It’s that time of year again for me. Well, actually I’m a little later than previous years but it’s been hotter longer this year and I’ve been working on serious back yard changes. This morning I was able to plant my garden seeds. I’m tickled because I’m finally making my backyard my own and getting projects done that allow me to garden the way I want.

The biggest project is moving my garden planting area into a decorative border framing my yard along the walls. It has been ongoing since the first of the month when we ordered 10 cubic yards of dirt, which by the way is a big pile of dirt. Then we had to dig up the grass - manually, and redistribute the dirt from the pile to the walls - also manually.

Saturday and today marked getting the first plants and seeds into this newly prepared area:

I’m excited to take pictures in a month or so when all that’s planted has had time to sprout and grow!

Two other projects include completing my new garden spot from this spring into transplanted roses, ornamental peppers and my newly planted salsa garden.

And getting the planter boxes replanted with herb seeds and giving Cidnie her own strawberry garden box. These are the plants, she’s also growing more plants inside to add later.

It will be great fun to post “before” and “after” photos in a few more weeks as well as in coming months. I have to give it up to my kids and husband who I literally dragged into this project with me. They were real troopers helping me. I personally believe the seeds sown working will one day sprout into important and valuable traits and skills that far surpass the immediate nature of garden veggies and pretty flowers. Although I love those too!

Well I mentioned before that this week was nuts. I’m coming up for air now that Friday is closing in fast. I’m happy to report that all is well and many things have been successfully marked off the “list.”

Monday was the craziest day for me. It included nearly 133 miles of driving for two errands. It went something like this:

Drive from the east valley to downtown Mesa to drop off hubby at the Light Rail.
Drive back from downtown Mesa to the east valley to pick up daughter from school.
Drive from the east valley to north Scottsdale for a doctor’s appointment.
Drive back from Scottsdale to the east valley to pick up son from his friend’s house.
Drive from the east valley back to downtown Mesa to retrieve husband at the Light Rail.
Get dinner.
Drive back home to the east valley from Tempe.

The good news is we enjoyed a nice dinner at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants. *wink* Actually, the best news was the result of the light rail journey. My husband endured an afternoon of interviewing and grilling in downtown Phoenix for jury duty to be dismissed. Big sigh of relief for me as this daily drive to the light rail for 2.5 months would have totally sucked, not to mention the hit on our schedule for his work with four day a week jury duty. He said while he was relieved he felt like he’d failed a big test. Apparently, our previous experiences with psychiatrists and psychologists didn’t set well with the defense attorney, or at least my husband’s opinions on them didn’t. I’m looking at that as a blessing in disguise. Who knew all those tortured experiences to adopt our children could be such an added benefit in a completely unrelated area?

So Monday was a complete bust, but ended well.

Tuesday was a big day for me with a big meeting that night. The preparation for the food storage basics class and activities has been going for several weeks, but this was show time. It was wonderful! I’m so grateful for such amazing friends that help and lighten the load. I’ve compiled ALL the information here for anyone interested. The overview and details of the event are in the first section, all the handouts and shared information are in the section just below it. *wipes brow*

And finally, tomorrow my hubby is taking our daughter to the Miley Cyrus concert. She is BEYOND excited. It’s funny how quick she is to correct anyone who says “Hannah Montana” that no, it’s Miley Cyrus - clearly they really are two different people. *snort* I’ll be sending my hubby with earplugs and her with a camera. They have a VIP parking pass, which I think Cidnie is magically praying could be doubled as a back stage VIP pass. I told her not to hold her breath, but dream away kid, dream away.

It never ceases to amaze me how often the pattern of feast or famine visits my calendar. My husband and I used to joke about how long you could go without a trip to the airport, but when you finally did it be one of many in a short time. The feast or famine concept exists because so many people can relate to it. I wonder why it is? I find myself wondering how much is really an increase in events and how much is a mental stress that impacts my view of it.

My father-in-law always said, “If you want something done, ask a busy person.”

I used to laugh at that but it’s funny because it’s true. If you want to make sure something gets done, the most likely candidate you can count on for it is someone who’s used to being busy and getting stuff done! Those people have figured out how to prioritize and how to complete tasks. Well, today I’m feeling like a busy person. This morning I was looking at my calendar and I just laughed at the sight of it. It truly displays a feast or famine mentality compared to surrounding weeks.

Hopefully I’ll find some moments to share some of the results of the busy I’m feeling this week. Until then, I just hope I can find plenty of battery recharging stations. *giggle*

I was just reading a friend’s updates on their recent news of tragedy and I couldn’t help myself from thinking about the power of silver linings. I went through my photos to find one that fit.

