It seems to be human nature to not truly appreciate what you have until you don’t have it. It doesn’t seem to matter so much whether you ever really had what you now want either, although if you’ve had and lost you know first hand what it was like which can certainly add to the longing. Sometimes it’s even the perception that you thought you had it, when in fact you never really did. Either way the result is the same, you simply appreciate things more if you associate a form of loss with it before.

This morning I stopped to visit with another mom at my son’s school. I have to admit that I don’t know her name or anything about her really. We’ve exchanged a few friendly smiles and hellos on the playground before school starts for our Kindergarten sons. Recently, she’s been coming in a wheelchair and with some assistance, again I don’t know what the circumstances are but I know my heart aches for her. So this morning when we met at the crosswalk on the way back to our cars I asked her how she was doing and she replied that she was hanging in there. I could hear the weight of it in her voice and I told her how seeing her reminded me of myself about 5 years ago when I too was in a wheelchair. And then the entire drive home I considered how blessed I truly am.

I pondered on three primary elements of my life where I got to experience what I’ll call the “Greater Appreciation Algorithm” or GAA for short. (How’s that for pithy?!) The first, thanks to my friend, was my health and ability to walk. This in turn leads to the greatest gift of how you view and thus live your life. Dealing with unknowns is terrifying and lonely, even when you’re surrounded by loved ones. During the three months I battled some bizarre and never defined illness, I experienced some deep soul searching and gratitude training. I learned to be grateful for pain because it meant I could still feel and was still alive. I learned to be grateful for the many years of unfettered freedom and health I’d enjoyed without notice. Consequently, I don’t view life the same way anymore, I recognize each day as the gift that it is determined to make the most of it. There are no certainties; you make the most of what you’ve got while you’ve got it or you die on a bed of regrets. Life is too short for petty offenses, too fragile for postmortems and too wonderful for despair. How grateful I am to have learned this all important lesson before I was 30.

The next thing I thought about was one of those perceived items; the ability to become a parent. Suffice it to say that control in all things parenting from becoming to being one is an illusion. The GAA part of this experience for me is the ability to be a better parent, to recognize more. One woman compared this to experiencing children more on the level of a grandparent because you have different eyes and understanding. There’s some truth in there. At any rate, I find myself being supremely grateful for these parenting eyes even though obtaining them wasn’t something I was so sure I was on board with during the trial and wait. And I am especially mindful of the blessing that the vision was granted before I had children so I could make the most of the short time I have them.

And finally I couldn’t help but consider the blessing of all things temporal. At the height of my personal health trial came the greatest financial storm of my marriage. My husband and I were so close to the edge of losing everything that to remember now still causes my heart to skip a beat. Up to this point, we felt a level of control and confidence in our temporal situation. We were putting money away in a few different retirement and savings programs, paying more than minimum on our consumer debt payments, making conservative big decisions on our home and cars, and enjoying the freedoms of being your own boss. Sounds great right? It was, right up to the point where the revenue stopped, and I do mean stopped - no trickling, no bleeding, just plain gone. Oh, and now we had a mountain of medical bills too. For six months we plugged holes, depleted resources and extended every ounce of credit waiting and hoping for a new job to be in the cards. Not surprising, the climb out of that hole was no small task. But you know what? You keep climbing. No bankruptcy was declared, bills were paid and life continued albeit a bit strained for a while. And what I learned from all of it was that there is a difference in managing your money and in really having money to manage. I learned that money is not just some means to an end, it is a blessing and a gift that enhances your life if you let it. I learned that perception is everything and I learned it before I was 40.

So you see why I consider myself thrice blessed. Each of these primary areas are major aspects of life and I can’t imagine living my life without the gifts of knowledge that are now mine. This morning I thank the sweet lady that comes to school in a wheelchair each day to see her son off. She is an important reminder of just how blessed I am and sometimes you need the reminder. Maybe there really is something to the “gaa gaa” thing. *wink*

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Family Parenting Sharing Emotions Positive Impact Potential Inspiration Perspectives Motherhood Success Deep Thoughts

Okay, that title is an oxymoron I know. It should probably read when men do stuff. *giggle* But I can’t help myself, especially after the fantastic shares and stories my husband had on his return camping trip with the boy.

The visuals in my head are swimming with material for a post. First you have to picture the right framework: it wasn’t just my husband taking my son for an overnight camp out, it was a group of dads taking out their sons for an overnight camp out. My husband doesn’t camp. His idea of camping has the word Marriott in the mere definition. We own minimal camp gear and what we do own has seen little to no action and it’s likely that (as with the few power tools we own) I am the only one who has a frame of reference for how to use said gear.

