My thoughts this morning are centered around the time of year. The leaves are turning colors, getting ready for a winter sleep. This process of change, of preparing for a period of dormancy is a pattern in our lives too. A new baby makes me think of spring, a walk in the autumn air with an aged loved one makes me think of fall.

There is something about this turning I can’t quite explain. I think it is because it feels like something of a paradox to me. There is sadness in the knowledge of expiration, of a season’s growth and lifespan being completed and spent. Perhaps even a hint of dread for the quiet that is waiting around the corner. Yet, at the same time there is great joy and satisfaction in the results of a productive and full lifespan; a reminder that after the sleep will come a new season of renewal and new beginnings. It is odd that there can be both conflict and peace within the concept of turning. And yet, these are the thoughts tumbling around simultaneously in my head this morning.

There’s also the concept of clean up of that happens in the fall. The time when you’ve reaped your harvest and it’s time to clear the expired corn stalks and other plants away. This past weekend, I helped work on clearing the corn patch at my parent’s, I also took on getting some of the dead branches out of an old choke cherry bush. As I looked at the results of the work, I was struck with how often I should be doing this in my own life. How, I need to be looking for habits, choices, etc. that are in need of being cleaned out. This process is painful. I came home with many scratches from branches not wanting to be disturbed, and sore muscles from roots desperately trying to hold their ground. And as I look at this picture, I am filled with satisfaction and hope of what the results will bring next spring.

So it is with me. Old habits die hard, but the promise of better ones to replace them are worth the pain and effort. I don’t want to look back on my life and regret time wasted. Perhaps a little less time spent playing games or socializing on the computer and a little more reading, reflecting and writing. Perhaps a little less time worrying about others and more worrying about myself. I’m feeling a sense that I need to follow nature’s lead this season.

I’d be lying if I said these thoughts don’t also cause a slight pang in my heart when I think of loved ones. This picture describes the very visuals and precious memories that I’m trying to describe.

This is my husband walking and talking with his grandpa in his garden. Grandpa Melvin turned 90 this year. How we love this sweet man. This picture sums up his amazing life of farming, teaching, loving and sharing. How can I help but want to keep him with us? Yet, knowing the joy that is waiting for him when he crosses this life’s veil, when he will be reunited with his sweetheart and loved ones on the other side causes me to also want for him to be able to go. I am back at my paradox. Turning is hard. Turning is necessary. Turning is progress. Turning is good.

I shared recently how I’ve been working on increasing my own education through available technologies today. I’ve been focusing on taking in at least one lesson a day in various subjects. With a love of history, today I watched the first part of a series on Thomas Jefferson.

It is common knowledge today that Jefferson was well educated and influential with his knowledge. Many declared his writings as “evidencing keen intellect.” It is no wonder that he would be chosen to work on writing our nation’s Declaration of Independence; a document that not only stands the test of time but also personifies the embodiment of educational wisdom.

I was struck with how we owe all we now have at our disposal for learning because of our ancestors like Jefferson. What are we doing with it? What would they say about our education system today? What more would they teach us? I fear we’ve squandered that gift. I fear we’ve lost the very art of learning.

Today we seem to care more about buzz words, statistics, standards, etc., etc., etc. than we do about whether or not our children are succeeding at gaining wisdom and knowledge. Teachers lament receiving students who come unprepared to learn their material and they are quick to point out that they have no time to review or re-teach in order to keep up with today’s schedules and standards. These standards are a direct result of our competitive desire to prove how smart our kids are. No one bothers to take the time to see if our kids are really smart or not, they just see test scores and try to find ways to increase them. One tactic is to throw more content earlier to students. Consequently, we continually increase our expectations of mastery for a broad array of subjects before most kids are old enough to reach the bathroom sink by themselves. And how do we measure the smarts and abilities of students and educators? Why, with a brilliant “one test fits all” approach. Boy we’re smart.

