So this morning I learned what a trillion dollars looks like, and how a new and unknown element may be the biggest reason for weight gain as well as the inability to lose it.

All in all, a good Monday morning!

This morning I took a moment to walk through my yard and enjoy the simple pleasures; to appreciate newness, marvel at the wonder of creation and drink in the goodness of a new day. Here’s some of what I saw:

So much to do, so little time. Why does that always feel a prevalent theme? The last month has basically been a blur. The new year began with great energy, new projects, renewed focus and confidence. Today, one month has flown by, a lot has changed and I’m trying to regain my focus, balance and perspective. Change is the only constant. Things get better, other things come into view with a need to get better. And so it goes.

I started this post this morning and now nearly twelve hours later I’m getting back to it. That seems to sum up my computer time rather well lately. *snort* I’m so distracted now with achy muscles, fingers and back after an afternoon in the yard that all I can think of is a bubble bath before bed! It was wonderful to work outside though. The ground is perfect after all the rain, and the yard has been neglected for so long! We planted six fruit trees this past week, and I’m getting through my garden spots for spring planting. It’s so fun to have wonderful weather this time of year and to be able to see growth happening all the time.

I’m still trying to balance out some of my schedule and recent time demands. Things are slowly working back down to a simmer and I’m hopeful that a sense of normality will come soon. I’m looking forward to sleeping through the night again. Dexter came home this week and the first few nights have been like life with a newborn again, how quickly you forget. He sure is a cute little pup and everyone’s enjoying having him around.

So at the end of this day I can say things are getting better, and I’m slowly identifying and mapping out the things that still need to get better. Thank heaven the universe demands balance. *wink*

Anyone watching the weather lately knows the southwest has been hit with a monster storm bringing a lot of rain, and wind. We actually had a tornado warning last night and reports of a few touching down in the valley. My home has been blessed to receive a more mild dose of this crazy storm. We’ve had the crazy winds, losing a few window screens but I didn’t lose any trees like some of my neighbors are reporting. I do have a lake in the back yard with more rain expected today:

So all this crazy flooding seems to fit my week’s personal events as well. Between health annoyances, crazy busy calendars, and new responsibilities displacing daily needs, I’m definitely feeling a little waterlogged. The good news is it’s Friday now and I’m feeling like I can now surface for a big gulp of air. The sun will come back and just like the ground will absorb and benefit from all this excess moisture - so will my mind, body and spirit from its current excess too.

It’s easy to complain. It’s too easy too complain. In fact, it’s downright effortless. Even surrounded by countless blessings, one can find themselves huddled in a corner counting off their inconveniences and missing objects. I was reminded of this tonight.

It started with going to the movie with my daughter. She’s reaching the age where she really wants to do more grown up activities, or at least what she perceives as more grown up. She can’t identify why she wants to go to the mall, just that she wants to go. So today we settled on a movie together. Knowing the boys have clear lines drawn about the types of movies they want to see, and asking her to continually sacrifice her own wants when the topic comes up, I offered to take her to a movie today that she would enjoy. So we went to see The Blind Side.

