Lately my husband and I have been having a great deal of conversation on the importance and learning curve of finding one’s balance with regards to the many options for using our time in today’s world. Many of our friends are venturing into online activities for the first time and they’re in the spiral of recognizing for themselves the need to establish balance. We’ve been involved for so long that we’ve almost forgot what it was like when everything was new and how easy it is to become unbalanced. And we’re not perfect at it, we’ve just had a lot of practice. *wink*

One thing I keep hearing in conversations and discussions is the extreme view that recent technologies are either evil or good. It’s a silly case because as with all things they’re both because the potential lies with the user and their agency. Some will use it for good, others for evil. In my humble opinion, I think it’s supremely important to remain an active force for good. Which is why I smile inside knowing how many of my younger friends on Facebook may be thinking twice before they post or share something just knowing that I may see it. *giggle*

My first learning curve came in 1999. I was the mother of a beautiful little toddler and an active advocate for adoption. Online activities were starting a real upswing then and I became involved in many boards and forum discussions on the topic of adoption. I entered my first chat room on an adoption website and met a wonderful group of friends, some of whom I remain in contact with today. We were exposed to extreme anti-adoption personalities on the site that would come to stir up a great storm of mud and ugly. I didn’t like it at all, and sometimes it made me sick to my stomach - made me want to run away and hide from it all. But then that rebellious spirit kicked in and I knew I wanted to fight back for good. I started posting more actively on some of the discussions, especially those that were trying to undermine the potential positives of adoption. It was here that I began to cultivate a necessary and wonderful skill of really thinking through what I shared, of being extremely careful of my wording and my shares so they could not be misconstrued. This is doubly important because with text communication there is no body language, facial expression or voice inflection to get your point across or clarify your intent. It was also during this time that I recognized the dangers of being involved in something so interactive. While a TV can keep you entertained for a while, a chat room could get you addicted with a need and desire to come back often and to put off other things because it was interactive; in this relationship you were getting something back for your time making it far too easy to spend too much of it online. I believe it was the day my toddler buttered our Yorkie pup that I realized other duties might be slipping for my time spend visiting online with other adoptive and hopeful adoptive moms. (I fully expect a comment on this from Pookie’s mom!) But it was the day I caught myself telling her “Just one more Elmo” for the 3rd time in a row that I recognized I needed to fix something. I had to step back and begin to limit my time spent interacting with all these wonderful people who shared interests from adoption to religious beliefs and more so I could balance my time spent in the “real” world with my family, neighbors and friends. It was a fantastic and eye-opening learning curve for me and a lesson I’ve never forgotten.

So when blogging hit the scene, I found it much easier to enjoy it without letting it take over my time. I’d already had the learning curve on website forums and chat rooms as well as e-mail groups to help prepare me. Although, it still took some adjusting as it was too easy to spend hours reading other people’s blogs and getting caught up in how many would come read my own. For a while in the beginning it was delightful to see a Technorati rating run up and blogging awards find their way to you. It was easy to lose focus on both my purpose and my time spent there. Again, I met many wonderful friends, many of whom I remain in contact with on a regular basis. My learning curve expanded. So when Facebook exploded I had the advantage of all this learning behind me. It wasn’t a temptation to get involved in quizzes and games that seems to suck away the sands of time from my daily hourglass. I’d already done that with all the blogging memes when they first surfaced. It was a fun way to reconnect with people I grew up with and I dearly love that ability. While some people complain about not caring about what someone is doing, I find it an easy and fast way to interact with them. People who I would not normally run up to and have a conversation because of geographic or time gaps get a simple thumbs up from me or a comment that I hope they’re feeling better if they shared they’ve got a headache - both things that I was unable to do a few years ago. It doesn’t take as much time as e-mail or reading a blog and I like that ability. It is also a great way to develop and extend new friendships with others. Just this past weekend I was able to easily strike up a conversation with someone I’ve never spoken to face to face before simply because I’ve commented and interacted with her on some status updates on Facebook. It melted that first and awkward barrier and the result was wonderful.