So, in a time when all resources were scarce, computers didn’t exist and there were no endless lists of structured programs and legislation to govern it, the most brilliant minds of our time developed. And now that we have all those things and more we’re producing a generation capable of winning texting contests. In fact, I doubt many of them could hold a candle to the educational wisdom of their ancestors. Interesting isn’t it? And it doesn’t end there. Here’s another interesting comparison between then and now. Jefferson, who we’ve already determined was brilliant and well educated would have been doomed to fail by our ’standards’ today. According to records, he started school at age 9. I’m confident that most people would completely flip over the suggestion of not starting formal education until the age of 9 today. My son is only 8 and he’s in his fourth year of his public school career. We’re not even going to go down the preschool path.

Not only did Jefferson not begin school until the age of 9, his first five years were spent on only two subjects: language and nature. History and science weren’t added until his second school at age 14 and math, astronomy and architecture wouldn’t be introduced until he was 16. I’ve shared before how my son’s kindergarten curriculum had the subjects of data analysis, algebra and geometry. I’m sorry, but I think discrete mathematics at age 4 and 5 is ridiculous. And while my son has probably had more homework in the last 4 years than Jefferson had until he hit college, I would argue that he’s not got anything on Jefferson. None of today’s hype impresses me. I simply don’t buy in to today’s theories and beliefs on education. I think if Jefferson and his peers could talk to us to day they’d have a lot more to teach us and it would have an awful lot to do with backing up, slowing down and focusing on basic and fundamental education.

I’d wager that Jefferson didn’t feel deprived by spending his first 9 years of life free of school. Kids can’t be kids today, they’re not allowed; there isn’t time for it. How can they be when a simple playground accident is treated like an act of malicious intent or they’re supposed to understand and spell words like equivalent and metamorphic by the time they’re 8? (I didn’t make those up, those are straight off my son’s vocabulary list this week.) Our expectations are out of alignment and seriously whack.

When are we going to see there’s more to learning than we’re focused on seeing today? What I wouldn’t give to spend a few days in the same room as our forefathers; we’d have a lot to talk about.

So I’m walking out of my son’s elementary school this morning and I hear the beginnings of the national anthem. I can’t help but reflect on this concept of independence.

In general, I’m a huge supporter. I love American history and revel in readings of the stories, personalities and events that shaped our nation. I believe with all my heart that there was divine direction in the creation of this land of the free, and I’m grateful for this land that I call home. I’m grateful that our forefathers had the determination and courage to stand up against those who would oppress them and their freedoms. I proudly support what they stood for and the legacy they left us.

Where I have problems with independence is in the teen department. My problem isn’t with the concept of independence, it’s with the attitude teens propagate in general - that to declare their independence they must first declare war. *sigh* I read an article as a youth which left lasting impressions on me, in fact, it’s where this very phrasing of declaring independence came from. The author shared a story of a man trying to help a bee escape his office in an effort to save its life. However, the more the man did to help direct the bee to the safety of the open window, the more feisty the bee became, not only refusing the help but fighting against it. The result was a dead bee on the floor the morning after. The point of the story was how like the bee we often are, resisting and fighting back unnecessarily against those that would help us; in the end destroying ourselves. I knew then I didn’t want to be like that bee.

For years I’ve shared this counsel and story with youth I’ve worked with. Now, my daughter is entering the troubled waters of independence. I wish I could say it was going the way I wanted all the time, but alas the entire point of this life experience is to figure things out on our own. This morning she stormed out of the house murmuring a familiar reprise of the overly restrictive parent and a desire to escape. The culprit? A stupid item of clothing. In her mind, mom is making way too much out of it, the shorts aren’t too short and she should be allowed to make her own choices. In mom’s mind the shorts break school dress code and were only purchased by permission with her own money on the agreed compromise that this argument would never come up - that they would only ever be worn at home for play purposes. I wish I could help her see that her anger is really targeted at herself, that mom’s an easy scapegoat in the world of peer pressure. But wishing won’t make it so.

