Yesterday on the drive to school I was addressing words and phrases with my son. He was on a “what the heck?!” kick. I told him maybe we could come up with a better one. He naturally questioned why and I tried to explain that even though “heck” isn’t a bad word it is used as a replacement for a swear word so it’s really not a great choice. He snickered and said “What the heck?!” again under breaths of giggles. Ah - reasoning with a five year old.

So I tried a different approach. I gave him some silly examples of made up words and phrases like “Golly Wolly!” and such. He laughed but didn’t want to let go of his precious heck phrase. So I offered “Oh Boy!” explaining how that one phrase can work for every situation and every emotion. Then I proceeded to give examples of all the ways and inflections you could use which led to rolls of laughter from the back seat. While he liked the idea, I could tell as we walked to his playground he still wasn’t completely sold.

So you can visualize my reaction yesterday when I opened his calendar to see a yellow square (stop light theory for behavior) and read the words at the bottom:

“Oh Boy!”

*sigh*

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I’m kind of in a reflective mood this week with my daughter so I figured I’d keep it up!

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A few weeks ago we took our kids to see the movie, The Spiderwick Chronicles. It was a little scarier than I was expecting and my five year old son quickly found his way to dad’s lap during some of the more intense scenes, but overall it was a fun movie that we all enjoyed. There are many things that come to mind about concepts shared in the film and real life experiences I can relate them to. Maybe I’ll write more about some of those later, but for today I wanted to share the one about protective barriers.

One of the concepts from the movie that has helped me a great deal recently as a parent is the concept of the protective circle. In the movie, there is a spell used that results in a circle of magical toadstools around the house. This creates an invisible shield preventing any of the unwanted and unkind magical creatures from entering the home. In short, it keeps the contents and inhabitants of the home safe from harm. For the majority of the movie this circle is able to perform its job flawlessly but toward the end the adversary finds a way to break the spell and penetrate the circle.

I loved being able to use this visual with teaching my children the importance of creating and maintaining protective circles for our family. I shared how every day they go out into the world and are assailed by a myriad of dangers - most of which they cannot see. Yet even though they go unseen they are very real and can do much harm if allowed. My kids seemed to really like this idea of a protective circle around our home keeping them safe and providing them security. But what I appreciated most was using this analogy to help them see the reasons for some of our recent parenting decisions, especially that of turning off the television several months ago. Up to this point it was hard for them to understand that it wasn’t a punishment, try as we might they still felt utterly deprived and couldn’t comprehend why we didn’t want it in our home anymore. I can’t blame them because we were careful about what we watched on T.V. even when we had it and none of us watched it a lot, so it’s not like they could immediately associate bad influences or feelings from it. But when I told them that what I’ve noticed so much since we removed it is how it was like a door or window in our protective circle, that it presented an invitation to the evils and dangers of the outside world into our home - our very own living room - they seemed to catch a glimmer of the concept. I told them the biggest danger is how subtle it really is because I didn’t clearly see or recognize it until it was no longer there.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that T.V. is evil and we should all ban it, but I am acknowledging the influence it has on us as well as the use of our time. I’m trying so hard to teach my kids the kinds of values and morals that I feel are important: modesty, morality, honesty, kindness, gratitude, and work to name a few. It’s a daunting task as I’m still working on all of these traits myself! Yet, if you look at just those I listed you quickly see how the majority of all programming counters every single one at various levels constantly displaying images, stories, action and drama of their opposites and at the very least takes claim to the time we might spend working on other things. I don’t need that kind of help. The danger with this device is how gloriously subtle and addicting it is. The beauty is how one simple decision could have such a powerful and positive impact on our family. We still have plenty of influences in our home, in fact my daughter still watches the occasional show of her favorite Disney series online, we still have movies and video games and we obviously still go to the movies but by removing the constant presence of the T.V. we strengthened our family’s protective circle. Who knew?

There are countless other protective circles and security measures we as parents need to address today. What are some of the ones you’re working on?

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So Tuesday has come again and yesterday slipped by without me getting a post up. Today I want to highlight my ten year old daughter on her reaching new levels of personal development.

Kids grow so quickly, yet we tend to miss so many milestones because they are so gradual for us who live with them all the time. Sometimes I step back and realize just how big my kids are growing by remembering how small they used to be and the times when they couldn’t do what they now do with ease. Dishes is one of those things for my daughter. She’s always been a great helper and even as a toddler would pull up a stool or chair by your side at the sink. Her favorite part was making and spreading bubbles of course, but she was always enthusiastic about helping. As she’s grown the enthusiasm has waned but the skills have grown. The other other night I snapped a picture of her doing the dishes because I suddenly realized how she was now doing the job 100% on her own - and doing it well I might add. I suddenly saw that she didn’t need a stool or chair to reach anymore, nor did she even need my guidance on the steps of unloading and loading the dishwasher. I saw my growing girl becoming a little lady.

