It’s a lesson I have to keep teaching myself: it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.

Allow me to expound. I’m impatient, plain and simple. I want what I want and I want it right now. I tend to get frustrated when this plan is interrupted. Enter the lesson of the journey - the interruptions are the entire point; the very reason and way we learn from this life and all we experience here. It’s why the advice “Come what may and love it” is so choice. Easier said than done, makes this the very reason I used the word “keep” to describe my process of learning this lesson.

The amazing thing is to realize how much stress is created by the simple plan of instant gratification. I find it also feeds procrastination and failure. Here’s how: Take any project/journey and think about the end result you want. The natural instinct is to not only want it complete, perfect and finished but consequently to put off any report on progress, etc. until that point is reached. How often does that result happen? Therefore both procrastination and failure are fed by the mere anxiety to have instant, complete, perfected and finished results not to mention the level of blood pressure and stress generated around the frustration of this impossible goal.

Case in point, this month my family moved to a new state and a home. A big task to be sure, but the bigger giant is my battle against wanting so much to have everything “done” - a reality, that when examined shows that there is no such thing! Here’s the good news, several years ago I wouldn’t have been willing to post or share anything of my progress because I would have been waiting for the finished, perfected end result first. This incidentally is why my photo albums and journaling efforts fall flat.

Here’s the skinny, it’s not all done. I have several things that are awaiting the next step like purchasing some canvas boxes to help create a pantry and other storage areas for all the things I can’t quite find a spot for yet. But progress is being made. Who knows, maybe this process will even result in some posts and shares about creative ways I found to store a lot of stuff in not so much space! In the meantime I am reminding myself to smile with each step in the journey.

Well, it’s official. I took an offer yesterday to return to the working world. I’ll go in a few hours this week and start on Monday.

Don’t feel left out, this was really out of the blue for me too. Suffice it to say, I wasn’t looking for work. The possibility landed in my lap and after exploring it, everything just feels right, so I’m taking the leap. The people are top notch, the opportunity is high and the skill set is right up my alley. All that office administration, organizing, computing, etc., etc., etc.

It’s not like I need more to do, but I swear the stars were just lining up for this and in a time when so many I know and love are struggling to find jobs, keep jobs, or change jobs I just can’t walk away from an amazing opportunity. Now that the shock is over I’m really excited to dig in!

I’m hoping that my new schedule will help me be even more productive with my time. I haven’t had to balance these scales of activity for some 15 years so it will take some time, but I think it’s going to be really great. Taylor isn’t quite on board yet, but he’s going to have to experience it before he can comprehend it. His reaction was less than optimal with a few tears and response that I couldn’t go to work because I needed to be just his mom. We’ve tried to explain that my hours fit within his schools schedule so outside of summer he’ll never even know I’m gone, but he’ll have none of it yet. I think once he can experience it he’ll be able to understand that I can go to work and still be his mom too. Cidnie was a little resistant at first but got right on board with a little explanation and is excited for me. She asked me every day last week if I’d gotten the job and when I did if she could tell people.

So a new adventure begins.

So this morning I learned what a trillion dollars looks like, and how a new and unknown element may be the biggest reason for weight gain as well as the inability to lose it.

All in all, a good Monday morning!

This morning I took a moment to walk through my yard and enjoy the simple pleasures; to appreciate newness, marvel at the wonder of creation and drink in the goodness of a new day. Here’s some of what I saw:

So much to do, so little time. Why does that always feel a prevalent theme? The last month has basically been a blur. The new year began with great energy, new projects, renewed focus and confidence. Today, one month has flown by, a lot has changed and I’m trying to regain my focus, balance and perspective. Change is the only constant. Things get better, other things come into view with a need to get better. And so it goes.

I started this post this morning and now nearly twelve hours later I’m getting back to it. That seems to sum up my computer time rather well lately. *snort* I’m so distracted now with achy muscles, fingers and back after an afternoon in the yard that all I can think of is a bubble bath before bed! It was wonderful to work outside though. The ground is perfect after all the rain, and the yard has been neglected for so long! We planted six fruit trees this past week, and I’m getting through my garden spots for spring planting. It’s so fun to have wonderful weather this time of year and to be able to see growth happening all the time.

