A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks. First, we got a call that Blake’s grandma Faye wasn’t expected to live beyond a few days to a few weeks. This is a picture of her (front row, third from the left) in 2003, when Taylor’s adoption was finalized.

Last summer, we visited her at the nursing home where she’s been living for the past 2 years. Time and dementia have taken their toll on her. Time has given my little Taylor several more feet of height too, but note that the platinum blonde hair remains as true as when he was one. Personally, I’m just grateful that the pacifier isn’t still affixed to his mouth, there were days when I wondered if we’d ever successfully lose it. But I digress.

The point is, you think you understand what it means to endure, or what the phrase “Endure to the end” means, and then you reflect on the aging/exit process of this life and realize you don’t know anything about it all. This wonderful woman who has lived a full life and always been so vibrant and strong is powerless against the powers of death. I hate this reality, I really do.

So for the past two weeks we’ve waited for the call that would initiate the drive to Idaho. We’re still waiting. I’m not sure what to think about that. On the one hand I’m utterly amazed at the human spirit and ability to cling to life when it seems impossible. On the other, I’m saddened that relief can’t be delivered for this loved one. And so I find myself thinking it’s too much to process and must think on other things.

So on we go to my second arena of thought: Madrid, Spain.

Last week I left a closing line on my post of wondering what I’d be thinking this week. Well, I’m still thinking…a lot. You know how the hourglass works; tiny beads of sand stream through a tiny opening to fill the bottom of the jar - you know eventually it will get down there, but sometimes the process feels impossibly slow. That’s this process in a nutshell. The long and short is that this possibility is still on the docket and gaining momentum every day. Six months from now I could be living in Madrid. This is about the time I feel my eyes going blurry from input overload and I’m back to the same point of needing to think on other things.

So right now I’m distracting myself with blogging. It’s a good distraction and one that I’ve not had much time for lately (nor my garden or yard by the looks of things.) As I look at this picture from 2003 my mind is flooded with thoughts and memories. Where does the time go? It wasn’t that long ago that he was small enough to cradle in my arms, not that long since he wrapped his little fingers around mine moments after birth. My cute little Cidderbug is younger in this photo than Taylor is today. That adorable little spirit is just as vibrant, only now it’s blossoming into a beautiful young woman. It’s a lot to process.

Admittedly, I tend to spend more than a fair share of my time and energies on preventative activities. I’m a big believer in the “ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” girl. I absolutely loathe panic and stress, and I’ve found that spending an adequate time planning and thinking ahead push panic and stress into near extinction.

Here’s a good rule of thumb: If you really don’t want to do it, it’s a priority.

Procrastination is the killer of productivity, and the reverse is true. If you become productive, you kill procrastination. It’s amazing how the snowball affect works for either side; whichever one you put first grows. I’ve found that if I’m continually putting off a task two things happen: 1) I do the stink’n job in my head several times - this is like unto worrying/stressing about it, which is utterly stupid and frustrating as it only needs done once, and 2) I feel like my to do list is larger than it really is, again utterly stupid and frustrating as it adds to the feeling of burden and worry. It’s why there is an overwhelming feeling of relief when you finally get that task or project done that’s been haunting you. So here’s my personal tip on recognizing this blackhole trap: if it feels small enough to be put on the back burner, and more importantly STAY on the back burner, it’s time to move to the front.

Here’s another one: If you think the small things don’t matter, you’re wrong.

This is one of the greatest illusions of all time. There’s some logic to it, I mean after all if you can easily see or identify something action is sure to follow. However, most fail to recognize that without foundational “small things” in place there would be no hope of anything growing to a size you’d readily identify. No matter how great or big the final product is, trace it back to its origins and you’ll have the proof that small things matter… a lot.

The moral of the post: Take a few minutes to identify the things you’ve been pushing off. Throw out the mentality that only the big things matter. Just do it, no matter how small, how menial, how unpleasant. If you want to make a big directional impact to the sway of your gate, you’ve got to make some corrections at the hinge.

So you know you need to eat healthy. You know that so much of what’s out there is not healthy. You know that you need to take care of your health while you still can - before your body starts cashing in all its receipts of years worth of decisions. I know all these things, or at least I think I do. I’m still not as good about being as disciplined as I should be about my daily diet and exercise decisions, even with that knowledge. However, tonight I finally watched Food Inc. and I’m finding more motivation to be proactive and informed. And not just about the food itself but about the government and economic gears behind the production of it.

I procrastinated watching this because I was expecting something like “Super Size Me” extremes. I’m glad I watched it, and if anyone else had the same concerns I can put them to rest for you. The documentary is well done, well rounded and purely information based. I highly recommend watching it. In fact, as I sat down to write this I went to find some clips or information to share and loved seeing how much good stuff is happening on their blog. I was super encouraged with just the most recent half dozen posts, all sharing enlightenment and positive action spurred by the film. So much of what’s out there is so big, daunting and down right ugly that knowledge can sometimes be little more than a heavy and weighty downer. I appreciate it so much when someone can tackle the ugly without losing the ability to have a positive influence.

