So I’m walking out of my son’s elementary school this morning and I hear the beginnings of the national anthem. I can’t help but reflect on this concept of independence.

In general, I’m a huge supporter. I love American history and revel in readings of the stories, personalities and events that shaped our nation. I believe with all my heart that there was divine direction in the creation of this land of the free, and I’m grateful for this land that I call home. I’m grateful that our forefathers had the determination and courage to stand up against those who would oppress them and their freedoms. I proudly support what they stood for and the legacy they left us.

Where I have problems with independence is in the teen department. My problem isn’t with the concept of independence, it’s with the attitude teens propagate in general - that to declare their independence they must first declare war. *sigh* I read an article as a youth which left lasting impressions on me, in fact, it’s where this very phrasing of declaring independence came from. The author shared a story of a man trying to help a bee escape his office in an effort to save its life. However, the more the man did to help direct the bee to the safety of the open window, the more feisty the bee became, not only refusing the help but fighting against it. The result was a dead bee on the floor the morning after. The point of the story was how like the bee we often are, resisting and fighting back unnecessarily against those that would help us; in the end destroying ourselves. I knew then I didn’t want to be like that bee.

For years I’ve shared this counsel and story with youth I’ve worked with. Now, my daughter is entering the troubled waters of independence. I wish I could say it was going the way I wanted all the time, but alas the entire point of this life experience is to figure things out on our own. This morning she stormed out of the house murmuring a familiar reprise of the overly restrictive parent and a desire to escape. The culprit? A stupid item of clothing. In her mind, mom is making way too much out of it, the shorts aren’t too short and she should be allowed to make her own choices. In mom’s mind the shorts break school dress code and were only purchased by permission with her own money on the agreed compromise that this argument would never come up - that they would only ever be worn at home for play purposes. I wish I could help her see that her anger is really targeted at herself, that mom’s an easy scapegoat in the world of peer pressure. But wishing won’t make it so.

I find myself echoing the familiar words of choosing to stand for something. I worry that our youth today don’t really understand this, that they mistakenly believe that being part of the crowd is just the way things are and doesn’t really impact them or their future. When something as simple as how you dress can cause so much distress, I worry for the big items the future holds. Every person needs a strong sense of self and self worth to survive this crazy world. You don’t get that by succumbing to the pressures of following the crowd. You get it by being able and willing to stand up for all the things you believe in and that make you who you are, right down to your ’shorts.’ You can’t be ashamed to be who you are, even if it defies the loose standards of all those around you. The sad part of the shorts story is that it’s not really what my daughter wants or believes in but she can’t see that. She’s so blinded by the season of life and influence of friends and peers she can’t see how this belief is undefined, far from unique and not even her own. Yet she’s ready to enlist in a battle for it, to join the chorus of youth in defiance of rules and restrictive authority. I question now my giving in to any compromise at their purchase months ago. Maybe I should have said no way no matter what. But then how could she learn of consequences? How could she learn of making her own decisions and avoided the fateful trap of resentment which leads to a desire of rectifying to the ultimate extreme the day she’s completely free to make all her own choices? There’s a recipe for disaster, making decisions on purely emotional premises, worse premises imagined and exaggerated - this is the future of the feisty bee. I don’t want my daughter to be the bee, and I don’t want her to want to be the bee.

Now I know my daughter is young, I know these years are formidable and critical, I know she’s a good kid and I know that her wanting to wear short shorts is a drop in the bucket of real and serious issues. The problem is I also know that the adversary also knows she is young, that these years are formidable and critical and that she’s a good kid. He’s neither young nor good, and this frightens the snarf out of me. If she starts adopting the views, attitudes and beliefs of those around her now the chances of surviving these tumultuous years without scarring are nil. The saying goes that if you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything. I believe this simply analogy of the shorts is why, after all it all starts somewhere and it doesn’t start with fireworks; no it starts with the tiniest bit of wear and tear to weaken the fabric. Today it’s shorts, tomorrow it’s something bigger. Sadly, it’s all wrapped in the lies that there are no consequences, no accountability. The short shorts so typify all this, and so ends my analogy of the shorts.

