I’m always saying that the only constant in the universe is change. I really believe that. It seems that as soon as you find an answer the question changed, or as soon as you feel like you figured something out the rules or game changed. I think if my shoes represented these constant shifts I’d need several rooms to accommodate all the changes!
Today I’m reflective on the power of change. It seems that so many around me are struggling with major life changes. From new additions to separations from death or divorce, financial strain and everything in between, I have so many loved ones and friends currently experiencing the gamut that comes with these roller coaster rides. I find myself looking over my shoulder to see why I’m currently being shielded from something disastrous. I recognize that the majority of the answer is found in the various times and seasons of life, but I still feel the impact of all that’s happening around me. I find myself thinking on what I can do to prepare and fortify for the coming seasons in my own life; gearing up to be the parent of a teen, watching debilitating and terminal illness eat away at parents and grandparents, etc. I’ve weathered some personal storms in the past, I know there will be more in the future. 40 is dangerously close, definitely closer and faster than I ever dreamed possible. In so many ways I still feel like that same girl I knew at 18, I wonder if I’ll ever feel as old as the calendar says I am?
Last year at this time I was thinking on the changes of having both of kids in school the entire day. My first instinct was to fill my time with school studies. It seemed logical. I enjoy elements of law and through our adoption experiences I started thinking maybe getting a law degree would be just right for me. I was excited and anxious as I gathered more information. But the more research I did the less settled I felt. A few months ago I decided that now is not the time for me to pursue this. For one thing I’d be getting a law degree to use it and my goal isn’t work, for another I’ve already sacrificed so much to stay home with my kids I can’t see risking any of that now when they will likely need me at home and that stability more than ever in their lives. So I decided instead to beef up my reading list and educational activities at home.
Yesterday I received another curve ball. Hindsight shows my previous decision to not jump back into school right away lines up for this new change. I took my daughter to an audition this past Saturday to appease her many requests to go back for some. The reader’s digest, condensed version of this story is a birthday gift when she turned 7 blew up in my face. We let her run with it for just over a year carefully avoiding blue smoke grenades and doing our best to avoid landmines. Well, the little stink proved it wasn’t all blue smoke with her NY convention but with mom getting sucked into the career path alongside her and a two year old at home a white flag was raised and mom gracefully bowed out for a “rest”, promising her daughter that when the time was right she’d take her back for some auditions. Last Saturday I made good on that promise and yesterday she got a call back from it. We met with the talent manager last night and it looks like we’re off to the next step. New headshots are on the horizon as well as a manager marketing her for potential work in LA. Looks like travel might be in my near future. Good thing I’m not knee deep into my own schooling eh?
So again I reiterate, change is the only constant. What I wouldn’t give for a few seconds with a crystal ball. What does your future hold my Cidderbug?
To those who know me, it is no surprise that I’m counting down to Friday this week to see Wolverine, and not just because I really enjoy X-Men and the Wolverine character but also because of the actor playing him, Hugh Jackman. So this morning when I was browsing news headlines and saw one of the rave reviews of the new movie, I had to read more. The article dubbed him “sexy beast” and gave him credit for the amazing success of the movie. I saw a video/interview clip on the news page and clicked on it. Here I listened to Hugh answer questions about his physique and the recent title of “sexiest man alive” and all the reasons why I enjoy watching him most came to surface. In short, Hugh re-defined the meaning of being defined and at the heart of his message was how important knowing who you are inside matters most. Few actors can live up to the words, but to me Hugh is an exception. His self-confidence is securely founded in his comfort of knowing and liking who he is as a person. It’s what separates him from many of his peers and it’s what you see that is so charming in the way he handles all the attention, not to mention balance it with his personal family life of husband and father. Everything about him screams comfort with who he is, what he does and the way he shares his talents.
At any rate, as I listened to him describe his definition of value and interest in a person I had to reflect on the simple message and truth of it. One of my favorite quotes was one I heard years ago from Thomas S. Monson and says:
“In decision making, ask not “What will others think?” but rather “What will I think of myself?…”
When everything is swept away, what you think of yourself remains. You can’t escape it, it’s something you must live with every day of your life. When you don’t like who you are misery is sure to abound. When you do, peace and happiness flourish. Many attempt to substitute immediate pleasure for this desired happiness, but they will forever fall short because there are no shortcuts. When decisions are made for the benefit of others, the foundation for personal happiness is eroded and a frenzied focus on self and the appearance of that self results. There is no time for thinking of others, only of self and the constant danger of a facade being unmasked. I can think of no better definition of misery.
