Don’t Forget!
Of all life’s lessons, perhaps few are greater than the one of remembering to say thank you. I’m constantly amazed at how powerful these two words are and the good that can come from sharing them. Want to put a spin on it? Try starting with these two amazing words, you’ll be glad you did.
I’ve been hit lately with the recognition and importance of good things. I’ve always known that negative screams, it’s why we tend to notice it most, but the positive is always there waiting patiently and quietly to be found. Here’s some I found lurking amongst my “negatives” today:
Weeds: So they’re all over my backyard reminding me of how much work there is to do, but they personify determination and a free spirit and when they’re gone I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing a job has been done.
Stunted: These little flowers made it out of the ground, even blossomed but they’re only a few inches tall and the flowers are about the size of my thumbnail. What a reminder of how important nourishment is. It’s so easy to stunt ourselves and our growth, I wonder what I’m holding onto that I need to let go of and what things I need to be embracing more to nourish myself?
Bare: My new trees are budding but still look so bare, yet the promise that sings from those little budding leaves is amazing!
Too Late: I didn’t get some of my broccoli stocks cut before they began to flower, now I can’t eat them but boy they look pretty, big and strong. Maybe the late bloomer is stronger and prettier for the delay?
Influence: “Bloom where you’re planted” came to mind as I looked at these flowers planted side by side at the same time. I wonder what made one take off and the other not? Am I blooming?
Sideways Volunteer: First the picture is sideways, just like I feel somedays! Second this is a volunteer tree or shrub, it’s finding it’s way without any direct help or nourishment from me…..hmmmmmm
Unglued: Ug, this is the face of my pool cool deck, it’s literally coming unglued everywhere and chipping like crazy. I guess the upside is change is imminent and won’t it look nice and be appreciated when it’s redone?!
Dirty: Two pool steps, one got cleaned off when my son tested the water temperature this week, the next step remains neglected and dirty as the vacuum doesn’t climb stairs. I wonder what I’m neglecting because it’s a little harder to get to? The clean sure looks nice!
Cycles: Death is unavoidable, yet new growth is always there to replenish.
Singed: Some of these tomato plant leaves were singed by frost and cold, yet they didn’t let that stop their growth. There’s a lesson or two in there somewhere.
Clean Up: It’s too heavy to lift now, but it indicates progress don’t you think?
I think I’m really struck with the reality of how our perceptions paint our reality. I know so many people who find a blame or excuse for everything, including making good things look bad. But the reality is, there’s good in almost everything. You just have to look for it to see it. I hope I’m the kind of person that encourages good things with those that associate with me. I hope I’m a lifter and not a leaner, at least not all the time!
So what’s good in your life?
This is more closely aligned to the nature versus nurture argument than I’ve realized previously. I’ve made comparisons in the past to life and gardening. There is a great deal of wisdom to be found in these types of comparisons. Today I’m reflecting on the values and impact of past and present actions.
Specifically, I’m thinking on the role of parenting. I’m seeing first hand how so many things I’ve done with my kids are traced back to planting the right seeds. Constant attention and cultivation down the road bear priceless impact, but what was planted in the beginning is absolutely critical. You simply can’t make a tomato plant bear a different kind of fruit.
I’ve always heard how important and formidable the early years of life are. I’ve always known it was true, but I’m only now starting to realize the depth of this truth. As a parent, the number of days you shake your head and wonder if ANYTHING you are trying to teach is making it anywhere are far more frequent than the rays of light when you can see successful penetration. Your kids are like precious little geodes. They are developing the most beautiful and intricate crystals of their character on the inside, but you will most likely be exposed most often to a tough and ugly outer shell as the parent.
Today I’m thinking on how much influence you really do have on those forming crystals inside. It is just like gardening. The best crop comes from early preparation of the soil and care in planting. Cultivation of the growing plants can overcome a lot of problems, but it can’t make up for what was or wasn’t planted. The upside is that it’s never too late to plant. The growth and ability for full potential of what is planted may diminish with time, but the ability to plant new seeds isn’t lost with age.
Some of the most important seeds I’ve been observing in the past several months include:
There are plenty more seeds that are worthy of mentioning. I think there are core seeds that branch out into other areas, perhaps even become the foundation of several smaller seeds. Equally true is the reality that just planting isn’t enough. Great seeds can be planted and never grow if they receive no care or cultivation. I’ve also been pleasantly surprised in my life to witness seeds that were planted yet remained dormant, suddenly spring to life with great success when the right care was given. Yes, I believe there is a great deal of comparisons to be made between gardening and life. I’m grateful for the seeds I’m witnessing growing with strength in my own children. I hope I’m planting enough of the right ones and cultivating them adequately for full potential to be reached. The harvest is truly the proving point of your greatest satisfaction of disappointment. I pray I fall on the side of satisfaction.