But that’s all that ends. My efforts to help my daughter wade through the waters of independence will never end. Her learning life’s lessons of accountability are just beginning. Agency is given to all, but independence is earned. Earn it wisely my young friends, earn it wisely.

So, this Spain thing has really brought some changes. A few months ago my husband and I were comfortably on the accumulation path. You know, the path of getting and then paying off the process of getting things. Things run your life. You don’t mean for it to happen, you don’t intend to give intangible items such control over your time, energy, resources and emotions but somehow they repeatedly end up in the driver’s seat. Somehow the drawers fill up, the closets become black holes and the garage…well, we won’t even go there to say nothing of the bank statements and credit bills that find their way to you.

I find that even with awareness of the accumulation path danger, I still find myself on it far too often. And it’s not enough to just get a few things because once you obtain those said things the next step is to upgrade. The small things happen almost without thought - the new computer, vacuum, etc., while other things seem to find a way to reproduce on their own like all the contents of a junk or makeup drawer, or how about that infernal missing sock pile?! The big things are not immune either, in fact they’re more visible and therefore tend to stay on the list (or mind) like the newer car, bigger house, etc., etc., etc.

Most people won’t reach the point of self awareness on this topic until they are one foot away from the grave - when they are literally forced with the reality that you can’t take “things” with you. Suddenly, the definitions of what really matters comes into view with clarity and new beliefs are formed around traditional ones. If you’re lucky, you may be fortunate enough to go through various levels of this re-evaluation exercise earlier. I’ve gone through smaller levels of this exercise with each move, especially those that cross multiple states. Yet even with that I still find myself looking around wondering how I managed to get so much stuff again.

The reality is, if this Spain opportunity pans out we’ve already decided on the process of elimination and retaining “things” at least generally speaking. We’d take the basics of clothing, toiletries and our technology of cell phones and computers. Virtually everything else would go minus a few items we’d ask family to store for us like some artwork,the one piece of furniture made for me by a family member, photos, awards - that type of stuff. The mentality shifts from ownership to renting, being tied down to freedom. Once you’ve crossed the initial hurdle of resetting your expectations and parameters, I find it’s actually quite exhilarating. In fact, we’ve already had discussions about how accomplish these same goals even if the Spain thing doesn’t work out.

I wish I could put into words the exhilaration that’s resulted from this mindset of letting go of all previous ideas and assumptions about so many things. Suffice it to say, regardless of what happens I’ll be forever grateful for the reset button experience.

A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks. First, we got a call that Blake’s grandma Faye wasn’t expected to live beyond a few days to a few weeks. This is a picture of her (front row, third from the left) in 2003, when Taylor’s adoption was finalized.

Last summer, we visited her at the nursing home where she’s been living for the past 2 years. Time and dementia have taken their toll on her. Time has given my little Taylor several more feet of height too, but note that the platinum blonde hair remains as true as when he was one. Personally, I’m just grateful that the pacifier isn’t still affixed to his mouth, there were days when I wondered if we’d ever successfully lose it. But I digress.

The point is, you think you understand what it means to endure, or what the phrase “Endure to the end” means, and then you reflect on the aging/exit process of this life and realize you don’t know anything about it all. This wonderful woman who has lived a full life and always been so vibrant and strong is powerless against the powers of death. I hate this reality, I really do.

So for the past two weeks we’ve waited for the call that would initiate the drive to Idaho. We’re still waiting. I’m not sure what to think about that. On the one hand I’m utterly amazed at the human spirit and ability to cling to life when it seems impossible. On the other, I’m saddened that relief can’t be delivered for this loved one. And so I find myself thinking it’s too much to process and must think on other things.

So on we go to my second arena of thought: Madrid, Spain.

