I’m in search of some motivation today. I’m having a hard time getting to the projects that are awaiting my attention. As I go looking for it I can’t help but think about how often we underestimate the value of motivation. And how even more often we use the wrong kind.

Have you ever noticed how often we use negative motivation to influence ourselves, others, teach, or encourage something to go the way we want? Guilt is one that comes immediately to mind. I see this a lot, especially where important principles of productivity, compassion and service are involved. Instead of helping someone grasp how wonderful these things are, making them so desirable that it becomes only natural to work for it, we use guilt to make them feel bad. As a parent I catch myself giving my kids all the terrible consequences as reasons for them to not make certain choices. By contrast, the adversary paints a glamorous picture of all the wonderful (all be-it often short-sided, incomplete or complete fraudulent) reasons. Is it any wonder why it’s so hard to choose good over evil? So hard to be anxiously engaged in good things?

As I sit here thinking, I realize one thing I often do and how much it helps. I find myself picturing the desired result or finished product in my head for any task or project. Sometimes I need to picture that to find enough motivation to dig into something. Now what I need to master is channeling all this into not just beginning but finishing other projects. You know, those projects that aren’t critical like doing the dishes. The ones that hide in forgotten files, boxes and books. It’s about time to blow some dust off the many photo projects, scrapbooks, scanning, etc. that have been started but not completed.

So what do you do to keep yourself going? How do you stay on task?

Technorati Tags:
Positive Impact Inspiration Blogging Deep Thoughts

In a word it’s simple; you do what you know and know what you do. Yet there’s something magical that happens when we see someone doing what they know and you just sense how right it is and how good they are at it. This is what I feel every time I spend a moment with my Uncle Bill.
Last week he went out of his way to hitch up his team and take us all on a wagon ride:

To him, this is just every day life. He loves working with his horses on his ranch, he loves widdling away his hours in his basement/studio making new creative works from wood, canvas and wax. But to me, this is magic.

I managed to capture a small glimpse of it when I did his website for him several years ago. The man is just amazing to me.

And then there’s the fact that he takes my daughter under his wing and teaches her in the most simple moments this way of life. Like how the horses know their names and they respond with verbal command and sound not slapping of the reigns to get them to start. She loved learning how to steer them. I felt a knot of emotion as I watched him coaching her doing something for her that I can’t. Because while I grew up around it, I didn’t live it like he has every day of his life. To him, this stuff is like breathing air and these horses are part of him.

In fact, the one on the left, Babe is not only 16 years old but she’s the mother to Bally (sp?) on the right.
Now you can say you’ve had a view from the top…er make that back? *giggle, giggle, snort*

I hope I’m tapping into the things in my life that I’m good at and that I know. I hope I’m sharing those things and making the world a better place for my having lived in it. There’s more to doing what you love and loving what you do and I think the key to that is somewhere in this piece of knowing it.

Technorati Tags:
Family Sharing Positive Impact Inspiration Memories

I was browsing the $5 value DVDs yesterday with my daughter and came across a copy of Footloose. Just seeing the cover made me giggle. If I’m not mistaken, the soundtrack to this movie was the first tape of “our” music at my home growing up. It wasn’t mine, it was my older sisters but it was like a rite of passage which is probably why I remember it. My daughter saw my distraction and asked what was up so I told her this movie just brought back a lot of memories for me. She asked what it was about and I told her basically it was about a boy who finds himself in a tiny town kicking back against the rules. The message that stands out the most in my mind from the show is the argument he uses against the preacher that there is a time and a season for everything, even dancing.

This is a message I’d like to get across to my children and the teens I work with. I’d like to really get them to see that there is a time for everything. It’s part of why I’m so passionate about charm school which focuses on this through decorum. To really understand this concept is to master self control and self-discipline. This is so important in a world that is screaming instant gratification all the time.

When I was recently asked to start teaching some charm school classes again, I began to form my own outline of the materials and knowledge I’ve acquired over the years. I broke it down into three basic keys that will unlock potential and open doors to really acquiring and mastering the art of charm. My three include:

1) Self Concept: Know Thyself
2) Appearance: The Power of Image
3) Social Interaction: Conquer or Crumble

As I compiled the list and organized some of my materials I realized again how critical the truth of everything having a time and season is. Now that I’ve had some personal experience in life I’m better able to compile these courses and their materials, things that I wouldn’t have been able to do as well a couple of decades ago. And so the story goes with so many things in my life, there is indeed a right time and season to many of life’s experiences. Figuring out what those are for you and not messing up the time line will result in greater happiness.