When I got home I found a few more chores waiting for my attention; dinner, laundry and making a bed to name a few. I found myself putting clothes away and thinking to myself how I’d just gotten done doing something for someone else and how nice it would have been if I could have not had to come home and do more. I dreamed of how nice it would be to just do the things I want to do instead of all the things that need done. And just like that, I was complaining. Complaining, while all around me were signs of success: clothes to launder and put away, money for a movie, the convenience of picking up dinner when it’s too late to make something, having a wonderful family of my own to be responsible for. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I suppose I was feeling a little backlash from the abrupt timing of leaving for the movie. Cid had been such a trooper helping without being asked around the house. She’d wanted to go out this morning and I told her I had too many chores to do, so she jumped in helping with a few in the hopes that it might speed things along and leave enough time to do something she wanted. I couldn’t turn her down, she’d earned it. I mean, how many 12 year old girls do you know will clean their 7 year old brother’s disastrous room on their own and be happy about it? I was planning on doing a family movie up until about 5 minutes before plans changed and we had to rush out the door to catch the chick flick. I left my projects in midstream which left me somewhat befuddled, but I’m not sorry; it was quality time with a sweet girl who means the world to me. The movie, based on a true story, brought so much back into focus. A 17 year old boy with nowhere to live, from a broken home, a broken life, a broken family. When a private school’s coach sees his potential athletic ability he pushes to get him admitted to the school despite his low scores and lack of files or other meaningful information. One family acts on seeing him alone in the rain one night and they take him in. What starts out as a short term arrangement ends up as a permanent arrangement and addition to the family with every blessing and wonderful thing that comes with it, including scholarships to college and an eventual position in the NFL - literally a life saved. The story really brought to the forefront the realities of stark comparisons for a life with and a life without, as well as the amazing power of love and kindness. A reminder that we all have so much to give, and there are scores of others waiting for us to recognize that, waiting for a needed lift.

So, I stopped for a moment while putting away clothes and making the bed to think on how much I have. To recognize that I was complaining about having to do the basic things that indicate I have my basic needs met. How silly. I took a moment to realize how blessed I am and how good we have it. I only hope it’s the first of many such reflections in the coming year.

This morning I sat down at my computer a little later than normal. Sometimes I dread Monday mornings because I know I have an entire weekend of computer catch-up; not that it’s all a bad thing I actually enjoy the reminder that the weekend was family time, free time away from the contraption. But I digress. The point is that this morning I found myself a little reflective on the whole process. I updated my Facebook status with a line about how it could already be Monday again which summed up pretty simply how I was feeling.

I caught up on a few news headlines, friends and family updates and my inbox just in time for lunch. Now I’m sitting back here contemplating the same feeling about the way time slips through fingers like sand, how you can’t contain it. I found myself trying to pinpoint thoughts to record today and ended up wondering what I’d written in the past. I went to the first November when I began blogging and this entry struck me like a gong; it described exactly what I needed to hear today. THIS is the reason and wisdom to me in recording your thoughts, you never know what you can learn from yourself if you take the time to record those thoughts and experiences. Today I am the beneficiary of my own advice three years ago:

Staying on top of it all: This is a game I play with myself. I know better, but I still catch myself thinking this way.

So here’s today’s tip: Such control is an illusion.

There is no such thing as staying on top of it all. First of all, the “all” changes constantly, especially during the holidays. Nothing will ever be done forever. Sure, we may get a few projects finished and we may even have moments when we feel a breath of relief over how quiet the moment is with multiple things caught up…but they are just that, moments. Because the ball is always turning, and we’re not super heroes (darn!), that can stay in one place on the moving sphere all the time, we will find ourselves in various positions of the moving beast. Some days I’m on top, other days I’m being chased in front, still others I find myself being flattened underneath and a few choice days I’m on the backside rolling with the momentum in harmony. Of course, then I realize I’m just getting ready to go through a few more positions again! LOL The beauty of this realization is that balance can be achieved simply by recognizing it.

I’m actually writing this for me because here I sit, kicking myself for being four families behind on business cards for our adoption website, thinking about getting those Christmas cards started, wishing I’d hopped in the shower FIRST thing this morning,….oh and bills, I was suppose to remember bills last week???

So I take a deep breath. I write down the things I know to be true, and a short list of things that, if I don’t get done today, will make me feel squashed under the ball tomorrow. I look around and give myself credit for the things that are done, and I pause for a just a moment longer while looking at that pretty Christmas Tree in the living room. It reminds me to slow down and enjoy the process of creating the beauty. I always get caught up in the finish line and consequently I can put insane expectations on myself and find myself missing the enjoyment of doing something for the goal of having it done.

