A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks. First, we got a call that Blake’s grandma Faye wasn’t expected to live beyond a few days to a few weeks. This is a picture of her (front row, third from the left) in 2003, when Taylor’s adoption was finalized.

Last summer, we visited her at the nursing home where she’s been living for the past 2 years. Time and dementia have taken their toll on her. Time has given my little Taylor several more feet of height too, but note that the platinum blonde hair remains as true as when he was one. Personally, I’m just grateful that the pacifier isn’t still affixed to his mouth, there were days when I wondered if we’d ever successfully lose it. But I digress.

The point is, you think you understand what it means to endure, or what the phrase “Endure to the end” means, and then you reflect on the aging/exit process of this life and realize you don’t know anything about it all. This wonderful woman who has lived a full life and always been so vibrant and strong is powerless against the powers of death. I hate this reality, I really do.

So for the past two weeks we’ve waited for the call that would initiate the drive to Idaho. We’re still waiting. I’m not sure what to think about that. On the one hand I’m utterly amazed at the human spirit and ability to cling to life when it seems impossible. On the other, I’m saddened that relief can’t be delivered for this loved one. And so I find myself thinking it’s too much to process and must think on other things.

So on we go to my second arena of thought: Madrid, Spain.

Last week I left a closing line on my post of wondering what I’d be thinking this week. Well, I’m still thinking…a lot. You know how the hourglass works; tiny beads of sand stream through a tiny opening to fill the bottom of the jar - you know eventually it will get down there, but sometimes the process feels impossibly slow. That’s this process in a nutshell. The long and short is that this possibility is still on the docket and gaining momentum every day. Six months from now I could be living in Madrid. This is about the time I feel my eyes going blurry from input overload and I’m back to the same point of needing to think on other things.

So right now I’m distracting myself with blogging. It’s a good distraction and one that I’ve not had much time for lately (nor my garden or yard by the looks of things.) As I look at this picture from 2003 my mind is flooded with thoughts and memories. Where does the time go? It wasn’t that long ago that he was small enough to cradle in my arms, not that long since he wrapped his little fingers around mine moments after birth. My cute little Cidderbug is younger in this photo than Taylor is today. That adorable little spirit is just as vibrant, only now it’s blossoming into a beautiful young woman. It’s a lot to process.

Let the games begin! Today is the first day for my kids to be out of school. I lucked out with the day off, which is great as I need to get so much done to be ready to travel to Vegas tomorrow!

I’m hoping our summer will even out and transitions will go well. June shouldn’t be too bad, but July may get ugly and I’m not just talking heat! I hope the transition of mom being at work won’t push dad over the edge with kids home while he’s trying to be productive. Hopefully a pattern will be found by then that will make it all work well.

I’m really enjoying being back in the work saddle. That sounds sick and twisted but it’s been fun. Things are just gearing up to start getting crazy, but I’m looking forward to the challenge and the finish line. I’m especially excited to find that so many skills have been building not dwindling in my years as a stay at home mom. Yay for motherhood!

Bring on the madness.

While walking out front the other day, I spied this tiny little nest sitting in my guava tree:

The entire thing would have fit neatly in the palm of a small child, yet the warmth and protection emanating from it would fill an entire heart. I couldn’t help but think about the representation it is of parenting. The time spent weaving a protective, safe, warm and nourishing environment for our children is a labor of love. Like these little birds, we make use of every available resource to protect our treasure inside. I don’t know if you can make it out in this photo or not, but the entire edging of this nest is a soft cotton like substance. I don’t know where it was found, or even what it is, I just know it added a layer of protective comfort that was almost tangible. How like a parent to creatively weave a little extra love and warmth into their efforts!

To pull down the branch and spy the contents was awesome. How cute are these adorable little jelly bean sized eggs? Kind of like our kids when they’re so tiny. Would that we could remember and retain this image in our heads when they try us as they grow! And try us they do and try us they will - some may even fall out of the nest. But one day they will be the parents, building their own nests of protection and love for their posterity. What will they have learned from us?