A good exercise for me was taking these three keys and applying the principle of times and seasons. For example, my level of self confidence is a direct reflection of my life’s experiences to date. Learning how to put them into perspective really helps me get a handle on who I am, how I feel about myself and what I want to become. And take appearance lessons: When I was a teenybopper it was in style to wear lots of layers, pushed up collars, leg warmers and big airings. It was the right time to wear such styles because that was the current trend, but if I tried to resurrect that appearance today it would be quite catastrophic. Equally valuable is the lesson that some clothing simply looks better on the young bodies it was designed for. And finally, there’s the social interaction piece where all these things come together. Think of all those movies or times when the awkwardness between an adult and teen were palpable because the parent or teacher was trying to be hip using current teen jargon.

There’s simply a time and season for everything. Instead of wishing for the good things from yesteryear, we should be embracing our current time and season growing and developing those appropriate traits and skills for where we are now. I guarantee you that down the road we’ll be looking back on where we are now the same way we do on our teen years. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to be able to look back and smile.

Technorati Tags:
Sharing Inspiration Perspectives Success Beauty

I just came across this link love on my dashboard and it made me smile really big.

As my friend Kailani just shared a post on the reasons people blog it was especially fitting for me to have this link show up today. You see, one of the reasons I blog and enjoy blogging is about making my own life a masterpiece and sharing what I learn along the way. So to see my blog come up on a list like the one Jacklyn shared really makes me smile because it’s a shout out from someone else seeing why I do what I do.

Today is a good day.

Technorati Tags:
Inspiration Balance Blogging

Several months ago I posted about my friend and her daughter who were contestants on NBC’s The Biggest Loser.

Today I checked out their website and was so excited to see that Ali did it! She is the first female to win the competition and she looks AWESOME!

Technorati Tags:
Sharing Positive Impact Inspiration Success Blogging

It seems to be human nature to not truly appreciate what you have until you don’t have it. It doesn’t seem to matter so much whether you ever really had what you now want either, although if you’ve had and lost you know first hand what it was like which can certainly add to the longing. Sometimes it’s even the perception that you thought you had it, when in fact you never really did. Either way the result is the same, you simply appreciate things more if you associate a form of loss with it before.

This morning I stopped to visit with another mom at my son’s school. I have to admit that I don’t know her name or anything about her really. We’ve exchanged a few friendly smiles and hellos on the playground before school starts for our Kindergarten sons. Recently, she’s been coming in a wheelchair and with some assistance, again I don’t know what the circumstances are but I know my heart aches for her. So this morning when we met at the crosswalk on the way back to our cars I asked her how she was doing and she replied that she was hanging in there. I could hear the weight of it in her voice and I told her how seeing her reminded me of myself about 5 years ago when I too was in a wheelchair. And then the entire drive home I considered how blessed I truly am.

I pondered on three primary elements of my life where I got to experience what I’ll call the “Greater Appreciation Algorithm” or GAA for short. (How’s that for pithy?!) The first, thanks to my friend, was my health and ability to walk. This in turn leads to the greatest gift of how you view and thus live your life. Dealing with unknowns is terrifying and lonely, even when you’re surrounded by loved ones. During the three months I battled some bizarre and never defined illness, I experienced some deep soul searching and gratitude training. I learned to be grateful for pain because it meant I could still feel and was still alive. I learned to be grateful for the many years of unfettered freedom and health I’d enjoyed without notice. Consequently, I don’t view life the same way anymore, I recognize each day as the gift that it is determined to make the most of it. There are no certainties; you make the most of what you’ve got while you’ve got it or you die on a bed of regrets. Life is too short for petty offenses, too fragile for postmortems and too wonderful for despair. How grateful I am to have learned this all important lesson before I was 30.

