Few things worry mom as much as manners and kids. You worry if they’ve got them, and you hope that if they do they got the good ones!

As a mother of a child with ADHD, this is one area that is commonly affected. My daughter is one of the most caring people in the world. She feels things deeply and is ever aware of those around her. In fact, while in Kindergarten the class aide showed me just how much when she shed light on an “off” week she was having. She explained that a few kids were experiencing ugly divorce situations at home and said, “In all honesty, she is portraying the entire feeling and tone of the class and it’s personal stress this week. And if there is one kid in the class who is aware and cares enough to notice, it’s your daughter.” That said, ADHD interferes with her ability to pick up on social cues and that’s difficult. Many times she will do or say something that a friend will take offense to, which makes it all the more ironic that she is the peacemaker among her friends. I have to coach her through things that many of us take for granted. For example, her words tend to be very direct, blunt and often seem to have little or no feeling. I have to gently point out when she said something that could have been taken the wrong way. Simple things like when ending a play date you don’t just say, “You have to go home now”, but rather something like “Mom says the play date is over and it’s time to go.” Her cues come in spurts that often skip around. Consequently, it’s like her brain misses a step in connecting that the way she says something can be a representative for her feelings. Just as often it misses the proper cues for appropriate responses to situations. As a parent this can be maddening. Her recent compensation for this is to quickly add “I know”, or “Just kidding” whenever corrected.

Never have I been more aware of how difficult it is for her, until watching my son grow. His actions are seamless with his heartstrings. The instant he does wrong he begins to show remorse and heartfelt apology. He needs no coaching in this area. Further, his level of politeness and manners is staggering to me. As the youngest of the kids that play together in our neighborhood he often takes the brunt of exclusion from the girls or manipulative control to get him to do what is wanted. Yet, even if they make him cry he’ll do all in his power to have them be able to stay and play and show such sorrow over their leaving. As I watch scenes like this I am in awe that he isn’t becoming more a mirror for the treatment he receives as the littlest one. And if there’s any doubt, take this scene I witnessed yesterday morning during bath time:

He collected several toys to play with. Two of which included a spiderman and Darth Vader figure. Darth Vader isn’t called that at my house by him. He refers to him as “Coo-Kee” (You can imagine my surprise and quandary the first time he began asking for the “Coo-Kee” movie. I’m thinking Cookie Monster…and it’s not until he explains the sound of Vader going “Coooooo-Keeeeeee” that I figured it out. LOL) At any rate, he was playing with these two action figures in the tub and the conversation went like this (and I quote):

“Oh thank you!”
“You welcome.”
“Let’s go save our friends!”

This manner of discussion continued the entire bath long. And I’m sitting there thinking to myself, when did Vader become the good character that saves his friends? Further, when did a little boy playing with a superhero refer to his actions this way instead of let’s go get the bad guys? And then I smile from ear to ear because this is just my boy. I hope it never changes.

So I have two tender hearts in my home. They both have their moments, struggles and ways of sharing their heartstrings, but clearly no monsters live at my house.

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