Yesterday I had to take my four year old to the doctor. He was such a trooper. That visit is the worst because it’s full of all those vaccinations preparatory for Kindergarten and they’re big enough to know what’s going on. I have the worst memory of being near his age and asking my mom if my trip to the doctor would include a shot. I’m sure she knew an answer to the affirmative would result in world war three getting me there so she told me I wouldn’t. Maybe she didn’t really know herself but I’ll never forget going secure in the answer that I would not be getting a shot and then being assaulted with not just a shot but a booster in the backside. I’ve never done shots well, in fact aside from throwing up it’s the only other thing I fear/hate. But I definitely didn’t want my little guy to receive a double assault so after the fun part of the exam was over I told him that the nurses were going to come in and give him some medicine in the form of shots. He immediately sought refuge under my chair and in the little wooden bench saying repeatedly how he didn’t want any shots. He got five. *sniff*

The first one wasn’t so bad and you could see him trying to decide what was going on - a moment on shedding a possible tear came and went with no tears, but the double whammy on the legs brought on tears and the final two in the upper arms completely undid the little guy. Mom didn’t do so well either. It’s tough watching your little ones hurt searching your eyes for protection and security. We both agreed quite firmly that “shots are not fun at all” and we “never want to have any again, ever again!” When we left I asked him if he wanted anything to which he simply replied, “No, I jus wanna go home.” I’m glad home is a safe place for him.

I’m seeing the truth of what I’ve heard all my life that home should be a safe haven and how important the family unit is and will continue to be. The sweet part of yesterday’s experience was the journey to the doctor’s office. The discussion was on family, how he misses “all his families” and wants to see them. He started telling me how he wanted a baby “brudder” or “sister” complete with the instructions that I needed to get a baby in my tummy. He even told me I just need to “prackis” (practice) so I could get a baby in my tummy right now. *wink* This brought on the opportunity to talk about a lot of things the most important being whose tummy he did grow in. I told him this mommy’s always had a hard time getting babies in her tummy and that he didn’t actually grow in my tummy. Just as with his sister at about the same age the wonder of that hit the bulls-eye of intrigue. When I explained the concept of birthmother to him in this very personal way he replied how much he wanted to be with all his family and that “I miss my birfmom very much” with a very sad tone in his voice. He has such a tender little heart and he is all about family right now.

So we spent the evening talking together as a family about the concept of families and looking at scrapbooks. We talked about what makes us a family and what keeps us a family. We talked about what a REAL family is and how we are every bit a real family with real kids and a real mom and dad. It took some time to help my 4 year old understand that your family is always your family even if you don’t live in the same house together and that this element isn’t what creates a happily ever after ending. It also took some time to help his big sister understand what relinquishing parental rights means and how permanent it is and how equally powerful and binding the finalization of an adoption is. It is all time well spent.

I’m constantly amazed at the concept of progression. We learn in stages. My son is now where my daughter was 5 years ago and she’s now moved on to a new level of questions and understanding. Just as my son’s experience with the instant and immediate pain of getting shots, life tends to hold the same lessons. Sometimes the most protective and meaningful ones come with an immediate stab of pain. It’s hard, if not impossible to see the long term benefit of such trials and experiences that shape and mold us as we learn and grow. Once again I find myself in the student’s chair when it comes to being a mom.

Technorati Tags:
Family Adoption Sharing Emotions Positive Impact Inspiration Perspectives Motherhood