I’m still trying to balance out some of my schedule and recent time demands. Things are slowly working back down to a simmer and I’m hopeful that a sense of normality will come soon. I’m looking forward to sleeping through the night again. Dexter came home this week and the first few nights have been like life with a newborn again, how quickly you forget. He sure is a cute little pup and everyone’s enjoying having him around.

So at the end of this day I can say things are getting better, and I’m slowly identifying and mapping out the things that still need to get better. Thank heaven the universe demands balance. *wink*

Anyone watching the weather lately knows the southwest has been hit with a monster storm bringing a lot of rain, and wind. We actually had a tornado warning last night and reports of a few touching down in the valley. My home has been blessed to receive a more mild dose of this crazy storm. We’ve had the crazy winds, losing a few window screens but I didn’t lose any trees like some of my neighbors are reporting. I do have a lake in the back yard with more rain expected today:

So all this crazy flooding seems to fit my week’s personal events as well. Between health annoyances, crazy busy calendars, and new responsibilities displacing daily needs, I’m definitely feeling a little waterlogged. The good news is it’s Friday now and I’m feeling like I can now surface for a big gulp of air. The sun will come back and just like the ground will absorb and benefit from all this excess moisture - so will my mind, body and spirit from its current excess too.

It’s easy to complain. It’s too easy too complain. In fact, it’s downright effortless. Even surrounded by countless blessings, one can find themselves huddled in a corner counting off their inconveniences and missing objects. I was reminded of this tonight.

It started with going to the movie with my daughter. She’s reaching the age where she really wants to do more grown up activities, or at least what she perceives as more grown up. She can’t identify why she wants to go to the mall, just that she wants to go. So today we settled on a movie together. Knowing the boys have clear lines drawn about the types of movies they want to see, and asking her to continually sacrifice her own wants when the topic comes up, I offered to take her to a movie today that she would enjoy. So we went to see The Blind Side.

When I got home I found a few more chores waiting for my attention; dinner, laundry and making a bed to name a few. I found myself putting clothes away and thinking to myself how I’d just gotten done doing something for someone else and how nice it would have been if I could have not had to come home and do more. I dreamed of how nice it would be to just do the things I want to do instead of all the things that need done. And just like that, I was complaining. Complaining, while all around me were signs of success: clothes to launder and put away, money for a movie, the convenience of picking up dinner when it’s too late to make something, having a wonderful family of my own to be responsible for. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I suppose I was feeling a little backlash from the abrupt timing of leaving for the movie. Cid had been such a trooper helping without being asked around the house. She’d wanted to go out this morning and I told her I had too many chores to do, so she jumped in helping with a few in the hopes that it might speed things along and leave enough time to do something she wanted. I couldn’t turn her down, she’d earned it. I mean, how many 12 year old girls do you know will clean their 7 year old brother’s disastrous room on their own and be happy about it? I was planning on doing a family movie up until about 5 minutes before plans changed and we had to rush out the door to catch the chick flick. I left my projects in midstream which left me somewhat befuddled, but I’m not sorry; it was quality time with a sweet girl who means the world to me. The movie, based on a true story, brought so much back into focus. A 17 year old boy with nowhere to live, from a broken home, a broken life, a broken family. When a private school’s coach sees his potential athletic ability he pushes to get him admitted to the school despite his low scores and lack of files or other meaningful information. One family acts on seeing him alone in the rain one night and they take him in. What starts out as a short term arrangement ends up as a permanent arrangement and addition to the family with every blessing and wonderful thing that comes with it, including scholarships to college and an eventual position in the NFL - literally a life saved. The story really brought to the forefront the realities of stark comparisons for a life with and a life without, as well as the amazing power of love and kindness. A reminder that we all have so much to give, and there are scores of others waiting for us to recognize that, waiting for a needed lift.

So, I stopped for a moment while putting away clothes and making the bed to think on how much I have. To recognize that I was complaining about having to do the basic things that indicate I have my basic needs met. How silly. I took a moment to realize how blessed I am and how good we have it. I only hope it’s the first of many such reflections in the coming year.

This morning I sat down at my computer a little later than normal. Sometimes I dread Monday mornings because I know I have an entire weekend of computer catch-up; not that it’s all a bad thing I actually enjoy the reminder that the weekend was family time, free time away from the contraption. But I digress. The point is that this morning I found myself a little reflective on the whole process. I updated my Facebook status with a line about how it could already be Monday again which summed up pretty simply how I was feeling.

