thought the world was going to end at the turn of the century. History books refer to the phenomenon as Y2K. This year we have a new wave of anxiety over the Mayan calendar ending on December 21, 2012. I suppose you could live your life as if you knew the end of the world were known. I just wonder if the results would be as positive as they could be if we all woke up every day and realized it was a new day. A new chance to start over. I let you in on a little secret, you don’t have to wait until the end of a year to recognize the power and energy of things made new.

Several years ago I read a book by Dr. Deepak Chopra, entitled Ageless Body, Timeless Mind. This passage took hold in me:

“In order to stay alive, your body must live on the wings of change. At this moment you are exhaling atoms of hydrogen, oxygen, carbon, and nitrogen that just an instant before were locked up in solid matter…The skin replaces itself once a month, the stomach lining every five days, the liver every six weeks, and the skeleton every three months…By the end of this year, 98 percent of the atoms in your body will have been exchanged for new ones.”

That’s like getting a whole new body over and over again! How cool is that? If the physical body lives on change and is constantly renewing itself, what does that say for other elements of our lives? What a wonderful pattern to follow. It’s amazing what our perception of control and newness can do.

Last month I worked on my memorization skills. I’m a little ashamed to admit how rusty they were for lack of use. However, it was wonderful to realize that not only was I still most capable of memorizing, but that by committing uplifting literature to memory I felt not only enlightened I felt enfolded in the arms of motivational companions! I thank my darling husband for creating a new app to aid me in my efforts. Not only does his tool work, he’s got a great starting list of uplifting works to memoRISE! While the concept of memorizing isn’t new, reviving it in my personal life definitely qualifies as a renewing experience!

So the message for today is to think on one word: new.

It’s cold. It’s snowing. I miss the desert southwest when it’s like this. So I cope with a sunroom with mom’s plants to soothe me.

I can almost look beyond the white stuff outside.

Yesterday, I started sorting through some photos for a Christmas project. It was fun to reminisce.

I miss this little man:

And this little girl:

They grow too fast.

Bear with me, this post may feel scattered. I’m retracing my steps in an effort to figure out what moved me out of procrastination on some long awaited activities/projects this morning. Maybe I’ll learn something and hopefully, if you’re reading this maybe you can too or at least help me figure it out.

Here’s where we end: I start to download pictures from my phone to work on a new blog post. Opening my file organizer I see a great deal of piled up files that keep getting dumped into my generic “documents” folder, instead of rolling my eyes like I usually do and telling myself I need to start cleaning that up, I actually start creating folders and moving files. After a few minutes my pictures are downloaded, I’ve made a significant difference in my digital clutter and I find myself inspired to continue the digital cleaning. Weird. I just killed some long lived procrastination and now I feel ready to keep it up. As I stop to ponder what just happened so I can figure out how to store it and use it again in the future, I decide to write it out as I’m thinking it. So here goes.

This morning I sat down at my computer to do the routine checks: email, google reader, blog, etc. What’s different? 1) I come to a clean inbox, 2) I break a pattern.

1) The inbox; stupid thing always gets full too fast. I’ve gotten so bad that I usually have two to three hundred read emails in there before I do a clean out. I hit that mark a few days ago so this morning my inbox was clean. (Side note, I’ve also noticed the cleaner my inbox, the less stuff I end up keeping. I like this.)

Lesson: Clean and organized - no matter how small - has a big impact, especially at the starting line of a day’s activities.

2) Pattern break. I usually go straight from my e-mail check to status checks of friends and family on Facebook. Naturally, this lends to games and other time suckers. This morning I go from e-mail to google reader and my blog.

Lesson: Patterns can become ruts that support energy drain and deter productivity. A little break goes a long way.

I move into my google reader. What’s different? 1) New features, 2) Obvious neglect.

1) New features were the first thing I found when I went to my feed reader this morning. While I’m not sure I’ll use many of them, it was inspiring to see the effort invested in improvement. I wonder what things I should be investing more improvement in myself.