I find myself echoing the familiar words of choosing to stand for something. I worry that our youth today don’t really understand this, that they mistakenly believe that being part of the crowd is just the way things are and doesn’t really impact them or their future. When something as simple as how you dress can cause so much distress, I worry for the big items the future holds. Every person needs a strong sense of self and self worth to survive this crazy world. You don’t get that by succumbing to the pressures of following the crowd. You get it by being able and willing to stand up for all the things you believe in and that make you who you are, right down to your ’shorts.’ You can’t be ashamed to be who you are, even if it defies the loose standards of all those around you. The sad part of the shorts story is that it’s not really what my daughter wants or believes in but she can’t see that. She’s so blinded by the season of life and influence of friends and peers she can’t see how this belief is undefined, far from unique and not even her own. Yet she’s ready to enlist in a battle for it, to join the chorus of youth in defiance of rules and restrictive authority. I question now my giving in to any compromise at their purchase months ago. Maybe I should have said no way no matter what. But then how could she learn of consequences? How could she learn of making her own decisions and avoided the fateful trap of resentment which leads to a desire of rectifying to the ultimate extreme the day she’s completely free to make all her own choices? There’s a recipe for disaster, making decisions on purely emotional premises, worse premises imagined and exaggerated - this is the future of the feisty bee. I don’t want my daughter to be the bee, and I don’t want her to want to be the bee.

Now I know my daughter is young, I know these years are formidable and critical, I know she’s a good kid and I know that her wanting to wear short shorts is a drop in the bucket of real and serious issues. The problem is I also know that the adversary also knows she is young, that these years are formidable and critical and that she’s a good kid. He’s neither young nor good, and this frightens the snarf out of me. If she starts adopting the views, attitudes and beliefs of those around her now the chances of surviving these tumultuous years without scarring are nil. The saying goes that if you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything. I believe this simply analogy of the shorts is why, after all it all starts somewhere and it doesn’t start with fireworks; no it starts with the tiniest bit of wear and tear to weaken the fabric. Today it’s shorts, tomorrow it’s something bigger. Sadly, it’s all wrapped in the lies that there are no consequences, no accountability. The short shorts so typify all this, and so ends my analogy of the shorts.

But that’s all that ends. My efforts to help my daughter wade through the waters of independence will never end. Her learning life’s lessons of accountability are just beginning. Agency is given to all, but independence is earned. Earn it wisely my young friends, earn it wisely.

Don’t Forget!

Of all life’s lessons, perhaps few are greater than the one of remembering to say thank you. I’m constantly amazed at how powerful these two words are and the good that can come from sharing them. Want to put a spin on it? Try starting with these two amazing words, you’ll be glad you did.

I’ve been hit lately with the recognition and importance of good things. I’ve always known that negative screams, it’s why we tend to notice it most, but the positive is always there waiting patiently and quietly to be found. Here’s some I found lurking amongst my “negatives” today:

Weeds: So they’re all over my backyard reminding me of how much work there is to do, but they personify determination and a free spirit and when they’re gone I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing a job has been done.

Stunted: These little flowers made it out of the ground, even blossomed but they’re only a few inches tall and the flowers are about the size of my thumbnail. What a reminder of how important nourishment is. It’s so easy to stunt ourselves and our growth, I wonder what I’m holding onto that I need to let go of and what things I need to be embracing more to nourish myself?

Bare: My new trees are budding but still look so bare, yet the promise that sings from those little budding leaves is amazing!

Too Late: I didn’t get some of my broccoli stocks cut before they began to flower, now I can’t eat them but boy they look pretty, big and strong. Maybe the late bloomer is stronger and prettier for the delay?

Influence: “Bloom where you’re planted” came to mind as I looked at these flowers planted side by side at the same time. I wonder what made one take off and the other not? Am I blooming?

Sideways Volunteer: First the picture is sideways, just like I feel somedays! Second this is a volunteer tree or shrub, it’s finding it’s way without any direct help or nourishment from me…..hmmmmmm

Unglued: Ug, this is the face of my pool cool deck, it’s literally coming unglued everywhere and chipping like crazy. I guess the upside is change is imminent and won’t it look nice and be appreciated when it’s redone?!