I am saddened by how many people in our world are victimized by industry. Watching the family choose crappy fast food hamburgers they know are bad for them simply because they could get more food for less money was truly disheartening. Learning that this trend of diet is leading to numbers of 1 in 2 children of those families acquiring diabetes at a young age was equally sad. Too often we can’t see the consequences of our decisions and actions until it’s too late. I’ve watched first hand the devastating effects of diabetes. I know how ugly it is.

On the upside, watching this coincided nicely with some of our recent decisions in the past year. We’ve cut back eating much meat, especially red meat and we’ve noticed a lot of positives health wise as a direct result. The garden fruits and veggies coupled with our new grain mill have been really fun bonuses. It’s not as hard as I originally thought to do these things. It doesn’t take hours, it’s not hard and the benefits are totally worth it. The real investment I’ve found is the desire to learn and try new things and the determination to keep learning. For example, I found a great recipe for “Wonder Flour” that I use in place of store bought white flour for everything except yeast breads. It takes less than 2 minutes to take six cups of grains and rice and turn it into a wonderful flour. I put it in a gallon ziplock back and store it right inside my flour container and it will last me several months - not much effort for an awful lot of gain. There’s a lot of truth in the statement that small and simple means can bring about great things.

So tonight I know a little more than I thought I knew. I think that’s a good thing.

Well, I’ve been away from my blog since returning to work. It’s a lot harder to find time for things like this than I thought it would be. I’m sitting here right now trying to decide how much priority to place on it. Because I’ve never blogged for anything but personal interaction and recording I don’t feel any pressure many of my counterparts do for posts and traffic.

So here’s an interesting thing to note this morning. The thing that never changes is spam. No matter where I go, what I post or how long I’m away the spammers are living long and prospering. It evolves, as all things do but it’s ever present. At first, spam comments could (and often would) be random and direct marketing messages. As they’ve ‘matured’ they now try to trick owners and readers into thinking they’re a live person, really there to take part in the topic, but as soon as you look at the URL you’ll see it’s just another 1 in 10 million product or service sales sites. I guess the optimist in me likes knowing I’m not totally missed.

Another interesting thing is the evolution of blogging and online social interaction. Years ago when I began blogging it was the means of communicating and connecting with others online. The primary topic of posts was personal or advice based with relationships forming by both mutual interest as well as traffic generation. It was fun to feel like you were part of something bigger and to get to know people from all over. That has changed - a lot. Today, most of my old blogging buddies are no longer blogging at all. With the explosion of Facebook, most of this personal stuff went that direction leaving the few bloggers I knew to go one of three ways - private/journal blogging, review/product giveaway blogging, or reposting their old content just to keep their blog active.

Decisions, decisions.

I’ll have to share more as I define my personal roadmap on these many resources. It’s been an interesting learning curve. Today I see myself continuing my basic and low level Facebook interaction for keeping in touch with people I know or care about; my blog to share thoughts, files, etc. the way I always have but less often and with less personal stuff; and starting a new personal file as a combination of my photo projects and journaling to compile into various forms of media to enjoy it. Hmmmm…..sounds like a lot of work - sounds like me! *giggle, snort*

I’m sitting here reflecting on how much can happen in such little time. In just the past six months our family got a dog, my daughter cut 6 inches off her hair and got braces, I got a new calling at church and a job, and I’m having to cut off all my son’s long pants into shorts because he’s gotten so tall. As I sat here going through pictures I thought these comparisons would be a fun way to share my point:

That’s the same dog, same strawberry box, same pool and even the same me with yet another long to short hair change! Who knows what six more months will bring?!

I survived my first week of work in the office! It’s been kind of fun to have a change of pace. I don’t mind dressing up, but I sure am missing my flip flops! Those dress shoes are killer on the feet.

The transition has been pretty smooth. I’m so grateful for years of keeping up my computer skills, it makes all the difference. Taylor’s decided that this is probably going to be okay because I’m home when he leaves and home when he gets home. June and July will be harder for the rest of my family with school out, but Cid’s doing summer math school in June which really only leaves one month with really different schedules.

The hardest adjustment so far (and I expect it to continue indefinitely) is balancing the hours I have left with all the other responsibilities I have. There’s never enough time. On the bright side, I managed to get my bedroom carpet steam cleaned this afternoon (why oh why did I agree to a puppy?) and made some cookies tonight. Oh, and this post! The icing on the cake was that I found a six bottle pack of Mountain Dew on my desk this morning with a thank you note full of compliments. I think that’s a good sign that they’re getting to know me pretty well and I’m on the right track. Now if I can just find the right shoes…

I’m still tying to wrap my brain around it being Spring Break. The time is flying by. This time of year indicates how close the end of the school year is. I know when my kids return next week there’ll be a couple weeks of testing preparation push before AIMS in April. Once AIMS testing is over it’s a free for all until the last day of school, which comes the third week of May. The mere thought that April is the last full month of school left makes me almost nauseous. I swear we just started this school year, I can scarcely believe it’s already on the wind down.