Last week I left a closing line on my post of wondering what I’d be thinking this week. Well, I’m still thinking…a lot. You know how the hourglass works; tiny beads of sand stream through a tiny opening to fill the bottom of the jar - you know eventually it will get down there, but sometimes the process feels impossibly slow. That’s this process in a nutshell. The long and short is that this possibility is still on the docket and gaining momentum every day. Six months from now I could be living in Madrid. This is about the time I feel my eyes going blurry from input overload and I’m back to the same point of needing to think on other things.

So right now I’m distracting myself with blogging. It’s a good distraction and one that I’ve not had much time for lately (nor my garden or yard by the looks of things.) As I look at this picture from 2003 my mind is flooded with thoughts and memories. Where does the time go? It wasn’t that long ago that he was small enough to cradle in my arms, not that long since he wrapped his little fingers around mine moments after birth. My cute little Cidderbug is younger in this photo than Taylor is today. That adorable little spirit is just as vibrant, only now it’s blossoming into a beautiful young woman. It’s a lot to process.

Admittedly, I tend to spend more than a fair share of my time and energies on preventative activities. I’m a big believer in the “ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” girl. I absolutely loathe panic and stress, and I’ve found that spending an adequate time planning and thinking ahead push panic and stress into near extinction.

Here’s a good rule of thumb: If you really don’t want to do it, it’s a priority.

Procrastination is the killer of productivity, and the reverse is true. If you become productive, you kill procrastination. It’s amazing how the snowball affect works for either side; whichever one you put first grows. I’ve found that if I’m continually putting off a task two things happen: 1) I do the stink’n job in my head several times - this is like unto worrying/stressing about it, which is utterly stupid and frustrating as it only needs done once, and 2) I feel like my to do list is larger than it really is, again utterly stupid and frustrating as it adds to the feeling of burden and worry. It’s why there is an overwhelming feeling of relief when you finally get that task or project done that’s been haunting you. So here’s my personal tip on recognizing this blackhole trap: if it feels small enough to be put on the back burner, and more importantly STAY on the back burner, it’s time to move to the front.

Here’s another one: If you think the small things don’t matter, you’re wrong.

This is one of the greatest illusions of all time. There’s some logic to it, I mean after all if you can easily see or identify something action is sure to follow. However, most fail to recognize that without foundational “small things” in place there would be no hope of anything growing to a size you’d readily identify. No matter how great or big the final product is, trace it back to its origins and you’ll have the proof that small things matter… a lot.

The moral of the post: Take a few minutes to identify the things you’ve been pushing off. Throw out the mentality that only the big things matter. Just do it, no matter how small, how menial, how unpleasant. If you want to make a big directional impact to the sway of your gate, you’ve got to make some corrections at the hinge.

I’m sitting here reflecting on how much can happen in such little time. In just the past six months our family got a dog, my daughter cut 6 inches off her hair and got braces, I got a new calling at church and a job, and I’m having to cut off all my son’s long pants into shorts because he’s gotten so tall. As I sat here going through pictures I thought these comparisons would be a fun way to share my point:

That’s the same dog, same strawberry box, same pool and even the same me with yet another long to short hair change! Who knows what six more months will bring?!

While walking out front the other day, I spied this tiny little nest sitting in my guava tree:

The entire thing would have fit neatly in the palm of a small child, yet the warmth and protection emanating from it would fill an entire heart. I couldn’t help but think about the representation it is of parenting. The time spent weaving a protective, safe, warm and nourishing environment for our children is a labor of love. Like these little birds, we make use of every available resource to protect our treasure inside. I don’t know if you can make it out in this photo or not, but the entire edging of this nest is a soft cotton like substance. I don’t know where it was found, or even what it is, I just know it added a layer of protective comfort that was almost tangible. How like a parent to creatively weave a little extra love and warmth into their efforts!

To pull down the branch and spy the contents was awesome. How cute are these adorable little jelly bean sized eggs? Kind of like our kids when they’re so tiny. Would that we could remember and retain this image in our heads when they try us as they grow! And try us they do and try us they will - some may even fall out of the nest. But one day they will be the parents, building their own nests of protection and love for their posterity. What will they have learned from us?

