Don’t Forget!

Of all life’s lessons, perhaps few are greater than the one of remembering to say thank you. I’m constantly amazed at how powerful these two words are and the good that can come from sharing them. Want to put a spin on it? Try starting with these two amazing words, you’ll be glad you did.

I’ve been hit lately with the recognition and importance of good things. I’ve always known that negative screams, it’s why we tend to notice it most, but the positive is always there waiting patiently and quietly to be found. Here’s some I found lurking amongst my “negatives” today:

Weeds: So they’re all over my backyard reminding me of how much work there is to do, but they personify determination and a free spirit and when they’re gone I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing a job has been done.

Stunted: These little flowers made it out of the ground, even blossomed but they’re only a few inches tall and the flowers are about the size of my thumbnail. What a reminder of how important nourishment is. It’s so easy to stunt ourselves and our growth, I wonder what I’m holding onto that I need to let go of and what things I need to be embracing more to nourish myself?

Bare: My new trees are budding but still look so bare, yet the promise that sings from those little budding leaves is amazing!

Too Late: I didn’t get some of my broccoli stocks cut before they began to flower, now I can’t eat them but boy they look pretty, big and strong. Maybe the late bloomer is stronger and prettier for the delay?

Influence: “Bloom where you’re planted” came to mind as I looked at these flowers planted side by side at the same time. I wonder what made one take off and the other not? Am I blooming?

Sideways Volunteer: First the picture is sideways, just like I feel somedays! Second this is a volunteer tree or shrub, it’s finding it’s way without any direct help or nourishment from me…..hmmmmmm

Unglued: Ug, this is the face of my pool cool deck, it’s literally coming unglued everywhere and chipping like crazy. I guess the upside is change is imminent and won’t it look nice and be appreciated when it’s redone?!

Dirty: Two pool steps, one got cleaned off when my son tested the water temperature this week, the next step remains neglected and dirty as the vacuum doesn’t climb stairs. I wonder what I’m neglecting because it’s a little harder to get to? The clean sure looks nice!

Cycles: Death is unavoidable, yet new growth is always there to replenish.

Singed: Some of these tomato plant leaves were singed by frost and cold, yet they didn’t let that stop their growth. There’s a lesson or two in there somewhere.

Clean Up: It’s too heavy to lift now, but it indicates progress don’t you think?

I think I’m really struck with the reality of how our perceptions paint our reality. I know so many people who find a blame or excuse for everything, including making good things look bad. But the reality is, there’s good in almost everything. You just have to look for it to see it. I hope I’m the kind of person that encourages good things with those that associate with me. I hope I’m a lifter and not a leaner, at least not all the time!

So what’s good in your life?

This morning I took a moment to walk through my yard and enjoy the simple pleasures; to appreciate newness, marvel at the wonder of creation and drink in the goodness of a new day. Here’s some of what I saw:

It’s easy to complain. It’s too easy too complain. In fact, it’s downright effortless. Even surrounded by countless blessings, one can find themselves huddled in a corner counting off their inconveniences and missing objects. I was reminded of this tonight.

It started with going to the movie with my daughter. She’s reaching the age where she really wants to do more grown up activities, or at least what she perceives as more grown up. She can’t identify why she wants to go to the mall, just that she wants to go. So today we settled on a movie together. Knowing the boys have clear lines drawn about the types of movies they want to see, and asking her to continually sacrifice her own wants when the topic comes up, I offered to take her to a movie today that she would enjoy. So we went to see The Blind Side.

When I got home I found a few more chores waiting for my attention; dinner, laundry and making a bed to name a few. I found myself putting clothes away and thinking to myself how I’d just gotten done doing something for someone else and how nice it would have been if I could have not had to come home and do more. I dreamed of how nice it would be to just do the things I want to do instead of all the things that need done. And just like that, I was complaining. Complaining, while all around me were signs of success: clothes to launder and put away, money for a movie, the convenience of picking up dinner when it’s too late to make something, having a wonderful family of my own to be responsible for. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I suppose I was feeling a little backlash from the abrupt timing of leaving for the movie. Cid had been such a trooper helping without being asked around the house. She’d wanted to go out this morning and I told her I had too many chores to do, so she jumped in helping with a few in the hopes that it might speed things along and leave enough time to do something she wanted. I couldn’t turn her down, she’d earned it. I mean, how many 12 year old girls do you know will clean their 7 year old brother’s disastrous room on their own and be happy about it? I was planning on doing a family movie up until about 5 minutes before plans changed and we had to rush out the door to catch the chick flick. I left my projects in midstream which left me somewhat befuddled, but I’m not sorry; it was quality time with a sweet girl who means the world to me. The movie, based on a true story, brought so much back into focus. A 17 year old boy with nowhere to live, from a broken home, a broken life, a broken family. When a private school’s coach sees his potential athletic ability he pushes to get him admitted to the school despite his low scores and lack of files or other meaningful information. One family acts on seeing him alone in the rain one night and they take him in. What starts out as a short term arrangement ends up as a permanent arrangement and addition to the family with every blessing and wonderful thing that comes with it, including scholarships to college and an eventual position in the NFL - literally a life saved. The story really brought to the forefront the realities of stark comparisons for a life with and a life without, as well as the amazing power of love and kindness. A reminder that we all have so much to give, and there are scores of others waiting for us to recognize that, waiting for a needed lift.