The kids kicked off the break by dipping in the pool - a balmy 60 degrees right now, though they seem immune to temperatures. They’re anxious for the break and the weather turn. We’re supposed to enjoy 80’s all this week! Yay! I enjoyed an afternoon in the yard yesterday too cleaning the pool and was reminded how much the sun takes out of you. I laid down on the couch and found myself waking up an hour later with the pup curled up snoozing right alongside me.

We like trying new things, especially during breaks from school to help us keep the kiddos busy. So when Blake found this recipe for Mt. Dew Cupcakes we had to try it out. They turned out really well! Very moist and super tasty, although I wouldn’t recommend eating a bunch at night. *wink* Was soda always this versatile? I rounded out my cravings with a fresh batch of homemade toffee. Things definitely got off on the right start for our break.

Now it’s upward and onward, continuing to enjoy the week of wonderful weather and lazy mornings. My parents are coming to visit at the end of the week and we’re all looking forward to that. We love to have family come. Last night on our walk we got talking about our summer trip to Idaho and my son started jumping up and down pleading to make sure we stay at least two weeks! I can’t believe it’s already just around the corner. I’m not completely convinced that someone isn’t pulling a trick on me, things seem to be moving exceptionally fast these days.

Don’t Forget!

Of all life’s lessons, perhaps few are greater than the one of remembering to say thank you. I’m constantly amazed at how powerful these two words are and the good that can come from sharing them. Want to put a spin on it? Try starting with these two amazing words, you’ll be glad you did.

I’ve been hit lately with the recognition and importance of good things. I’ve always known that negative screams, it’s why we tend to notice it most, but the positive is always there waiting patiently and quietly to be found. Here’s some I found lurking amongst my “negatives” today:

Weeds: So they’re all over my backyard reminding me of how much work there is to do, but they personify determination and a free spirit and when they’re gone I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing a job has been done.

Stunted: These little flowers made it out of the ground, even blossomed but they’re only a few inches tall and the flowers are about the size of my thumbnail. What a reminder of how important nourishment is. It’s so easy to stunt ourselves and our growth, I wonder what I’m holding onto that I need to let go of and what things I need to be embracing more to nourish myself?

Bare: My new trees are budding but still look so bare, yet the promise that sings from those little budding leaves is amazing!

Too Late: I didn’t get some of my broccoli stocks cut before they began to flower, now I can’t eat them but boy they look pretty, big and strong. Maybe the late bloomer is stronger and prettier for the delay?

Influence: “Bloom where you’re planted” came to mind as I looked at these flowers planted side by side at the same time. I wonder what made one take off and the other not? Am I blooming?

Sideways Volunteer: First the picture is sideways, just like I feel somedays! Second this is a volunteer tree or shrub, it’s finding it’s way without any direct help or nourishment from me…..hmmmmmm

Unglued: Ug, this is the face of my pool cool deck, it’s literally coming unglued everywhere and chipping like crazy. I guess the upside is change is imminent and won’t it look nice and be appreciated when it’s redone?!

Dirty: Two pool steps, one got cleaned off when my son tested the water temperature this week, the next step remains neglected and dirty as the vacuum doesn’t climb stairs. I wonder what I’m neglecting because it’s a little harder to get to? The clean sure looks nice!

Cycles: Death is unavoidable, yet new growth is always there to replenish.

Singed: Some of these tomato plant leaves were singed by frost and cold, yet they didn’t let that stop their growth. There’s a lesson or two in there somewhere.

Clean Up: It’s too heavy to lift now, but it indicates progress don’t you think?

I think I’m really struck with the reality of how our perceptions paint our reality. I know so many people who find a blame or excuse for everything, including making good things look bad. But the reality is, there’s good in almost everything. You just have to look for it to see it. I hope I’m the kind of person that encourages good things with those that associate with me. I hope I’m a lifter and not a leaner, at least not all the time!

So what’s good in your life?

So my hubby spent a great deal of time talking to me last night about things he sees me doing. I wish I could borrow his glasses! *snort*

It reminded me of the way he was talking to me 4 years ago about blogging and how much I would enjoy it and how sure he was I’d be good at it. I was really resistant, not sure why just couldn’t quite wrap my brain around it I guess. In my defense, this was just before the big blogging boom. To his credit, he was absolutely right.

The cool thing is that some of what he said struck a chord with me. I’m a talent nomad. I do so many things, dabble in so many, enjoy so many that it’s impossible for me to focus on just one thing and I love to share. In the past I’ve not been sure that’s such a good thing, but since I began blogging I’m seeing it a new light and I’m loving it. So the more I think on it I think he might be on to something, and he is a smart guy who has proven he’s been right about things like this before.

In short, he says he sees me making money with my sharing things online from my personality to my knowledge and talents. As it’s already stuff I’m doing anyway and he’s there to help support and direct me I think I’ll take the plunge. I’ve got nothing to lose and a lot to gain according to him so I guess we’ll see what comes of it.

I’m wondering why it’s so easy to pigeon hole yourself into an “I can’t do that” box? Why we so easily discredit ourselves before trying something because clearly we don’t have enough credentials or whatever the magic requirement is to do something? My entire focus of my blog has been the motto of making my life a masterpiece and sharing what I learn along the way. It might be time to take it up a notch.