Earlier today I responded in a discussion about raising high spirited children. It took place between a group of adoptive moms, which incidentally is a group that is no newbie to the high spirited child. As I looked over what I wrote I decided much of it was worthy of being repeated here.

There’s something about a mother’s heart that helps us understand our children. I believe it is a gift that helps us be prepared for them as well a powerful resource that can help us know how to help them as they grow. I think it can help speak peace to our hearts when we come across things that just feel right. That mother’s intuition was something I’d heard about before I was a mother - the times and examples when a mother just knew something about her child. But it took experience as mother to truly comprehend and appreciate it.
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Every year Mother’s Day rolls around, I can’t help from remembering two experiences relating to the day and celebration of motherhood. They were both little things with BIG impact on my life. I’m sure they stick out in my memory because of my unique and arduous journey to motherhood. Mother’s Day is extremely painful for those who find the desire of motherhood just beyond their grasp. At times that pain seemed unbearable and the loneliness all consuming. But my rainbow was there, I just had to weather the storms. Now Mother’s Day fills my heart with joy over all the little things. They don’t replace the memories of hurt but they have certainly helped to displace them and restore balance in my life.

The first “little thing” fell on Mother’s Day. On this particular year I was proud of myself for making it through the church service without shedding a tear and without focusing on the things I didn’t have. Years of experience on this day had caused me to not want to even go to church on Mother’s Day. But this year I was needed by some of the sweet little children I worked with who were to sing for their mothers that day. So I went. I was so proud of them for the great job they’d done. I couldn’t help but think about the wonder of the word Mother and how many ways so many women share this gift with those around them regardless of personal circumstance. Maybe this was to be my role of mothering. So proud that I was focusing on the positives and not the negatives, I was ready to give myself a pat on the back. Little did I know the next hurdle was already on the horizon.
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Yesterday I had to take my four year old to the doctor. He was such a trooper. That visit is the worst because it’s full of all those vaccinations preparatory for Kindergarten and they’re big enough to know what’s going on. I have the worst memory of being near his age and asking my mom if my trip to the doctor would include a shot. I’m sure she knew an answer to the affirmative would result in world war three getting me there so she told me I wouldn’t. Maybe she didn’t really know herself but I’ll never forget going secure in the answer that I would not be getting a shot and then being assaulted with not just a shot but a booster in the backside. I’ve never done shots well, in fact aside from throwing up it’s the only other thing I fear/hate. But I definitely didn’t want my little guy to receive a double assault so after the fun part of the exam was over I told him that the nurses were going to come in and give him some medicine in the form of shots. He immediately sought refuge under my chair and in the little wooden bench saying repeatedly how he didn’t want any shots. He got five. *sniff*

The first one wasn’t so bad and you could see him trying to decide what was going on - a moment on shedding a possible tear came and went with no tears, but the double whammy on the legs brought on tears and the final two in the upper arms completely undid the little guy. Mom didn’t do so well either. It’s tough watching your little ones hurt searching your eyes for protection and security. We both agreed quite firmly that “shots are not fun at all” and we “never want to have any again, ever again!” When we left I asked him if he wanted anything to which he simply replied, “No, I jus wanna go home.” I’m glad home is a safe place for him.

I’m seeing the truth of what I’ve heard all my life that home should be a safe haven and how important the family unit is and will continue to be. The sweet part of yesterday’s experience was the journey to the doctor’s office. The discussion was on family, how he misses “all his families” and wants to see them. He started telling me how he wanted a baby “brudder” or “sister” complete with the instructions that I needed to get a baby in my tummy. He even told me I just need to “prackis” (practice) so I could get a baby in my tummy right now. *wink* This brought on the opportunity to talk about a lot of things the most important being whose tummy he did grow in. I told him this mommy’s always had a hard time getting babies in her tummy and that he didn’t actually grow in my tummy. Just as with his sister at about the same age the wonder of that hit the bulls-eye of intrigue. When I explained the concept of birthmother to him in this very personal way he replied how much he wanted to be with all his family and that “I miss my birfmom very much” with a very sad tone in his voice. He has such a tender little heart and he is all about family right now.

So we spent the evening talking together as a family about the concept of families and looking at scrapbooks. We talked about what makes us a family and what keeps us a family. We talked about what a REAL family is and how we are every bit a real family with real kids and a real mom and dad. It took some time to help my 4 year old understand that your family is always your family even if you don’t live in the same house together and that this element isn’t what creates a happily ever after ending. It also took some time to help his big sister understand what relinquishing parental rights means and how permanent it is and how equally powerful and binding the finalization of an adoption is. It is all time well spent.

I’m constantly amazed at the concept of progression. We learn in stages. My son is now where my daughter was 5 years ago and she’s now moved on to a new level of questions and understanding. Just as my son’s experience with the instant and immediate pain of getting shots, life tends to hold the same lessons. Sometimes the most protective and meaningful ones come with an immediate stab of pain. It’s hard, if not impossible to see the long term benefit of such trials and experiences that shape and mold us as we learn and grow. Once again I find myself in the student’s chair when it comes to being a mom.

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Most of my feelings and some fun shots of being a mom are summed up on my page on my life’s accomplishments. But this one was truly priceless:

We had decided after a 5 year wait for #2 that it wasn’t meant to be and closed our adoption file. Our nearly 5 year old daughter kept praying for that baby brother or sister. 3 days before her 5th birthday we were at the hospital for his birth, which we learned about only 3 days before. This picture was taken right after his first bath (which I got to give him in the hospital nursery). It was the first time Cidnie saw her new baby brother. She wanted so much to touch him through the glass. She couldn’t wait to get him home when she could hold him. This was the first time she held him and she calls this “Happy Tears” because mom was crying happy tears.