It’s true. No matter how dark the clouds, how powerful and destructive the storm there is always the hope of rescuing light and peace. Always.

“Without union our independence and liberty would never have been achieved; without union they can never be maintained.

“The time at which I stand before you is full of interest. The eyes of all nations are fixed on our Republic. The event of the existing crisis will be decisive in the opinion of mankind of the practicability of our federal system of government. Great is the stake placed in our hands; great is the responsibility which must rest upon the people of the United States. Let us exercise forbearance and firmness. Let us extricate our country from the dangers which surround it and learn wisdom from the lessons they inculcate.” - Andrew Jackson

This seemed so appropriate for today, and in light of yesterday’s post.

Fear: (noun) a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

This is a dictionary definition of the word fear. I hope I can put into words, the feelings of my heart today. There’s so much I want to say and it all seems to circle around the concept of fear. I want to be direct and to the point lest this post go on for pages, but I also hope to convey more than cold or meaningful facts or tidbits. The reality is we live in a world where men fear men more than God. As a result, many people suffer needlessly and worst of all is the fear seems to be driving common sense and integrity on permanent vacations.

I find it interesting that the definition for fear addresses how the threat can be real OR imagined. Countless examples of imagined threats are causing a great deal of raucous in today’s world. I can’t help but wonder how much could be done with those same energies and resources spent on something other than fear. But this follows the proverbial truth that negative screams while positive whispers, we simply can’t see or hear anything over the call of fear.

Perhaps the most disheartening element of fear for me is the destructive and separating force it leaves in its wake. People do things they wouldn’t do, or things they know aren’t right in the face of fear. It is the nemesis of integrity and it’s a battle every one of us has personal experience with. I’ll never forget my 7th grade physical science teacher and his lesson on fear. I got a triple whammy. The first wave came from an unbelievably hard test, I didn’t know at the time that was part of the master plan. The second wave came the next day when we were handed our own papers to grade and seeing how badly I’d done, I decided to change a few answers that were “oh so close” so I’d at least get a passing grade. Which led to the final tidal wave the next day when the teacher shared how he’d secretly graded those tests before he handed them out and was surprised at how many different scores he got back when we graded our own. I swear he looked right at me when he shared his disappointment on that fact. The reality is, I was gripped with fear in the challenge that was bigger than me, then by the thought I might have failed, and finally by the reality that I’d been caught cheating. I determined in that moment to never let fear drive my academic future or decisions again. I’m proud to report that on that note I succeeded. In fact, I refused to study for my ACT test because I wanted to know what I really knew, not how well I could perform on a test I’d crammed for. Fear is a powerful, but flawed motivator.

While each of us can relate to our own experiences of getting caught doing something, and making bad choices from the fear it caused, the even sadder tales are those when a choice deeply impacts the well being of others around us. The human battlefield is littered with causalities resulting from decisions made through the fear. The victims hit hardest are often the most innocent and least deserving of hardship. These are the times when heaven must weep.

And we must’n forget the biggest black hole of all, the band wagon syndrome of teaming up on someone or something we’re afraid of. This fear, though often only perceived or imagined, drives good people to do bad and stupid things. Sadly, there is strength in numbers and in this situation, people find contrived, make believe, justification and security when they are part of a larger crowd. You need only look at recent news stories in our nation to see this black hole of fear at work, and it’s not the first time in our nation’s history either. In fact, you’d think by now we’d have learned to reign in the fear because we’ve surely had enough practice. Take Andrew Jackson. He took so many fiery darts and prophetic style slanders that he was going to single-handedly ruin our great nation that it’s amazing he survived not one but two terms as president. He came into the presidency during a most tumultuous time when the nation was on the brink of civil war and great changes were taking place. He was loved and hated, quoted as being an inspiration to Lincoln, revered by Theodore and Franklin Roosevelt and hailed by Harry Truman as one of the four greatest presidents along with Washington, Jefferson, and Lincoln. Yet, he may have taken more slander and hate than other predecessors combined. The more I read about his presidency the more convinced I am that fear was the driving force behind the extreme opposition he faced.

Daily, my heart is heavy with good friends and good people who take part of the great mud pit surrounding political issues. I understand disagreeing with another person, even on every conceivable point. But I don’t understand the slander, the intent to deface and the desire to destroy that too many good people are becoming part of. You can’t stand in the mud pit without getting mud on you. There is nothing christian about slander and meanness. Negative begets negative. It is time for people to rise above it and step out of the mud pit.

