My thoughts this morning are centered around the time of year. The leaves are turning colors, getting ready for a winter sleep. This process of change, of preparing for a period of dormancy is a pattern in our lives too. A new baby makes me think of spring, a walk in the autumn air with an aged loved one makes me think of fall.

There is something about this turning I can’t quite explain. I think it is because it feels like something of a paradox to me. There is sadness in the knowledge of expiration, of a season’s growth and lifespan being completed and spent. Perhaps even a hint of dread for the quiet that is waiting around the corner. Yet, at the same time there is great joy and satisfaction in the results of a productive and full lifespan; a reminder that after the sleep will come a new season of renewal and new beginnings. It is odd that there can be both conflict and peace within the concept of turning. And yet, these are the thoughts tumbling around simultaneously in my head this morning.

There’s also the concept of clean up of that happens in the fall. The time when you’ve reaped your harvest and it’s time to clear the expired corn stalks and other plants away. This past weekend, I helped work on clearing the corn patch at my parent’s, I also took on getting some of the dead branches out of an old choke cherry bush. As I looked at the results of the work, I was struck with how often I should be doing this in my own life. How, I need to be looking for habits, choices, etc. that are in need of being cleaned out. This process is painful. I came home with many scratches from branches not wanting to be disturbed, and sore muscles from roots desperately trying to hold their ground. And as I look at this picture, I am filled with satisfaction and hope of what the results will bring next spring.

So it is with me. Old habits die hard, but the promise of better ones to replace them are worth the pain and effort. I don’t want to look back on my life and regret time wasted. Perhaps a little less time spent playing games or socializing on the computer and a little more reading, reflecting and writing. Perhaps a little less time worrying about others and more worrying about myself. I’m feeling a sense that I need to follow nature’s lead this season.

I’d be lying if I said these thoughts don’t also cause a slight pang in my heart when I think of loved ones. This picture describes the very visuals and precious memories that I’m trying to describe.

This is my husband walking and talking with his grandpa in his garden. Grandpa Melvin turned 90 this year. How we love this sweet man. This picture sums up his amazing life of farming, teaching, loving and sharing. How can I help but want to keep him with us? Yet, knowing the joy that is waiting for him when he crosses this life’s veil, when he will be reunited with his sweetheart and loved ones on the other side causes me to also want for him to be able to go. I am back at my paradox. Turning is hard. Turning is necessary. Turning is progress. Turning is good.

I couldn’t think of a better title because this one words sums up so much. Since we arrived a week ago tomorrow, I’ve had heavy breathing from full days, lots of work and peaceful evenings with deep breathing as I soak up the peace and calm I’ve only ever found here at home.

As I have many friends that have no reference for the pictures and status updates I’ve been sharing on Facebook about yard work and mowing, I thought I’d share pictures of my mom’s beautiful and LARGE yard to help explain that out of breath breathing.

That makes up nearly two acres of lawn. And if that mowing and tree maintenance weren’t enough, let’s not forget the garden!

And the weeding in the awesome and plentiful flowerbeds!

In the past six days we’ve also had a family outside BBQ, hotdog and smores night at the fire pit, a trip up to the dry farm to visit the old homestead, a few soaks in the hot tub, fun with firework poppers, girl’s camp, to say nothing of the cleaning, unpacking and even some haircuts and pedicures today!

It feels wonderful to be home.

Braces are off!

Dad says she’s getting too cute and we may have to find some ways to ugly her up a little! Mom thinks he may be right! ~wink~

Mastered his fear of heights!

Wouldn’t you know after we’d prepped the family for his anxiety over heights and thrill rides/attractions he’d show us up?

How did they get this big? And when did that happen?

Another year has passed, and that means another birthday week for both kiddos has come and gone! I can’t believe my babies are 8 and 13!! Where did the time go?

A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks. First, we got a call that Blake’s grandma Faye wasn’t expected to live beyond a few days to a few weeks. This is a picture of her (front row, third from the left) in 2003, when Taylor’s adoption was finalized.

Last summer, we visited her at the nursing home where she’s been living for the past 2 years. Time and dementia have taken their toll on her. Time has given my little Taylor several more feet of height too, but note that the platinum blonde hair remains as true as when he was one. Personally, I’m just grateful that the pacifier isn’t still affixed to his mouth, there were days when I wondered if we’d ever successfully lose it. But I digress.

The point is, you think you understand what it means to endure, or what the phrase “Endure to the end” means, and then you reflect on the aging/exit process of this life and realize you don’t know anything about it all. This wonderful woman who has lived a full life and always been so vibrant and strong is powerless against the powers of death. I hate this reality, I really do.

So for the past two weeks we’ve waited for the call that would initiate the drive to Idaho. We’re still waiting. I’m not sure what to think about that. On the one hand I’m utterly amazed at the human spirit and ability to cling to life when it seems impossible. On the other, I’m saddened that relief can’t be delivered for this loved one. And so I find myself thinking it’s too much to process and must think on other things.