The next thing I thought about was one of those perceived items; the ability to become a parent. Suffice it to say that control in all things parenting from becoming to being one is an illusion. The GAA part of this experience for me is the ability to be a better parent, to recognize more. One woman compared this to experiencing children more on the level of a grandparent because you have different eyes and understanding. There’s some truth in there. At any rate, I find myself being supremely grateful for these parenting eyes even though obtaining them wasn’t something I was so sure I was on board with during the trial and wait. And I am especially mindful of the blessing that the vision was granted before I had children so I could make the most of the short time I have them.

And finally I couldn’t help but consider the blessing of all things temporal. At the height of my personal health trial came the greatest financial storm of my marriage. My husband and I were so close to the edge of losing everything that to remember now still causes my heart to skip a beat. Up to this point, we felt a level of control and confidence in our temporal situation. We were putting money away in a few different retirement and savings programs, paying more than minimum on our consumer debt payments, making conservative big decisions on our home and cars, and enjoying the freedoms of being your own boss. Sounds great right? It was, right up to the point where the revenue stopped, and I do mean stopped - no trickling, no bleeding, just plain gone. Oh, and now we had a mountain of medical bills too. For six months we plugged holes, depleted resources and extended every ounce of credit waiting and hoping for a new job to be in the cards. Not surprising, the climb out of that hole was no small task. But you know what? You keep climbing. No bankruptcy was declared, bills were paid and life continued albeit a bit strained for a while. And what I learned from all of it was that there is a difference in managing your money and in really having money to manage. I learned that money is not just some means to an end, it is a blessing and a gift that enhances your life if you let it. I learned that perception is everything and I learned it before I was 40.

So you see why I consider myself thrice blessed. Each of these primary areas are major aspects of life and I can’t imagine living my life without the gifts of knowledge that are now mine. This morning I thank the sweet lady that comes to school in a wheelchair each day to see her son off. She is an important reminder of just how blessed I am and sometimes you need the reminder. Maybe there really is something to the “gaa gaa” thing. *wink*

Technorati Tags:
Family Parenting Sharing Emotions Positive Impact Potential Inspiration Perspectives Motherhood Success Deep Thoughts

I’ve been a bit reflective lately, surprising I know. *snort* I’m seeing with more and more clarity how we create our own realities, frame our own expectations and then our very lives based on those thoughts and feelings.

This sounds supremely simple, yet every day the energies and resources spent refuting the truth are insurmountable. For what I hear everyday around me are phrases like: “Well, they’re just a jerk”, “The economy is in the tank so things are bad right now”, “I have no control over that”, “I guess this is just the trial I’m suppose to be going through right now”, “It’s not my fault”, on and on and on. The words shift but the meaning is always there, responsibility is always to be found elsewhere and there’s an excuse for everything, especially when it involves work.

Can you imagine how different things would be if instead of sowing seeds of negativity, victimization and redirects we spent more energy sowing seeds of positivity, empowerment and responsibility?

Yesterday I spent a few minutes reading some of the book “All I Really Needed To Know I Learned in Kindergarten” by Robert Fulghum. I’ve always enjoyed his writings and find re-reading them gives my spirits a little boost. Specific to the thoughts I’m sharing today, the concept of “Clean up your own mess” as one of his lessons fits perfectly. The seeds that are being sown too often and the fruits they bear are those of irresponsibility. Not only do we not recognize that the pickle we’re in is most often direct result of our own making, we expend valuable energy and resources justifying why it’s not our mess to clean up instead of just digging in and getting the job done.

Another common thread I’ve observed is how easy it seems to be to find and see this truth in the lives of others while dismissing ourselves. It’s usually more subtle but it’s still there. I see it manifest in discussions where I hear someone describe a specific problem and then turn it into a spiritual matter saying that faith and prayer will solve it for them. Of course, it’s not said that directly but that’s what I hear. Sadly, people with this attitude will never understand the concept of an answered prayer. For they will not recognize any answer that doesn’t suit them just as my 5 year old fights against every “no” he receives. Hopefully he’ll learn the lesson and carry it with him, hopefully he won’t forget that just because the answer isn’t what you wanted or expected doesn’t mean the answer wasn’t given or isn’t there.

