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Wordless Wednesday

I was scrolling through my blog and e-mail stuff this morning and found a surprise link. It was an article with inclusion of some of my recent article on For the Guys. I like surprises.

Apparently, there’s another Holly blogger who groups her articles on a page referenced Holly’s Corner. It makes sense as a group header and it’s why I chose it when I started my own website over five years ago. Remember when you thought your name was unique? *laugh* I actually did a search on a social site once on my name to see what came up and was blown away at how many people shared my first and last (maiden) name. I wasn’t so unique at all. I would like to know if they all got the same “Holy Pope” joke as I did. Not surprising there were no identical matches to my married name. Anyway, I digress.

There were a couple of things she said that made me feel a desire to post a response to it. She said:

“Nice theory, but I’d have to disagree with Holly S. about her gift options: they definitely would not fill my “pamper reservoirs” for any period of time. I still believe that the best gift you can give a girl is never asking her to pay your rent.”

Disagreement accepted and I agree to disagree. Further, I in no way claim to represent every woman out there. But I did want to point out that I think Holly missed the spirit of the message shared. What fills the pamper reservoirs isn’t in the details of a gift. It’s in the giving of the gift - the spontaneous and unexpected surprise for no reason other than to let someone know you care about them. The point in sharing the links as an example is to show that first, gifts can be simple and inexpensive without losing their value or acceptance; second, taking the time to surprise your companion with any gift or token of love and appreciation absolutely will fill a pamper reservoir and gift back many happy returns.

I have to admit that I have no clue what Holly references in her first line about post-feminist and iVillage territory. Yes, I am blissfully naive but I don’t mind. I’m a busy mom who doesn’t have time, energy or the desire to seek out things along these lines. I did want to clarify for her a reference she makes to me having a hidden agenda by sharing links to products in my article. I suppose I can understand this given the strict regulations about what I can and cannot share per company guidelines. I can’t share product names or any information that is copyrighted or trademarked, just general text that will re-direct to my “official” site. However, I’ve always been honest and up front about what I write and share on my blog. My Beauty page clearly states my Independent Avon Representative status. I have nothing to hide and no reason. If she knew me or reviewed anything on and about my blog she’d quickly see that I’m someone who just likes sharing. No harm done, just wanted to clarify for her that there are no hidden punches here, I am what I am, do what I do, write what I write, share what I share. I don’t try to deceive or come up with stuff just to fill a hidden or sneaky agenda. This isn’t the first or last time I’ll share things that mean something to me that will include links to great deals I found or things I like. In fact, it’s probably the first in a series of ideas for guys on how to pamper their woman without breaking the piggy bank.

So at the end of the morning/post/whatever…I’m glad Holly found my article and shared a review of it. It gave me something to write about that I wasn’t planning on and I do like spontenaeity. I like feedback and I like meeting new people, even if it is just to disagree about something. Perspective is individual and just because what you see is true doesn’t make another’s vision false. You just may not be looking through the same hole. *wink*

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Relationships Perspectives Blogging

I’ve been thinking for a while about sharing some fun stuff for the guys. I remember reading a bumper sticker that read “Men are from earth, women are from earth…deal with it!” and giggling. Because although there are some ways in which it does feel like we’re from different planets, a closer look might reveal how much more alike than different we really are.

We both have basic needs that we require for fulfillment and satisfaction in a relationship. We need to feel loved, wanted, needed and appreciated. The key is in understanding how the other person defines the methods and answers to meeting those needs.

Dr. Laura contends that for most men these needs are met through feeding their appetites for two main things: food and intimacy; that men are really basic and simple creatures in this regard. In short, feed these appetites and you’ll not only make him happy but yourself too. That may be a bit basic and over generalized but probably not too far off target. If you break down the caring for your man to include such a simple thing as cooking for him, you’re showing pampering and attention that tells him he means something to you. Guys like that and they’ll brag about it to their buddies that their woman is taking good care of them. The bragging and contentment is ten fold when the other need is met.

While I don’t speak for women everywhere, there are few basics that work just as well for me and most women I know as the above do for men. While food may be the easiest way to make a man feel pampered, simple gifts of acknowledgement and spontaneous surprises do that for a woman. If you take the time to share some encouraging and appreciative words for what she does and throw in a few unexpected gifts here and there, you’re showing pampering and attention that tells her she means the world to you. Ladies love this and they’ll brag about it to their friends that their man is wonderful and spoils her. And you know what they say about a happy woman, well suffice it to say her bragging and contentment is also ten fold when the other need - which happens to be the same as his - is met. But that’s another post for another day.