I hope I’m like these little birds. I hope I’m as diligent and dedicated to my job of protector and nurturer, that I’d give anything and everything to give my little ones every chance at reaching their potential. Some days it feels like I can only relate to squawking mouths! Then I see this visual and everything comes back into focus. No labor is too small, no element unimportant when it comes to parenting.

Life finds a lot of parallels in daily events. Sometimes you find yourself up, other times down. They say the see-saw effect is a requirement to appreciate the meaning of both sides. I’m sure that’s true and likely the knowledge that there is an up for the down is what pulls us through. Often, you have to get through a period of things being much worse before they get better. This is definitely true of big projects; you end up making a bigger mess to tear something up in preparation for replacement or repair. I suppose you could say the same is true of us as humans; so often we end up making a bigger mess before learning from and enhancing that area of our lives. The goal in the end is always to find that other side of the see-saw.

This week we’ve been working on our pool. We’d pushed the limit for maintenance and it was time to do things right. The salt cell system that generates the chlorine for the pool started going on the blitz last summer. We’re learning it’s a lot like computers today, the system we have is now outdated and not supported for repairs. We’ll be installing a new system in a few days. Experience tells us how the ends justify the means, which believe me, is all that’s gotten us through this project. First, I have to deal with my personal heart murmur over the cost of the new system. Then it’s on to the physical labor portion of the project.

Step #1 drain the pool:

This is done by having a friend who lets you borrow their pump, and running said pump for about 12 hours:

Step #1.5 manually drain the final amount the pump can’t:

This part truly sucked, not just because all the grime and filth was concentrated, but because that small puddle was very deceptive. Those final 3-4 inches were another 350ish gallons of water. I know this because I manually filled and lifted out a 6 gallon shop vac 60 times.

Step #2 Scrub down the walls with a chlorine solution and the calcium build up on the tile with a pumice stone:

Step #3 Admire the work of a completely cleaned pool as you massage raw feet and burning muscles:

Step #4 Start the refill:

This is after about 14 hours. I’m guessing it will take about 36 hours to fill. Did I mention how big this pool is?!

I’m going to enjoy our pool this summer so much more than I ever have before, even with the deck in need of repair. And so you know, I’ve already looked into that as a do it yourself project and it’s a no go. I’ll definitely have to fork over a lot of pennies to have new kool deck put down. I’ll appreciate that more when it’s done too.

While I was working on removing the last few inches of pool water, Blake was working on a project with the help of a good friend. Our grill is almost back in working order. As we dug out the old line (or what’s left of it) we felt a new gratitude for getting the gas line turned off a year and a half ago!

We’ve now got the new line put down and hooked up ready for inspection to turn the gas line back on. We opted NOT to put it right under the electrical line against the house like the former pipe ran.

What gets drained, gets filled back up. What gets dirty can be cleaned. There’s a life parallel there.

The kids get to enjoy their grandparents for a few weeks and boy are they happy! Taylor’s already gotten grandma to get out her needlework and let him help, and that was after he’d gotten grandpa going on his erector set - all within the first day of them being here. Not to be out done, Cidnie was quick to display her finished quilt since their last visit and had them watching New Moon with her Saturday night.

We spent yesterday evening in the yard pulling weeds and planting seeds. I’m happy for the help and I know mom is happy to get her fingers in the dirt, which is still covered with snow at her house. The weather has been perfect, right down to the rain this morning that watered the new seeds.

I’m always reminding myself of how many treasures there are in the simple things.

So this morning I learned what a trillion dollars looks like, and how a new and unknown element may be the biggest reason for weight gain as well as the inability to lose it.

All in all, a good Monday morning!

Don’t Forget!

Of all life’s lessons, perhaps few are greater than the one of remembering to say thank you. I’m constantly amazed at how powerful these two words are and the good that can come from sharing them. Want to put a spin on it? Try starting with these two amazing words, you’ll be glad you did.