For the past 5 years my husband and I have been implementing, to the best of our ability, a life of personal responsibility, positive affirmations and hard work. We stopped finding fault with circumstances and praying for a rescue from the financial storm we steered our ship into. We stopped using the crutch of uncontrollable health issues and September 11th aftermath as the reasons for our being in the eye of the storm. It didn’t matter because we were in the storm and while these things may have hastened our arrival, our course was set before they hit. Besides that, focusing our energies there sure wouldn’t help us get out of the storm. Not surprising, the journey out of the storm was proportionate in time to our getting into it the first place. There was no single miracle that pulled us out and dropped us on a sunny beach. However, there were daily miracles and daily progress. In fact, things have been beyond good for us, especially within the past couple years and they are growing every day. It’s not free, it’s not easy, it’s not luck. We just started sowing different seeds and now we’re enjoying a very different garden full of variety and sweetness.

Technorati Tags:
Sharing Positive Impact Potential Inspiration Perspectives Balance Success Deep Thoughts

This morning I was reading a friend’s blog post about common sense and how it’s gone on a “permanent vacation” (I loved those words!) Then I went out and looked at some old articles I started to write several months ago. One was titled “Back The Train Up” and I’d begun by sharing how after reading some recent parenting articles I felt robbed at the end but couldn’t place why. Today I think I figured it out and it comes back to the concept Carmi shared this morning about the loss of common sense.

Everyone seems more than able and willing to ‘research’ and write articles, books, etc. on every subject imaginable. Yet most of them seem to be playing a game justifying why a lack of common sense is acceptable. It’s easy to jump on the newest fad or popular bandwagon of rationalization, but at the end of the drive you are left feeling cheated. And heaven knows we all want what is easy.

Take my experience last night. It shows not only a lack of common sense but also the way it is fueled (literally) by a desire for the easy way out.

I was watching a pair of teens make attempts at starting a fire in a fire pit. The goal was to make smores. I walked over to see one holding a piece of paper and lighter in front of her. The other was holding a can she explained was hairspray and was trying to help her friend get a flame going by spraying it. Brilliant.

So I attempted to explain a few basics. I told them that first, there are too many things to list on the “stupidity” front for using a can of hairspray as lighter fluid but suffice it to begin with the fact that you don’t need any help getting paper to burn. Moreover, spraying it in the general direction of the one holding the paper and flame is also a bad idea. This could definitely be listed in the “stupidest stunts” top ten. Second, any fire held up in the breeze is likely going to blow out with the wind before you get it back down to the ground, not to mention the increase in risk for burning yourself, so when starting a fire you should keep the flame as close to the source as possible using the wood and surroundings to provide a protective barrier against any breeze for you. Which brought us to their prepared log formation. Great T-pee formation: of full sized logs! I asked where their kindling was and they both gave me a blank stare. I explained that you can’t start burning full size blocks of wood, you need to build to it and therefore need a pile of kindling - smaller twigs and branches of wood - to get the process going. The one holding hairspray explained that was why they had hairspray because the wood wasn’t catching on fire. *sigh* I was about to give them a full lesson in fire safety and basics of starting when another exuberant teen walked up with a can of gasoline sharing how the problem was solved. Clearly, I needed reinforcements.

At this point I walked over to the parent of the gasoline marauder and another leader informing them that the element of gasoline had just been introduced. The response from the parent was a short wave of the hand saying how glad she was she wasn’t a leader for the group. I guess parent doesn’t count? (A post for another day.)

I look back over to see a blazing fire burning…for about 30 seconds. One of the youth is sent to look for more gasoline. Thankfully, by this point another leader (who later shares how a family member received 3rd degree burns after a lighter fluid can burst in his hands while lighting a fire in a fireplace) steps in to help me bring a close to the gasoline fix. The parent now joined the scene with instructions on where a Duraflame log is and it is retrieved. As it is placed under the full size log T-pee and slowly begins to burn with a small flame on one end. Several minutes pass as the group sit around the tiny flame which moments later turns into a raring blaze after a surprise attack of…you guessed, a cup of gasoline.

I could add another entire chapter on how roasting marshmallows in new flame is missing the point of cooking and roasting in a campfire; how the point is to let the fire burn good and hot long enough to produce coals for that purpose, or even how flinging a marshmallow on fire back and forth isn’t the best way to put the flame out, but I’ll let your imagines finish that part of the story. Perhaps I’ll come back later and tie in the greater lessons we could learn from that but for now let’s move on to the real point of sharing this.