The technology bursts in the past decade make my head swim. Cell phones still make phone calls but it’s no longer the primary function or purpose of owning one, computers still use desktop software but the primary function has shifted to online activities. In fact, if you own a computer but don’t have an internet connection some would argue it’s like not having a computer at all. These are just a few examples of big boom changes but I’m sure you can come up with several others. The point is technology keeps growing.
This is great, but it’s also problematic. The ultimate question in my mind is can the learning curve keep up with the growth? Moreover, who is responsible for that learning curve?
Case in point, several years ago I was hired by the Albertson’s Foundation to teach some classes. Their program was called ‘Teaching with Technology’ and it existed for the very problem mentioned. The foundation had donated millions of dollars worth of computer labs in several high schools state wide. However, there was a big gap in the learning curve for educators knowing how to use those new tools, let alone teach them to students. So they began a program to fill that gap, which I thought was noteworthy and wonderful because they could have just shrugged and walked away saying they’d provided the tools and now it was the school’s jobs to figure out how to make use of them. They had provided the growth and they also provided solutions on the learning curve. In short, they addressed both questions I stated above.
Switch to today and I see both questions unresolved, in fact not even addressed. Today it’s not a donation of expensive equipment and software to a select few, it’s essentially a donation of new socializing tools to the masses. I say donation because these new technologies are generally available for free to the public, paid for by advertisers. They carry names like Facebook, MySpace, Blogging, Google/Yahoo Groups, and a million more; technology that impacts daily social interaction and one’s ability to function in society and the work place. There’s no responsibility in providing the new tools, it is exactly a shrug of the shoulders with an attitude that they simply provide - it’s someone else’s job to use, teach, etc. The primary consideration is making money or a name for themselves. Consequently, every day I’m online I see more and more stupid things without regulation that will cause long term consequences. Here are a few of my concerns:
1) Conversational and social interaction skills are being replaced with texting and other artificial means.
2) Publishing has become so easy it requires no thought or common sense.
3) Reality is becoming blurred.
True story: two teens are seen sitting in a room without a word spoken, yet both are holding phones and their fingers are moving wildly over them. When asked who they’re talking to they reply “each other.” You’ll see someone reach for a phone while waiting in line long before you’ll see them smile at someone else or say a simple hello. And now that publishing is as easy as hitting send, sharing all kinds of information from thoughts to pictures is not only common it’s a way of life. But no one ever stops to think if there’s any consequences to what they might be sending. Which brings us to the third point. We’ve now seen headlines about youth committing suicide over the above issues, whether bullying online or sexting consequences and harassment, the line of reality for the youth involved became unclear. The grave results prove the learning curve gap and raise the question of responsibility. Everyone wants to place fault somewhere, but few recognize that ultimately we missed the two important questions the Alberston’s Foundation addressed years ago: Can the learning curve keep up with the growth and who is responsible for it? When this generation is grown and dealing with all these problems, which will consequently affect everyone else, it won’t matter who was responsible for teaching them, it will only matter that they were never taught.
I think we need a ‘Teaching ABOUT Technology’ course and I think it needs to focus on youth. I think it should be taught be parents, teachers, leaders, and business owners alike. I think our youth need to be taught the same rules apply. That common sense dictates you need to ask for permission before posting pictures of anyone but yourself, that once you commit something in print you can’t get it back - that plausible deniablity is gone and you’ve now left proof of your immaturity or stupidity, and that just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Common decency and respect should be as important as they once were.
Psst…here’s a little secret: children and youth who don’t experience communication skills involving conversation, verbal exchanges, etc. won’t just magically know how to do it when they get older. They won’t know how to develop and nurture important relationships with real people if their only experience involves a technology middle man to both hide behind and talk through. They can’t know how their decisions today will impact their options tomorrow. Today’s kids have never known life without these technologies, they know nothing different. How will they learn if no one teaches them? They live in a world that is all about them, a world where they are just beginning to experience accountability for their actions, a world that doesn’t expect them to act like adults but where they have access to all the same grown up technologies. The “adults” don’t seem to have any better handle on these new technology toys as I’ve seen just as many of them texting or talking on cell phones during meetings, movies, etc., sharing private information in public ways. No, e-etiquette is as non-existent as decorum in today’s social circles. We’re going to regret that one day.