Dirty: Two pool steps, one got cleaned off when my son tested the water temperature this week, the next step remains neglected and dirty as the vacuum doesn’t climb stairs. I wonder what I’m neglecting because it’s a little harder to get to? The clean sure looks nice!

Cycles: Death is unavoidable, yet new growth is always there to replenish.

Singed: Some of these tomato plant leaves were singed by frost and cold, yet they didn’t let that stop their growth. There’s a lesson or two in there somewhere.

Clean Up: It’s too heavy to lift now, but it indicates progress don’t you think?

I think I’m really struck with the reality of how our perceptions paint our reality. I know so many people who find a blame or excuse for everything, including making good things look bad. But the reality is, there’s good in almost everything. You just have to look for it to see it. I hope I’m the kind of person that encourages good things with those that associate with me. I hope I’m a lifter and not a leaner, at least not all the time!

So what’s good in your life?

This is more closely aligned to the nature versus nurture argument than I’ve realized previously. I’ve made comparisons in the past to life and gardening. There is a great deal of wisdom to be found in these types of comparisons. Today I’m reflecting on the values and impact of past and present actions.

Specifically, I’m thinking on the role of parenting. I’m seeing first hand how so many things I’ve done with my kids are traced back to planting the right seeds. Constant attention and cultivation down the road bear priceless impact, but what was planted in the beginning is absolutely critical. You simply can’t make a tomato plant bear a different kind of fruit.

I’ve always heard how important and formidable the early years of life are. I’ve always known it was true, but I’m only now starting to realize the depth of this truth. As a parent, the number of days you shake your head and wonder if ANYTHING you are trying to teach is making it anywhere are far more frequent than the rays of light when you can see successful penetration. Your kids are like precious little geodes. They are developing the most beautiful and intricate crystals of their character on the inside, but you will most likely be exposed most often to a tough and ugly outer shell as the parent.

Today I’m thinking on how much influence you really do have on those forming crystals inside. It is just like gardening. The best crop comes from early preparation of the soil and care in planting. Cultivation of the growing plants can overcome a lot of problems, but it can’t make up for what was or wasn’t planted. The upside is that it’s never too late to plant. The growth and ability for full potential of what is planted may diminish with time, but the ability to plant new seeds isn’t lost with age.

Some of the most important seeds I’ve been observing in the past several months include:

• Importance of a strong and good work ethic
• Kindness and compassion
• Personal responsibility
• Honesty
• Desire and determination to excel
• Cleanliness
• Respect

There are plenty more seeds that are worthy of mentioning. I think there are core seeds that branch out into other areas, perhaps even become the foundation of several smaller seeds. Equally true is the reality that just planting isn’t enough. Great seeds can be planted and never grow if they receive no care or cultivation. I’ve also been pleasantly surprised in my life to witness seeds that were planted yet remained dormant, suddenly spring to life with great success when the right care was given. Yes, I believe there is a great deal of comparisons to be made between gardening and life. I’m grateful for the seeds I’m witnessing growing with strength in my own children. I hope I’m planting enough of the right ones and cultivating them adequately for full potential to be reached. The harvest is truly the proving point of your greatest satisfaction of disappointment. I pray I fall on the side of satisfaction.

The technology bursts in the past decade make my head swim. Cell phones still make phone calls but it’s no longer the primary function or purpose of owning one, computers still use desktop software but the primary function has shifted to online activities. In fact, if you own a computer but don’t have an internet connection some would argue it’s like not having a computer at all. These are just a few examples of big boom changes but I’m sure you can come up with several others. The point is technology keeps growing.

This is great, but it’s also problematic. The ultimate question in my mind is can the learning curve keep up with the growth? Moreover, who is responsible for that learning curve?