You know you’re off to a good start when the location for the event is determined hours before, thus allowing ample time for people to plan accordingly. While men complain about women’s obsessions with needing to know details and planning I never hear them complain when they’re enjoying the spoils.

I have to diverge here to share a few fundamentals of differences between men and women. What better way to do that than by pictures. So for kicks and giggles I’ll post a few.

I have to point out that this is more than the obvious visual differences. The woman will have an entirely separate list of items, assignments and planning needs. It is not the all in one shot man’s approach.

Here we have the element of food and serving a group. The left is the result of a woman’s planning the right the side of the man’s.

My husband reports the dinner part of the camp as being a success. Of course it’s hard to go wrong with a Subway sandwich as opposed to the typical raw/burnt tinfoil dinner. The breakfast sounded pretty comical to me. A few dozen dough nuts and breakfast burritos. My husband took a mountain of tortillas and I’m sure other food assignments made their way around. He spoke of one who talked about the fantastic deal on 400 pieces of bacon (hence the picture of bacon above). Unfortunately, cooking preparations didn’t begin until everyone was ready to eat. Surprisingly the boys grew restless while the cooks tried to speed fry 400 slices of bacon on the highest camp stove setting possible. We’re back to the raw/burnt style. My husband stuck with a half a dough nut. You can imagine how well the waiting was going with a bunch of boys running the spectrum of ages from 4-15 years old. One father, on taking note of the dilemma, came up with a short term solution which my husband described as a stroke of brilliance. He suddenly asked who wanted to go see a dead skunk he’d discovered on a morning hike. This resulted in a much needed 15 minute window of time for the frantic cooks.

The entertainment sounds interesting. Apparently there was an outdoor movie set up which is quite ironic to me given the stress of the “roughing it” memos prior to the event. And of course the water balloon and egg launch from a sling shot sending the ammunition into the general wilderness area. The point of course being to see how far you can launch stuff, which we all know is critical. The young boys entertained themselves seeing what would burn in the fire through experimentation of course. I think a shoe or two may have been lost but at least the tents and bedding were spared. I won’t even go to the area of the ceremonial fire extinguishing because I’m a woman and not supposed to know about those things. And I’ll spare the other moms I know the details of hearing how many father’s came around asking if anyone had seen their son. All in all a good man outing.

Of course the only thing that really matters is that our son had a fantastic time and he and dad both made it home safe and sound. When I went to the car to carry his sleeping body into the house he roused just long enough to start excitedly telling me about the rocket they made that shot into the air before closing his eyes again. Mission accomplished. Thanks dad.

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Well it was an interesting weekend indeed. The father and son had an excellent time on their first camp out and the boy is already asking when they can do “just the guy” thing again. Dad says it was great right up to the point of having to attempt sleep. We fumigated the car on their return and the laundry is still going but all in all it seems to have been a successful trip for the two of them.

My mommy daughter night went considerably different than planned. At about 7:00 that evening my daughter comes into the house exclaiming at high decibel volume that she’s just found a lost dog. The next three hours were spent walking the neighborhood, making and placing fliers and fielding questions about what we’ll do if we never find the owner. To her dismay and mom’s delight the owner did call within an hour of putting up fliers.

We took the kids to “Nim’s Island” on Saturday night and I’m still bracing myself for the continued requests for personal pets, now to undoubtedly include pelicans and sea lions. *sigh*

The weekends always go too fast. Why is that?

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I love being a parent. After explaining to my son a few moments ago that he needed to come up with something to keep himself busy for the next hour and half so mommy could get some work done, he exclaimed simply, “Okay mom, I just need a project.” I giggled and told him that was right and left him to his own devices, curious about what his 5 year old brain would produce. I didn’t have to wait long:

He created his own store with explicit instructions for me that I was to put money in his cup to buy stuff. I tried payment with some M&Ms but that didn’t fly. He explained that it had to be real money. So I coughed up two pennies and to his delight and mine I was awarded the glue stick. It’s been sitting by my keyboard for about three minutes now and he just told me that there’s a time limit to how long I can keep what I buy. The rules of engagement are growing in complexity.

But some things remain ultimately simple. Like eating too many cookies will give you a tummy ache and mommy has photographic evidence this time:

Funny thing is I remember eating Oreo cookies the same way although I never left the mountain of evidence out in the open. I think I stashed mine in hiding places carefully distributing the pile.