So to any youth who may chance upon this article, or responsible adults who wish to help youth they care for, may I share a few simple points of wisdom?
1) Never publish (that means send, text, type, upload) anything that you would be embarrassed or inconvenienced by if someone you weren’t expecting to see it saw it.
2) Think before you share. Once committed, you can never get it back. There is no erase or undo button for the consequences.
3) Don’t pretend to be anything you’re not just because technology makes it easy.
4) Remember that everything you do today has an impact on tomorrow, even if you can’t see it yet.
As I look out my window at the recently transplanted roses and plants in my newest garden spot, I can’t help but compare it to life. Sometimes you just get comfortable and established and it seems someone comes along and transplants you.
Change is the single constant in the universe. Sometimes it’s slight, other times it’s momentous. But no matter what shape or size it comes in, you can be guaranteed that it will find it’s way into your life.
As I reflect on my own life I see so many similarities to the recent changes in my back yard. Fences have been put in place during times when extra security was needed and taken down when that need diminished, new plants have been put in places where old ones have died or where it was barren before, new seeds are planted and encouraged to grow to maturity while other mature plants are transplanted for various reasons. It’s never apparent to these objects what the reason for their arrival, move or dismissal are, but as the cultivator and designer I know the reasons.
There’s a master cultivator and designer that weaves a web of perfection in my life. I need to trust Him more. Just as I work in incremental steps to make my yard be all I want it to be, so it is with my life. He simply wants me to be all that He knows I can be. Often that means a need for comfort to be replaced with challenge or hardship. Reflection shows that some of the biggest and hardest changes in my life have brought about the most beautiful and prosperous results. I just couldn’t see it at the time, nor did I understand the reasons for the change. Perhaps this is part of the meaning behind the saying to bloom where you’re planted.
This morning I was out planting my garden. I looked over and saw something that struck several thoughts in my head and heart. Inspired, I grabbed the camera.
Now the question is, what do you see?
If you’re anything like me you see beauty in this simple flower. The fact that is was a singular flower contributed to my attention being pulled to it. Having read a bit of the history of this specific type of flower there’s a certain amount of awe as well. It’s been around since the dinosaur age according to some specialists. It’s a hardy flower that manages to survive and thrive, and according to Robert Fulgham it deserves to bloom wherever it pops up given how long it’s worked to stay around. Funny how I always think of him and his books when I see any form of dandelion.
Just saying the word dandelion may have already altered you view of this picture. But wait, there’s more. What do you see now?
How amazing is that? Something with a focused and narrow perspective that was once beautiful and inviting becomes something quite different when you see more of the picture.
So here are a few things that hit me immediately:
1) Seeing more of the picture can greatly alter your perspective.
2) A narrow focus or view can greatly alter your perceptions and beliefs.
3) Even in the most unsightly and ugly, beauty can be found.
4) Company and environment have a huge influence.
5) Determination matters more than almost any other element.
Each of these is worthy of its own post. What hit you? What did you think of when you saw the images?
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It’s possible that I’m insane, but I’m really excited about a new project cropping up on my horizon. I know, it’s not like I’ve already got a plethora of them right? It’s not like I haven’t been complaining about my lack of steam to get them completed lately either right? I know, I may need to be committed somewhere in a little white jacket. Especially when you find out what this project is in and how excited I am about it!
This week we received a brochure for a new school opening in our area. The concept is “Classical Education” and as I skimmed the reading list for this 6-12 program I found myself rubbing my chin thinking on what a great list it was. I looked at their curriculum overview and found myself wishing I could sign up! As hubby and I talked on our walk last night we discussed how sad it is that neither of us feel really well versed in literature. I recognize names, some works I know I “studied” in school but remember so little if anything, but the vast majority I know nothing of and have never read. How sad given how much I love reading and how much I’ve been reading lately. So my new project is to make my way through this core reading list of over 100 titles and to take up the challenge of some of the curriculum topics. I may not qualify to sign up as a student but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn all this stuff. Besides I’ve always been a trial by fire person and have managed to learn a great deal teaching myself.
It’s kind of sad when you think on how we spend so many years being exposed to a vast array of education topics, but as we “specialize” our field continues to narrow. By the time we’re adults most of us have chosen a field of expertise or study and while we may know a great deal about that we are likely very ignorant of other topics.