I hope I’m like these little birds. I hope I’m as diligent and dedicated to my job of protector and nurturer, that I’d give anything and everything to give my little ones every chance at reaching their potential. Some days it feels like I can only relate to squawking mouths! Then I see this visual and everything comes back into focus. No labor is too small, no element unimportant when it comes to parenting.

The tree is up:

Night treats and time together:

And a special treat of mini golf and a Cardinal’s game with Grandma & Grandpa:

It’s that time of year again for me. Well, actually I’m a little later than previous years but it’s been hotter longer this year and I’ve been working on serious back yard changes. This morning I was able to plant my garden seeds. I’m tickled because I’m finally making my backyard my own and getting projects done that allow me to garden the way I want.

The biggest project is moving my garden planting area into a decorative border framing my yard along the walls. It has been ongoing since the first of the month when we ordered 10 cubic yards of dirt, which by the way is a big pile of dirt. Then we had to dig up the grass - manually, and redistribute the dirt from the pile to the walls - also manually.

Saturday and today marked getting the first plants and seeds into this newly prepared area:

I’m excited to take pictures in a month or so when all that’s planted has had time to sprout and grow!

Two other projects include completing my new garden spot from this spring into transplanted roses, ornamental peppers and my newly planted salsa garden.

And getting the planter boxes replanted with herb seeds and giving Cidnie her own strawberry garden box. These are the plants, she’s also growing more plants inside to add later.

It will be great fun to post “before” and “after” photos in a few more weeks as well as in coming months. I have to give it up to my kids and husband who I literally dragged into this project with me. They were real troopers helping me. I personally believe the seeds sown working will one day sprout into important and valuable traits and skills that far surpass the immediate nature of garden veggies and pretty flowers. Although I love those too!

She keeps growing without permission. I find myself looking back at what felt like yesterday, even though the calendar says different, and wondering if I’ve given her everything I wanted to. I can’t help but think about life before my Cidderbug and how grateful I was to finally get her in my arms. Now she’s squirming away into the uncharted waters of young womanhood. Does she know how much I love her? Does she know how sad I am when she’s sad? How my heart aches when she struggles with something challenging? How proud I am of her every accomplishment?

Sometimes the daily hum drum of life drowns out the important things. I relive all the moments and mistakes when the patience ran thin. My memory is longer than hers for most of these things - thank heaven for tender mercies. We are our own worst critique they say. Most of the time I find myself treating my measuring stick like a bank register except I only ever seem to record the deficits. But then you get those glimmers when your child does something that makes your heart so proud it feels it might burst, those moments when you know you did something right. Those are the times when the Lord steps in and writes in your deposit for you.

Parenting is a whirlwind. It’s a crash course of learning you never knew possible. The climbs are harder and steeper than you thought you had the energy or strength for, and the views are incredible beyond description. The time you have them in your clutches is far shorter than the time they’ll spend being independent, yet when they’re young it consumes you to the point you can’t imagine them growing beyond you. And then you turn around and there they are looking back at you.

Amazing what a few minutes of building a marble run with my son will buy. *wink* Thanks to helping him build this I got a whole hour of nap time! Yay for marble runs!

Incidentally, as an owner of two sets, I have advice to share for anyone considering them. The first set I bought was a wooden one with colorful blocks and sections of rectangular runs. It looked fantastic but it showed manufacturing thoughtlessness in the design and cut. The run grooves were all completely flat so the marble wouldn’t roll; they should have been cut on an angle creating a slight slope. Unfortunately the blocks were all cut to the same sizes with no wedge pieces so if you tried to manually create a slope it would be too high or too low and cause the drop holes not to align. In short, it looked great and wood lasts, but it never worked as a marble run.

I should like to note here that as a little girl I remember hours spent playing with my cousin’s marble run. It was nothing more than a single column with sloping zigzag style rows. Proof to me that often less is more.