So, I stopped for a moment while putting away clothes and making the bed to think on how much I have. To recognize that I was complaining about having to do the basic things that indicate I have my basic needs met. How silly. I took a moment to realize how blessed I am and how good we have it. I only hope it’s the first of many such reflections in the coming year.

Sweetheart, today you turn twelve. It doesn’t seem possible, and yet I know I’ll feel the same way when you hit sixteen and that will be here before I know it. As a parent you long for your child to reach new milestones all the while wishing against hope that you could keep your precious ones small. You’re growing up before my eyes, but you’ll never outgrow my heart. You see, you are the champion of my heart.

That heart skipped beats before and until your arrival. Oh it tried desperately to achieve regularity and stability, but all was in vain without you. Something inside simply knew it wasn’t complete. I prayed and prayed for that completeness to come. I cried, worried, mourned and despaired over the emptiness only you could fill. For many years I wondered at the future of my heart. For the first time in my life I began to doubt.

They say the brightest rainbows come after the darkest storms. Well dear, your rainbow surpasses description. You are the champion of my heart. You won it over the moment I laid eyes on you, when you were still in your mother’s belly. I felt a tingle in that empty place. The ache in my arms was replaced with such warmth and love the first time I held you, my baby sweet. You were everything I’d hoped; everything I’d dreamed; everything I’d wanted. You still are.

So you see, you can never outgrow my heart for you grew in it. You played a critical role in completing it. You are the champion of my heart.

I was just reading a friend’s updates on their recent news of tragedy and I couldn’t help myself from thinking about the power of silver linings. I went through my photos to find one that fit.

It’s true. No matter how dark the clouds, how powerful and destructive the storm there is always the hope of rescuing light and peace. Always.

Fear: (noun) a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

This is a dictionary definition of the word fear. I hope I can put into words, the feelings of my heart today. There’s so much I want to say and it all seems to circle around the concept of fear. I want to be direct and to the point lest this post go on for pages, but I also hope to convey more than cold or meaningful facts or tidbits. The reality is we live in a world where men fear men more than God. As a result, many people suffer needlessly and worst of all is the fear seems to be driving common sense and integrity on permanent vacations.

I find it interesting that the definition for fear addresses how the threat can be real OR imagined. Countless examples of imagined threats are causing a great deal of raucous in today’s world. I can’t help but wonder how much could be done with those same energies and resources spent on something other than fear. But this follows the proverbial truth that negative screams while positive whispers, we simply can’t see or hear anything over the call of fear.

Perhaps the most disheartening element of fear for me is the destructive and separating force it leaves in its wake. People do things they wouldn’t do, or things they know aren’t right in the face of fear. It is the nemesis of integrity and it’s a battle every one of us has personal experience with. I’ll never forget my 7th grade physical science teacher and his lesson on fear. I got a triple whammy. The first wave came from an unbelievably hard test, I didn’t know at the time that was part of the master plan. The second wave came the next day when we were handed our own papers to grade and seeing how badly I’d done, I decided to change a few answers that were “oh so close” so I’d at least get a passing grade. Which led to the final tidal wave the next day when the teacher shared how he’d secretly graded those tests before he handed them out and was surprised at how many different scores he got back when we graded our own. I swear he looked right at me when he shared his disappointment on that fact. The reality is, I was gripped with fear in the challenge that was bigger than me, then by the thought I might have failed, and finally by the reality that I’d been caught cheating. I determined in that moment to never let fear drive my academic future or decisions again. I’m proud to report that on that note I succeeded. In fact, I refused to study for my ACT test because I wanted to know what I really knew, not how well I could perform on a test I’d crammed for. Fear is a powerful, but flawed motivator.

While each of us can relate to our own experiences of getting caught doing something, and making bad choices from the fear it caused, the even sadder tales are those when a choice deeply impacts the well being of others around us. The human battlefield is littered with causalities resulting from decisions made through the fear. The victims hit hardest are often the most innocent and least deserving of hardship. These are the times when heaven must weep.