All this said, I know many who are currently struggling with their own learning curves. For many of my friends tools like Facebook are their first venture into the online world. It has all the elements of everything I’ve experienced slowly to this point in one place. It is chatting, gaming, socializing and sharing and consequently I hear many friends express shame or worry over how much time they spend there. Each time I tell them the same thing. I tell them of my own experience and how natural it is to have to find your own balance with these modern technologies, but if they are diligent it will come. The first and most important step is simply realizing you’re out of balance because a problem to be fixed must first be seen.

I do worry for our youth who are growing up with all these tools and digital technologies as part of every day life. Their adjustments will be different because there’s no “new” element for them, it’s just life as they know it. I worry that they will sacrifice the blessings that come from personal interaction and service because it’s more comfortable to sit and text or visit online. I worry that they seem to be missing important lessons such as not sharing or posting information that doesn’t belong to you be it news or photos. I worry that they won’t be able to see the long term impact of sharing something silly when they’re mad or just feeling silly. I worry that they don’t understand what it means to “share” in today’s world; that they are providing proof for anyone to use for or against them. And I worry most because I see their parents struggling to learn these same lessons. My husband keeps telling me it’s time to expand my charm school training into an e-etiquette course! Maybe he’s right. *smirk*

So for all the positive, there is equal negative. It was ever thus. I just feel a need to share that it is what we make it. A private family blog can be the most wonderful and easy way to retain valuable communication and record family histories. It’s the best of both worlds because journaling and scrapbooking can be combined. Now you can even click on an option to have your entire blog published into a beautiful hardback book. These tools can make important things easier and within the reach of everyone. That same blog can also be a source of hurt and exclusion if what is shared is not done with care.

Although there are times when many of us would love nothing more than to be separated from this crazy world we live in, we are not here to be excluded. We are here to learn how to live in this world and grow, how to develop self control and positive traits, in short to learn how to become better people. It’s not easy, but it can be done. Balance can be found if it is sought after. Life is rich when it is obtained. Our ancestors have all experienced it. I’m sure the radio was an addiction in its day the same as TV and every other enhancement and advancement that’s come along. In so many ways striking balance is at the heart of our feeling successful and satisfied. As long as we don’t lose sight of that every tool that comes down the pike will be an advantage for us.

I’m constantly amazed at the satisfaction and boost it is to get simple things done. I tend to think about the things that need done so often that I’ve done them at least a hundred times in my head before I actually get the job that only takes once to be done. What a waste of energy.

I’ve been learning how much easier it is to tell my kids yes instead of no and the benefits far outweigh the inconvenience. For example, a few weeks ago I was doing something when my son came to me and asked if I’d please make him his favorite cookies. My first thought was no, I’m doing something right now. But I’ve been working on retraining myself to that initial reaction by asking why not and how long will it really take, so instead I said yes. I dropped what I was working on and spent the next 15-20 minutes making him his favorite no bake, chocolate oatmeal cookies. Not only did I have a very happy boy, it saved me hours of nagging and interruptions. I went back to my previous task and completed it with a smile on my face knowing I’d taken time to do something that really mattered. If there were any doubt, my son confirmed this simple act with multiple verbal thanks that night and at bed time told me how he loved me with a hundred hearts and I was the best mom he ever had. Those moments are beyond price and they cost me only 15 minutes of readjusting my expectations. It takes so little to move mountains in the home.

Inspired with such simple successes in the kitchen I tried on a few things I’ve been putting off like baking bread from scratch and juicing fruit. I threw a new twist on my banana bread by cooking a large batch in a bunt cake pan. I’ve made several batches of homemade bread now and look forward to exploring new and different recipes. A little success goes a long way!

I grew up with a mother who did a lot of home canning and preservation of foods. I burned her homemade bread when left on watch. I learned how to do things with her tools and I’ve put off doing similar things in my own home for the excuse that I don’t have all the same tools like her steamer juicer. But last week I picked up all those guava that fell of the tree and juiced them. It’s not hard to cook the fruit until tender and create a makeshift drainer. I used my strainer over a bowl and one of my old flour sack dish towels to strain and squeeze the cooked fruit.