Recently my heart wept for headlines associated with my hometown.

“Rammell isn’t the first Rexburg resident who has drawn attention for making an anti-Obama comment. In November 2008, second- and third-grade students on a school bus there chanted “Assassinate Obama” after his election, prompting the mayor of this eastern Idaho town to publicly apologize.”

This is the closing paragraph of a recent article in the AP/Huffington. For reference, the comment was about issuing hunting tags for Obama and the article explains how Rammell refuses to apologize for it.

Someone who knew nothing about this small town would never guess from these news stories that the town is largely christian. There is nothing christian about attacking another person’s character, let alone making jokes or threats on their life regardless of position, title, race or religion. What makes my heart weep is knowing that these aren’t bad people, these are good people driven by fear. Just as I wasn’t a cheater and knew it was wrong to do so, I let fear push me over my personal line of integrity in 7th grade science class. Too many good people today are making bad and wrong choices because of fear.

My greatest hope is that someone reading this will decide to pick up a sword and shield for integrity and fight back against the fear; that more people will decide to wade out of the mud pit and stop passing around glasses of dirty water. The war is the same whether the battlefield is private, public, political, or personal. Fear only has the power we give it and the war against it is perhaps the greatest of our existence. So let me end this where I began, but with the solution instead of the problem:

Courage: (noun) the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

She keeps growing without permission. I find myself looking back at what felt like yesterday, even though the calendar says different, and wondering if I’ve given her everything I wanted to. I can’t help but think about life before my Cidderbug and how grateful I was to finally get her in my arms. Now she’s squirming away into the uncharted waters of young womanhood. Does she know how much I love her? Does she know how sad I am when she’s sad? How my heart aches when she struggles with something challenging? How proud I am of her every accomplishment?

Sometimes the daily hum drum of life drowns out the important things. I relive all the moments and mistakes when the patience ran thin. My memory is longer than hers for most of these things - thank heaven for tender mercies. We are our own worst critique they say. Most of the time I find myself treating my measuring stick like a bank register except I only ever seem to record the deficits. But then you get those glimmers when your child does something that makes your heart so proud it feels it might burst, those moments when you know you did something right. Those are the times when the Lord steps in and writes in your deposit for you.

Parenting is a whirlwind. It’s a crash course of learning you never knew possible. The climbs are harder and steeper than you thought you had the energy or strength for, and the views are incredible beyond description. The time you have them in your clutches is far shorter than the time they’ll spend being independent, yet when they’re young it consumes you to the point you can’t imagine them growing beyond you. And then you turn around and there they are looking back at you.

Lately my husband and I have been having a great deal of conversation on the importance and learning curve of finding one’s balance with regards to the many options for using our time in today’s world. Many of our friends are venturing into online activities for the first time and they’re in the spiral of recognizing for themselves the need to establish balance. We’ve been involved for so long that we’ve almost forgot what it was like when everything was new and how easy it is to become unbalanced. And we’re not perfect at it, we’ve just had a lot of practice. *wink*

One thing I keep hearing in conversations and discussions is the extreme view that recent technologies are either evil or good. It’s a silly case because as with all things they’re both because the potential lies with the user and their agency. Some will use it for good, others for evil. In my humble opinion, I think it’s supremely important to remain an active force for good. Which is why I smile inside knowing how many of my younger friends on Facebook may be thinking twice before they post or share something just knowing that I may see it. *giggle*

My first learning curve came in 1999. I was the mother of a beautiful little toddler and an active advocate for adoption. Online activities were starting a real upswing then and I became involved in many boards and forum discussions on the topic of adoption. I entered my first chat room on an adoption website and met a wonderful group of friends, some of whom I remain in contact with today. We were exposed to extreme anti-adoption personalities on the site that would come to stir up a great storm of mud and ugly. I didn’t like it at all, and sometimes it made me sick to my stomach - made me want to run away and hide from it all. But then that rebellious spirit kicked in and I knew I wanted to fight back for good. I started posting more actively on some of the discussions, especially those that were trying to undermine the potential positives of adoption. It was here that I began to cultivate a necessary and wonderful skill of really thinking through what I shared, of being extremely careful of my wording and my shares so they could not be misconstrued. This is doubly important because with text communication there is no body language, facial expression or voice inflection to get your point across or clarify your intent. It was also during this time that I recognized the dangers of being involved in something so interactive. While a TV can keep you entertained for a while, a chat room could get you addicted with a need and desire to come back often and to put off other things because it was interactive; in this relationship you were getting something back for your time making it far too easy to spend too much of it online. I believe it was the day my toddler buttered our Yorkie pup that I realized other duties might be slipping for my time spend visiting online with other adoptive and hopeful adoptive moms. (I fully expect a comment on this from Pookie’s mom!) But it was the day I caught myself telling her “Just one more Elmo” for the 3rd time in a row that I recognized I needed to fix something. I had to step back and begin to limit my time spent interacting with all these wonderful people who shared interests from adoption to religious beliefs and more so I could balance my time spent in the “real” world with my family, neighbors and friends. It was a fantastic and eye-opening learning curve for me and a lesson I’ve never forgotten.

