I set up my Mii account on our Wii Fitness this morning and to my delight it calculated my BMI and weight in the normal region. Yay! Now, I didn’t really need it’s balance and muscle assessment to know that I’m not in great shape and my body is weaker than it should be but who knows, maybe it will help me work on that. One thing I learned with Dance Dance Revolution is that exercise in the form of some entertainment works well for me. So I’m hopeful. I also took heart in my first rounds of yoga exercises and balance games that I placed in the top three of my family members who have been doing it for a week now. I’m also delighted that the pool season is back because I can do so much more with my joints in the pool than in other exercise settings.

In other good news today I’m happy to report that I found another solution that is helping me with my summer vacation parental strain. As my husband and I talked last week, I realized that no matter how many things we did or planned to keep our daughter busy the fundamental problem wouldn’t be addressed. My ten year old daughter has ADD and that means her brain doesn’t organize things naturally, or at least the way most of our brains do. It’s why she’s always asking to do 10 things at the same time and why she spends 5 minutes of quiet time complaining of boredom. So I decided to take my last organization attempt during the holidays a step further. I printed out calendars from my Google calendar for each of the kids. One page was a month overview and then each week broken down on a single page with the hours of 6AM-5PM each day. My thought was if I made their planning visual not only would they better understand time and feel some control over their activities, they might also see how much they really have.

I’m happy to report that so far so great. They are both working at filling in their wants on their calendar and mom helps fit in some needs (a.k.a. chores) and catching the vision. This morning we planned out this week which took about 10 minutes compared to our first attempt last week which took about 20 minutes for 2 days. Progress. I’m finding it helps me too because the time we block for academic review and games is small enough that none of us go crazy. In fact, this morning they both asked if we could do it longer so that’s a plus for mom.

Speaking of time, mine is up so that’s all for today on the blog! *giggle*

Technorati Tags:
Family Parenting Sharing Organizing Positive Impact Motherhood Balance ADHD Recreation

As one who used to believe that ADHD was a bunch of hogwash excusing parents from parenting responsibility, I’ve had plenty of repentance time in dealing with it since my daughter began school and was diagnosed ADD at the age of 8. I’ve also had plenty of community service time educating others about it as I am my daughter’s advocate. I guess as with all things in life, this is one of those areas where if you can’t see it the credibility is easily denied. And everything about the causes of ADHD are in the brain, thus generally keeping it invisible to the human eye although the symptoms and consequences of it are extremely visible. This is why ADHD is so often misunderstood as a behavior problem and not a medical condition. It’s also why ADHD got so much media attention when a study was able to show us the brain activity of an ADHD brain compared to a normal one. There was now proof making some aspects of it visible and thus more credible to the general public. (And I thought it was just a bunch of psychologists sitting around dreaming up new diagnosis and revenue channels - my bad.)

The way I’ve visualized the problem is to picture in my mind a bridge that connects the two areas of the brain responsible for our most basic functioning skills. In my brain the bridge is unfettered and messages travel back and forth freely. In my daughter’s brain her bridge is riddled with obstacles and there may even be areas where pieces are missing. So her messages often get blocked, bounce around or drop out entirely. It’s not something she can control by simply “trying harder” any more than someone who has an astigmatism in their eye could see clear if they would just try harder to focus. Nothing makes this confusion more apparent than the simple social skill of communication.

While many of us deal with our own personal struggles in the communication department, an ADHD mind has additional challenges. If we take the time to understand them it becomes not only easier to deal with and tolerate the issues, but also helpful for the person struggling so much to overcome these obstacles. While reading yesterday, I came across a checklist for this topic. The design is to have the person with ADHD circle a number showing how much of a problem this is for them. The key difference here is that while you and I may have some variation of some of these my daughter deals with almost every one at various levels. As a parent, it is so much easier for me to see it in her and it helps a great deal to realize that it’s not you and that you’re not alone. These resources exist for the very reason that others are dealing with all these same things every day and that is a powerful message and comfort to parents in the trenches. I’ll share this brief list here because I think it’s a great starting point in helping see and understand why ADHD is such a big deal.