I have fruit in bottles in my fridge for immediate use and ice cubes for future use. I can’t tell you how this simple thing lifted my spirits compared to last year’s efforts of picking them up, keeping them on the counter for a few days and eventually throwing the spoiled fruit away.

Other tasks are easier to see and therefore procrastinate, like my floors. With a little unplanned motivation last week I steam cleaned my family room carpet which led to finishing the job on the tile. Have I mentioned how much I love my steamers? Or how much I love seeing the ‘after’ clean from the ‘before’ dirt?

This Saturday, I’ll drop off what feels like a garage full of bags and boxes from the deep clean of forbidden closets and corners of my home. It’s so nice to feel the space and organization when all the clutter is gone.

Little by little things are getting done and that’s my whole point. It doesn’t have to be a marathon event or everything done at one time. Just taking the few minutes here and there to do one thing that’s needing done or bugging you can do so much for your self esteem and motivation. I’ve only recently been let in on the great secret that it’s never done. So I’m not worrying anymore about getting everything ‘done’, I’m focusing instead on completing a few tasks when they come up. There’s much to be said for obtaining balance with this mentality from making cookies to playing a game or reading a story with your kids to clearing out that one junk drawer that’s taking over to preserving instead of throwing out the fruit you didn’t get to before it over ripened. I no longer look at my calendar to see everything I have to get done this week or this month. The lists are taking a much needed sabbatical and I’m retraining myself to keep the little things little, but important enough to get done. I wish I could put into words how amazed I constantly am at how much more I get done and how little time it takes to do most things. At the end of the day I’m learning the value of the lesson to just do it!

I’m always saying that the only constant in the universe is change. I really believe that. It seems that as soon as you find an answer the question changed, or as soon as you feel like you figured something out the rules or game changed. I think if my shoes represented these constant shifts I’d need several rooms to accommodate all the changes!

Today I’m reflective on the power of change. It seems that so many around me are struggling with major life changes. From new additions to separations from death or divorce, financial strain and everything in between, I have so many loved ones and friends currently experiencing the gamut that comes with these roller coaster rides. I find myself looking over my shoulder to see why I’m currently being shielded from something disastrous. I recognize that the majority of the answer is found in the various times and seasons of life, but I still feel the impact of all that’s happening around me. I find myself thinking on what I can do to prepare and fortify for the coming seasons in my own life; gearing up to be the parent of a teen, watching debilitating and terminal illness eat away at parents and grandparents, etc. I’ve weathered some personal storms in the past, I know there will be more in the future. 40 is dangerously close, definitely closer and faster than I ever dreamed possible. In so many ways I still feel like that same girl I knew at 18, I wonder if I’ll ever feel as old as the calendar says I am?

Last year at this time I was thinking on the changes of having both of kids in school the entire day. My first instinct was to fill my time with school studies. It seemed logical. I enjoy elements of law and through our adoption experiences I started thinking maybe getting a law degree would be just right for me. I was excited and anxious as I gathered more information. But the more research I did the less settled I felt. A few months ago I decided that now is not the time for me to pursue this. For one thing I’d be getting a law degree to use it and my goal isn’t work, for another I’ve already sacrificed so much to stay home with my kids I can’t see risking any of that now when they will likely need me at home and that stability more than ever in their lives. So I decided instead to beef up my reading list and educational activities at home.

Yesterday I received another curve ball. Hindsight shows my previous decision to not jump back into school right away lines up for this new change. I took my daughter to an audition this past Saturday to appease her many requests to go back for some. The reader’s digest, condensed version of this story is a birthday gift when she turned 7 blew up in my face. We let her run with it for just over a year carefully avoiding blue smoke grenades and doing our best to avoid landmines. Well, the little stink proved it wasn’t all blue smoke with her NY convention but with mom getting sucked into the career path alongside her and a two year old at home a white flag was raised and mom gracefully bowed out for a “rest”, promising her daughter that when the time was right she’d take her back for some auditions. Last Saturday I made good on that promise and yesterday she got a call back from it. We met with the talent manager last night and it looks like we’re off to the next step. New headshots are on the horizon as well as a manager marketing her for potential work in LA. Looks like travel might be in my near future. Good thing I’m not knee deep into my own schooling eh?