So on we go to my second arena of thought: Madrid, Spain.

Last week I left a closing line on my post of wondering what I’d be thinking this week. Well, I’m still thinking…a lot. You know how the hourglass works; tiny beads of sand stream through a tiny opening to fill the bottom of the jar - you know eventually it will get down there, but sometimes the process feels impossibly slow. That’s this process in a nutshell. The long and short is that this possibility is still on the docket and gaining momentum every day. Six months from now I could be living in Madrid. This is about the time I feel my eyes going blurry from input overload and I’m back to the same point of needing to think on other things.

So right now I’m distracting myself with blogging. It’s a good distraction and one that I’ve not had much time for lately (nor my garden or yard by the looks of things.) As I look at this picture from 2003 my mind is flooded with thoughts and memories. Where does the time go? It wasn’t that long ago that he was small enough to cradle in my arms, not that long since he wrapped his little fingers around mine moments after birth. My cute little Cidderbug is younger in this photo than Taylor is today. That adorable little spirit is just as vibrant, only now it’s blossoming into a beautiful young woman. It’s a lot to process.

This past week our weather has been like the summer days I grew up with in Idaho. It’s a reminder of just how hungry we can all get for summer weather!

The seeds we planted last week are sprouting, much to mom’s delight. I’m pretty sure she willed them to grow extra fast so she could see their heads pop out of the ground before she returns to the land of ice.

The kids get to enjoy their grandparents for a few weeks and boy are they happy! Taylor’s already gotten grandma to get out her needlework and let him help, and that was after he’d gotten grandpa going on his erector set - all within the first day of them being here. Not to be out done, Cidnie was quick to display her finished quilt since their last visit and had them watching New Moon with her Saturday night.

We spent yesterday evening in the yard pulling weeds and planting seeds. I’m happy for the help and I know mom is happy to get her fingers in the dirt, which is still covered with snow at her house. The weather has been perfect, right down to the rain this morning that watered the new seeds.

I’m always reminding myself of how many treasures there are in the simple things.

I’m still tying to wrap my brain around it being Spring Break. The time is flying by. This time of year indicates how close the end of the school year is. I know when my kids return next week there’ll be a couple weeks of testing preparation push before AIMS in April. Once AIMS testing is over it’s a free for all until the last day of school, which comes the third week of May. The mere thought that April is the last full month of school left makes me almost nauseous. I swear we just started this school year, I can scarcely believe it’s already on the wind down.

The kids kicked off the break by dipping in the pool - a balmy 60 degrees right now, though they seem immune to temperatures. They’re anxious for the break and the weather turn. We’re supposed to enjoy 80’s all this week! Yay! I enjoyed an afternoon in the yard yesterday too cleaning the pool and was reminded how much the sun takes out of you. I laid down on the couch and found myself waking up an hour later with the pup curled up snoozing right alongside me.

We like trying new things, especially during breaks from school to help us keep the kiddos busy. So when Blake found this recipe for Mt. Dew Cupcakes we had to try it out. They turned out really well! Very moist and super tasty, although I wouldn’t recommend eating a bunch at night. *wink* Was soda always this versatile? I rounded out my cravings with a fresh batch of homemade toffee. Things definitely got off on the right start for our break.

Now it’s upward and onward, continuing to enjoy the week of wonderful weather and lazy mornings. My parents are coming to visit at the end of the week and we’re all looking forward to that. We love to have family come. Last night on our walk we got talking about our summer trip to Idaho and my son started jumping up and down pleading to make sure we stay at least two weeks! I can’t believe it’s already just around the corner. I’m not completely convinced that someone isn’t pulling a trick on me, things seem to be moving exceptionally fast these days.

I’m still not sure how it happens. It’s like a thief in the night who sneaks in and announces another year has passed. I read once that growing older is like a roll of toilet paper, the older you get the faster it goes. I’m seeing the truth in that silly observation! I’m pretty sure we just did this and yet birthday time found it’s way to me again. I’m just celebrating that while 40 grows ever closer it’s still not here yet!

Yesterday was a great day. Blake took the day off and pampered me with great food, a new mouse for my computer and some wheat to try out my new Wonder Mill grinder. Maybe I’ll even find the energy to try it out this afternoon. Other highlights include my kids letting me sleep in, new earrings from my in-laws, picking my first successful squash from my garden, finding flowers at my door, many fantastic birthday wishes from friends and visits with family on the phone. We also started the day by visiting our newest family addition, Dexter. He’s a tiny little pup that will be ready to come home at the end of January.

The tree is up:

Night treats and time together:

And a special treat of mini golf and a Cardinal’s game with Grandma & Grandpa: