Girl Games
Something is sticking! As a parent, you wonder and worry that your teaching efforts and influence are bouncing off your kids. You pray that something sticks. Last night my daughter proved to me that something is sticking and I’m very, very happy about it.
Since last year when she began second grade, the girl games began. The girl games are nothing more than emotional vomit passed around by insecure little females. It starts with “If you ________, then I won’t be your friend anymore.” There are a million variations which bleed into little gifts and tangible objects or wearing specific articles or colors of clothing. The point is control and a fight to be popular through threats. I think my earliest memory of girl games came when I was in 5th grade, but as her teacher and I talked often last year it seems to be advancing with time; sneaking into social circles at younger and younger ages. The number of times last year alone that I told my daughter that friendship doesn’t work like that were so many that if I’d had a quarter for each time I said it I’d have a nice pocket of college funds tucked away.
As girls grow, the games and attitude grow too. Girl attitude emerges and instead of threatening bluntly that someone won’t be a friend anymore, backstabbing and gossip emerge. The goal is the same, but now the stakes have moved into a more emotional aspect of mind games. I can’t express strongly enough how I LOATHE this. But suffice it to say that my daughter has been told repeatedly by me NOT to engage in this silly - and yes STUPID - game. Last week two of the younger neighbors who play with her were having a tiff and I saw one of them writing notes. I wanted to scream as flashbacks of my youth came into my mind. I turned to Cidnie and in front of all of them said, “PLEASE tell me we are not playing silly girl games. PLEASE tell me that you all understand that we’re always friends, even if one moment someone doesn’t play what we want or does something with someone else and that we are always nice to each other.” Cidnie blushed a little but encouraged her friends to listen to me and the notes found their way to the trash for which I thanked them and told them to not waste their time managing petty fights. I knew Cid wasn’t involved directly, but I wanted the whole group to hear on the spot and be reminded that I won’t have that in my house.
Well, last night at dinner she tells me that earlier that day at school she helped two girls work out a problem. She said they were fighting and she was caught in the middle playing messenger when she just finally told them both they shouldn’t play silly girl games.
I gave her the biggest hug and told her how proud I was of her! Of all the weapons I can give her for the coming, tumultuous, teen years, this is at the top of the list for valuable ones. Something is sticking and it’s not gum on my shoe. YAY!!!
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Great post! And “emotional vomit” is a perfect phrase for girl games. How to handle them is an important skill you’ve passed onto your daughter. So great when something GOOD sticks!!!
Thanks for joining us for Pass the Torch Tuesday! (And be sure to link in my comments or ping the current post so others can find you - they’ll want to read this post.)
Comment by Pass the Torch — October 10, 2006 @ 2:41 pm
I remember girl games. Yuck.
I’m actually seeing a little bit of it with my six-year old son and his five-year old male friends. I don’t know how many times he’s come crying home because of the exact same statement!
Ugh. How did we ever survive childhood?
Comment by Laura Bybee — October 10, 2006 @ 3:31 pm
Wonderful Post! Even my boys talk about “Girl Games”! Of course, boys have their testosterone contests as well….but those seem to pale in
comparison with some of the things I hear about girls lately!
You are right to be proud of your daughter! And she’ll survive her teenaged years alot easier with an understanding Mom! (wink)
Comment by Nola Cooper — October 11, 2006 @ 6:08 am
[...] I was reading Holly’s Corner Blog this afternoon (she belongs to BlogJolt with me) and I was so impressed with her post Girl Games. [...]
Pingback by This Roller Coaster Called LIFE :: Girls, Girls, Girls… :: October :: 2006 — October 17, 2006 @ 12:59 pm
Stopping by from Blogjolt… I linked to your site, and LOVE THIS POST. I’ve enjoyed reading what I’ve seen so far, and look forward to more. great blog!
Comment by Jenni — October 17, 2006 @ 1:00 pm
[...] Holly’s Corner has an interesting post called Girl Games…the petty emotional games little girls play and the fact that this seems to start at a younger and younger age. Heck both of my girls were already wrapping themselves around my little finger FROM THE WOMB (at least I like to blame Caitlin for my unquenchable desire for McDonald’s breakfast the entire time I was pregnant with her). Unfortunately Caitlin has picked up on the “I’m not going to be your friend any more” phrase from daycare and wields it like an emotional sword if she doesn’t get her way. I jokingly call her our manipulatress when she does this, but it’s not something I want to take lightly. I don’t know why girls tend to play mind games, from the “I’ll be your friend if you do this” or the “I won’t be your friend if you do that” pettiness to the batting of eyelashes and the super pout, but I like what Holly has to say about teaching her daughter to not get caught up in all of it. I mean the manipulatress skills can be put to good use when Caitlin’s older, much older, like 50 years from now when she’s trying to convince the assisted living facility director to upgrade mama and daddy to the penthouse. Ahem. [...]
Pingback by BlondeMomBlog » Girls and the Games They Play — October 19, 2006 @ 8:38 pm
Bravo and well done! From the moment the ultrasound tech told me I was having a girl moments like these have been circling my mind. Although Morgan is only 18 months old I know that “silly girl games” will happen in her future. I will be filing this away for future reference.
Comment by Lisa — July 19, 2007 @ 4:31 pm
Ugh I remember the gossip and cruelty girls came up with. That’s why I never attempted to make friends in school. It wasn’t worth the aggravation.
Comment by Jenny — October 17, 2007 @ 9:52 am
[...] Holly’s Corner has an interesting post called Girl Games…the petty emotional games little girls play and the fact that this seems to start at a younger and younger age. Heck both of my girls were already wrapping themselves around my little finger FROM THE WOMB (at least I like to blame Caitlin for my unquenchable desire for McDonald’s breakfast the entire time I was pregnant with her). Unfortunately Caitlin has picked up on the “I’m not going to be your friend any more” phrase from daycare and wields it like an emotional sword if she doesn’t get her way. I jokingly call her our manipulatress when she does this, but it’s not something I want to take lightly. I don’t know why girls tend to play mind games, from the “I’ll be your friend if you do this” or the “I won’t be your friend if you do that” pettiness to the batting of eyelashes and the super pout, but I like what Holly has to say about teaching her daughter to not get caught up in all of it. I mean the manipulatress skills can be put to good use when Caitlin’s older, much older, like 50 years from now when she’s trying to convince the assisted living facility director to upgrade mama and daddy to the penthouse. Ahem. [...]
Pingback by Girls and the Games They Play — March 13, 2009 @ 12:20 pm