Now, I just need to master that question before I make the decision to give into the whim for junk food! Baby steps. *wink*
That is to say I think I just figured out why I LOVED The Lion King so much. It was more than a fantastic show. As promised, here’s more of my review of the show.
If you’ve been reading anything of mine you know I’m a bit of a balance freak. I like balance. When I started my series of shared tips it bore the name “Simple Balance.” Yeah, I’m a freak that way. Well, guess what this musical has? You guessed it, loads and loads of balance!
Before you go thinking I’ve completely lost my marbles…which is always a possibility…let me expound. I’ve been in theatre and as a theatre lover I’ve seen several shows in various places. One of the great challenges drama teachers and producers face is finding shows and productions that provide equal opportunity and as much of it as possible to those interested. Specifically, female roles can be hard to come by. In high school we did one major musical each year and a couple other smaller productions in each trimester. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers was done my sophomore year and it was probably the best in those years for balanced roles and opportunities. The next year it was Shenandoah and the year after that was Hello Dolly. Both of those only included about 3 female speaking parts/roles. It’s tough to be the supporting cast with only a few lead roles. And there always seem to be more women competing for roles than men, at least in my experience. But The Lion King broke all the rules and barriers. (more…)
Isn’t it interesting how no matter where you go you can find stereotypes? I just returned from a testing event at a local elementary school. I’d like to find out if my son, who misses the Kindergarten cut off by a few weeks, could still go to Kindergarten this fall. The only surprise was how many kids it appears they’re testing. I was originally thinking about 100 or so but after today I’ll bet it’s at or over the 500 mark.
As I sat there it was impossible not to take in some of the personalities of the room. They told us in many workshops for my daughter’s acting that the best advice for any mother is to avoid other mothers at an audition. Women are generally caddy anyway but in these competitive settings the stories of what takes place were down right brutal with many moms trying to intimidate and eliminate as much of the competition as possible on their own. I’ve met a few of those “stage moms” and it’s not hard to picture those scenarios they warned us about. Today was no different watching some mothers interact. I suppose there’s one in every batch, but in the third wave a new mom entered the scene which fit the “barracuda” bill most perfectly. She dressed in intimidating and professional black attire, wore smart looking glasses and was extremely confrontational and loud. She immediately started asking the staff for percentages in front of the entire room. She wanted to know how many kids are tested and of those what percentage qualify, etc. A sweet woman (who obviously has dealt with this type before) simply told her none of them have that information as it is handled at district office and they simply help with the testing. She promptly sat down a little agitated, but not before making a big scene about her son telling her the colors of several markers in a box and giving him a paper to trace his name on. Then she proceeded to initiate discussion with a woman next her about how much better things were done in New York when she lived there. The conversation remained dominated by her sharing how brilliant and gifted her son is and how much better he is than all his other classmates combined. I had to suppress a giggle or two at the flashy show and self importance of it all.
And it makes me question the motivation of those present. It’s small of me I know, but I doubt that there are as many parents there for the best well-being of their child as there were for their own agendas and personal conveniences. How many have primed and pushed their kids to avoid another year of arranging and paying for day care or to have them reflect well on themselves and how many are really in touch with their children and have their best interests at heart? I know it only matters what I am there for and the needs of my child, but it was so in the face for me that I couldn’t resist the wondering about others.
It’s sad to see so many adults making education a competition. Isn’t the world full of enough competitive reality already? Barracuda’s breeding future barracudas….yikes.
Everything in life is progressive, yet I’m constantly amazed at how often I miss this. When you’re looking to the finish line of a particular task, goal or project, it’s easy to get caught up in the current step you’re taking as the one that will get you to that line, even if it’s only the first or second step. But in reality, everything we do in our lives builds more bridges and opportunities down the road. And sometimes we may even abandon a project or path because the step we took didn’t speed us to the finish line, but find that years later those steps still provided progress toward that abandoned or forgotten project. This morning I was reminded of that. (more…)
January has been good to me. It brought back Jack,Hiro and American Idol. Thanks to DVR I can watch all of them when I want/can instead of only when they air, and thankfully, I can fast forward over commercials. In fact, it’s what has me watching any TV again. And it’s the only reason I can watch anything today because I can sit down after the kids are in bed and enjoy some shows.