So again I reiterate, change is the only constant. What I wouldn’t give for a few seconds with a crystal ball. What does your future hold my Cidderbug?

For a while I thought it was lost, but lately I’ve determined that I’m not losing time I simply can’t catch it. I think I’m on an eternal treadmill. I’ve been trying to find a few minutes to sit down and share some meaningful posts for at least a month now. All’s not lost, at least I can keep up skipping style thanks to Facebook and Gmail, and my iPhone. I love technology.

How do you get off the treadmill? What works for you?

To those who know me, it is no surprise that I’m counting down to Friday this week to see Wolverine, and not just because I really enjoy X-Men and the Wolverine character but also because of the actor playing him, Hugh Jackman. So this morning when I was browsing news headlines and saw one of the rave reviews of the new movie, I had to read more. The article dubbed him “sexy beast” and gave him credit for the amazing success of the movie. I saw a video/interview clip on the news page and clicked on it. Here I listened to Hugh answer questions about his physique and the recent title of “sexiest man alive” and all the reasons why I enjoy watching him most came to surface. In short, Hugh re-defined the meaning of being defined and at the heart of his message was how important knowing who you are inside matters most. Few actors can live up to the words, but to me Hugh is an exception. His self-confidence is securely founded in his comfort of knowing and liking who he is as a person. It’s what separates him from many of his peers and it’s what you see that is so charming in the way he handles all the attention, not to mention balance it with his personal family life of husband and father. Everything about him screams comfort with who he is, what he does and the way he shares his talents.

At any rate, as I listened to him describe his definition of value and interest in a person I had to reflect on the simple message and truth of it. One of my favorite quotes was one I heard years ago from Thomas S. Monson and says:

“In decision making, ask not “What will others think?” but rather “What will I think of myself?…”

When everything is swept away, what you think of yourself remains. You can’t escape it, it’s something you must live with every day of your life. When you don’t like who you are misery is sure to abound. When you do, peace and happiness flourish. Many attempt to substitute immediate pleasure for this desired happiness, but they will forever fall short because there are no shortcuts. When decisions are made for the benefit of others, the foundation for personal happiness is eroded and a frenzied focus on self and the appearance of that self results. There is no time for thinking of others, only of self and the constant danger of a facade being unmasked. I can think of no better definition of misery.

Now, I just need to master that question before I make the decision to give into the whim for junk food! Baby steps. *wink*

Two and a half years ago we decided to cut TV out of our home life. There was a little trepidation and a great deal of uncertainty at the time. Further, right up to that point I would have been the first one to get in your face and tell you how little TV we watched and how much we controlled it with our DVR/Tivo. At any rate we decided to pull the plug to all local, cable and satellite broadcasting.

There have been several surprises as a result. I hadn’t realized how much worldly influence penetrates our homes through that TV. It’s so gradual and sneaky that only when it was completely cut off did we see it. I was pleasantly surprised Blake and I never missed it, we’d expected the break to be difficult. The kids struggled for the first couple of weeks. Today they are so good about balancing their free time with activities beyond the TV screen and I don’t hear anymore about all the things they just have to have from all the commercials. They still enjoy so much of what TV has to offer, but now it’s more controlled and less immediate. In short, we got so many more positives than we were expecting that I still reel from the knowledge that it’s all spun from a single decision.

