I had a long discussion with my husband last night on this topic. It saddens me so much that today’s youth and first generation parents are, in general, completely devoid of decorum.

de·co·rum [di-kawr-uhm, -kohr-]
–noun
1. dignified propriety of behavior, speech, dress, etc.
2. the quality or state of being decorous; orderliness; regularity.
3. Usually, decorums. an observance or requirement of polite society.
[Origin: 1560–70; < L decōrum, n. use of neut. of decōrus decorous]

—Synonyms 1. politeness, manners, dignity. See etiquette.
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

I watch youth every day explore the waters of human interaction with an increasing disability to succeed. I believe one big reason is the lost virtue of decorum. Not only do our youth not have it, many of the their parents are missing it too and thus the problem perpetuates with each passing generation. No wonder they don’t have dignity, they can’t even understand it.

There was a time when it was almost too much, a time when the focus of manners was perhaps stifling and bred some silent suffering. But now we have run to the other side of the cliff and I find myself longing for a happy medium. I loved the line in the National Treasure movie about how people really don’t talk that way anymore but they still feel it. I think that’s true and I wish more people today would spend a little more energy finding better ways to express themselves than with grunts and slang.

I went through a charm school when I was a teen. I learned a lot of basic information on decorum. I suppose it was a crash course, or Reader’s Digest condensed version of what a finishing school of days past might have been like covering everything from basic table manners, to sitting up straight and knowing how to dress nicely to communication skills and basic human decency. I have since shared that education with others as a coach on poise and charm and am constantly amazed at how many people don’t know even the most basic of decorum principles. Most are content to scoff and scorn the concept as proper and prude table manners that they have no need of, clearly showing how little a grasp they have of the concept. Everyone needs a basic level of personal decorum.

Last night as my husband and I discussed this I shared some recent events where some young ladies speaking were so out of line and inappropriate for the circumstances but what saddened me most was how absolutely oblivious they were. Even more disappointing was observing how many other people in the group seemed equally unaffected. My husband chimed in about a recent discussion he had with a group of 17 year olds and how they were unable to respond with any answers or conversation that were more than one word. He tried to get them to see the impact of not learning right now how to respond in full sentences and engage in conversation because one day their ability to secure a job will depend on such a simple skill. They simply couldn’t see how every situation couldn’t be aptly broached with a response of “foooootball.” As we talked more about it I told him how sad it was to me that while it’s disturbing that they lack the ability to respond with more than one sluggish or slang word, it is even more disheartening to me that they can’t see how these responses communicate a lack of respect to the other person. The same way that showing up at someone’s special event like a wedding in your daily, casual attire communicates they don’t mean enough to you for you to spend a few extra minutes dressing up. It’s not unlike shouting out that you don’t really care about them and their special milestones.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I only see bad things getting worse raising a generation of kids who don’t how to talk without their thumbs. Who do parents think are going to teach their kids these basics? Do they think it is something that just appears or happens by itself one day like magic? When you have to tell a 17 year old to put their phone away during a lesson or to stop texting during a prayer it speaks volumes about how much of the big “D” is really missing.

I think the world would do well to step back and do a little personal research on the word decorum. I think more parents and leaders need to step up and help support the importance of it in the world every day, in every aspect of our lives and interactions with others. I want my kids to know what dignity is and to have a desire to both obtain and protect it in their own lives. Decorum is not an outdated element of the past and it’s time we all wake up and realize that. It is a necessity for growth and human decency. Decorum is so basic that it should proceed the obtaining of every other good virtue and trait, setting the stage to receive instruction and learning. It is what separates the good from the great and I for one think we need a healthy dose of it.

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