Lest you feel intimidated by the idea of coming up with ways to do what I’ve described let me share a few secrets with you. The first is from my own experience. I once received a beautiful bouquet of flowers. There was no special occassion, no event that brought it on. The note simply read, “Tuesdays are better with flowers. Love, Blake.” Every woman is sighing right now just as they did when I shared this with a few friends and family after it happened. By the way, my sisters and mother have my husband on a seriously high pedestal for things like this, always commenting on how sensitive and amazing he is. The mileage this one act has gotten is beyond description.

But here’s the thing. It really is simple! Start small - make yourself pay your wife or girlfriend a compliment at least once a week on something she does that benefits you both. Thankless jobs of housekeeping, cooking, etc. can be a real wear and tear on the energy and esteem buckets. A simple word of gratitude does much to lift those buckets. Secondly, don’t stress about spending a lot of money on a spontaneous gift here and there. It’s not necessary! Smart marketers would have you believe that it can only be the most expensive and best gifts that will feed a woman’s appetite. The possibilities are endless and I think you’ll be utterly amazed at what a $20 a month investment will return.

For example, if my husband came home one day with this little box I would be elated. And guess what? It’s a whole $7.99. That one gesture would fill my pamper reservoirs for several weeks! Further, this process is simplified by unlimited variety. Jewelry and flowers - contrary to popular belief - are NOT the only gifts for a woman. A simple spontaneous gift can be anything from a nice card, to bath & body stuff, to a handbag and everything in between. The women of the world who require pure diamonds and gold already have a lot of it and can easily afford it themselves. The rest of us common and every day ladies just like to feel appreciated and spoiled sometimes and we don’t care about the price tag!

It really is so simple. Meet the needs and be rewarded. It works for both sides of the relationship.

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Sharing Positive Impact Relationships Marriage Success Blogging

Believe it or not this happened for me on Saturday. It very may well be the first time in my little family’s lives when it happened but it happened.

I have to set the right stage by explaining that with birthdays and a crazy work schedule that the house really fell apart in the past couple of weeks. It never ceases to amaze me how only four people can create so much mess. It seemed the best I could do was keep up with the dishes once a day while the rest of the rooms and floors continued to accumulate all kinds of attractions.

In the past, I’ve been reluctant to use Saturday time to clean the house. Partly because I find that with everyone home the next day too that Monday is like starting over so I may as well wait and do it once on Monday versus twice. This follows the truth that keeping a clean house while raising kids is like shoveling the walk while it’s snowing. The other reason is that I hate wasting precious time with my family if there are other things we could be doing together. It began with the typical moans and groans of the kids not wanting to help. Who could blame them? The place was a wreck and it looked like it would take a week to get it clean again. Then the magic began.

Positive Motivation:
I told my daughter if she’d just work with me I’d give her entire week’s chore allowance for this one day. She slowly started to turn a corner and the complaining dropped drastically. My son got tired of gathering his toys from the family room to return to his bedroom so I brought him over to the allowance chart and explained the same deal of giving him his entire week’s chore allowance for this one day of cleaning if he’d help me get it all done. He got a big grin on his face and went back to collecting.

Mom was happy too because this system took a little sabbatical of neglect recently and this boost made all of us feel better!

Small & Fun Job Breakdown:
The next stroke of success came in mixing in some jobs they consider fun and different with the others. My daughter beamed when I gave her the job of steaming the tile floor and her attitude quickly went from disgruntled to happy. My son loved getting his hands on the vacuum and replacing garbage liners. It didn’t matter to me that I’d have to redo some of the vacuuming my five year old would miss because he was learning how to help and he was delighted. I didn’t keep them in one place or room very long. I found they were most helpful and happy when they could come back asking for a new task quickly. You could actually feel their pride of success grow with each return and desire to be given another thing they could succeed at. It got to be so much fun that I started running out of little jobs while I finished one. We ended with a disinfectant wipe and instructions for each to attack the door knobs, light switches and walls where little hands had left prints behind. And all the while my expectation was just to find the floors. *big smile*

Team Effort:
Another turning point came when dad finished reading his book and joined the ranks. The kids actually didn’t care what they were doing anymore, just that we were all doing it together. It was amazing how having all four of us work together not only cranked out the work but became another “fun” thing our family was doing together. The time was cut in half and within a two hour window the entire house had been cleaned. The kids were so proud of their efforts and kept talking about how nice it was to have a clean house. Mom was happy, dad was happy and it was only 2:30 in the afternoon! We still had the entire rest of the afternoon and evening to fill.

So lesson learned - keep these keys in play and housework isn’t such a chore!

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Family Parenting Homemaker Sharing Housework Success

Well, we found out that giving up the TV wasn’t hard at all. The idea of giving it up was much harder than the application. It’s been two weeks now and although we knew it before we really get now how much the kids just love being with you and doing whatever you will do with them. Some new time fillers have included, playing games, reading, looking at maps, planting a garden and flowers, playing catch & Frisbee, arts and crafts, watching the kids play outside and even doing household chores together, which believe it or not ended up being a bit hit! Mom and dad have recently been inspired to come up with some other themes and topics that can involve learning and playing together with the kids and we’re excited about that. More on that later, but today I’ll share how sore I am.

