A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks. First, we got a call that Blake’s grandma Faye wasn’t expected to live beyond a few days to a few weeks. This is a picture of her (front row, third from the left) in 2003, when Taylor’s adoption was finalized.

Last summer, we visited her at the nursing home where she’s been living for the past 2 years. Time and dementia have taken their toll on her. Time has given my little Taylor several more feet of height too, but note that the platinum blonde hair remains as true as when he was one. Personally, I’m just grateful that the pacifier isn’t still affixed to his mouth, there were days when I wondered if we’d ever successfully lose it. But I digress.

The point is, you think you understand what it means to endure, or what the phrase “Endure to the end” means, and then you reflect on the aging/exit process of this life and realize you don’t know anything about it all. This wonderful woman who has lived a full life and always been so vibrant and strong is powerless against the powers of death. I hate this reality, I really do.

So for the past two weeks we’ve waited for the call that would initiate the drive to Idaho. We’re still waiting. I’m not sure what to think about that. On the one hand I’m utterly amazed at the human spirit and ability to cling to life when it seems impossible. On the other, I’m saddened that relief can’t be delivered for this loved one. And so I find myself thinking it’s too much to process and must think on other things.

So on we go to my second arena of thought: Madrid, Spain.

Last week I left a closing line on my post of wondering what I’d be thinking this week. Well, I’m still thinking…a lot. You know how the hourglass works; tiny beads of sand stream through a tiny opening to fill the bottom of the jar - you know eventually it will get down there, but sometimes the process feels impossibly slow. That’s this process in a nutshell. The long and short is that this possibility is still on the docket and gaining momentum every day. Six months from now I could be living in Madrid. This is about the time I feel my eyes going blurry from input overload and I’m back to the same point of needing to think on other things.

So right now I’m distracting myself with blogging. It’s a good distraction and one that I’ve not had much time for lately (nor my garden or yard by the looks of things.) As I look at this picture from 2003 my mind is flooded with thoughts and memories. Where does the time go? It wasn’t that long ago that he was small enough to cradle in my arms, not that long since he wrapped his little fingers around mine moments after birth. My cute little Cidderbug is younger in this photo than Taylor is today. That adorable little spirit is just as vibrant, only now it’s blossoming into a beautiful young woman. It’s a lot to process.

This past week our weather has been like the summer days I grew up with in Idaho. It’s a reminder of just how hungry we can all get for summer weather!

The seeds we planted last week are sprouting, much to mom’s delight. I’m pretty sure she willed them to grow extra fast so she could see their heads pop out of the ground before she returns to the land of ice.

The kids get to enjoy their grandparents for a few weeks and boy are they happy! Taylor’s already gotten grandma to get out her needlework and let him help, and that was after he’d gotten grandpa going on his erector set - all within the first day of them being here. Not to be out done, Cidnie was quick to display her finished quilt since their last visit and had them watching New Moon with her Saturday night.

We spent yesterday evening in the yard pulling weeds and planting seeds. I’m happy for the help and I know mom is happy to get her fingers in the dirt, which is still covered with snow at her house. The weather has been perfect, right down to the rain this morning that watered the new seeds.

I’m always reminding myself of how many treasures there are in the simple things.

I’m still tying to wrap my brain around it being Spring Break. The time is flying by. This time of year indicates how close the end of the school year is. I know when my kids return next week there’ll be a couple weeks of testing preparation push before AIMS in April. Once AIMS testing is over it’s a free for all until the last day of school, which comes the third week of May. The mere thought that April is the last full month of school left makes me almost nauseous. I swear we just started this school year, I can scarcely believe it’s already on the wind down.

The kids kicked off the break by dipping in the pool - a balmy 60 degrees right now, though they seem immune to temperatures. They’re anxious for the break and the weather turn. We’re supposed to enjoy 80’s all this week! Yay! I enjoyed an afternoon in the yard yesterday too cleaning the pool and was reminded how much the sun takes out of you. I laid down on the couch and found myself waking up an hour later with the pup curled up snoozing right alongside me.

We like trying new things, especially during breaks from school to help us keep the kiddos busy. So when Blake found this recipe for Mt. Dew Cupcakes we had to try it out. They turned out really well! Very moist and super tasty, although I wouldn’t recommend eating a bunch at night. *wink* Was soda always this versatile? I rounded out my cravings with a fresh batch of homemade toffee. Things definitely got off on the right start for our break.