Today I’m thinking on how much my new remotes have given me by way of control and enjoyment and how glad I am that I switched to them. Two primary ones come to mind. The first is Netflix. The second is my computer. We set up our Netflix with three users, Blake and I share one queue, Cidnie has her own and so does Taylor. The fun part about Netfix is that the kids feel a sense of control about what they want to watch. In a very real way, this has replaced their TV remote. The queues can be updated any time and there’s no limit to how many DVDs you can put there and there are parental controls for ratings/content. The movies come to you via mail and you simply return them the same way, there’s no late fees or time constraints; you get your new movie when you return your previous one. We can all enjoy these on our big screen and in the comfort of our living room. We’re simply controlling both the show content and eliminating all the commercials. Recently, I’ve been showing the kids how to add TV series into their queues. These are fun because there will be several episodes per disc and fun for me too because we get a lot of old TV shows. Last night we watched the pilot episode of Fantasy Island and they loved it. I laughed when I put together how much Hugh Jackman looks like a young Bill Bixby. No wonder I loved the Incredible Hulk as a girl! *swoon* Back to the point, another major positive for me is not being responsible for housing and storing all the discs. I truly hate this element of owning movies and DVDs. When I’m not putting back the hundreds of movies the kids have displaced looking for one, I’m cursing how many have been so scratched that they don’t play right if at all. It makes me cranky.

Here’s where my second new remote device comes into play. My iMac is amazing with graphics and all I need with it is a good internet connection. I have two options with my computer. First, I can watch TV programs online for free through sites like hulu.com. Second, I can use iTunes to organize my purchased content. The online TV has limited commercial interruption and while the new shows have great graphic quality the old ones are pretty rough. I should add that Netflix is now adding this feature in increments to their site so you can watch some content online. iTunes fixes the quality and commercial issue but adds the need to download and store the content. However, I’m confident it’s only a matter of time before someone will figure out how to merge all the benefits into one tool for consumers. One of the great benefits of this era is enjoying so much control over so many options. I’m no longer at the mercy of a big broadcasting company. I’m also no longer forced into ownership as the only option to enjoy programs I may want to see again but not enough to justify owning it.

I’ve found that the only thing we lost when we cut the TV out of our home was all the unwanted and “filler” tripe. However, what we’ve gained defies measure. I truly believe in today’s world more and more parents will have to make some tough and big decisions to help fortify their homes and moral influence on their children. I’m so glad we made this one when we did. I can’t get back the wasted time spent in the years before we cut the cord, but I can make the most of now and that’s worth a lot.

P.S. I just checked out Netflix and see they have a new $99 device that does exactly what I just described. I knew it was just a matter of time.

This morning I was out planting my garden. I looked over and saw something that struck several thoughts in my head and heart. Inspired, I grabbed the camera.

Now the question is, what do you see?

If you’re anything like me you see beauty in this simple flower. The fact that is was a singular flower contributed to my attention being pulled to it. Having read a bit of the history of this specific type of flower there’s a certain amount of awe as well. It’s been around since the dinosaur age according to some specialists. It’s a hardy flower that manages to survive and thrive, and according to Robert Fulgham it deserves to bloom wherever it pops up given how long it’s worked to stay around. Funny how I always think of him and his books when I see any form of dandelion.

Just saying the word dandelion may have already altered you view of this picture. But wait, there’s more. What do you see now?

How amazing is that? Something with a focused and narrow perspective that was once beautiful and inviting becomes something quite different when you see more of the picture.

So here are a few things that hit me immediately:
1) Seeing more of the picture can greatly alter your perspective.
2) A narrow focus or view can greatly alter your perceptions and beliefs.
3) Even in the most unsightly and ugly, beauty can be found.
4) Company and environment have a huge influence.
5) Determination matters more than almost any other element.

Each of these is worthy of its own post. What hit you? What did you think of when you saw the images?

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Last Saturday we spent the morning involving the kids in household chores and cleaning. I started with the messy job of cleaning of the fish tank. This worked great because it’s a less common and frequent chore and the kids thought it was great fun. At any rate, when we were done, I noticed that I couldn’t find one of the two silver dollar fish. I looked around wondering where he could be thinking to myself there’s not that many places a fish that size can hide, I mean it’s not that big a tank nor full of a lot of objects to hide in or behind. Both Cidnie and I searched for a few minutes and finally gave up. I decided I’d let the filter work, water clear and fluttered fish calm; surely he’d be visible in a short while.