Case in point, several years ago I was hired by the Albertson’s Foundation to teach some classes. Their program was called ‘Teaching with Technology’ and it existed for the very problem mentioned. The foundation had donated millions of dollars worth of computer labs in several high schools state wide. However, there was a big gap in the learning curve for educators knowing how to use those new tools, let alone teach them to students. So they began a program to fill that gap, which I thought was noteworthy and wonderful because they could have just shrugged and walked away saying they’d provided the tools and now it was the school’s jobs to figure out how to make use of them. They had provided the growth and they also provided solutions on the learning curve. In short, they addressed both questions I stated above.

Switch to today and I see both questions unresolved, in fact not even addressed. Today it’s not a donation of expensive equipment and software to a select few, it’s essentially a donation of new socializing tools to the masses. I say donation because these new technologies are generally available for free to the public, paid for by advertisers. They carry names like Facebook, MySpace, Blogging, Google/Yahoo Groups, and a million more; technology that impacts daily social interaction and one’s ability to function in society and the work place. There’s no responsibility in providing the new tools, it is exactly a shrug of the shoulders with an attitude that they simply provide - it’s someone else’s job to use, teach, etc. The primary consideration is making money or a name for themselves. Consequently, every day I’m online I see more and more stupid things without regulation that will cause long term consequences. Here are a few of my concerns:

1) Conversational and social interaction skills are being replaced with texting and other artificial means.

2) Publishing has become so easy it requires no thought or common sense.

3) Reality is becoming blurred.

True story: two teens are seen sitting in a room without a word spoken, yet both are holding phones and their fingers are moving wildly over them. When asked who they’re talking to they reply “each other.” You’ll see someone reach for a phone while waiting in line long before you’ll see them smile at someone else or say a simple hello. And now that publishing is as easy as hitting send, sharing all kinds of information from thoughts to pictures is not only common it’s a way of life. But no one ever stops to think if there’s any consequences to what they might be sending. Which brings us to the third point. We’ve now seen headlines about youth committing suicide over the above issues, whether bullying online or sexting consequences and harassment, the line of reality for the youth involved became unclear. The grave results prove the learning curve gap and raise the question of responsibility. Everyone wants to place fault somewhere, but few recognize that ultimately we missed the two important questions the Alberston’s Foundation addressed years ago: Can the learning curve keep up with the growth and who is responsible for it? When this generation is grown and dealing with all these problems, which will consequently affect everyone else, it won’t matter who was responsible for teaching them, it will only matter that they were never taught.

I think we need a ‘Teaching ABOUT Technology’ course and I think it needs to focus on youth. I think it should be taught be parents, teachers, leaders, and business owners alike. I think our youth need to be taught the same rules apply. That common sense dictates you need to ask for permission before posting pictures of anyone but yourself, that once you commit something in print you can’t get it back - that plausible deniablity is gone and you’ve now left proof of your immaturity or stupidity, and that just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Common decency and respect should be as important as they once were.

Psst…here’s a little secret: children and youth who don’t experience communication skills involving conversation, verbal exchanges, etc. won’t just magically know how to do it when they get older. They won’t know how to develop and nurture important relationships with real people if their only experience involves a technology middle man to both hide behind and talk through. They can’t know how their decisions today will impact their options tomorrow. Today’s kids have never known life without these technologies, they know nothing different. How will they learn if no one teaches them? They live in a world that is all about them, a world where they are just beginning to experience accountability for their actions, a world that doesn’t expect them to act like adults but where they have access to all the same grown up technologies. The “adults” don’t seem to have any better handle on these new technology toys as I’ve seen just as many of them texting or talking on cell phones during meetings, movies, etc., sharing private information in public ways. No, e-etiquette is as non-existent as decorum in today’s social circles. We’re going to regret that one day.

So to any youth who may chance upon this article, or responsible adults who wish to help youth they care for, may I share a few simple points of wisdom?

1) Never publish (that means send, text, type, upload) anything that you would be embarrassed or inconvenienced by if someone you weren’t expecting to see it saw it.

2) Think before you share. Once committed, you can never get it back. There is no erase or undo button for the consequences.

3) Don’t pretend to be anything you’re not just because technology makes it easy.