I purchased this plastic marble run set from a company called Mindware. It’s been a great toy and has been used and abused without breaking. My only wish on this set is that it had a few more collection bases for multiple runs and few more pieces. For example, there’s a 3 run connector piece that allows three runs to come to one hole for collection, but I’ve found the more helpful one would have been one that took one hole and split it out into several runs, especially as the connector unit’s runs are so short. Additionally, there’s a fun piece that sends the marble into a slot maze but there’s only one entrance and exit. Again, it would be even more fun if that piece had at least 2 or 3 different exit points adding more variation to the run. But all in all, this toy gets a 5 star rating from me and earning me a nap is icing on the cake!

I still can’t believe I have a tween daughter. I swear it was only yesterday that she was buttering the Yorkie and squealing with delight at the top of her toddler lungs. But alas, the calendar and her physical traits say otherwise.

From the onset, my little girl was a social butterfly. She simply flourishes in social settings and absolutely loves interacting with other people. She’s been lamenting the fact that she is too young for a Facebook account for quite some time now. So when I received an e-mail invitation to help test a new online social networking site for tween girls I jumped right in. The site is called My Secret Circle.

One of the sponsors is my daughter’s all time favorite girl store, Justice for Girls. This was definitely a great start. The idea is that each girl has her own unique USB port key which allows them to create and share their own circle of information with chosen friends. The set they sent me was a dual pack with one key for my daughter and another to share with a friend or sibling.

What I like about this is the security aspect of my daughter having fun online with her friends. However the security comes with a price. The downside of the network requiring a USB key means there’s a high likelihood the device will get lost or broken.

I am constantly amazed at how much my daughter wants to interact and be a grown up. I think this product has the ability to help fill a specific niche for those girls too young to be teens and doing teen things, but wanting so much to feel as big as one.

This is more closely aligned to the nature versus nurture argument than I’ve realized previously. I’ve made comparisons in the past to life and gardening. There is a great deal of wisdom to be found in these types of comparisons. Today I’m reflecting on the values and impact of past and present actions.

Specifically, I’m thinking on the role of parenting. I’m seeing first hand how so many things I’ve done with my kids are traced back to planting the right seeds. Constant attention and cultivation down the road bear priceless impact, but what was planted in the beginning is absolutely critical. You simply can’t make a tomato plant bear a different kind of fruit.

I’ve always heard how important and formidable the early years of life are. I’ve always known it was true, but I’m only now starting to realize the depth of this truth. As a parent, the number of days you shake your head and wonder if ANYTHING you are trying to teach is making it anywhere are far more frequent than the rays of light when you can see successful penetration. Your kids are like precious little geodes. They are developing the most beautiful and intricate crystals of their character on the inside, but you will most likely be exposed most often to a tough and ugly outer shell as the parent.

Today I’m thinking on how much influence you really do have on those forming crystals inside. It is just like gardening. The best crop comes from early preparation of the soil and care in planting. Cultivation of the growing plants can overcome a lot of problems, but it can’t make up for what was or wasn’t planted. The upside is that it’s never too late to plant. The growth and ability for full potential of what is planted may diminish with time, but the ability to plant new seeds isn’t lost with age.

Some of the most important seeds I’ve been observing in the past several months include:

• Importance of a strong and good work ethic
• Kindness and compassion
• Personal responsibility
• Honesty
• Desire and determination to excel
• Cleanliness
• Respect

There are plenty more seeds that are worthy of mentioning. I think there are core seeds that branch out into other areas, perhaps even become the foundation of several smaller seeds. Equally true is the reality that just planting isn’t enough. Great seeds can be planted and never grow if they receive no care or cultivation. I’ve also been pleasantly surprised in my life to witness seeds that were planted yet remained dormant, suddenly spring to life with great success when the right care was given. Yes, I believe there is a great deal of comparisons to be made between gardening and life. I’m grateful for the seeds I’m witnessing growing with strength in my own children. I hope I’m planting enough of the right ones and cultivating them adequately for full potential to be reached. The harvest is truly the proving point of your greatest satisfaction of disappointment. I pray I fall on the side of satisfaction.