Must Get Better…
Two areas that have really been bugging me lately are food and money. And by bugging, I mean always thinking about and kicking myself for not doing better. Ironically, it’s not the more common problem of overuse (is that a real word?) that’s got me in a tizzy. In a nut shell, my problem is guilty thoughts about not doing enough, and negative thought processes about money.
These are two areas where I cause myself personal grief. Last night as I talked with my darling hubby about it, I determined that it’s not enough to know what’s bugging me or even why - I have to find a way to replace thought processes and patterns. I know I can, but I’m not exactly sure I know how. I know it requires action and commitment so I’m sharing it here as a starting point.
Both problems are interrelated. Our recreational outlet and enjoyment is dining out and over the years that has equated to finding some REALLY great places. Consequently, eating is not just something I have to do but something I really want to enjoy ALL THE TIME. And as the tastes for the more exotic grow, the less satisfying it is to enjoy the old standbys at home. This is good in that I’ve become a better cook. But bad too because more is more - I need to devote more time and energy to cooking what I now consider to be a satisfactory or enjoyable meal. But I’d rather finish blogging than spend a few hours preparing for that amazing dish or running multiple errands to get all the best and freshest ingredients. Consequently, this means we dine out more often. Which would be fine except that now it bleeds into my lamenting over spending.
I’m a worrier. My husband’s always telling me the day we have enough money for a private jet I’ll be worrying about having enough tucked away for extra fuel. He’s right. I have the hardest time enjoying money. I hate to spend it. I want to horde it away. Fundamentally I know that money is for spending, but practically I find it difficult - especially if it’s for myself. Spending money on my family is a chore but not hard for me - I just put off clothes shopping, etc. until I can’t anymore. But when it comes to spending money on myself…well, I just can’t bring myself to do it. Last night I pointed out to my husband how I always drag him along to shop. It’s not that I can’t go buy that hedge trimmer myself (I’m the one who’ll be using it anyway), but there’s a security and comfort having him be with me when it’s purchased. Silly, but true. I know where it stems from. I know the “files” in my head from my experience growing up have defined much of my thoughts about money and I need to reject those teachings and replace them with ones that are positive and productive. I’m making progress - and the fact I can recognize this problem of spending is proof of it. But if you’ve read anything of mine before you know by now I’m a very impatient person. So I just want to master this right now! LOL
As I’ve been reading Dr. Laura’s book of “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” for my book club this month, I’ve realized that words aren’t enough in showing gratitude. It’s not enough to tell my husband how grateful I am for his amazing providing abilities; how much I love my home, etc. no matter how much I say these things. I’m not backing up my words with consistent attitude or action. I’m frequently lamenting that we spent all of that last check instead of getting some tucked away or taken a bigger chunk out of debts or generally implying that if we just had more I wouldn’t worry so much. Who am I kidding? I keep putting off buying things for decorating projects in fear of needing to keep monies in reserves, and even though I enjoy every bite and moment of good food, I complain about how much we spent dining out. My husband always responds to this with, “Yeah it stinks to be able to enjoy all the movies and dining out that we enjoy and still pay the bills.” And he’s always telling me I’ve got to learn to enjoy the decisions we’ve already made about spending and stop looking back. I know he’s right. Just this past weekend we pulled the last of my “cash stash” out to enjoy a really incredible and wonderful dining night out with some friends. And instead of enjoying that I’d put money away that wouldn’t affect our budget, I voiced my worries about having spent it and how I’ve got to “get a handle” on our spending. Am I retentive or what? LOL
So I’m going to do better. I must get better about this. I have to let go of my unrealistic expectations and hollow worries. I need to enjoy cooking meals and baking as much as I enjoy blogging without feeling like every attempt has to be a picture of perfection. I need to treat money with respect and not fear. Today is the start of a new week. I’m going to catch myself every time I complain or worry in my head and I’m going to reject it and say something different to myself. I’m going to bake a batch of cookies to fill the cookie jar so I can stop kicking myself for not getting to it …. again. LOL I need to remember how I mastered fear and intimidation of things like my pressure cooker and steam cleaner and apply it to these elements too. Time to dig in. And somewhere inside my heart I’m hoping someone out there can relate to some of this so I don’t feel like such a green-eyed alien!!
Technorati Tags:
Homemaker Emotions Potential Inspiration Marriage Food Balance
Like this article? 
