So, this Spain thing has really brought some changes. A few months ago my husband and I were comfortably on the accumulation path. You know, the path of getting and then paying off the process of getting things. Things run your life. You don’t mean for it to happen, you don’t intend to give intangible items such control over your time, energy, resources and emotions but somehow they repeatedly end up in the driver’s seat. Somehow the drawers fill up, the closets become black holes and the garage…well, we won’t even go there to say nothing of the bank statements and credit bills that find their way to you.

I find that even with awareness of the accumulation path danger, I still find myself on it far too often. And it’s not enough to just get a few things because once you obtain those said things the next step is to upgrade. The small things happen almost without thought - the new computer, vacuum, etc., while other things seem to find a way to reproduce on their own like all the contents of a junk or makeup drawer, or how about that infernal missing sock pile?! The big things are not immune either, in fact they’re more visible and therefore tend to stay on the list (or mind) like the newer car, bigger house, etc., etc., etc.

Most people won’t reach the point of self awareness on this topic until they are one foot away from the grave - when they are literally forced with the reality that you can’t take “things” with you. Suddenly, the definitions of what really matters comes into view with clarity and new beliefs are formed around traditional ones. If you’re lucky, you may be fortunate enough to go through various levels of this re-evaluation exercise earlier. I’ve gone through smaller levels of this exercise with each move, especially those that cross multiple states. Yet even with that I still find myself looking around wondering how I managed to get so much stuff again.

The reality is, if this Spain opportunity pans out we’ve already decided on the process of elimination and retaining “things” at least generally speaking. We’d take the basics of clothing, toiletries and our technology of cell phones and computers. Virtually everything else would go minus a few items we’d ask family to store for us like some artwork,the one piece of furniture made for me by a family member, photos, awards - that type of stuff. The mentality shifts from ownership to renting, being tied down to freedom. Once you’ve crossed the initial hurdle of resetting your expectations and parameters, I find it’s actually quite exhilarating. In fact, we’ve already had discussions about how accomplish these same goals even if the Spain thing doesn’t work out.

I wish I could put into words the exhilaration that’s resulted from this mindset of letting go of all previous ideas and assumptions about so many things. Suffice it to say, regardless of what happens I’ll be forever grateful for the reset button experience.

A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks. First, we got a call that Blake’s grandma Faye wasn’t expected to live beyond a few days to a few weeks. This is a picture of her (front row, third from the left) in 2003, when Taylor’s adoption was finalized.

Last summer, we visited her at the nursing home where she’s been living for the past 2 years. Time and dementia have taken their toll on her. Time has given my little Taylor several more feet of height too, but note that the platinum blonde hair remains as true as when he was one. Personally, I’m just grateful that the pacifier isn’t still affixed to his mouth, there were days when I wondered if we’d ever successfully lose it. But I digress.

The point is, you think you understand what it means to endure, or what the phrase “Endure to the end” means, and then you reflect on the aging/exit process of this life and realize you don’t know anything about it all. This wonderful woman who has lived a full life and always been so vibrant and strong is powerless against the powers of death. I hate this reality, I really do.

So for the past two weeks we’ve waited for the call that would initiate the drive to Idaho. We’re still waiting. I’m not sure what to think about that. On the one hand I’m utterly amazed at the human spirit and ability to cling to life when it seems impossible. On the other, I’m saddened that relief can’t be delivered for this loved one. And so I find myself thinking it’s too much to process and must think on other things.

So on we go to my second arena of thought: Madrid, Spain.

Last week I left a closing line on my post of wondering what I’d be thinking this week. Well, I’m still thinking…a lot. You know how the hourglass works; tiny beads of sand stream through a tiny opening to fill the bottom of the jar - you know eventually it will get down there, but sometimes the process feels impossibly slow. That’s this process in a nutshell. The long and short is that this possibility is still on the docket and gaining momentum every day. Six months from now I could be living in Madrid. This is about the time I feel my eyes going blurry from input overload and I’m back to the same point of needing to think on other things.