As she continues to grow I hope I don’t miss too many important changes and milestones just because they seem gradual to me. These are big accomplishments, no matter how small. Especially when you remember the times when they couldn’t lift their own heads, walk for more than a couple steps, reach a drawer or get their clothes on by themselves. Now she’s picking out her own clothes, writing in her diary and organizing her own room. That’s monumental development in such a short time. Would that we could keep up that level of growth and accomplishment in our later years!

So today I’m taking a moment to pause and acknowledge how gracefully my angel is growing.

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Friday mornings I help out at my son’s Kindergarten class. I’m quite certain I get the most education from it. They were talking about paper for their science unit today and I helped the kids make paper sculptures. To say that my son enjoyed the project would be an understatement, in fact, as you’ll see below he brought extra paper home to keep working on his masterpiece. His design started as more a Hot Wheels creation with loops and tracks and grew into what I think is best described as something from a Dr. Seuss book.

One of their assignments was to take the label of “This is made of paper” and attach it to something appropriate. In good form, he put his label on his own work of art. *smile*

Note the concentration tongue as he continues to work on it at home.

He may have a future in engineering as every time he added more height he’d go back and add supports on either side to help it stand up straight. Have I mentioned lately how much I love 5 year olds?

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Time is a funny thing. Sometimes I feel like it’s skipped me completely and the calendar supports that theory. But there are a few time fissures that appear here and there because there are moments when I look at that same calendar and can’t believe it’s only the third week of February. I’m not sure how that’s possible, but I know that within the past 6 weeks of the new year I’ve felt both extremes.

I was going to share a picture of the top project that’s been keeping me away from my computer but it was inadequate. Suffice it to say, last week was spent finding, painting and clearing out the “forgotten room” upstairs so my husband could begin working at home this week. That was followed by a three day weekend and kids out of school yesterday so today has been the first day for several days when I have had two minutes to myself to be on my computer.

By way of explanation, the definition of the “forgotten room” is that room, closet, drawer, etc. that has been a collector of all the odds and ends for at long period of time. In my case, an entire room with closet, bookshelves and desk drawers for a period of nearly two years that even brightly painted canary yellow walls couldn’t overpower. (I still can’t understand why my hubby was so certain he couldn’t work in it - *giggle*) Therefore, the simple, beautiful pictures of freshly painted walls, bare shelves and clean desk just don’t convey the pain and anguish spent. So I’ll share these fun pictures of the past week instead. *smile*

My kids so love getting cards and little gifts from family in the mail on holidays like Valentine’s Day. I also make sure all my family members have a little something from me waiting for them. Here’s some of the photos of my drama king and queen enjoying their spoils:

On Valentine’s Day my daughter helped set up a beautiful and eloquent table setting. She had such fun designing a centerpiece, putting out the good china, and setting special heart chocolates on the plates.

I guess it’s a good thing when you’re too busy to blog as long as the busy involves your family. Speaking of family and busy I’d better go find the laundry pile, I think the dog may be lost under it.

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One of our favorite family things is spending time discussing daily events and details around the dinner table. My daughter is the queen of social interests and frequently charters discussions about work associates and all things social. Well, last night a teaching moment presented itself during our discussion. My daughter started asking her dad about some of his co-workers however, the way she brought up who she was asking about left much to be desired. Her dad told her how much better it is to use a person’s name rather than personal traits or habits. He helped her see that it could hurt someone’s feelings if they heard you saying things like “the guy who smokes”, or “the guy who likes cars”, etc. instead of their name, just as you wouldn’t want someone to introduce or describe you using similar criteria. She wasn’t doing it in a mean way she just wasn’t thinking about it and it caused me to reflect on how important it is to teach our kids such basic principles. It’s such a small thing yet it carries deep impact.

Names are important, how we use them are important. No one likes to hear their names associated with negativity, whether it’s an unkind disciplinary tone or garnished with rubbish and rumors. And regardless of how often you hear it, there are no exceptions to the rule shared by my husband. Ironically, just a few weeks ago the primary exception by most was the topic of discussion in a lesson I attended. It reminded me of the importance of how we treat one another. A few of the class shared their experiences having siblings with a disability like down syndrome. They said how much it hurts them to hear others always list the disability before or in place of their name because we’re all of equal importance and we’re all first and foremost humans, children of God. I know I would cringe if someone aired my dirty laundry or personal weaknesses as an introduction in place of or in front of my name. Further, you will be hard pressed to find anyone with a disability that doesn’t use the nicest words and compliments to describe those around them. I wonder who has the greater handicap.

I repeat, names are important. I remember hearing an answer once to a question once that stuck with me. I don’t remember the exact question, but it had something to do with coming up with one thing you’d like most to give to your parents if you could. The answer given was to honor their name and never bring it shame. How well we would all do to remember such a basic concept. What a wonderful world this would be if we made promises to ourselves and others that their names would be safe in our home.

