Sweetheart, today you turn twelve. It doesn’t seem possible, and yet I know I’ll feel the same way when you hit sixteen and that will be here before I know it. As a parent you long for your child to reach new milestones all the while wishing against hope that you could keep your precious ones small. You’re growing up before my eyes, but you’ll never outgrow my heart. You see, you are the champion of my heart.

That heart skipped beats before and until your arrival. Oh it tried desperately to achieve regularity and stability, but all was in vain without you. Something inside simply knew it wasn’t complete. I prayed and prayed for that completeness to come. I cried, worried, mourned and despaired over the emptiness only you could fill. For many years I wondered at the future of my heart. For the first time in my life I began to doubt.

They say the brightest rainbows come after the darkest storms. Well dear, your rainbow surpasses description. You are the champion of my heart. You won it over the moment I laid eyes on you, when you were still in your mother’s belly. I felt a tingle in that empty place. The ache in my arms was replaced with such warmth and love the first time I held you, my baby sweet. You were everything I’d hoped; everything I’d dreamed; everything I’d wanted. You still are.

So you see, you can never outgrow my heart for you grew in it. You played a critical role in completing it. You are the champion of my heart.

She keeps growing without permission. I find myself looking back at what felt like yesterday, even though the calendar says different, and wondering if I’ve given her everything I wanted to. I can’t help but think about life before my Cidderbug and how grateful I was to finally get her in my arms. Now she’s squirming away into the uncharted waters of young womanhood. Does she know how much I love her? Does she know how sad I am when she’s sad? How my heart aches when she struggles with something challenging? How proud I am of her every accomplishment?

Sometimes the daily hum drum of life drowns out the important things. I relive all the moments and mistakes when the patience ran thin. My memory is longer than hers for most of these things - thank heaven for tender mercies. We are our own worst critique they say. Most of the time I find myself treating my measuring stick like a bank register except I only ever seem to record the deficits. But then you get those glimmers when your child does something that makes your heart so proud it feels it might burst, those moments when you know you did something right. Those are the times when the Lord steps in and writes in your deposit for you.

Parenting is a whirlwind. It’s a crash course of learning you never knew possible. The climbs are harder and steeper than you thought you had the energy or strength for, and the views are incredible beyond description. The time you have them in your clutches is far shorter than the time they’ll spend being independent, yet when they’re young it consumes you to the point you can’t imagine them growing beyond you. And then you turn around and there they are looking back at you.

Lately my husband and I have been having a great deal of conversation on the importance and learning curve of finding one’s balance with regards to the many options for using our time in today’s world. Many of our friends are venturing into online activities for the first time and they’re in the spiral of recognizing for themselves the need to establish balance. We’ve been involved for so long that we’ve almost forgot what it was like when everything was new and how easy it is to become unbalanced. And we’re not perfect at it, we’ve just had a lot of practice. *wink*

One thing I keep hearing in conversations and discussions is the extreme view that recent technologies are either evil or good. It’s a silly case because as with all things they’re both because the potential lies with the user and their agency. Some will use it for good, others for evil. In my humble opinion, I think it’s supremely important to remain an active force for good. Which is why I smile inside knowing how many of my younger friends on Facebook may be thinking twice before they post or share something just knowing that I may see it. *giggle*

My first learning curve came in 1999. I was the mother of a beautiful little toddler and an active advocate for adoption. Online activities were starting a real upswing then and I became involved in many boards and forum discussions on the topic of adoption. I entered my first chat room on an adoption website and met a wonderful group of friends, some of whom I remain in contact with today. We were exposed to extreme anti-adoption personalities on the site that would come to stir up a great storm of mud and ugly. I didn’t like it at all, and sometimes it made me sick to my stomach - made me want to run away and hide from it all. But then that rebellious spirit kicked in and I knew I wanted to fight back for good. I started posting more actively on some of the discussions, especially those that were trying to undermine the potential positives of adoption. It was here that I began to cultivate a necessary and wonderful skill of really thinking through what I shared, of being extremely careful of my wording and my shares so they could not be misconstrued. This is doubly important because with text communication there is no body language, facial expression or voice inflection to get your point across or clarify your intent. It was also during this time that I recognized the dangers of being involved in something so interactive. While a TV can keep you entertained for a while, a chat room could get you addicted with a need and desire to come back often and to put off other things because it was interactive; in this relationship you were getting something back for your time making it far too easy to spend too much of it online. I believe it was the day my toddler buttered our Yorkie pup that I realized other duties might be slipping for my time spend visiting online with other adoptive and hopeful adoptive moms. (I fully expect a comment on this from Pookie’s mom!) But it was the day I caught myself telling her “Just one more Elmo” for the 3rd time in a row that I recognized I needed to fix something. I had to step back and begin to limit my time spent interacting with all these wonderful people who shared interests from adoption to religious beliefs and more so I could balance my time spent in the “real” world with my family, neighbors and friends. It was a fantastic and eye-opening learning curve for me and a lesson I’ve never forgotten.