So right now I’m distracting myself with blogging. It’s a good distraction and one that I’ve not had much time for lately (nor my garden or yard by the looks of things.) As I look at this picture from 2003 my mind is flooded with thoughts and memories. Where does the time go? It wasn’t that long ago that he was small enough to cradle in my arms, not that long since he wrapped his little fingers around mine moments after birth. My cute little Cidderbug is younger in this photo than Taylor is today. That adorable little spirit is just as vibrant, only now it’s blossoming into a beautiful young woman. It’s a lot to process.

I’m sitting here reflecting on how much can happen in such little time. In just the past six months our family got a dog, my daughter cut 6 inches off her hair and got braces, I got a new calling at church and a job, and I’m having to cut off all my son’s long pants into shorts because he’s gotten so tall. As I sat here going through pictures I thought these comparisons would be a fun way to share my point:

That’s the same dog, same strawberry box, same pool and even the same me with yet another long to short hair change! Who knows what six more months will bring?!

Let the games begin! Today is the first day for my kids to be out of school. I lucked out with the day off, which is great as I need to get so much done to be ready to travel to Vegas tomorrow!

I’m hoping our summer will even out and transitions will go well. June shouldn’t be too bad, but July may get ugly and I’m not just talking heat! I hope the transition of mom being at work won’t push dad over the edge with kids home while he’s trying to be productive. Hopefully a pattern will be found by then that will make it all work well.

I’m really enjoying being back in the work saddle. That sounds sick and twisted but it’s been fun. Things are just gearing up to start getting crazy, but I’m looking forward to the challenge and the finish line. I’m especially excited to find that so many skills have been building not dwindling in my years as a stay at home mom. Yay for motherhood!

Bring on the madness.

This past week our weather has been like the summer days I grew up with in Idaho. It’s a reminder of just how hungry we can all get for summer weather!

The seeds we planted last week are sprouting, much to mom’s delight. I’m pretty sure she willed them to grow extra fast so she could see their heads pop out of the ground before she returns to the land of ice.

The kids get to enjoy their grandparents for a few weeks and boy are they happy! Taylor’s already gotten grandma to get out her needlework and let him help, and that was after he’d gotten grandpa going on his erector set - all within the first day of them being here. Not to be out done, Cidnie was quick to display her finished quilt since their last visit and had them watching New Moon with her Saturday night.

We spent yesterday evening in the yard pulling weeds and planting seeds. I’m happy for the help and I know mom is happy to get her fingers in the dirt, which is still covered with snow at her house. The weather has been perfect, right down to the rain this morning that watered the new seeds.

I’m always reminding myself of how many treasures there are in the simple things.

I’m still tying to wrap my brain around it being Spring Break. The time is flying by. This time of year indicates how close the end of the school year is. I know when my kids return next week there’ll be a couple weeks of testing preparation push before AIMS in April. Once AIMS testing is over it’s a free for all until the last day of school, which comes the third week of May. The mere thought that April is the last full month of school left makes me almost nauseous. I swear we just started this school year, I can scarcely believe it’s already on the wind down.

The kids kicked off the break by dipping in the pool - a balmy 60 degrees right now, though they seem immune to temperatures. They’re anxious for the break and the weather turn. We’re supposed to enjoy 80’s all this week! Yay! I enjoyed an afternoon in the yard yesterday too cleaning the pool and was reminded how much the sun takes out of you. I laid down on the couch and found myself waking up an hour later with the pup curled up snoozing right alongside me.

We like trying new things, especially during breaks from school to help us keep the kiddos busy. So when Blake found this recipe for Mt. Dew Cupcakes we had to try it out. They turned out really well! Very moist and super tasty, although I wouldn’t recommend eating a bunch at night. *wink* Was soda always this versatile? I rounded out my cravings with a fresh batch of homemade toffee. Things definitely got off on the right start for our break.