I caught up on a few news headlines, friends and family updates and my inbox just in time for lunch. Now I’m sitting back here contemplating the same feeling about the way time slips through fingers like sand, how you can’t contain it. I found myself trying to pinpoint thoughts to record today and ended up wondering what I’d written in the past. I went to the first November when I began blogging and this entry struck me like a gong; it described exactly what I needed to hear today. THIS is the reason and wisdom to me in recording your thoughts, you never know what you can learn from yourself if you take the time to record those thoughts and experiences. Today I am the beneficiary of my own advice three years ago:

Staying on top of it all: This is a game I play with myself. I know better, but I still catch myself thinking this way.

So here’s today’s tip: Such control is an illusion.

There is no such thing as staying on top of it all. First of all, the “all” changes constantly, especially during the holidays. Nothing will ever be done forever. Sure, we may get a few projects finished and we may even have moments when we feel a breath of relief over how quiet the moment is with multiple things caught up…but they are just that, moments. Because the ball is always turning, and we’re not super heroes (darn!), that can stay in one place on the moving sphere all the time, we will find ourselves in various positions of the moving beast. Some days I’m on top, other days I’m being chased in front, still others I find myself being flattened underneath and a few choice days I’m on the backside rolling with the momentum in harmony. Of course, then I realize I’m just getting ready to go through a few more positions again! LOL The beauty of this realization is that balance can be achieved simply by recognizing it.

I’m actually writing this for me because here I sit, kicking myself for being four families behind on business cards for our adoption website, thinking about getting those Christmas cards started, wishing I’d hopped in the shower FIRST thing this morning,….oh and bills, I was suppose to remember bills last week???

So I take a deep breath. I write down the things I know to be true, and a short list of things that, if I don’t get done today, will make me feel squashed under the ball tomorrow. I look around and give myself credit for the things that are done, and I pause for a just a moment longer while looking at that pretty Christmas Tree in the living room. It reminds me to slow down and enjoy the process of creating the beauty. I always get caught up in the finish line and consequently I can put insane expectations on myself and find myself missing the enjoyment of doing something for the goal of having it done.

And this alone makes me slow down and reflect on what’s been done. My breathing slows, my anxiety disappears and I smile remembering the fun holiday time I’ve already spent with family - a beautiful Thanksgiving, night time Christmas light displays, putting up some decorations and going to a movie together. I begin to look forward to some other fun things like decorating Gingerbread houses with my kids and watching old Christmas Cartoons together. December will quickly fill up with extra events, parties, programs, etc. If I find myself feeling like I’m running just to check something off the list, then it’s time for me to reduce the list.

So put on some Christmas tunes while you decorate. Listen to them while you blog (when your TV isn’t set to Tom & Jerry or some other great kid show that is), drink in the beauty of the season. And if you need an extra nudge here’s one: Today is only the 28th of November, it’s not even December yet!! *wink* Ahhhhh, that’s a beautiful thing!

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It never ceases to amaze me how often the pattern of feast or famine visits my calendar. My husband and I used to joke about how long you could go without a trip to the airport, but when you finally did it be one of many in a short time. The feast or famine concept exists because so many people can relate to it. I wonder why it is? I find myself wondering how much is really an increase in events and how much is a mental stress that impacts my view of it.

My father-in-law always said, “If you want something done, ask a busy person.”

I used to laugh at that but it’s funny because it’s true. If you want to make sure something gets done, the most likely candidate you can count on for it is someone who’s used to being busy and getting stuff done! Those people have figured out how to prioritize and how to complete tasks. Well, today I’m feeling like a busy person. This morning I was looking at my calendar and I just laughed at the sight of it. It truly displays a feast or famine mentality compared to surrounding weeks.

Hopefully I’ll find some moments to share some of the results of the busy I’m feeling this week. Until then, I just hope I can find plenty of battery recharging stations. *giggle*

I was just reading a friend’s updates on their recent news of tragedy and I couldn’t help myself from thinking about the power of silver linings. I went through my photos to find one that fit.

It’s true. No matter how dark the clouds, how powerful and destructive the storm there is always the hope of rescuing light and peace. Always.