4) Remember that everything you do today has an impact on tomorrow, even if you can’t see it yet.

As I look out my window at the recently transplanted roses and plants in my newest garden spot, I can’t help but compare it to life. Sometimes you just get comfortable and established and it seems someone comes along and transplants you.

Change is the single constant in the universe. Sometimes it’s slight, other times it’s momentous. But no matter what shape or size it comes in, you can be guaranteed that it will find it’s way into your life.

As I reflect on my own life I see so many similarities to the recent changes in my back yard. Fences have been put in place during times when extra security was needed and taken down when that need diminished, new plants have been put in places where old ones have died or where it was barren before, new seeds are planted and encouraged to grow to maturity while other mature plants are transplanted for various reasons. It’s never apparent to these objects what the reason for their arrival, move or dismissal are, but as the cultivator and designer I know the reasons.

There’s a master cultivator and designer that weaves a web of perfection in my life. I need to trust Him more. Just as I work in incremental steps to make my yard be all I want it to be, so it is with my life. He simply wants me to be all that He knows I can be. Often that means a need for comfort to be replaced with challenge or hardship. Reflection shows that some of the biggest and hardest changes in my life have brought about the most beautiful and prosperous results. I just couldn’t see it at the time, nor did I understand the reasons for the change. Perhaps this is part of the meaning behind the saying to bloom where you’re planted.

This morning I was out planting my garden. I looked over and saw something that struck several thoughts in my head and heart. Inspired, I grabbed the camera.

Now the question is, what do you see?

If you’re anything like me you see beauty in this simple flower. The fact that is was a singular flower contributed to my attention being pulled to it. Having read a bit of the history of this specific type of flower there’s a certain amount of awe as well. It’s been around since the dinosaur age according to some specialists. It’s a hardy flower that manages to survive and thrive, and according to Robert Fulgham it deserves to bloom wherever it pops up given how long it’s worked to stay around. Funny how I always think of him and his books when I see any form of dandelion.

Just saying the word dandelion may have already altered you view of this picture. But wait, there’s more. What do you see now?

How amazing is that? Something with a focused and narrow perspective that was once beautiful and inviting becomes something quite different when you see more of the picture.

So here are a few things that hit me immediately:
1) Seeing more of the picture can greatly alter your perspective.
2) A narrow focus or view can greatly alter your perceptions and beliefs.
3) Even in the most unsightly and ugly, beauty can be found.
4) Company and environment have a huge influence.
5) Determination matters more than almost any other element.

Each of these is worthy of its own post. What hit you? What did you think of when you saw the images?

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It’s possible that I’m insane, but I’m really excited about a new project cropping up on my horizon. I know, it’s not like I’ve already got a plethora of them right? It’s not like I haven’t been complaining about my lack of steam to get them completed lately either right? I know, I may need to be committed somewhere in a little white jacket. Especially when you find out what this project is in and how excited I am about it!

This week we received a brochure for a new school opening in our area. The concept is “Classical Education” and as I skimmed the reading list for this 6-12 program I found myself rubbing my chin thinking on what a great list it was. I looked at their curriculum overview and found myself wishing I could sign up! As hubby and I talked on our walk last night we discussed how sad it is that neither of us feel really well versed in literature. I recognize names, some works I know I “studied” in school but remember so little if anything, but the vast majority I know nothing of and have never read. How sad given how much I love reading and how much I’ve been reading lately. So my new project is to make my way through this core reading list of over 100 titles and to take up the challenge of some of the curriculum topics. I may not qualify to sign up as a student but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn all this stuff. Besides I’ve always been a trial by fire person and have managed to learn a great deal teaching myself.

It’s kind of sad when you think on how we spend so many years being exposed to a vast array of education topics, but as we “specialize” our field continues to narrow. By the time we’re adults most of us have chosen a field of expertise or study and while we may know a great deal about that we are likely very ignorant of other topics.

It made me really question when the last time was I chose to learn something just because. Obviously, my answer was lacking and it’s time to fix that.

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