There a million other things I should be doing right now but if I don’t jot this down this minute I may forget and I don’t want that to happen. My four year old son just gave me one tearful drive to school.

This past week he’s had a difficult time adjusting to routines and schedules with school. He is very particular about the things he does and how he does them. From the moment he began to understand the concepts of writing and coloring if he (or mom and dad) couldn’t get something just the right way or the way he had it pictured in his head we’d have meltdowns and tears. In fact, last year his preschool teacher had to work very hard just to get him to try to do things that he couldn’t do as perfectly as he wanted like cutting. Now he’ll try things but he’s a real stinker about timing and wanting to finish things to his satisfaction before moving on to something else. Naturally, this doesn’t work really well with the class routines and schedules carefully timed out to fit in curriculum. So when his teacher told me on Monday that when she’d tell him it was time to stop something and that they’d finish it later and his response was a “No, I want to do this right now” I wasn’t surprised. Consequently he’s had a few yellow squares on his behavior calendar this week about listening and following the rules. Monday evening we talked a great deal about it and how he needs to not tell his teacher or mom and dad no when he doesn’t want to do what he’s been told. Apparently something stuck because yesterday when I asked him why he got another yellow square and had to stand in the “choice box” he emphatically told me that he didn’t tell her no, and last night at dinner he was careful not to use the word even though he wasn’t listening. I tried to help him understand that even if he didn’t remember saying no with his words he could still say no with his actions.

So this morning as we started our drive to school I asked him if he was going to do his very best today to listen and follow the rules. He was quiet for a minute and said “Mom I want to be good.”

I told him that there were lots of people who are there to help him. His teacher, his mom and dad and especially his Heavenly Father and Jesus. He asked me how they could help him and I told him he just need to say a prayer and ask for their help. And when I reminded him how we started a prayer I heard this from the back seat:

“Heavenly Father, ummmm…..please help me to be good and to listen.
I really want to be good and listen. Sometimes I am good. I want to be good.
Please help me. I can’t do it by myself. Help me be good. That’s all.
Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.”

This is the first prayer I’ve heard him say all by himself. And to hear the innocent prayer of your child just plain tugs at your heart. There were pauses between what he said as he was really thinking out what he wanted to express. But when he said “I can’t do it by myself” I felt a fresh sting of tears.

When he was finished I told him how much I love him with all my heart and what a good boy he is. He asked me if when he did something bad if it made me not love him.

A fresh wave of tears found their way to my eyes. I didn’t want to discount the feeling and worry he was expressing, I too have felt it many times in my own life. So I told him that I will always love him no matter what, even if he makes bad choices. I may not love his choices and he will still get in trouble when he makes bad ones but I will always and forever love him with all my heart.

Taylor, I just want you to know that mommy is praying for you today too. You are such a sweet and precious boy. I know how much you want to be good and even if you slip again today and end up in the “choice box” mommy will still be here with loving arms to scoop you up and help you try again. Thank you for always reminding me about the things that really matter. I really do love you with ALL my whole heart.

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