Ability to identify and express your feelings
Check-repeat what you heard and ask if you heard it right
Join a conversation without disruption
Stay on track in a conversation
Identify and reflect feelings of others
Actively let others know you are following the conversation
Miss pieces of information-”blinks”
Ability to keep a conversation going
Voice too loud or too soft
Speak too quickly
Interrupt others
Too quiet-rarely speaking in conversations
Talk excessively
Order or boss others
Criticize-judge or make evaluative comments
Disregard or minimize statements of others

This list hit me with great impact and caused an instant feeling of greater empathy for what my daughter struggles with every day. It rejuvenates my patience batteries and the desire to help her with these common annoyances that aren’t an indication of how she feels about me nor is it a display of disrespect. My job is to help her learn how to find ways to trigger combat options for these things, ways to help her remember to hold her tongue instead of blurting what comes to mind when it comes to mind, support in helping her see the way these common things impact her social relationships with others. In short, my job is to help her learn how to succeed now so that future lessons will be less painful and her future relationships will be more successful.

We’ve been helping her with the interruption aspect since she was able to converse with us and in general she’s got this one down very well needing few prompts now that she’s 10. However, the ability to express her feelings, to actively show us she’s still engaged in conversation, identify and reflect feelings of others and disregarding/minimizing comments of others are all huge right now. As a parent these things make you absolutely batty, especially when they surface during a discipline moment or discussion.

So if you’ve noticed most of these things on a regular basis with someone you know or care for it may be an indication that they have a legitimate medical reason for their actions and not just a rude behavior issue. And if you’re a parent or loved one helping an ADHD mind on a regular basis it can help you just to review lists like this once and while to remember what doesn’t come naturally to those you’re helping. I know it has for me.

Technorati Tags:
Parenting Sharing Relationships Motherhood ADHD

Kelly asked this week if anyone knows a teacher who qualifies for passing the torch. She describes such a teacher as:

“Teachers who adopt their students for a year, as if they’re their own kids; who find ways to help even the neediest child to learn; who network with other master teachers to discover best practices to use in their classrooms; who share their expertise with parents to help them become more effective; who know their “kids”, love their “kids” and hurt if one moves away.”

I do know one of these teachers and I am so blessed that she is working with my daughter this year! As one who could have chosen many fields to excel in, she choose education specifically for the purpose of being this kind of teacher. Taking her own personal experience and using it to fuel her desire to help her students with different needs and learning styles find success, she is amazing at helping each student feel successful. Consequently she has more than her share of student who fit this description and it actually seems to feed her success with each of them. She’s amazing. She tells them how amazing and smart they already are, pointing out so many skills they’ve already mastered and how hard the were. And I’ve never known anyone who works harder at getting the message through to her students that you don’t compare yourself to anyone but yourself. How grateful I am for this!

I knew on ‘meet the teacher night’ my prayers had been answered when I walked away feeling excited for my daughter instead of anxious. FINALLY - a teacher who cared more about the students individually and their learning/mastering important life skills than the new guidelines, reports, tests, programs and procedures. With this being my daughter’s fourth grade year, and the continued push for more curriculum and higher expectations, this attitude in today’s education world was something I didn’t even dare hope for. Yet here she is, a teacher who really knows my daughter and cares deeply for her. She calls me with any concern and made my heart leap for joy at our first parent teacher conference when she told me how much of me she sees in my daughter…that she knows right from wrong and she works hard every day to choose the right. As a parent, these are the BIG questions that you have and worry about with your kids. Have you taught them enough to stand up for what’s right even among the peer pressure they are bombarded with every day? To hear a comment like that is like a spring rain that just renews hope and courage in a mother’s heart.

This post is in tribute of my daughter’s teacher and every other teacher that fits Kelly’s description. I wish we could clone them. *grin*

Technorati Tags:
School Motherhood ADHD Success Blogging

A few things have happened in the past couple of days that have inspired me to think about the person I am and the person I am becoming.

Earlier this week I met with two of the staff at my son’s new school. I was immediately impressed with their sense of genuine caring for others and equally impressed with their ability to be so calm under pressure. At the time I interacted with both of these women there was a great deal of responsibility, potential chaos and distractions taking place. Yet both seemed to make the world stop for a moment while they visited with me or my son, made us both feel important and cared for. There was no rush, no hurry and no feeling that you were a burden, in fact they were the great calming influence for all those around them. This struck me because I’ve been to a lot of first days at various schools and I’ve never felt anything quite like this, at least not this strongly. It got me to thinking about how much I want to be like that. How much I want for people to instantly feel relaxed, comfortable, safe and cared for in my presence. The world is full of busy, stressed and self-important people. You run into them almost daily and you can feel the vibes that come from them, they leave you feeling unsettled at best. It was such a pleasant experience to feel just the opposite in a matter of mere moments. I was so impressed that I wrote e-mails to both of them expressing my thoughts and both responded with resounding warmth and enthusiasm for caring. They both said that in their experience kids learn far more and better when they enjoy coming to school and their goal is to help kids want to be there. It worked for me…I didn’t want to leave! *laugh* At any rate, I determined yesterday that this is the feeling I want to share with others and in my home. I want my kids to WANT to be here and to feel that same peace, safe and loving influence. The trick is what every parent out there already knows…this is far easier said than done.
(more…)