And this alone makes me slow down and reflect on what’s been done. My breathing slows, my anxiety disappears and I smile remembering the fun holiday time I’ve already spent with family - a beautiful Thanksgiving, night time Christmas light displays, putting up some decorations and going to a movie together. I begin to look forward to some other fun things like decorating Gingerbread houses with my kids and watching old Christmas Cartoons together. December will quickly fill up with extra events, parties, programs, etc. If I find myself feeling like I’m running just to check something off the list, then it’s time for me to reduce the list.

So put on some Christmas tunes while you decorate. Listen to them while you blog (when your TV isn’t set to Tom & Jerry or some other great kid show that is), drink in the beauty of the season. And if you need an extra nudge here’s one: Today is only the 28th of November, it’s not even December yet!! *wink* Ahhhhh, that’s a beautiful thing!

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It never ceases to amaze me how often the pattern of feast or famine visits my calendar. My husband and I used to joke about how long you could go without a trip to the airport, but when you finally did it be one of many in a short time. The feast or famine concept exists because so many people can relate to it. I wonder why it is? I find myself wondering how much is really an increase in events and how much is a mental stress that impacts my view of it.

My father-in-law always said, “If you want something done, ask a busy person.”

I used to laugh at that but it’s funny because it’s true. If you want to make sure something gets done, the most likely candidate you can count on for it is someone who’s used to being busy and getting stuff done! Those people have figured out how to prioritize and how to complete tasks. Well, today I’m feeling like a busy person. This morning I was looking at my calendar and I just laughed at the sight of it. It truly displays a feast or famine mentality compared to surrounding weeks.

Hopefully I’ll find some moments to share some of the results of the busy I’m feeling this week. Until then, I just hope I can find plenty of battery recharging stations. *giggle*

I was just reading a friend’s updates on their recent news of tragedy and I couldn’t help myself from thinking about the power of silver linings. I went through my photos to find one that fit.

It’s true. No matter how dark the clouds, how powerful and destructive the storm there is always the hope of rescuing light and peace. Always.

Lately my husband and I have been having a great deal of conversation on the importance and learning curve of finding one’s balance with regards to the many options for using our time in today’s world. Many of our friends are venturing into online activities for the first time and they’re in the spiral of recognizing for themselves the need to establish balance. We’ve been involved for so long that we’ve almost forgot what it was like when everything was new and how easy it is to become unbalanced. And we’re not perfect at it, we’ve just had a lot of practice. *wink*

One thing I keep hearing in conversations and discussions is the extreme view that recent technologies are either evil or good. It’s a silly case because as with all things they’re both because the potential lies with the user and their agency. Some will use it for good, others for evil. In my humble opinion, I think it’s supremely important to remain an active force for good. Which is why I smile inside knowing how many of my younger friends on Facebook may be thinking twice before they post or share something just knowing that I may see it. *giggle*

My first learning curve came in 1999. I was the mother of a beautiful little toddler and an active advocate for adoption. Online activities were starting a real upswing then and I became involved in many boards and forum discussions on the topic of adoption. I entered my first chat room on an adoption website and met a wonderful group of friends, some of whom I remain in contact with today. We were exposed to extreme anti-adoption personalities on the site that would come to stir up a great storm of mud and ugly. I didn’t like it at all, and sometimes it made me sick to my stomach - made me want to run away and hide from it all. But then that rebellious spirit kicked in and I knew I wanted to fight back for good. I started posting more actively on some of the discussions, especially those that were trying to undermine the potential positives of adoption. It was here that I began to cultivate a necessary and wonderful skill of really thinking through what I shared, of being extremely careful of my wording and my shares so they could not be misconstrued. This is doubly important because with text communication there is no body language, facial expression or voice inflection to get your point across or clarify your intent. It was also during this time that I recognized the dangers of being involved in something so interactive. While a TV can keep you entertained for a while, a chat room could get you addicted with a need and desire to come back often and to put off other things because it was interactive; in this relationship you were getting something back for your time making it far too easy to spend too much of it online. I believe it was the day my toddler buttered our Yorkie pup that I realized other duties might be slipping for my time spend visiting online with other adoptive and hopeful adoptive moms. (I fully expect a comment on this from Pookie’s mom!) But it was the day I caught myself telling her “Just one more Elmo” for the 3rd time in a row that I recognized I needed to fix something. I had to step back and begin to limit my time spent interacting with all these wonderful people who shared interests from adoption to religious beliefs and more so I could balance my time spent in the “real” world with my family, neighbors and friends. It was a fantastic and eye-opening learning curve for me and a lesson I’ve never forgotten.