My journey to motherhood was an intense ride, but one I wouldn’t change for anything. The love, memories, miracles and growth were all worth it.

Go visit Karen for more special mom moments!

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Kailani just started a fun post to share artwork our kids have done of their families. These are two of my favorites. The first one was when my daughter was 3 and she drew a family that included a baby because she was praying for a baby brother or sister. The next one is just over a year later of her with her new sister that she was still praying for. Her brother arrived with a three day warning and was in our arms on her 5th birthday. We’ve always told her and everyone else that he’s here because she prayed him here. We actually closed our adoption file 3 months before we learned about him but didn’t have the heart to tell her. She never stopped praying and never missed a night for 2 years. I guess she just saw that family that mom and dad couldn’t at the time.

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Well friends, I just received word that my efforts yesterday paid off. A sweet baby girl has found her family through adoption! There just aren’t words to express the joy and satisfaction that stem from these moments. I love so much being able to give something back to the world of adoption that has given me so very much.

As many of you know, my husband and I run HopeToAdopt.com, a website that allows waiting adoptive families to network their information and interest to adopt in hopes of finding a match. Most of the time my involvement in the actual matching and placement process is minimal consisting of filtering and forwarding e-mails, sharing available situations and offering support. Occasionally, I get a call like I did Tuesday evening from an adoption professional in need of help finding a family in a more urgent situation. It always throws my days and life on tilt bringing with it countless phone calls, e-mails, emotions, etc. It’s a big deal with lives hanging in the balance and dealing with equations of unknowns. I seriously don’t know how some of my good friends and associates deal with this day in and day out. Yesterday was so busy for me anyway that the addition of one more really important thing caused many a Calgon moment and a few points where the white surrender flag was on the brink of surfacing. But alas, today it was confirmed that one of our families will be picking up their daughter from the hospital today. And you know what? That makes it ALL worth it.

You never know where and when your service and willing hands will make a difference. I am confident that the answer to many a prayer comes through the hands of willing servants. How grateful I am for the opportunity to help provide answers to prayers, and for all those who have played a role in answering mine.

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Nothing is quite as much fun as raising kids. As parents, you learn more than all your cumulative years put together. Kids have a way of reminding you of all the really important stuff, the stuff that we bury or forget as we grow to adulthood, the stuff that gets lost in the shuffle of daily grind activities. At the end of the day there is nothing as satisfying as being able to discuss with your spouse what really good kids you have as you reflect on the day or recent past. The warmth that comes from their secure smiles, willing hands, loving hugs and kisses are immeasurable. And while we can’t take credit for their good looks, we absolutely can for their happy natures and constant display of feeling safe, secure and loved. They are living what they learn and there aren’t words to express my joy and satisfaction that they are both flourishing.

This picture is one of my recent favorites because it shows my little guy ready and willing to help get the garden ready. I wish I could have taken pictures as he helped me plant seeds yesterday too because that was just awesome. He’d get done with a handful and then wipe his brow telling me what hard work that was and how he need a drink, then he’d go get the glass of water and take a big gulp, turn around and come back for more. He’s also been faithful in the past couple of weeks checking on seedlings planted in the patio garden. His love for learning, helping and growing are so inspiring to me.

My daughter joins in the chorus by continuing to reach out to the less popular kids. She amazes me. Even through the not so nice treatment of the other kids for playing with the less liked of the group, she’s persistent and continues to be a friend to everyone. I am in awe of her strength and her ability to make anyone around her feel comfortable and want to be with her. I think she’s going to be one of those really strong plants that take a little longer to sprout because she’s working on building deep roots. She presents signs of leadership and non-conformity at the tender age of 9 that really amaze me. I think the day is fast approaching when she’ll be “nigh unstoppable.” The day she decides to make learning the words of songs important she’ll take the world by storm with her amazing voice. This kid has some serious potential that is just starting to surface.

The recent night time discussions with my husband have been of how really good our kids are and how grateful we are for them. How considerate, how kind, how helpful and how willing to work both of them are. How much joy they have brought into our lives and how we can’t imagine life without them. There is no doubt in my mind that nothing in this life can or will compare to the joy and success of raising good kids. Kids who WANT to be with us, to spend time with us, to make us proud and happy and who want to be like us. In the end, it’s all that’s really going to matter. I think if we all understood that more we’d remember to make them our focus more than we do. I am confident that all the success in the world cannot and will not compensate for failure in the parenting department, nor will it compare to the joy of success in it.

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Everything in life is progressive, yet I’m constantly amazed at how often I miss this. When you’re looking to the finish line of a particular task, goal or project, it’s easy to get caught up in the current step you’re taking as the one that will get you to that line, even if it’s only the first or second step. But in reality, everything we do in our lives builds more bridges and opportunities down the road. And sometimes we may even abandon a project or path because the step we took didn’t speed us to the finish line, but find that years later those steps still provided progress toward that abandoned or forgotten project. This morning I was reminded of that.
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This morning I was catching up on blog reading from the weekend. This is a good way to start the week, but as I don’t come online much, if at all, during the weekends, it also means I miss out on some blogosphere stuff that happens then. This morning was full of information! One of the posts and responses this morning caused me to reflect on my…for lack of a better description…Internet growth. And I realized that both my experience and my reliance on my brilliant programming husband are things I’ve taken for granted.
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I have so many things to be thankful for, but at the top of my list today is my gratitude for the ability to learn and grow. As I reflect on wisdom gained over my life, I am profoundly grateful for this simple, beautiful gift. In fact, I shudder to consider how incomplete and shallow my life would be without it.
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