Saturday we picked up bikes for mom and dad. We’ve talked about it for a while now but somehow never got around to getting it done. So Friday we headed to the bike shop to pick some out and Saturday morning we picked them up.

What’s crazy is that it doesn’t feel like I was on the bike for very long the first day. It was just fun to ride around the neighborhood with the kids. When we came in late morning to cool off a little, Taylor sat by his dad on the stairs and said, “I love riding my bike with my parents.” It felt good to know we’d just created a great memory for him.

I’m more aware of good memories after my daughter’s parent teacher conference on Friday. Her teacher told me how happy she is and how much she loves her life and her family. She said, “She already has so many wonderful memories and experiences and she’s only 9.” (Of course, if Cid had been there she’d readily corrected her that she’s ten now and that’s a double digit number so technically she’s mostly a teen already. *snicker*) It warmed my heart to hear her teacher tell me how much of me she sees reflected in her, how she knows the difference between right and wrong and she tries hard to make the right choices every day. I walked away feeling great and hearing the words of her loving her life and family and having so many wonderful memories etched in my heart.

We went out to ride again when Cidnie got home from a birthday party and quickly found most of the neighborhood kids in tow with us. Again, it didn’t feel like we were out that long and it was just fun to be riding with the kids. But apparently it was longer than I thought because the next day we went for a late afternoon stroll with the kids and EVERYTHING talked to me…my backside let me know right where the seat had been, my legs informed me of how much I’d used them the previous day and my lower back just plain complained! But the smile on the faces of my kids was worth every bit of it. I’m sure that I’ll look back and find other benefits from it as well.

It really is amazing what better things you can do with your time when you make the decision to just do it. Are we missing TV? Not one bit. Bring on the sore muscles, smiling faces and fantastic family memories.

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Family Parenting Motherhood Balance Recreation

It’s been a long but fun past 4 days for us. Both kids are now a year older…again, which means that I too am older. Man, I hate that part. All in all it was a great birthday for both kids. We tried to keep things quiet this year. I’m having a bit of a rebellion streak against the insane growth of birthday madness all around me. I’ve told my kids on big age changes we’ll have parties but not every single year and definitely not at the going scale of their friends. In the past two months my daughter has been invited to a “Build A Bear”, rock climbing, “BounceU” and ice skating extravaganza for friends. As if it weren’t enough to rent out every bouncing toy and carnival style fun at a home, now we’re taking kids to stores for birthday bashes giving each a spending allowance. Good grief. I must be a scrooge because I have a hard time thinking of paying $200-300 just for the party aspect of a birthday. I’d so much rather spend that money on a vacation fund or something fun for the whole family and not silly trinkets or rental items that will soon be lost or forgotten when the party is over.

I’m amazed at how much has changed in such a short time. The growth even within the past couple years is amazing to me. I had a couple birthdays I can remember when I had a real “party” with friends growing up. Even then it was at my house with the focus being cake, ice cream and games. Most of the time it was a celebration with family, grandma made me a cake and I got a few presents from siblings, parents and grandparents. Today’s standards throw everything on tilt, especially gift expectations. First, it feels like every week I’m buying another gift for another friend’s birthday. Second, my kids are starting to expect receiving things from other kids on their birthdays now (this is another gripe post by itself.) And third, my kid’s expectations for volume of presents gets distorted with big parties. Both of my kids finished unwrapping presents this year with an immediate “where’s the rest?” idea. In that moment, I felt like our room had just transformed into the Dursley’s on Privet Drive. Now, I remember the excitement of opening presents and I know at these young ages there are few things as important or wonderful as getting gifts. But still, I wish I could help them truly understand how blessed they are and how much they have…all the time. I worry about the high expectations for ‘things’ that is so prevalent today.

Anyway, here’s the wrap-up:
Taylor was all about Star Wars and Darth Vador or as he calls him “Koo-Kee” complete with the breathing sound effect. His black cake with strawberry filling actually tasted great and is the first birthday cake to be completely eaten.

He choose lunch at a Mexican restaurant and made sure everyone he saw all day was made aware that it was his birthday that day! He “set up” his own party table right down to filling up cups with water for his cousins when they arrived to have cake and ice cream.

Cidnie threw me a loop wanting a cake with penguins while incorporating red, white and blue. If possible she also wanted the flag and a picture of her face on the cake too. I did my best but I still have limits…*giggle* Her German chocolate cake with coconut filling was also a hit and is well on it’s way to being eaten completely.