24 is so intense. Every season and every episode I wonder how they can possibly keep up the momentum and top the last one. And yet they do. It’s like the Vegas Casinos, they just keep getting bigger and grander although I can’t comprehend how it can keep happening or when it will top out. Thankfully, it’s not my job to figure that out, I get to just sit back (well, up in this case) and enjoy it. The graphic reality and violence of 24 makes me a little queasy sometimes, but the story line and intensity keep me coming back for more. It’s like a drug. I keep coming back waiting to see how the good guy is gonna win.
The real purpose for this post though is a second form of queasiness. It comes from the rage of reality show TV - aka, American Idol. Basically, I’m a sap. I openly admit it. No matter how funny something is, I always feel terrible for the one poked fun at - and the first couple months of the show are all about poking fun. The story of the monkeys comes to mind. A group of spectators stand in front of the monkey cage at the zoo. The big one soon learns that he gets a reaction of laughter if he beats up on the next one. Spurred on with the reaction he proceeds to steal the banana from the middle sized monkey through force. Everyone rages with laughter. The middle size one, not to be outdone and in an effort to redirect the humilation repeats the abuse and stealing act on the smallest monkey. Everyone is entertained. The smallest monkey does his best to put on a tough face, but he has no outlet. The moral being that no matter how funny it is, someone always gets hurt. And because I’m a sap, I hurt for the last man standing. (more…)
A quick view in the hindsight mirror, tells me this truth is something you’d think I’d have mastered by now. Without even thinking about it I can come up with an immediate list of things on my “I’ll never…” page (bear in mind these are all relatively new and/or recent!):
Mike over at Be A Good Dad shared a cute video of his little guy dancing today. I love watching kids in free form creativity. He inspired me to get my son’s video uploaded and shared (which I hate to admit has been on the “list” of things to do for almost two weeks now!)
A couple weeks ago we went to a big Constitution Week celebration with emphasis on Benjamin Franklin’s 300th birthday. The kids had a blast. Lee Greenwood was the entertainer for their program that night and during the pre-concert music my 3 year old started some entertaining of his own. I only had my digital camera with me so the lighting and picture quality aren’t stellar, but you get the gist of the little guy expressing his creativity through dance and a few singing phrases. I’m not completely sure but I think his dancing and singing inspired the music to follow. *wink*
So last night my family started to watch a Tivo recording of Back to the Future. I forgot how much I like this movie and how much I don’t like Huey Lewis. Ahhhh the 80’s. I digress. . . anyway as I was watching it the famous routine of Biff knocking on McFly’s head saying “Hello! Anybody Home? Think, McFly! Think! comes across the screen and I realize that I still have that line committed to memory. And I find myself wondering how many others have too.
It’s an interesting thing to contemplate the effects over generations of attitudes and self esteem that are evident in that one familiar movie routine. What a gem self esteem is. It truly has the power to direct our lives and our successes as well as our failures. And while we may feel victim to it, the reality is it is one of the only things in life we have complete control over. The familiar refrain of Eleanor Roosevelt sums it up perfectly: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” (more…)
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As I sat there it was impossible not to take in some of the personalities of the room. They told us in many workshops for my daughter’s acting that the best advice for any mother is to avoid other mothers at an audition. Women are generally caddy anyway but in these competitive settings the stories of what takes place were down right brutal with many moms trying to intimidate and eliminate as much of the competition as possible on their own. I’ve met a few of those “stage moms” and it’s not hard to picture those scenarios they warned us about. Today was no different watching some mothers interact. I suppose there’s one in every batch, but in the third wave a new mom entered the scene which fit the “barracuda” bill most perfectly. She dressed in intimidating and professional black attire, wore smart looking glasses and was extremely confrontational and loud. She immediately started asking the staff for percentages in front of the entire room. She wanted to know how many kids are tested and of those what percentage qualify, etc. A sweet woman (who obviously has dealt with this type before) simply told her none of them have that information as it is handled at district office and they simply help with the testing. She promptly sat down a little agitated, but not before making a big scene about her son telling her the colors of several markers in a box and giving him a paper to trace his name on. Then she proceeded to initiate discussion with a woman next her about how much better things were done in New York when she lived there. The conversation remained dominated by her sharing how brilliant and gifted her son is and how much better he is than all his other classmates combined. I had to suppress a giggle or two at the flashy show and self importance of it all. 