It made me really question when the last time was I chose to learn something just because. Obviously, my answer was lacking and it’s time to fix that.
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I’ve had reason to reflect lately on the difference between knowing what you think and thinking what you know.
A tongue twister and brain bender to be sure, but it’s really not that hard a concept to grasp. Most of us think what we know, we don’t actually know it. I say this because most of the information we absorb isn’t neutral fact, but rather disputed opinions and beliefs. I’m sure this is where the wisdom came from the concept of “taking it with a grain of salt” which to me always meant remembering that there’s room for error.
In no arena does my tolerance, or lack of, for this problem reach boiling point faster than in the social realm. It seems that some people have so much time and energy to waste that their entire existence appears to circle around the discussion of things they think they know about others. Perhaps this is the real definition of gossip. It may not always be intended to slander another or scar their reputation or name but the result is inevitable. It is the very spirit of rumor and mischief, of discord and strife.
Have you ever paused to listen to the way so many people speak today? Listen closely and I’ll bet you’ll hear what I hear. The absolute resolution in their voice is unmistakable. They often speak as if they were not only there when the event unfolded they are discussing, but they take on a film director’s role, doing all they can to ensure the proper level of emotion and interpretation are present during their story telling. Many throw in impersonations from facial expression to voice inflection throughout the dialogue. It’s astounding. Some people must have a lot more time than me or they have found a secret, time traveling transporter allowing them to pop in all over the globe to witness these stories and events.
Equally disturbing to me is the level of absorption from the listening party who takes in every detail as pure truth. Not only do they believe it completely, but if riled with enough passion they’ll quickly assume the ranks of story teller themselves sharing the same story to a new audience. It has to be one of the greatest vices of the human race. The wake of destruction is greater than that of any Tsunami or other natural disaster, yet the only tool required for success is a sharpened tongue willing to spread the disease. I can’t imagine any other force that can so swiftly or completely spread the work of destruction.
Every story is just that - a story. It is painted by the author and thus framed by the personal interpretations and character traits of the artist. Facts are seldom presented and even when they are there is so much cloud cover to sift through that they end up distorted. You may not be able to control what others choose to share, but you have complete control over what you choose to listen to, believe, and more importantly repeat. I think there’s wisdom in taking time to determine if you think you know something or if you actually know what you think.
And in review of my blog, this is a topic of which I obviously have a strong opinion! LOL
Point of View Truths
If You’re Going To Write
What’s In a Name?
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I love history. The more I learn, the more I love. This week I’m reading The American Lion, Andrew Jackson in the White House. As soon as I saw this book’s title I knew I wanted to read it.
As a young girl, my sister and I would listen to dramatized tapes going to bed. We had all the scripture stories and in our later years we got the American history set. The Andrew Jackson tape was one of my favorites. I can still hear the voices and repeat the lines shared between a young Andrew and an angry British military officer over his refusal to shine the man’s boots.
“Sir, I’m a prisoner of war, and prisoners cannot be forced to act as servants to enemy officers.”
“You’re not a prisoner of war, you’re a rebel and traitor and…”
“And I will not clean your boots!”
Then there was the sound of human anguish as the angry officer slashed at young Andrew with his sword. The memories are as vivid in my mind now as the images that flashed through my mind then.
Fueled by my memories, I’ve jumped into this book. It is interesting to me to read it on the heels of our most recent presidential election. There are many similarities that could be made. According to history, Jackson was the first president to be referred to as the people’s president and his presidency brought about great changes. He was the instigator of the democratic party with an avid belief that the power belonged with the people.
What strikes me though is how obvious it is to me that with the passing of time the memories and stories become clouded, fuzzy and even romanticized. There is an unwritten assumption by most people that our early history was a time of greater civility, less politics and better morals. The truth is, all the same problems existed then that do now in these areas we just have more people and a more assessable media. Reading about the political stories behind early leaders of this country leaves no doubt that politics have always been played out in the wings. In fact, Andrew Jackson blamed the ferocity and meanness of his 1828 election campaign as the reason for his wife’s death. I think the human appetites and hunger that plague the human spirit have always been present and always wreaked havoc on mankind when given the upper hand.
I like learning simple things like the fact that Andrew and Rachel never conceived a child and became parents to two through adoption. I didn’t know that and it strikes a personal chord with me. These simple stories and details help me understand historical figures better and makes them more than a name on a page.