She got to have a sleepover with a cousin this past weekend and also got to go to a movie with them. She surprised us with her dinner request that instead of going somewhere she wanted dad to fix her chili, with spaghetti while she played with her friends on their waveboard outside. So last night we had chili on top of spaghetti and she was happy as could be. This morning I passed her room to hear her new stereo blasting Hannah Montana (thanks for that dad.) Apparently, that birthday gift was a hit.

So they’re both happy, healthy and have a few new items to add to their stash. I’m happy to have kids to spend birthdays with and grateful for grandparents who still love to spoil their grandkids.

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Family Parenting Sharing Success

It’s hard to believe that my little guy is having another birthday tomorrow. It doesn’t feel like it was that long ago that I sat here and blogged a birthday wish to him and his sweet birthmother. Here it is a year later!

I’m still blinking at how my kids can be turning 5 and 10 in the next four days. I’m quite certain I didn’t give my permission for such growth. Yet how can you be sad when you see them growing so strong and mastering new things? Now if we could just get past that sibling rivalry….*snort*

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Family Sharing Motherhood Blogging

I suppose every generation has their own trends from bell bottom fashion to generalized name calling. I remember the passing fads and labels of the hippy, yuppy, waver and goth to name a few. Within other circles you can identify groups like greaser, jock, plastic, etc. Although each came with its own unique stamp, style and influence I don’t think any compare to the growing trend that seems to be taking over with youth today - the EMO group. And this one I think will have a much more lasting and in my opinion, damaging effect.

Up until recently, I didn’t know what the term meant and now I wish I didn’t know so much! *laugh* The name stems from the word emotion and that is the excuse, reason and justification for all things related to the group. Like many similar group types, music seems to be a cornerstone of the group creation. However it has grown rapidly through the associated areas of fashion and social actions. This group is more unique in that it seems to cross two very different types - the nerdy/outcast with the punk/troublemaker. The fashion style is strong enough to identify most who claim to be a member of the group including tight jeans, worn out canvas shoes, dark or black hair with long fringed bangs often left to hang over one side of the face, facial piercing, T-shirts with rock bands or other wording, scarves and studded, wide belts. Males will often wear female jeans as an outward exclamation of their sexual preference as a homosexual. But the fashion pales in comparison to the exclamation of gender preference. And in my area, the fashion extreme is taking a backseat to the experimentation of same gender relationships for those youth claiming to be Emo.

I know it’s judgemental for me to make any comments or observations about the group but I can’t help but see the correlations. I saw a cartoon of a girl crying with the phrase “Emo is just an excuse for boys to act like girls.” It’s not hard to see how young males could run to this group to avoid any and all possibility of rejection or awkwardness around females and relationships with them, especially with the combination of nerd/punk. Besides that, some of what I’ve learned is how some boys accept this trend for the very reason of attracting girls because they become sensitive and emotional while remaining “unavailable.” Hmmmm.

The underlying definition most everywhere is how often the youth in this group show serious signs of poor self-image and depression. Things like not making eye contact, keeping to themselves, etc. And this strikes a chord with many a youth who are struggling to find where they fit in and to be accepted. Young girls who fight against the stereotype of beautiful, slender cheerleader slip quite easily into this new trend. Parents are unaware of the warning signs because the term “girlfriend” doesn’t mean the same thing to them as it does to their daughter.

No wonder I worry about raising kids in today’s world.

I hope that as a parent I can stay informed enough to know what my kids are dealing with. I hope that I can help them find the answers they seek without turning to what the newest trend or fad is. I hope that they can truly rise above the influence out there. I hope that they can have the confidence and strength of character to set their own trends and standards that comply with their own beliefs and values. I hope I can help them become that kind of youth.

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Relationships Blogging

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Wordless Wednesday

It’s been a few weeks now since I was able to get a Pass The Torch Tuesday post done. I love looking for ways to catch my kids being good and I really need the help looking for the good because as a parent the negatives can quickly overtake my days and memories. I know my kids aren’t intentionally trying to make me crazy but they just have the ability sometimes to drive me to the breaking point. So I really appreciate these quiet moments of looking back and searching for the good things.

This week I watched in awe as both of my kids displayed such amazing signs of growing up. My son wanted to learn to ride his bike without training wheels. My daughter jumped in line to help. She brought her bike in front of him, giving him an example of how to do it while dad explained that you have to have enough speed to keep the balance. With that my son took off.

He never fell or tipped over once, just started riding like he’d been doing it for a long time. It was amazing and I found a tear wriggle it’s way into the corner of my eye seeing my baby master another milestone. His big sister stayed on her bike and rode alongside him.

As I reflect on that moment my heart brims with pride at my growing kids.

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Family Parenting Motherhood Success