Now it’s upward and onward, continuing to enjoy the week of wonderful weather and lazy mornings. My parents are coming to visit at the end of the week and we’re all looking forward to that. We love to have family come. Last night on our walk we got talking about our summer trip to Idaho and my son started jumping up and down pleading to make sure we stay at least two weeks! I can’t believe it’s already just around the corner. I’m not completely convinced that someone isn’t pulling a trick on me, things seem to be moving exceptionally fast these days.

It’s easy to complain. It’s too easy too complain. In fact, it’s downright effortless. Even surrounded by countless blessings, one can find themselves huddled in a corner counting off their inconveniences and missing objects. I was reminded of this tonight.

It started with going to the movie with my daughter. She’s reaching the age where she really wants to do more grown up activities, or at least what she perceives as more grown up. She can’t identify why she wants to go to the mall, just that she wants to go. So today we settled on a movie together. Knowing the boys have clear lines drawn about the types of movies they want to see, and asking her to continually sacrifice her own wants when the topic comes up, I offered to take her to a movie today that she would enjoy. So we went to see The Blind Side.

When I got home I found a few more chores waiting for my attention; dinner, laundry and making a bed to name a few. I found myself putting clothes away and thinking to myself how I’d just gotten done doing something for someone else and how nice it would have been if I could have not had to come home and do more. I dreamed of how nice it would be to just do the things I want to do instead of all the things that need done. And just like that, I was complaining. Complaining, while all around me were signs of success: clothes to launder and put away, money for a movie, the convenience of picking up dinner when it’s too late to make something, having a wonderful family of my own to be responsible for. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I suppose I was feeling a little backlash from the abrupt timing of leaving for the movie. Cid had been such a trooper helping without being asked around the house. She’d wanted to go out this morning and I told her I had too many chores to do, so she jumped in helping with a few in the hopes that it might speed things along and leave enough time to do something she wanted. I couldn’t turn her down, she’d earned it. I mean, how many 12 year old girls do you know will clean their 7 year old brother’s disastrous room on their own and be happy about it? I was planning on doing a family movie up until about 5 minutes before plans changed and we had to rush out the door to catch the chick flick. I left my projects in midstream which left me somewhat befuddled, but I’m not sorry; it was quality time with a sweet girl who means the world to me. The movie, based on a true story, brought so much back into focus. A 17 year old boy with nowhere to live, from a broken home, a broken life, a broken family. When a private school’s coach sees his potential athletic ability he pushes to get him admitted to the school despite his low scores and lack of files or other meaningful information. One family acts on seeing him alone in the rain one night and they take him in. What starts out as a short term arrangement ends up as a permanent arrangement and addition to the family with every blessing and wonderful thing that comes with it, including scholarships to college and an eventual position in the NFL - literally a life saved. The story really brought to the forefront the realities of stark comparisons for a life with and a life without, as well as the amazing power of love and kindness. A reminder that we all have so much to give, and there are scores of others waiting for us to recognize that, waiting for a needed lift.

So, I stopped for a moment while putting away clothes and making the bed to think on how much I have. To recognize that I was complaining about having to do the basic things that indicate I have my basic needs met. How silly. I took a moment to realize how blessed I am and how good we have it. I only hope it’s the first of many such reflections in the coming year.

I’m still not sure how it happens. It’s like a thief in the night who sneaks in and announces another year has passed. I read once that growing older is like a roll of toilet paper, the older you get the faster it goes. I’m seeing the truth in that silly observation! I’m pretty sure we just did this and yet birthday time found it’s way to me again. I’m just celebrating that while 40 grows ever closer it’s still not here yet!

Yesterday was a great day. Blake took the day off and pampered me with great food, a new mouse for my computer and some wheat to try out my new Wonder Mill grinder. Maybe I’ll even find the energy to try it out this afternoon. Other highlights include my kids letting me sleep in, new earrings from my in-laws, picking my first successful squash from my garden, finding flowers at my door, many fantastic birthday wishes from friends and visits with family on the phone. We also started the day by visiting our newest family addition, Dexter. He’s a tiny little pup that will be ready to come home at the end of January.