I like reading facts of things that happened without personal opinions leaving the reader to make their own determinations of all the good and the bad. I like being reminded of things I’m sure I heard in school but had long since forgotten. Things that now have more meaning to me like how the civil war sparks were flying hot with South Carolina at the time Jackson was elected…more than 30 years before the war broke. I find myself asking the same question of him that I did of Obama, which was why you’d even want to be president coming into a term when there are so many big problems and unrest. To really appreciate the situation at the time Jackson became president you have to put a few critical pieces in place: The time of war and unrest with the Indian nations was at its peak, Florida and the majority of the west were still under foreign control presenting a constant worry of attack, the new nation was still in its infancy determining what roles the federal government would and should play, and South Carolina’s growing push for secession fueled by their success of ignoring a federal law they didn’t like many years before - an action that had been purposely unaddressed so as not to cause more problems. As if those big ticket items weren’t enough, Jackson experienced problems within his leadership circles when his own Vice President, Calhoun, resigned to head up the rebellion and hopeful secession of South Carolina, sharing and spreading the view that state right’s were more important than federal ones. Now I ask myself, who wants to take on that kind of mayhem? And yet he did, the nation was secured and still functions today because of it.
I think the past gets fuzzy. I think it gets clouded with the formation of political parties and definitions, a travesty in my opinion. Some of our best presidents like Lincoln were of parties newly formed, some short lived. The party didn’t define the leader then anymore than I believe it does now. I don’t think where we are today is that much different in regards to serious crisis and human problems than it was many years ago. I think we experience the problems we do because of human will and spirit and we triumph those problems for the same reason. I think there’s more lessons in history than we may recognize.
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This morning I’m sitting here taking in typical news headlines and reviewing the continual problem that plagues our nation and others today: Responsibility, or rather the lack of it.
More and more I see a world where there are no grown ups and a game to see who can beat all the things related to the process. One can scarcely make it through a single day without seeing at least a half dozen ads for products that claim the ability to skirt the side affects of aging skin and that’s to say nothing of all those that entice adults to act like adolescents. The message is clear - being ‘young’ equates to no responsibilities and only good things - eat, drink and be merry someone else will clean up. In short, being young is the most overused excuse in the book for people big enough to know better justifying their actions, whether it’s for poor decisions regarding their health to bad behavior. And yet we wonder why we see headlines like revered Olympic champions engaging in drug use. We even help frame the responses in excuses of youth as if that would make a decision more acceptable like Michael Phelps:
“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”
There is so much I could say about this, but let’s start with some positives. 1) He accepted responsibility for his choice. 2) He recognized the true nature of his choice. 3) He understands that his status results in high expectations especially in that of role model and 4) he apologized. There’s a hint of number five in there with a resolve but I can’t make myself list that for some reason. Maybe I just don’t know him well enough or I’m a stickler for actions speaking louder than words so need more time for that one to be on my list of positives.
At any rate, in this way I only hope I can teach my children the same critical lessons of life.
The big negatives for me in this are the framework of the “young” excuse and the reality of how critical expectations can be. To me the excuse of being young falls flat. People with two numbers in their age can’t use that crutch the way those with only one can and they shouldn’t. It’s a stupid reason to do dumb things and it can’t erase the personal responsibility of our actions.
And what of expectations? Well, in short I find that people often live up to or fall just short of them. This is good news if they’re high, but what if they’re low? How many people are swept aside simply because no one expects anything from them? Is it any wonder that there is so little accountability and responsibility? Michael Phelps is not the majority of young adults. What of all those who don’t feel the pressure of high expectations? The average, lost in the daily shuffle folks who make up the majority. Who do they answer to for their bad decisions? What reasons do they have to care? These answers are important because they represent the molding process for character. When you understand why you do what you do you’re on the path to self mastery. And it’s on this journey that you learn that no one can make you do, be, say or feel anything. You make your own decisions simply because you do or don’t want to. The consequences of those decisions may curtail freedoms and future choices but that doesn’t change the reality that the choice itself was ours and ours alone.
This hits a big nerve for me and one that my husband and I spend a great deal of time discussing. It’s the constant battle of helping your children learn to make good decisions on their own and for the right reasons, of knowing when you’re doing too much or too little. I know my kids have to make good decisions because they want to and not because they feel that they have to. I know I can’t be there every minute of every day to help guide them in making right choices. They have to learn through their own experiences, just as I did. I just hope I’m doing enough to arm them with the right tools and that they will be enough in a world that screams irresponsibility.
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