I shared this story because it’s so chuck full of possibilities to explore and fits in nicely with the permanent vacation of common sense. But at a more general level, it typifies life today in a nut shell. Everyone is in such a hurry to find the easy way that it matters not what is sacrificed along the way, common sense being one of the greater causalities, not to mention unhealthy and life threatening hazards. Our “Duraflame” logs may take on different forms, but they still represent a cheating element - the concept that you can replace beginning and foundational steps by cutting a few corners. That it’s as easy as running to the store for what you need, that someone will always be there to provide you an easy out. Even egotism is fed by this growing epidemic, nourishing the belief that nothing but your selfish desires matter and whatever you do to obtain them will be inconsequential. We’ve spent so much time trimming the fat that we never noticed we’ve been whittling away at the meat for so long there’s almost nothing left.

I for one say it’s time to back the train up. Everyone needs to call back common sense from its extended vacation. Everyone needs to step up to the plate and help repair and rebuild critical foundation elements in every aspect of our lives that have been replaced with laziness, instant gratification and debt. Our children need to know and understand how to do things for themselves the right way, what the dangers and hazards are of the easy way and how important this knowledge is. We need to be better teachers and examples. We’re the current engineers and conductors of the train, but we’ll be passing it on to a new generation and we’ll still be on that train for the ride. It’s time to think about that and make some positive changes now so the future journey won’t be disastrous.

Stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for letting me vent.

Techorati Tags:
Parenting Sharing Positive Impact Potential Inspiration Perspectives Deep Thoughts Intellectual

One of my good blogging friends started a weekly writing project for Tuesdays called “Pass the Torch Tuesday” in which we take a moment to pause and share something our kids did while we caught them being good.

Well, in a world full of filth and good being called evil I have a great deal of anxiety about raising kids with strong morals and personal convictions. I want them to be strong enough to stand on their own feet and not be tossed with the trends and pressure of the masses. I know how strong that pressure is and it’s especially hard for teens and young adults. Worse, is that too often when they do stand strong they receive nothing but ridicule and contempt. So when I saw the following video clip about this American Idol audition, I wanted to pass the torch to Brooke so I’m sharing it here. This is the type of kid I want to raise and I applaud her for standing firm even in the face of ridicule.

For the record, I don’t believe being “a bit worthy” is a bad thing and I disagree most strongly that a person has to bend to the views and decisions of the world for acceptance and success. You go Brooke, I just hope my kids want to be like you when they grow up!

Technorati Tags:
Parenting Positive Impact Potential Inspiration Motherhood

Change has always been an inspiring concept to me. On the one hand it’s what most of us cry for day after day, yet when change comes most of us fight it with all we’re worth. Yet, if ever there was a constant in the universe it has to be change.

This time of year seems prone to many changes for many people. I know in my marriage experience most of the big or significant changes seem to come about this time of year. Historically for us it’s the time of every significant job change and is even when we made the decision to adopt and started the process so many years ago. I think we must have learned how to really channel and siphon the energy of a new year. This year was no exception.

Today my husband is announcing his acceptance of a new job at his current employment. He’s going to work for Seth on his Squidoo site and to say he is excited would be a gross understatement. He returned from an impromptu trip to NY for the interview just this past weekend and I think we’re both feeling like we’ve packed a few weeks worth of news and activities within just a few days but it’s a wonderful kind of exhausted.

In a couple of weeks he’ll start working from home. I’ve been a little surprised at how many condolences I’ve received on this news because we are both very excited about it. He will no longer be driving 2 hours each day to and from work and as crazy as it may sound we actually like being and working together. It’s not the first time in our marriage when he will be in a more independent work environment, but we’re excited that this time we come into it with so much more experience that can spur success. The office upstairs will finally get some use and heaven knows I need all the help I can get to keep that room uncluttered!

We’re jumping into 2008 with smiles on our faces and high goals for all we want to accomplish this year. Every day I’m learning more and more how we get out of life exactly what we expect.

Technorati Tags:
Sharing Potential Inspiration Relationships