I have to give a shout out to my little Cidderbug today. The progress this kiddo has made in the past 3 years is astounding to me. Sometimes I feel bad for her that no one really knows what she’s up against or how hard some things are for her. Her great advantage and disadvantage is that to an unknowing eye she appears to be exactly like everyone else around her. But there are subtle differences in the way she processes information that makes some learning and social skills extremely difficult for her. She has been making steady progress and working hard but many assume she simply isn’t trying hard enough. Above all, she reminds me daily how much I take for granted and how amazing differences can truly be.

Yesterday we took her to get the earned reward of her first cell phone. This was a VERY big deal and something she’s been working hard for. She’s still too young for a phone and we’ve given a flat no response for the past two years - yes, she’s been consistently begging for two years now. But this summer my husband said he thought we could use this to our advantage and maybe we should consider it. The original deal was that she had to learn all her times tables this summer to earn it. She’s worked hard and has been doing well only struggling with some of the higher numbers, but it was her excellent behavior on our vacation that earned her the trip to the cell phone store yesterday. She didn’t know that was a possibility and generally was unaware of just how well she had done our trip so it was a doubly sweet surprise for her. There are probably more restrictions than privileges with it right now, but she’s still delighted. She can’t do anything now that she couldn’t do before but it’s totally different in her mind. And for $9 a month, mom and dad just got a new lease on discipline tactics/incentives. More on that program later.

I still have my moments when I feel exhausted and wonder/worry if she’ll ever conquer some of the gaps. But I cannot, should not and will not ignore the amazing progress she has made in the past three years. In so many ways she is like a different kid. The creative side of her is blossoming now. She’s become very intrigued by art and continues to be an amazing improviser. She has a free mind and I’m so proud of her for becoming less and less swayed by peer pressure. She is truly becoming her own person and it’s a beautiful thing. I wish I could describe the development I’ve seen. It’s not unlike the transformation of the caterpillar to a butterfly in my mind. I just want her to know that mom is aware of how far she’s come, how hard she works every day and how proud I am of her for all that she is and all that she is becoming. Keep flying my little butterfly. Keep flying.

Technorati Tags:
Parenting Emotions Potential Inspiration Motherhood ADHD

Earlier today I responded in a discussion about raising high spirited children. It took place between a group of adoptive moms, which incidentally is a group that is no newbie to the high spirited child. As I looked over what I wrote I decided much of it was worthy of being repeated here.

There’s something about a mother’s heart that helps us understand our children. I believe it is a gift that helps us be prepared for them as well a powerful resource that can help us know how to help them as they grow. I think it can help speak peace to our hearts when we come across things that just feel right. That mother’s intuition was something I’d heard about before I was a mother - the times and examples when a mother just knew something about her child. But it took experience as mother to truly comprehend and appreciate it.
(more…)

I’ve had a couple of conversations this week on the topic of AD/HD and it’s resurfaced some memories and feelings for me. It’s also shown me the power and support that comes when we are willing to share our experiences with others. So I wanted to take a moment to share some of my thoughts and experiences with medication related to the condition because it’s definitely a hot topic out there. To get there, I have to share some history or what I have to share won’t mean much.
(more…)

Few things worry mom as much as manners and kids. You worry if they’ve got them, and you hope that if they do they got the good ones!
(more…)

Isn’t it amazing how simply believing something can bring proportionate results? I’m always amazed by this. It gives me reason to pause and contemplate the many influences around me which affect my thoughts and beliefs. What a wonderful and real power lies within each of us when we recognize it. A small adjustment at the hinge can bring about mighty changes on the swing of a gate. And so it is with our lives, the slightest adjustments can bring about vast results.
(more…)

Last week at book club, everyone brought some books to exchange. As a lover of American history, I picked up one by David McCullough on John Adams. I’m starting to really think that there is a law bone in my body because I am absolutely eating this book up.

I have often told my husband that if I could have a wish, it would be to travel through time and see places and events in their “prime.” I can’t explain it, I’m simply fascinated by things of the past. I am astounded by people of the past and I love learning about them. This book gives such incredible description and insight into the people and circumstances of the time that I hate having to put it down.
(more…)