Now it’s upward and onward, continuing to enjoy the week of wonderful weather and lazy mornings. My parents are coming to visit at the end of the week and we’re all looking forward to that. We love to have family come. Last night on our walk we got talking about our summer trip to Idaho and my son started jumping up and down pleading to make sure we stay at least two weeks! I can’t believe it’s already just around the corner. I’m not completely convinced that someone isn’t pulling a trick on me, things seem to be moving exceptionally fast these days.

I’m still not sure how it happens. It’s like a thief in the night who sneaks in and announces another year has passed. I read once that growing older is like a roll of toilet paper, the older you get the faster it goes. I’m seeing the truth in that silly observation! I’m pretty sure we just did this and yet birthday time found it’s way to me again. I’m just celebrating that while 40 grows ever closer it’s still not here yet!

Yesterday was a great day. Blake took the day off and pampered me with great food, a new mouse for my computer and some wheat to try out my new Wonder Mill grinder. Maybe I’ll even find the energy to try it out this afternoon. Other highlights include my kids letting me sleep in, new earrings from my in-laws, picking my first successful squash from my garden, finding flowers at my door, many fantastic birthday wishes from friends and visits with family on the phone. We also started the day by visiting our newest family addition, Dexter. He’s a tiny little pup that will be ready to come home at the end of January.

The tree is up:

Night treats and time together:

And a special treat of mini golf and a Cardinal’s game with Grandma & Grandpa:

I really don’t need any signs to tell me my kids are growing, but as I reviewed some pictures this morning I couldn’t help but see the obvious signs staring back at me.

Barbie dolls used to be a favorite thing.

Now it’s all about making quilts.

Plastic tool toys used to hold his interest for hours.

Now we’ve graduated to Legos and Erector sets.

It’s amazing to watch. Cidnie has always had such of love for all things family oriented and always has. She’s always loved to play pretend house and other life skills role play games, and she still does. Her life is continually focused on what’s yet to come. She’s already talking about getting married and being a mom after she moves to Idaho for college (she’s not sure if she dares have roommates who may play tricks on her but her back up plan is to live with Grandma.) I write it that way because it’s exactly the way she thinks of it: describing the step of marriage and family first, yet adding at the end that it will be after college. It’s so Cid. I have to pinch myself that my little forward thinking girl is twelve when she talks so matter of fact like about her future. She wants to grow up so fast. I can’t see anything but a blur from her arrival to now and can’t imagine why she thinks it needs to go any faster! But she is the very embodiment of social butterfly and time is very different in her world. Social elements are her life, her focus, her love. It’s why her memory for these details are unparalleled. She never ceases to amaze me.

Then there’s my little Taylor. This kid has an engineer’s mind. His fascination with how things work and putting things together at this young age astound me. I love seeing him move freely between following instructions for building to designing his own creations. He can entertain himself for hours on end all while rotating through his toys thoroughly and without any help or direction from me. I’ve never seen the likes of it. He always shows such earnest for learning, like it’s water in the desert. He struggles with his desire for perfection and control, and yet I know it’s because he can see so clearly in his mind what he wants something to look like or how something is supposed to be. His little tongue works 24×7 when he’s in concentration mode, which is almost constantly! I used to think he’d wear his lower mouth out but it seems to have adjusted to the constant movement of that tongue. At seven he still comes up out of the blue to give me a hug and tell me how much he loves me.

Today is the last day of November. Life has changed so much over the years, but just for today I’m pausing to remember the blessings of my kids. November is a month of gratitude for me. Thanksgiving of course gives reason to ponder on our many blessings, and the National Adoption Awareness Month that accompanies November gives me even more reason. How grateful I am for my children, for their amazing birth parent families, for the privilege of being called “Mom.” I know how fast the time goes. I’m painfully aware of how much time has already slipped through my fingers with them, but nothing can take away my memories or the love we share. Time may pass, but love only grows.

November is already here. I can’t believe it. Here’s the second installment of Halloween fun at our house.

We carved some pumpkins on Monday night and a few more on Saturday:

I need to point out that this year Taylor was completely independent on drawing on and cutting out his pumpkin faces. He still requested help gutting the pumpkin as that totally grosses this kid out! But he sure had fun doing the rest himself. In fact, the next day I found he’d cut two eyes into another pumpkin all by himself. Not surprising, he’d done nothing more than cut the eyes out! He also made me put a big eye face on the mini pumpkin I put in the big mean pumpkin’s mouth. I wanted to put “x’s” on it but he said that was too mean and this little pumpkin had to show that it was going to escape. He’s got heart, that kid.

Taylor had a class party on Friday. His sister’s class are their reading buddies and they came down to decorate pumpkins with them. He opted to be a pirate for the school day because it was easier to put on and met the guidelines with no masks or makeup. He’s still a wickedly cute little pirate says I.