I identified with this very strongly, Holly.
I remember having barely enough as a child - the feeling like the next time it (whatever IT was at the time) would not be there the next time. This led to a “scaricity” pattern of thinking as I grew up - re-inforced by years as a single parent with “not enough”.
For a few years now, I have been in a time of plenty - between my partner and I, we have enough to do pretty much anything we want. Not enough to fly off any time we want - but we don’t have to watch for food sales and buy the things we like to eat instead of what’s on sale. But I still have that mind set going on. It’s hard for me to pay for others to do things I think I should be doing myself. The luxury of a cleaning lady every other week for the hard cleaning is almost more than I can stand. I have to leave the house while she is there and pretend that the bathroom floor mops itself.
My partner got into a financial bind years ago with credit cards and now we live according to the following rule: Save for what you want, live within your means. That new fridge - save up for it a little at a time - instant gratification is not worth debt.
The other rule is that 10% goes into savings - long term savings.
Luckily we are out of the parenting phase and into the grandparent/auntie phase - but it can get expensive too sometimes. I pony up for ballet and trumpet classes - sponsor my nephew’s motocross racing - stuff like that.
We both love to eat out, but lately it’s gotten boring to me. I love it when she starts a new diet cause then the new menu plans come out and eating at home is new and exciting.
ok, rambling on and on….
Take heart, you aren’t alone in this.
Barbara
http://www.the-string-and-i.blogspot.com/
Thanks for sharing! It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I know how powerful thought patterns and processes are so I hate knowing I’ve got so many ugly files about money in my head. My sweetie is my motivation because I don’t want to pull him down and I really do want to be able to enjoy that jet one day. ;o)
Comment by Barbara — October 30, 2006 @ 4:01 pm
I think just about everyone suffers from this dilemma at some point in their lives. I have a personal philosophy that says something like: eat if you’re hungry, write when you have an idea, sleep when you’re sleepy and cook if your heart is in it. Basically it’s the seize the moment. That’s not so say we don’t plan for the future. We put a certain % into savings and investments and insurance and mortgage and etc. And the rest just goes into spending what we feel like buying at that moment.
Hi Peter, thanks for the comment and the philosophy. What a great reminder of how simply things really are and can be. ;o)
Comment by Peter Kua — October 30, 2006 @ 6:54 pm
Excellent post. It seems so funny the stuff we put in our own way. Things that block the happiness that’s completely within our grasp.
I rarely buy anything for myself (and I’m fine with that). My only splurge is travel. (But that’s a pretty big splurge.)
But today I bought myself a Christmas present. In October. And I told my husband that I’m set. He’s free to buy himself a gift as well. Wanna know what I got?
A new lens for my camera. I couldn’t have picked a more appropriate gift for myself. And I would never have trusted anyone else to select the right one. It felt fantastic. No remorse.
Enjoy! And best wishes as you take charge of your life.
I can’t wait to see all your great pictures. Congrats on the purchase! Maybe I’ll have one of my own to share soon!
Comment by Pass the Torch — October 30, 2006 @ 8:15 pm
I am a worrier too! And boy do I worry and stress over money! And when I spend it, I feel stressed and sick about it too! but yet I still spend it!
I’m so glad to know I’m not alone! Thanks for dropping by and commenting!
Comment by Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) — October 31, 2006 @ 2:33 am
I can relate! I used to be so afraid of running our of something, I would buy 4 of something. that is directly related to my childhood… My parents would have ice cream, coffee and ciggs but we sometimes didn’t have eggs/milk/bread. I mean, who needs to 40 rolls of paper towels and TP in the cupboard? I am doing better, but I do tend to buy in twos, lol. Oh well, baby steps. :O)
We like to shop unfortunately- and love the clearance sections in Target and walmart, so often times we will leave things we buy in the bag for a few days. If we have buyers remorse, we return it. We are the king and queen of returns, and they have come to know us on a first name basis. Related to this though- I have realized that I am addicted to clearance items (that sounds a a Springer show), also because I am worried that my kids wont have enough for birthdays and Christmas. If you spend 100.00 on stuff they want, or 100.00 worth of stuff that will be tossed aside with in 5 minutes of getting it- it’s still 100.00. Might as well get them something they want.
Thanks so much for sharing! Isn’t it nuts how much we carry over from our own youth??
Comment by Mary (Mert) — November 1, 2006 @ 3:36 pm