…And you eat green worms! We learned these lines as children on the playground, or at least something like them. Our parents and teachers frequently quoted lines about how it’s not a competition, not to say anything if you can’t say anything nice and do unto others as you would have done unto you. But this human trait hangs on with brute force. Too often, what was said was not shown, or at least not consistently by those mentoring adults.

This morning I’m reflecting on some recent things I’ve heard my daughter’s friends say. Mostly, they’re things of little consequence but the feeling of telling the world I’ve got the biggest stick and I’m better than you make the ugly trait clearly visible. Sometimes I hear her adding adjectives and attitude that are a mirror reflection of her friends. I know every person struggles with this balance, it still makes me sad though.

The timing is coincidental for such conversations. I’ve been reading some of the thoughts shared by the two presidential candidates now that the election is over this morning. I echo what my husband said last night when he said, “We needed to see more of that on the campaign trail.” The reality is in so many ways we continue as adults to tout those familiar lines from childhood, to raise ourselves by putting others down at least until a victory cry is determined. Then we pull an about face, put all that behind us and talk positively of the other guy. I suppose it’s at least a silver lining that this point is reached, but somehow it just doesn’t feel right to me. I’m grateful that grace paid a visit to the stage of the election, but I’m sick for the example and repeated pattern shown right up to the moment of decision, in short that she wasn’t present for the entire process. I for one was ready to have the entire election over before it began, let alone after a few weeks or months of it. I have no stomach for it.

How can we really teach our kids to speak kindly, not be judgmental and walk a higher road if we ourselves aren’t willing to do the same? It cannot be a lesson of do as I say, not as I do. Example always speaks louder than words. The wording may have changed, perhaps even grown smoother over time, but the underlying beast of competitive meanness remains.

I don’t want to have it said of me one day that it was nice to finally have grace enter the stage of my life and interactions with others but it would have been nicer to have had more of it all along the way. I don’t want my kids to hear me spout off the rules of compassion and social interaction only to ignore them with my example. At the end of the day, does it really matter who’s dad is bigger or what someone else eats?

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