My friend Kelly has challenged her readers to participate in defining their view of responsibility for her Pass The Torch Tuesday project and as responsibility is huge with me I knew I couldn’t pass this up. So I’ve chosen to define what a responsible parent is to me.
I don’t have a perfect little definition paragraph for an answer. I only have my reasons for knowing it’s important, my personal experiences with it and my goals and direction as a parent.
Given that I believe that we live in a society that is largely lacking responsibility, I think the root of the problem is found at home in the way children are taught or not taught to be responsible. This means the parent must be responsible too for you cannot give that which you don’t have.
Some would say that my judgment of society is harsh. If you wonder why I think our society is largely irresponsible I ask you to look around and see how many people spend valuable time, resources and energy playing the blame game, excusing themselves or their actions, caring only about themselves or any combination of all these attitudes. We have become masters at believing there is always an escape, at believing that only ourselves matter. Just look at one simple example of the controversial topic of abortion. Look at the energy and resources spent arguing this consequence. It isn’t even viewed as a consequence of a previous action or decision, it’s disguised as an issue of choice.
I was taught that you can choose your decisions but not the consequences. That for every action and decision there was a corresponding consequence. This is at the top of my list of important elements in teaching my children what responsibility means. The world will not teach it. In fact it seems to me that society today cultivates an attitude of acquiring skills to aid them in attempted side-stepping of the consequences of their actions. Some even believe they’ve succeeded. I believe with every fiber of my being that no matter how long you may delay a consequence it cannot be erased and often the harder one works to eliminate it the longer the trail of additional offenses and consequences will follow.
Further, I was taught the the right for me to swing my fist ends where your nose begins. This is another critical principal to me as a parent to teach my kids. This means you have to think about someone other than yourself, you have to learn how to respect yourself and others in every sense.
The hardest part of all this as a parent is not just the burden of teaching your children correct principles and moral values, but more importantly how to let your children have the experience of making their own decisions to learn the consequences for themselves. Because at the end of the day, the true teacher is experience. The close shadow to this teacher is that of example and truly the lessons taught are often the ones we don’t even realize we’re teaching. Do as I say and not as I do never works. No, this as in all things has to start from within.
I don’t have a Harry Potter wand or a crystal ball to help navigate these troubled waters. But clinging to the principles that are most important to me will help me charter the course. I know that patterns of behaviors don’t correct themselves, that what you feed is what grows. I know that I want my kids to understand the most basic and fundamental principles of responsibility that I was given as a youth. So for now I can only charge ahead to the best of my ability to teach them personal accountability and basic respect. And a little positive motivation from time to time can help a great deal, now where’d I put that chocolate?
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