So when blogging hit the scene, I found it much easier to enjoy it without letting it take over my time. I’d already had the learning curve on website forums and chat rooms as well as e-mail groups to help prepare me. Although, it still took some adjusting as it was too easy to spend hours reading other people’s blogs and getting caught up in how many would come read my own. For a while in the beginning it was delightful to see a Technorati rating run up and blogging awards find their way to you. It was easy to lose focus on both my purpose and my time spent there. Again, I met many wonderful friends, many of whom I remain in contact with on a regular basis. My learning curve expanded. So when Facebook exploded I had the advantage of all this learning behind me. It wasn’t a temptation to get involved in quizzes and games that seems to suck away the sands of time from my daily hourglass. I’d already done that with all the blogging memes when they first surfaced. It was a fun way to reconnect with people I grew up with and I dearly love that ability. While some people complain about not caring about what someone is doing, I find it an easy and fast way to interact with them. People who I would not normally run up to and have a conversation because of geographic or time gaps get a simple thumbs up from me or a comment that I hope they’re feeling better if they shared they’ve got a headache - both things that I was unable to do a few years ago. It doesn’t take as much time as e-mail or reading a blog and I like that ability. It is also a great way to develop and extend new friendships with others. Just this past weekend I was able to easily strike up a conversation with someone I’ve never spoken to face to face before simply because I’ve commented and interacted with her on some status updates on Facebook. It melted that first and awkward barrier and the result was wonderful.

All this said, I know many who are currently struggling with their own learning curves. For many of my friends tools like Facebook are their first venture into the online world. It has all the elements of everything I’ve experienced slowly to this point in one place. It is chatting, gaming, socializing and sharing and consequently I hear many friends express shame or worry over how much time they spend there. Each time I tell them the same thing. I tell them of my own experience and how natural it is to have to find your own balance with these modern technologies, but if they are diligent it will come. The first and most important step is simply realizing you’re out of balance because a problem to be fixed must first be seen.

I do worry for our youth who are growing up with all these tools and digital technologies as part of every day life. Their adjustments will be different because there’s no “new” element for them, it’s just life as they know it. I worry that they will sacrifice the blessings that come from personal interaction and service because it’s more comfortable to sit and text or visit online. I worry that they seem to be missing important lessons such as not sharing or posting information that doesn’t belong to you be it news or photos. I worry that they won’t be able to see the long term impact of sharing something silly when they’re mad or just feeling silly. I worry that they don’t understand what it means to “share” in today’s world; that they are providing proof for anyone to use for or against them. And I worry most because I see their parents struggling to learn these same lessons. My husband keeps telling me it’s time to expand my charm school training into an e-etiquette course! Maybe he’s right. *smirk*

So for all the positive, there is equal negative. It was ever thus. I just feel a need to share that it is what we make it. A private family blog can be the most wonderful and easy way to retain valuable communication and record family histories. It’s the best of both worlds because journaling and scrapbooking can be combined. Now you can even click on an option to have your entire blog published into a beautiful hardback book. These tools can make important things easier and within the reach of everyone. That same blog can also be a source of hurt and exclusion if what is shared is not done with care.

Although there are times when many of us would love nothing more than to be separated from this crazy world we live in, we are not here to be excluded. We are here to learn how to live in this world and grow, how to develop self control and positive traits, in short to learn how to become better people. It’s not easy, but it can be done. Balance can be found if it is sought after. Life is rich when it is obtained. Our ancestors have all experienced it. I’m sure the radio was an addiction in its day the same as TV and every other enhancement and advancement that’s come along. In so many ways striking balance is at the heart of our feeling successful and satisfied. As long as we don’t lose sight of that every tool that comes down the pike will be an advantage for us.