And we must’n forget the biggest black hole of all, the band wagon syndrome of teaming up on someone or something we’re afraid of. This fear, though often only perceived or imagined, drives good people to do bad and stupid things. Sadly, there is strength in numbers and in this situation, people find contrived, make believe, justification and security when they are part of a larger crowd. You need only look at recent news stories in our nation to see this black hole of fear at work, and it’s not the first time in our nation’s history either. In fact, you’d think by now we’d have learned to reign in the fear because we’ve surely had enough practice. Take Andrew Jackson. He took so many fiery darts and prophetic style slanders that he was going to single-handedly ruin our great nation that it’s amazing he survived not one but two terms as president. He came into the presidency during a most tumultuous time when the nation was on the brink of civil war and great changes were taking place. He was loved and hated, quoted as being an inspiration to Lincoln, revered by Theodore and Franklin Roosevelt and hailed by Harry Truman as one of the four greatest presidents along with Washington, Jefferson, and Lincoln. Yet, he may have taken more slander and hate than other predecessors combined. The more I read about his presidency the more convinced I am that fear was the driving force behind the extreme opposition he faced.

Daily, my heart is heavy with good friends and good people who take part of the great mud pit surrounding political issues. I understand disagreeing with another person, even on every conceivable point. But I don’t understand the slander, the intent to deface and the desire to destroy that too many good people are becoming part of. You can’t stand in the mud pit without getting mud on you. There is nothing christian about slander and meanness. Negative begets negative. It is time for people to rise above it and step out of the mud pit.

Recently my heart wept for headlines associated with my hometown.

“Rammell isn’t the first Rexburg resident who has drawn attention for making an anti-Obama comment. In November 2008, second- and third-grade students on a school bus there chanted “Assassinate Obama” after his election, prompting the mayor of this eastern Idaho town to publicly apologize.”

This is the closing paragraph of a recent article in the AP/Huffington. For reference, the comment was about issuing hunting tags for Obama and the article explains how Rammell refuses to apologize for it.

Someone who knew nothing about this small town would never guess from these news stories that the town is largely christian. There is nothing christian about attacking another person’s character, let alone making jokes or threats on their life regardless of position, title, race or religion. What makes my heart weep is knowing that these aren’t bad people, these are good people driven by fear. Just as I wasn’t a cheater and knew it was wrong to do so, I let fear push me over my personal line of integrity in 7th grade science class. Too many good people today are making bad and wrong choices because of fear.

My greatest hope is that someone reading this will decide to pick up a sword and shield for integrity and fight back against the fear; that more people will decide to wade out of the mud pit and stop passing around glasses of dirty water. The war is the same whether the battlefield is private, public, political, or personal. Fear only has the power we give it and the war against it is perhaps the greatest of our existence. So let me end this where I began, but with the solution instead of the problem:

Courage: (noun) the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

There’s a lot to be said for comfort zones, both for and against them. On one hand they’re our adult security blanket that can help us feel secure and safe. On the other, they can become a barrier and stunt growth.

Several years ago, my husband and I made a painful (and previously yo-yo process) decision to move to Fort Collins, CO for a job possibility. I say painful, because we weren’t looking for it and in some ways felt pressured into it. Once we realized that we were waiting for the impossible scenario that the decision would make itself because the salary and benefits offered would make it easy to decide to move, we were able to realistically look at the opportunity and make the decision ourselves. We learned many things from our 3 months there but the lesson at the top of the list was how comfortable we’d grown being uncomfortable.

I know that sounds contradictory, but it was true. It’s not that we weren’t happy where we were before, but until we moved out of that comfort zone we couldn’t have realized how comfortable we had grown with our own mediocrity. That push caused us to identify and reach new horizons - a pattern that has since repeated itself over and over as we’ve learned to seize opportunities when they surface.

Lately, I’ve had a lot of discussions with friends and family about the value of being friendly. It strikes me that too often we can come across as unfriendly to those we meet or run into simply because we’re “comfortable” with our existing friends, etc. We don’t mean to appear exclusive or uninterested, some of us just require a little nudge out of our comfort zones.

So lately, I’ve been on the lookout in my own life for the times when I start to justify or rationalize not doing something. I’m beginning to catch myself and address this ‘knee jerk reaction’ and I’m amazed at the results. It’s just like retraining myself to tell my kids yes more than no - another comfort zone that seems to sneak up on you.

I’m finding this is a lot like exercising. When I feel those sore muscles that cause discomfort I can’t help but smile because I know that by working them positive things are happening. It’s rarely easy, never convenient and always requires sacrifice but the results are always worth it.