And here’s how the costumes turned out. This one is Cidnie’s, I created the pattern and used $1.50/yd clearance fabric at Walmart. I was pretty happy with the $6.00 investment for her entire costume!

Tay was most patient getting his face painted. It went better and faster than I’d hoped! Although I sure had a hard time finding him in the dark without seeing that platinum blond hair and pale skin!!

Mother Confessor meets Darth Maul:

We had a fun time Halloween night visiting with friends and neighbors while eating and handing out candy. The kids had a ball playing with friends and collecting bags full of treats. All in all, a most successful Halloween!

The Halloween craze continues to run rampant in our neck of the woods. On our nightly walks we see nearly as many outdoor lights and displays as we do at Christmas. It’s truly a ’spooktacular’ phenomenon. My son tells me all the time that we don’t have enough stuff on our house. But we have more than I ever thought we would. Kids have a way of helping make sure that happens. I thought we were doing pretty well, I mean we have our ghost in the tree:

Some tombstones, a couple pumpkins, a skeleton, a witch’s broom and one of those annoying noise maker coffin boxes:

All are accompanied by a red/orange glow from the colored bulbs in the light fixtures, and I was especially proud that my plug in jack-o-lantern worked with my plug extension twisted into the light socket directly above it. Last year he sat hidden by the door, this year he’s front and center without an extension chord. However, Taylor wasn’t so easily impressed with my engineering feat. Lucky for me, he tends to lighten up when it gets close enough to Halloween to carve and light our pumpkins. *wink*

Halloween got an early start for us this year, the first weekend of the month to be specific. Cidnie decided she wanted to find and color some Halloween coloring pages. So she went to the computer and started printing out pages to color.

Taylor joined in the fun and then we cut them out and hung them on the mirror.

Last week we had fun making some Halloween decorations that Grandma and Grandpa gave the kids for their birthdays. We watched some of the movie The Labyrinth while making the skeleton. I still love that movie.

The month was already filling with Halloween things and then the cookie phantom and boo ghost landed on our door. So last night we made treats with the kids; two kinds of cookies and some chocolate dipped pretzel sticks. I was so happy with the way the cookie cutter cookies turned out that I wanted to share the recipe.

Basic Cookie Cutter Cookies

3/4 C Sugar
1/2 (1 stick) butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 C Flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons pear butter (I put in the pear butter because the mix was too crumbly. You could easily substitute apple sauce for the pear butter. )

My only complaint with this fun activity in past years is the need to make copies of stuff to give with the treats. In the past, I’ve ended up making my own version to print out (I promise to get all those in their many varieties up on my file section soon) and then I give extra copies to the families we share with so they don’t have the headache. But this year, the boo ghost smartened up and came with a website address to go get the information and picture from.

I have two weeks left to figure out costumes. Cidnie wants to be the confessor from the TV show “Legend of the Seeker” and Taylor wants to be Darth Maul.

So far I have Cidnie’s knives:

Looks like the sewing machine will be used for more than humanitarian quilt tops! Hopefully, I’ll find enough success to want to blog it when it’s done.

So that wraps up our Halloween 2009 Part I. In a few weeks I’ll have one full of the pumpkin carving, trunk-or-treats and Halloween night parties. *wipes brow* Is it Thanksgiving yet?

Sweetheart, today you turn twelve. It doesn’t seem possible, and yet I know I’ll feel the same way when you hit sixteen and that will be here before I know it. As a parent you long for your child to reach new milestones all the while wishing against hope that you could keep your precious ones small. You’re growing up before my eyes, but you’ll never outgrow my heart. You see, you are the champion of my heart.

That heart skipped beats before and until your arrival. Oh it tried desperately to achieve regularity and stability, but all was in vain without you. Something inside simply knew it wasn’t complete. I prayed and prayed for that completeness to come. I cried, worried, mourned and despaired over the emptiness only you could fill. For many years I wondered at the future of my heart. For the first time in my life I began to doubt.

They say the brightest rainbows come after the darkest storms. Well dear, your rainbow surpasses description. You are the champion of my heart. You won it over the moment I laid eyes on you, when you were still in your mother’s belly. I felt a tingle in that empty place. The ache in my arms was replaced with such warmth and love the first time I held you, my baby sweet. You were everything I’d hoped; everything I’d dreamed; everything I’d wanted. You still are.

So you see, you can never outgrow my heart for you grew in it. You played a critical role in completing it. You are the champion of my heart.