Parenting will take on new dimensions tonight for both myself and my husband. He’s taking my son on his first Father/Son camp out. My husband…the anti-camper. This should be interesting. Of course none of that will matter as the boy is bound to have a blast no matter what happens. I look forward to the report tomorrow afternoon.

So tonight it’s just me and my 10 year old daughter having a girl’s night in at home. I’m sure we’ll manage to cover every base imaginable with my daughter at the helm of planning. I’ll be sure to share all the good stuff next week. *grin*

*Update*
Moments after writing this I went upstairs to see “The road to Jesus” he was building on the floor out of staples. The box of staples is empty now but what a road there is across the floor!

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Family Motherhood

I’ve been a bit reflective lately, surprising I know. *snort* I’m seeing with more and more clarity how we create our own realities, frame our own expectations and then our very lives based on those thoughts and feelings.

This sounds supremely simple, yet every day the energies and resources spent refuting the truth are insurmountable. For what I hear everyday around me are phrases like: “Well, they’re just a jerk”, “The economy is in the tank so things are bad right now”, “I have no control over that”, “I guess this is just the trial I’m suppose to be going through right now”, “It’s not my fault”, on and on and on. The words shift but the meaning is always there, responsibility is always to be found elsewhere and there’s an excuse for everything, especially when it involves work.

Can you imagine how different things would be if instead of sowing seeds of negativity, victimization and redirects we spent more energy sowing seeds of positivity, empowerment and responsibility?

Yesterday I spent a few minutes reading some of the book “All I Really Needed To Know I Learned in Kindergarten” by Robert Fulghum. I’ve always enjoyed his writings and find re-reading them gives my spirits a little boost. Specific to the thoughts I’m sharing today, the concept of “Clean up your own mess” as one of his lessons fits perfectly. The seeds that are being sown too often and the fruits they bear are those of irresponsibility. Not only do we not recognize that the pickle we’re in is most often direct result of our own making, we expend valuable energy and resources justifying why it’s not our mess to clean up instead of just digging in and getting the job done.

Another common thread I’ve observed is how easy it seems to be to find and see this truth in the lives of others while dismissing ourselves. It’s usually more subtle but it’s still there. I see it manifest in discussions where I hear someone describe a specific problem and then turn it into a spiritual matter saying that faith and prayer will solve it for them. Of course, it’s not said that directly but that’s what I hear. Sadly, people with this attitude will never understand the concept of an answered prayer. For they will not recognize any answer that doesn’t suit them just as my 5 year old fights against every “no” he receives. Hopefully he’ll learn the lesson and carry it with him, hopefully he won’t forget that just because the answer isn’t what you wanted or expected doesn’t mean the answer wasn’t given or isn’t there.

For the past 5 years my husband and I have been implementing, to the best of our ability, a life of personal responsibility, positive affirmations and hard work. We stopped finding fault with circumstances and praying for a rescue from the financial storm we steered our ship into. We stopped using the crutch of uncontrollable health issues and September 11th aftermath as the reasons for our being in the eye of the storm. It didn’t matter because we were in the storm and while these things may have hastened our arrival, our course was set before they hit. Besides that, focusing our energies there sure wouldn’t help us get out of the storm. Not surprising, the journey out of the storm was proportionate in time to our getting into it the first place. There was no single miracle that pulled us out and dropped us on a sunny beach. However, there were daily miracles and daily progress. In fact, things have been beyond good for us, especially within the past couple years and they are growing every day. It’s not free, it’s not easy, it’s not luck. We just started sowing different seeds and now we’re enjoying a very different garden full of variety and sweetness.

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We’re getting some free pizza at our house but I don’t recommend anyone try this at home. *wink*

Yesterday my husband, son and I stopped by our neighborhood Home Depot in search of Lady Bugs. (That’s another post.) We were walking back to our car when we looked up in time to see a pickup pulling into the parking spot next to us. It appeared that he was going pretty fast for parking and moments later we saw our new car rock from side to side, its alarm going crazy. I felt my stomach drop to my toes as I said, “We just got hit.”

As we kept walking I didn’t even want to see the side. I was sure both doors were crushed to oblivion and I was beginning to fight a wave of nausea. I was thankful that our timing was what it was so at least there wouldn’t be a hit and run but it was really unnerving to see the whole thing happen. By the time we got there the guy was out inspecting the damage and when he saw us approach said, “I’m sorry, I bumped ‘ya.” To which my husband replied, “Yeah, we saw that.”