2) Obvious neglect. At least 85% of my blogs I’ve subscribed to are completely inactive now. I can’t help but remember what it was like several years ago when these blogs were active. I reflect on my own blog, what it’s purpose was/is for me and if my actions support it.

Lesson: If it’s worth doing, it’s worth continuing to do and improve.

I respond to a comment on my blog about a file download. What happened? 1) I’m reminded of how badly I need to update and tackle this concept of file compilation and sharing. 2) I’m inspired that someone found something helpful.

1) Outdated - There simply has to be a better solution out there for me to share my files, teaching and creating ideas. I’m thinking about it again and how nice it would be to have a system that worked.

2) It’s helpful. This is the most inspiring piece of the morning. Someone is commenting on using something I’ve shared. Another comment reminds me there are still a few people reading my blog. I need to do better.

Lesson: Action begins with a thought, it is motivated by encouragement.

Inspired to do better on my blog I decide to write an article today. Halloween was yesterday, I have photos and things I could share about my son’s face painting success and failure. I need to download pictures. The device opens my file organizer where I see a mass of cluttered mess. I start moving/cleaning files. What happened? 1) I may have ADD, 2) Action is contagious.

1) The Attention Deficit Factor. This isn’t all bad. After all, these many steps lead to other steps right?

2) Action is contagious. This is an awesome recognition.

Lesson: Focus is necessary but if overdone can actually feed procrastination. There’s something to be said for the phrase “Do it now”.

Recap:
1) Start with something clean or organized.
2) Shake it up, do something different - break a routine.
3) Identify activities worth your time.
4) Think, act, feed.
5) Focus with flexibility, just do it.

I’m on the war path.

About this same time six years ago (yikes!) I shared this article. It’s worthy of repeating. It was called: Point of View Truths.

Several years ago I received a copy of the following story. It hit me with deep impact. Maybe it was because my own mother taught me at an early age that a great person always argued a point from the opposite side before casting an opinion, or maybe it’s just because it’s a fantastic story. At any rate, it’s worth sharing.

~~~~~~~~~~
Limited Vision
Four people were in a barn and each one had a knothole to look through. One looked to the east, one to the west, one to the south and one to the north.

The person looking to the east saw the sun come up and said, “The whole world is nothing but sunrises”

The person looking to the west said, “You are wrong, the whole world is nothing but sunsets.”

The person to the north who could see nothing but a haystack said, “You are both wrong, the entire world is nothing but hay.”

The fourth person looking to the south said, “I can’t understand how all of you can be so stupid. The world is nothing but bales of straw.”
~~~~~~~~~~

From his own viewpoint, each was right. But, obviously, each one’s viewpoint was limited by the size and direction of the knothole through which he was looking.

Get on top of the barn, look in all directions before casting your certainty on a matter. Know that your ideas may be right, but this does not necessarily make the other fellow’s wrong. He may be seeing the same wide, wonderful world through a different knothole.

Ever have that sinking feeling? So did this truck driver yesterday when he delivered a load of rock to mom’s yard.

He might have made it if he hadn’t stopped to make sure he wasn’t sinking too much. But those few moments gave those front tires enough time to sink to a point the back ones just couldn’t push them out. Even lightening the load by dumping the rock wasn’t enough.

For better reference on the level sunk, check out Taylor standing outside, and then inside the spot where that front tire was.

Now, the positive in this sunken tale is the good nature of people. Upon getting stuck, the driver asked if there were any neighbors that might have a tracker to provide the needed pull. After a few calls, my mom found a neighbor who willingly came to offer help. Leaving what they were doing, literally dropping everything to come to help in that moment. That is awesome to me.

Are we really any different? Too often, we take just a moment too long before action and find ourselves sunk. We think we can fix it ourselves by just offloading something, only to find the more we attempt at our own recovery, the deeper we make the ruts. Maybe our situation isn’t physically visible, but I’d wager we all have some personal ruts. Sometimes life is going to find us sunk and it’s going to take a helpful pull to get out. Wouldn’t it be sad if no one came?

No matter which side we’re on - needing a pull or being able to provide one - I think there’s a lesson in this sinking feeling.

More first snow pictures