So when blogging hit the scene, I found it much easier to enjoy it without letting it take over my time. I’d already had the learning curve on website forums and chat rooms as well as e-mail groups to help prepare me. Although, it still took some adjusting as it was too easy to spend hours reading other people’s blogs and getting caught up in how many would come read my own. For a while in the beginning it was delightful to see a Technorati rating run up and blogging awards find their way to you. It was easy to lose focus on both my purpose and my time spent there. Again, I met many wonderful friends, many of whom I remain in contact with on a regular basis. My learning curve expanded. So when Facebook exploded I had the advantage of all this learning behind me. It wasn’t a temptation to get involved in quizzes and games that seems to suck away the sands of time from my daily hourglass. I’d already done that with all the blogging memes when they first surfaced. It was a fun way to reconnect with people I grew up with and I dearly love that ability. While some people complain about not caring about what someone is doing, I find it an easy and fast way to interact with them. People who I would not normally run up to and have a conversation because of geographic or time gaps get a simple thumbs up from me or a comment that I hope they’re feeling better if they shared they’ve got a headache - both things that I was unable to do a few years ago. It doesn’t take as much time as e-mail or reading a blog and I like that ability. It is also a great way to develop and extend new friendships with others. Just this past weekend I was able to easily strike up a conversation with someone I’ve never spoken to face to face before simply because I’ve commented and interacted with her on some status updates on Facebook. It melted that first and awkward barrier and the result was wonderful.

All this said, I know many who are currently struggling with their own learning curves. For many of my friends tools like Facebook are their first venture into the online world. It has all the elements of everything I’ve experienced slowly to this point in one place. It is chatting, gaming, socializing and sharing and consequently I hear many friends express shame or worry over how much time they spend there. Each time I tell them the same thing. I tell them of my own experience and how natural it is to have to find your own balance with these modern technologies, but if they are diligent it will come. The first and most important step is simply realizing you’re out of balance because a problem to be fixed must first be seen.

I do worry for our youth who are growing up with all these tools and digital technologies as part of every day life. Their adjustments will be different because there’s no “new” element for them, it’s just life as they know it. I worry that they will sacrifice the blessings that come from personal interaction and service because it’s more comfortable to sit and text or visit online. I worry that they seem to be missing important lessons such as not sharing or posting information that doesn’t belong to you be it news or photos. I worry that they won’t be able to see the long term impact of sharing something silly when they’re mad or just feeling silly. I worry that they don’t understand what it means to “share” in today’s world; that they are providing proof for anyone to use for or against them. And I worry most because I see their parents struggling to learn these same lessons. My husband keeps telling me it’s time to expand my charm school training into an e-etiquette course! Maybe he’s right. *smirk*

So for all the positive, there is equal negative. It was ever thus. I just feel a need to share that it is what we make it. A private family blog can be the most wonderful and easy way to retain valuable communication and record family histories. It’s the best of both worlds because journaling and scrapbooking can be combined. Now you can even click on an option to have your entire blog published into a beautiful hardback book. These tools can make important things easier and within the reach of everyone. That same blog can also be a source of hurt and exclusion if what is shared is not done with care.