Amazingly there is no damage. We took the car to the dealership to be sure and they buffed out the rubber bumper marks on the back left section of the car just behind the wheel. My husband called to give him the good news that the dealership could find no damage. As he hung up the phone he told me the man was sending us coupons for free pizza from the restaurant he manages. Works for me.

I have to admit that the whole thing took several hours for me to get over the nerves it rattled. It’s such a silly thing how something can totally undo you. I tripled checked this morning just to make sure the bumper was still in place and scratch free. I wonder how the pizza will taste.

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Sharing Blogging

When I began blogging nearly two years ago, (yipes can it be that long already?!) I wasn’t really sure what the point or purpose was. I’d watched my hubby develop his blog and it was fun, plus he kept at my heels about joining the blogging world. But I wasn’t sure what it would be for me just that I’d probably figure it out once I got my feet wet. Which I’m happy to report I did.

The first few months were fun and addicting and I networked like crazy meeting some wonderful friends, many of whom I still blog with and correspond with today. I found that my primary purpose of converting my files and collection to digital format got lost quickly in the fun of daily articles and interaction. By year’s end I had subscribed to so many fun blogging buddy’s blogs that it took me several hours to get through reading all the new articles in my reader. I had to step back.

The next year I found myself maintaining relations, joining in fun carnivals and weekly themes, even creating some of my own projects. The growth was fun and my blog was gaining all kinds of fun comments, readers and popularity - according to rankings on sites like Technorati (who even made a personal pit stop on this post.) But pretty soon I started questioning what I was doing again and why I felt so different. I’d run a decent gamut on crash course blogging 101 from carnivals, to memes to traffic groups, and more and I frequently shared my answers as I found them.

Now, nearly two years and 500 posts later I’m reflecting on my blog’s life. I’m slowing down with my writings, letting personal projects and series slide into obscurity and caring less and less about the many awards, rankings and promotional stuff. In fact, I’m pretty much a Monday-Wednesday blogger now with rarely a post on other days. My hubby’s blog, which I really enjoyed reading, has remained nearly inactive for almost a year now. Many fun friends and their blogs have quietly disappeared. Yet at the same time many friends and family are just wading into the blogging world trying to decide between private or public blogs. And still others are in the thick of all the millions of social networking and ranking sites that crop up daily or have multiple blogs now selling things, etc. Somehow I can’t help but wonder where blogging will go in the next 2-5 years.

One thing I predict and have tried to sell my husband on is the bridge between the blog and book publishing. With so many great tools available today for desktop publishing and do it yourself publishing, it’s so easy to send your entire blog out and get a beautiful, bound BOOK in return. This is cool. It’s more than just a journal, more than just a scrapbook of pictures; it’s a combination of the two in a powerful and professional way. Historians, scrappers and journal writers have a gold mine here when they see the potential before them. But I want more.

I want my hubby to develop a report program of sorts. You see, I’m not content with just printing all my stuff in a book by year or some other general criteria. I want the power to enter a key word, time frame, etc. for a specific printed work. The hardest part is already done, the content already in place. I just want a tool to go extract what I want when I want it for the purpose I want it. Is that too much to ask? For example, I want to be able to print a scrapbook of just pictures and articles for our NY trip last summer but I don’t want to go sort it all myself, compile it and then send it to one of the many publishing options. I want to print my own book of just my articles on a specific topic like motherhood or life coaching, etc. Or how about taking my digital files I’ve created by category and burning them onto a CD to sell/share or put into a published book? The potential is there, it’s just untapped.

So is this where the blogging world is going? I don’t know, but it’s a trip I’d like to take. Maybe it would breathe new life back into my motivational sails and get me sharing more tips, files and fun things like I used to. Who knows? Of course, maybe I need to stop looking for excuses or magic pills too. *snort* All I know is that this blogging world is sure a wonder.

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Wordless Wednesday

My son has been developing a love of tape lately. It doesn’t matter if it’s double sided, masking or duct tape the kid figures tape can fix and create anything. Amazingly, I’m out of tape. But not without something to show for it. While I found the last of an empty roll this morning it was from this artwork created all of tape, odds and ends and a few pieces of a happy meal bucket on my front door:

It started with the center mobile and grew to a symmetrical design on the door. I knew I had to capture it because it’s one of those many things that you’re so sure you’ll never forget and years later find yourself scratching your head trying to recall it. I have to say I’m impressed that his 5 year old brain does stuff like this. I can find patterns, cutting skills, engineering techniques, geometric understanding, balance, symmetry and imagination in this one piece of work. Did I mention that my kids amaze me?

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