I don’t remember seeing a warning sign that I was entering this new zone, yet I seem to find myself in it. This is one of those fine print terms of the contract of parenting that you don’t get to see or read beforehand.

You expect this at some level from you kids; partly because you remember being one yourself and have a hazy memory of thinking your parents didn’t know anything, and partly because it’s the job of kids to test their parent’s abilities and patience. But in recent years I’m seeing new versions of this diseased view sprouting up all over, and frankly, I’m a little cranky about it.

In the media and in legislation we’re constantly hearing about attempts to control and dictate parenting dos and don’ts. I’m not talking about the common sense ones, I’m talking about ones like the recent push in CA to make a law about spanking. The “experts” continue to be defined with less and less real life experience. More resources on parenting are printed than the world has time to read and the variations are many. Everyone has an opinion - and a right to that opinion, but I don’t think any of those opinions have a right to parent other’s kids. That’s exclusive to the parent of a child, and unless they abuse or neglect it, I have no tolerance for other people dictating how one should parent. The extreme cases of abuse and neglect can’t be the standard used to measure and control parenting issues, or even make a call for government regulation on so personal a matter, in my not so humble opinion. But I digress, this isn’t the soap box I’ve come to wear out.

Here’s the one for today’s post: the school system. I just can’t quite figure out when the voice of the parent lost credibility and influence. On the one hand we’re told all the time by educators and administrators how important our role is in the lives of our children’s educations and how we know them best. I believe this completely, in fact I think schools are there to support us not the other way around. But the other hand shows many of the same people turning a deaf ear to parent’s thoughts and input on their children’s educations, often when it matters most. In fact, one could argue that you could start with them not asking for input in the first place. Truly, it is no wonder to me that more and more parents are turning to homeschooling these days.

Today, I turned in my son’s registration to secure his place at his current school next year. On my drive home, I reviewed the situation in my head and I couldn’t help but ask myself when the schools stopped listening to parents. I now have two personal examples of this.

The first was with my daughter’s advancement into the second grade. Long story short, her teacher and principle disagreed with her parents and Sylvan tutors about her status to advance with her class to second grade. I remember her tutors telling me they couldn’t believe the school was arguing (more like fighting tooth and nail) with the parents on this, especially in light of their commitment of 100 hours of private tutoring to ensure she’d be ready to move on. It was obvious that the battle was more about proving clout than the needs of our child, so we found a new school for her second grade year.

The second example came this year with my son’s status on entering Kindergarten. He misses the cut off for turning 5 by about 5 weeks. I should note that this is the district’s policy as the state law says 5 by the end of the year. I think he is and will be ready for Kindergarten next year but I have no say in it. He is on a list for testing in June by the district to determine his eligibility to attend Kindergarten next year. Aside from helping prepare him for testing on mastery of concepts most kids learn in Kindergarten, I am powerless to get him into Kindergarten this fall. And honestly, his skill set isn’t going to be the determining factor, it’s going to be how many kids they have enrolled and how many slots they have available that determines who they approve. And hearing today that a lot of kids from his program are testing for early acceptance wasn’t encouraging to me. I hate knowing that it’s a game of politics. What’s worse, is to ensure his positive education experience/career continues uninterrupted, I have to potentially pay for another full year of the same preschool program he just finished. And to secure that this option remains an option, I have to be willing to write off $240 of registration and tuition fees that are non refundable to hold his spot - today.

See why I’m cranky? These game rules don’t make any sense. I understand the need for guidelines, policies and commitments. Without them there is chaos. But they need to be formed with specifics and the right considerations in mind. Given our circumstances, I think the criteria should be different. I think that first and foremost, what I want and think as a parent should carry considerable weight. I’m not without experience having a 9 year old already, and I’m the one who has lived with my little guy 24×7 since birth. I’ve watched him develop socially and intellectually, if I want him to try Kindergarten with kids his age I think that should be enough. Secondly, I think someone who has paid a full year of their tuition program has proven loyalty and dependability - the mere fact that they are willing to pay another year if Kindergarten isn’t an option should be enough to hold the child’s spot. I think it’s ludicrous to ask someone to potentially lose over $200 when the only reason risk is a factor is because the same people collecting the funds are incapable of giving the timely answer that would determine the need for the registration in the first place. And most of all, I think that parents who care enough to spend time and energies on their kid’s educations are the ones who deserve the most, not the least amount of help and cooperation. But since when are the things the parent thinks important? After all, we’re chopped liver. Except for of course when we’re needed, then we seem to become VIPs.

Update March 12th: Thanks to Dr. Hal for picking up my story and running with it!

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