Well, about an hour or so later I still can’t find him and now I’m perplexed. I decided to move around a few objects. I lifted the pirate ship and found him laying flat against the bottom! He’d been sandwiched between the ship and aquarium floor. Now, how he managed to get in that exact place in the split second I lifted it the first time is beyond a mystery. I set him free of his burial tomb and encouraged him to move. He bounced back without incident and the picture above was taken just a few moments ago. Here’s the ship he was buried under:

It occurred to me how often I feel just as buried or pinned as that fish.

On the bright side, I recover just as he did. Time and time and time again.

I’m posting this to remind myself that when I feel buried I do recover. This week both my husband and son got the cold flu and today both are back to their normal activities. I successfully pulled off a treasure hunt, short lesson and decorated birthday cake for another activity day even though it felt like I’d never get it all done in time. And the beastly photo backup, organization, and compiling project that so frequently pins me took a hit with me scanning about 200 more photos and adding key words to well over 400 of those. While I may not get as much done each day as I want, the laundry is done, the family fed and I still managed to read 3 books in the past month. I defy the pirate ship to keep me pinned. Today I will remember my ability to triumph and tuck it away for another day when I’ll need the memory. *wink* Which I’m guessing is right around the corner at the beastly task of updating my blog software and finding a way to implement the many great tools of getting it into a book.

Swim away, swim away. Or as Dori says, “What do we do? We swim, we swim. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.”

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There’s a fine line between influence and force in this world. Case in point, look at the watermelon:

This is how we think of them, how they were created to look right?

But add this little gem during the growth process:

And you get an entirely different result. You get an altered watermelon that takes on the shape of its case:

That’s right, now you can have a square melon, the same fruit just a different shape. It’s a cool concept to be sure, I mean the thought of not having the bugger roll around your fridge is noteworthy indeed. Yet something about this feels wrong. Perhaps I’m just not enough of a visionary or maybe I just think there’s a line to our influence becoming something of force. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should rings in my mind when I see stuff like this.

Right now I don’t know what I relate with more, the old watermelon or the new. I’ve been in a bit of a funk with my motivation lately. I’m not sure if that’s because I’m trying to make myself and my expectations fit inside a container like the square melon case, or if I just need more nourishment - aka motivation. It’s a quandary.

I wonder how often in this busy world today we find ourselves fighting back against the case; the impression that there’s a better, faster way to do everything. Food for thought.

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At least that’s what they tell me. I was just reviewing my blog and noticed that this month marks the third new year of me blogging. The first year I shared a picture of my little boy on his new Christmas bike and a typical goals post. The second year I shared a kick start of recent accomplishments - which I’m sure was my way of trying to jump start my personal motivation to keep things moving. This year? Well, honestly I’ve been stuck in first gear since the new year found it’s way to my calendar. That doesn’t sound very much like third time’s a charm does it?

I’ve been sitting here this morning trying to define what’s been keeping me from feeling like I’m picking up positive speed so far this year. I don’t have the typical excuse of winter blues in the traditional sense of cold and snow. In fact, this morning I went out to take a picture of my neglected but growing garden for an upcoming class this weekend.

I say neglected because I haven’t done anything with it since October, no weeding, not even watering as we’ve had a wet winter here. Yet the cold tolerant plants continue to thrive and even make progress, even if it is slower. Then it hit me. You don’t have to be moving at full steam ahead to be making progress or succeeding.

Yes, there is what feels like an Everest list of projects I want to complete or get started. Focusing on them makes me feel like I’m failing or “stuck” but after contemplating my garden this morning I realized maybe I’m looking at the wrong thing. Maybe I need to spend my energies evaluating the concept of progress in general, no matter what speed. Maybe I’m in a winter garden season at the moment, a time when progress is slow and steady with less need to weed and water. There will be a season for higher maintenance as well as another for harvest and yet another for re-seeding. Funny how something as simple as a garden can help you find some answers in life.

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