Although there are times when many of us would love nothing more than to be separated from this crazy world we live in, we are not here to be excluded. We are here to learn how to live in this world and grow, how to develop self control and positive traits, in short to learn how to become better people. It’s not easy, but it can be done. Balance can be found if it is sought after. Life is rich when it is obtained. Our ancestors have all experienced it. I’m sure the radio was an addiction in its day the same as TV and every other enhancement and advancement that’s come along. In so many ways striking balance is at the heart of our feeling successful and satisfied. As long as we don’t lose sight of that every tool that comes down the pike will be an advantage for us.

I’m constantly amazed at the satisfaction and boost it is to get simple things done. I tend to think about the things that need done so often that I’ve done them at least a hundred times in my head before I actually get the job that only takes once to be done. What a waste of energy.

I’ve been learning how much easier it is to tell my kids yes instead of no and the benefits far outweigh the inconvenience. For example, a few weeks ago I was doing something when my son came to me and asked if I’d please make him his favorite cookies. My first thought was no, I’m doing something right now. But I’ve been working on retraining myself to that initial reaction by asking why not and how long will it really take, so instead I said yes. I dropped what I was working on and spent the next 15-20 minutes making him his favorite no bake, chocolate oatmeal cookies. Not only did I have a very happy boy, it saved me hours of nagging and interruptions. I went back to my previous task and completed it with a smile on my face knowing I’d taken time to do something that really mattered. If there were any doubt, my son confirmed this simple act with multiple verbal thanks that night and at bed time told me how he loved me with a hundred hearts and I was the best mom he ever had. Those moments are beyond price and they cost me only 15 minutes of readjusting my expectations. It takes so little to move mountains in the home.

Inspired with such simple successes in the kitchen I tried on a few things I’ve been putting off like baking bread from scratch and juicing fruit. I threw a new twist on my banana bread by cooking a large batch in a bunt cake pan. I’ve made several batches of homemade bread now and look forward to exploring new and different recipes. A little success goes a long way!

I grew up with a mother who did a lot of home canning and preservation of foods. I burned her homemade bread when left on watch. I learned how to do things with her tools and I’ve put off doing similar things in my own home for the excuse that I don’t have all the same tools like her steamer juicer. But last week I picked up all those guava that fell of the tree and juiced them. It’s not hard to cook the fruit until tender and create a makeshift drainer. I used my strainer over a bowl and one of my old flour sack dish towels to strain and squeeze the cooked fruit.

I have fruit in bottles in my fridge for immediate use and ice cubes for future use. I can’t tell you how this simple thing lifted my spirits compared to last year’s efforts of picking them up, keeping them on the counter for a few days and eventually throwing the spoiled fruit away.

Other tasks are easier to see and therefore procrastinate, like my floors. With a little unplanned motivation last week I steam cleaned my family room carpet which led to finishing the job on the tile. Have I mentioned how much I love my steamers? Or how much I love seeing the ‘after’ clean from the ‘before’ dirt?

This Saturday, I’ll drop off what feels like a garage full of bags and boxes from the deep clean of forbidden closets and corners of my home. It’s so nice to feel the space and organization when all the clutter is gone.

Little by little things are getting done and that’s my whole point. It doesn’t have to be a marathon event or everything done at one time. Just taking the few minutes here and there to do one thing that’s needing done or bugging you can do so much for your self esteem and motivation. I’ve only recently been let in on the great secret that it’s never done. So I’m not worrying anymore about getting everything ‘done’, I’m focusing instead on completing a few tasks when they come up. There’s much to be said for obtaining balance with this mentality from making cookies to playing a game or reading a story with your kids to clearing out that one junk drawer that’s taking over to preserving instead of throwing out the fruit you didn’t get to before it over ripened. I no longer look at my calendar to see everything I have to get done this week or this month. The lists are taking a much needed sabbatical and I’m retraining myself to keep the little things little, but important enough to get done. I wish I could put into words how amazed I constantly am at how much more I get done and how little time it takes to do most things. At the end of the day I’m learning the value of the lesson to just do it!