It seems to me that one of the things we continually seem to lose in today’s world is basic respect and civility for one another. There was a time when men honored their own names as well as those of others - a time when honor was most precious. I was reminded of this time in a book I just read placed in the late 1800s. Even when something major was known about someone, it was not shared even within a family relationship. Privacy was respected and people didn’t feel it their job to share another’s private affairs. Today it seems that few people can open their mouths without it being to discuss another person’s mistakes or dirty laundry behind their backs. It’s not that these people are bad people either, in fact I know many a wonderful person who struggles with this often not even recognizing how often they do it. For them it is rarely a malicious decision, it is merely a learned behavior repeated so often that it becomes unnoticed and acceptable.

It’s not acceptable. They say what goes around comes around and I have found this to be true. I know people that I will not share things with because they have loose tongues. I remember my mother stopping me dead in my tracks one day while repeating things I’d heard another say by her sad countenance and response that she wondered what that person said about her behind her back. It was a sickening feeling, instantly shedding new light on things for me. And I will NEVER forget the day I was complaining to a new temp at the front desk about our new director only to turn around and find him right behind me. I vowed that day never to put myself into such a pickle again!

I’ve shared it before, but the reality is if any one of the three rules are a “no” you keep your mouth shut:
1) Is it true?
2) Is it kind?
3) Is it necessary?

If those are too hard to remember there’s the golden rule of doing unto others as you would have done unto you. Or better yet the old adage, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” But above all, I think starting with the importance of names is a good place to begin. If we can respect and keep safe our own family name and that of others within the walls of our homes, I think we’ll be on the right track.

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I have to spend just a few moments to record this morning’s events on my blog for my son. What a delight this little guy is and it’s especially wonderful given how difficult his first couple of years were. There were days when I wasn’t sure he’d ever feel secure and happy during those first 24 months and to watch him now you’d not know he was the same little person. This morning his teacher pulled me aside just to tell me what a sweet boy he is and how of all her students when someone does something to him his immediate reaction is a tender and sincere, “Oh, that’s okay” and then it’s done. I told her he does this at home too and I sincerely hope he never loses this amazing trait. In fact, he puts me to shame when we play Star Wars Legos together because when he accidentally blows me up I’ll let out an exasperated sigh and make it clear how upset I am with my facial expression, yet the moment I do the same to him telling him I’m sorry he immediately says those same three words of how it’s okay and he does it with such a simple smile and assurance that he really means it. Meanwhile mom sits there taking it all in thinking of what an incredible example her 5 year old is for her.

This same sweet hearted kid has a one track mind. Yesterday on the way home from school I drove past a few car dealerships because we’re contemplating going to one car when my hubby starts working from home. Well, he didn’t want to look he wanted to buy a new car as a surprise for daddy because that would be “SO COOL! And he’d love us with a hundred hearts!” He did not take the news well when I explained that as fun as that would be it wasn’t something mommy could do right now. He shed a few tears and was pretty upset that his plan wasn’t going to happen but he slowly started to come out of it with several pleadings from me to just look with me at some of the nice cars. Pretty soon I started asking if he liked this one or that one and each time he said no. I asked him again this morning on the way to school if he liked a car as is drove by and he gave me the same answer but this time he explained why and it wasn’t because he was still mad about yesterday. He simply said, “Mom, I want a car like our neighbor’s.” Thinking of the new car they’d driven home a few weeks ago I started to describe it asking if that was the kind he was thinking of. “No mom. I want one like his red car.”

Ah.

The red Lamborghini.

I feel like the man in black telling Inigo he’d better get used to disappointment. Maybe I can find him a red Lamborghini remote control car for the immediate future as it’s going to be a sad day when we drive off the lot in a car that seats all four of us.

I am constantly amazed at the lessons my kids teach me. I’ve shared this before, but even in these simple moments lessons are being learned by me. I’m reminded of the importance of kindness and forgiveness as well as the determination to define a want or a goal and do all you can to make it happen. I think this little guy is going to go far.

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One of my good blogging friends started a weekly writing project for Tuesdays called “Pass the Torch Tuesday” in which we take a moment to pause and share something our kids did while we caught them being good.

Well, in a world full of filth and good being called evil I have a great deal of anxiety about raising kids with strong morals and personal convictions. I want them to be strong enough to stand on their own feet and not be tossed with the trends and pressure of the masses. I know how strong that pressure is and it’s especially hard for teens and young adults. Worse, is that too often when they do stand strong they receive nothing but ridicule and contempt. So when I saw the following video clip about this American Idol audition, I wanted to pass the torch to Brooke so I’m sharing it here. This is the type of kid I want to raise and I applaud her for standing firm even in the face of ridicule.

For the record, I don’t believe being “a bit worthy” is a bad thing and I disagree most strongly that a person has to bend to the views and decisions of the world for acceptance and success. You go Brooke, I just hope my kids want to be like you when they grow up!

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