I wonder why it’s so easy to establish comfort zones about the silliest things; why it’s so easy to give ourselves ample excuses and reasons to stay there. Now that I say that, I do understand the primary reason because if I apply this to my ability/desire to get out of bed in the morning I totally get it. I don’t want to because I love that warm comfortable spot and the ability to do nothing but sleep!

So what do you do to help you identify and stretch your comfort zones?

This is more closely aligned to the nature versus nurture argument than I’ve realized previously. I’ve made comparisons in the past to life and gardening. There is a great deal of wisdom to be found in these types of comparisons. Today I’m reflecting on the values and impact of past and present actions.

Specifically, I’m thinking on the role of parenting. I’m seeing first hand how so many things I’ve done with my kids are traced back to planting the right seeds. Constant attention and cultivation down the road bear priceless impact, but what was planted in the beginning is absolutely critical. You simply can’t make a tomato plant bear a different kind of fruit.

I’ve always heard how important and formidable the early years of life are. I’ve always known it was true, but I’m only now starting to realize the depth of this truth. As a parent, the number of days you shake your head and wonder if ANYTHING you are trying to teach is making it anywhere are far more frequent than the rays of light when you can see successful penetration. Your kids are like precious little geodes. They are developing the most beautiful and intricate crystals of their character on the inside, but you will most likely be exposed most often to a tough and ugly outer shell as the parent.

Today I’m thinking on how much influence you really do have on those forming crystals inside. It is just like gardening. The best crop comes from early preparation of the soil and care in planting. Cultivation of the growing plants can overcome a lot of problems, but it can’t make up for what was or wasn’t planted. The upside is that it’s never too late to plant. The growth and ability for full potential of what is planted may diminish with time, but the ability to plant new seeds isn’t lost with age.

Some of the most important seeds I’ve been observing in the past several months include:

• Importance of a strong and good work ethic
• Kindness and compassion
• Personal responsibility
• Honesty
• Desire and determination to excel
• Cleanliness
• Respect

There are plenty more seeds that are worthy of mentioning. I think there are core seeds that branch out into other areas, perhaps even become the foundation of several smaller seeds. Equally true is the reality that just planting isn’t enough. Great seeds can be planted and never grow if they receive no care or cultivation. I’ve also been pleasantly surprised in my life to witness seeds that were planted yet remained dormant, suddenly spring to life with great success when the right care was given. Yes, I believe there is a great deal of comparisons to be made between gardening and life. I’m grateful for the seeds I’m witnessing growing with strength in my own children. I hope I’m planting enough of the right ones and cultivating them adequately for full potential to be reached. The harvest is truly the proving point of your greatest satisfaction of disappointment. I pray I fall on the side of satisfaction.

To those who know me, it is no surprise that I’m counting down to Friday this week to see Wolverine, and not just because I really enjoy X-Men and the Wolverine character but also because of the actor playing him, Hugh Jackman. So this morning when I was browsing news headlines and saw one of the rave reviews of the new movie, I had to read more. The article dubbed him “sexy beast” and gave him credit for the amazing success of the movie. I saw a video/interview clip on the news page and clicked on it. Here I listened to Hugh answer questions about his physique and the recent title of “sexiest man alive” and all the reasons why I enjoy watching him most came to surface. In short, Hugh re-defined the meaning of being defined and at the heart of his message was how important knowing who you are inside matters most. Few actors can live up to the words, but to me Hugh is an exception. His self-confidence is securely founded in his comfort of knowing and liking who he is as a person. It’s what separates him from many of his peers and it’s what you see that is so charming in the way he handles all the attention, not to mention balance it with his personal family life of husband and father. Everything about him screams comfort with who he is, what he does and the way he shares his talents.

At any rate, as I listened to him describe his definition of value and interest in a person I had to reflect on the simple message and truth of it. One of my favorite quotes was one I heard years ago from Thomas S. Monson and says:

“In decision making, ask not “What will others think?” but rather “What will I think of myself?…”

When everything is swept away, what you think of yourself remains. You can’t escape it, it’s something you must live with every day of your life. When you don’t like who you are misery is sure to abound. When you do, peace and happiness flourish. Many attempt to substitute immediate pleasure for this desired happiness, but they will forever fall short because there are no shortcuts. When decisions are made for the benefit of others, the foundation for personal happiness is eroded and a frenzied focus on self and the appearance of that self results. There is no time for thinking of others, only of self and the constant danger of a facade being unmasked. I can think of no better definition of misery.

Now, I just need to master that question before I make the decision to give into the whim for junk food! Baby steps. *wink*