So when blogging hit the scene, I found it much easier to enjoy it without letting it take over my time. I’d already had the learning curve on website forums and chat rooms as well as e-mail groups to help prepare me. Although, it still took some adjusting as it was too easy to spend hours reading other people’s blogs and getting caught up in how many would come read my own. For a while in the beginning it was delightful to see a Technorati rating run up and blogging awards find their way to you. It was easy to lose focus on both my purpose and my time spent there. Again, I met many wonderful friends, many of whom I remain in contact with on a regular basis. My learning curve expanded. So when Facebook exploded I had the advantage of all this learning behind me. It wasn’t a temptation to get involved in quizzes and games that seems to suck away the sands of time from my daily hourglass. I’d already done that with all the blogging memes when they first surfaced. It was a fun way to reconnect with people I grew up with and I dearly love that ability. While some people complain about not caring about what someone is doing, I find it an easy and fast way to interact with them. People who I would not normally run up to and have a conversation because of geographic or time gaps get a simple thumbs up from me or a comment that I hope they’re feeling better if they shared they’ve got a headache - both things that I was unable to do a few years ago. It doesn’t take as much time as e-mail or reading a blog and I like that ability. It is also a great way to develop and extend new friendships with others. Just this past weekend I was able to easily strike up a conversation with someone I’ve never spoken to face to face before simply because I’ve commented and interacted with her on some status updates on Facebook. It melted that first and awkward barrier and the result was wonderful.

All this said, I know many who are currently struggling with their own learning curves. For many of my friends tools like Facebook are their first venture into the online world. It has all the elements of everything I’ve experienced slowly to this point in one place. It is chatting, gaming, socializing and sharing and consequently I hear many friends express shame or worry over how much time they spend there. Each time I tell them the same thing. I tell them of my own experience and how natural it is to have to find your own balance with these modern technologies, but if they are diligent it will come. The first and most important step is simply realizing you’re out of balance because a problem to be fixed must first be seen.

I do worry for our youth who are growing up with all these tools and digital technologies as part of every day life. Their adjustments will be different because there’s no “new” element for them, it’s just life as they know it. I worry that they will sacrifice the blessings that come from personal interaction and service because it’s more comfortable to sit and text or visit online. I worry that they seem to be missing important lessons such as not sharing or posting information that doesn’t belong to you be it news or photos. I worry that they won’t be able to see the long term impact of sharing something silly when they’re mad or just feeling silly. I worry that they don’t understand what it means to “share” in today’s world; that they are providing proof for anyone to use for or against them. And I worry most because I see their parents struggling to learn these same lessons. My husband keeps telling me it’s time to expand my charm school training into an e-etiquette course! Maybe he’s right. *smirk*

So for all the positive, there is equal negative. It was ever thus. I just feel a need to share that it is what we make it. A private family blog can be the most wonderful and easy way to retain valuable communication and record family histories. It’s the best of both worlds because journaling and scrapbooking can be combined. Now you can even click on an option to have your entire blog published into a beautiful hardback book. These tools can make important things easier and within the reach of everyone. That same blog can also be a source of hurt and exclusion if what is shared is not done with care.

Although there are times when many of us would love nothing more than to be separated from this crazy world we live in, we are not here to be excluded. We are here to learn how to live in this world and grow, how to develop self control and positive traits, in short to learn how to become better people. It’s not easy, but it can be done. Balance can be found if it is sought after. Life is rich when it is obtained. Our ancestors have all experienced it. I’m sure the radio was an addiction in its day the same as TV and every other enhancement and advancement that’s come along. In so many ways striking balance is at the heart of our feeling successful and satisfied. As long as we don’t lose sight of that every tool that comes down the pike will be an advantage for us.

There’s a lot to be said for comfort zones, both for and against them. On one hand they’re our adult security blanket that can help us feel secure and safe. On the other, they can become a barrier and stunt growth.

Several years ago, my husband and I made a painful (and previously yo-yo process) decision to move to Fort Collins, CO for a job possibility. I say painful, because we weren’t looking for it and in some ways felt pressured into it. Once we realized that we were waiting for the impossible scenario that the decision would make itself because the salary and benefits offered would make it easy to decide to move, we were able to realistically look at the opportunity and make the decision ourselves. We learned many things from our 3 months there but the lesson at the top of the list was how comfortable we’d grown being uncomfortable.

I know that sounds contradictory, but it was true. It’s not that we weren’t happy where we were before, but until we moved out of that comfort zone we couldn’t have realized how comfortable we had grown with our own mediocrity. That push caused us to identify and reach new horizons - a pattern that has since repeated itself over and over as we’ve learned to seize opportunities when they surface.

Lately, I’ve had a lot of discussions with friends and family about the value of being friendly. It strikes me that too often we can come across as unfriendly to those we meet or run into simply because we’re “comfortable” with our existing friends, etc. We don’t mean to appear exclusive or uninterested, some of us just require a little nudge out of our comfort zones.

So lately, I’ve been on the lookout in my own life for the times when I start to justify or rationalize not doing something. I’m beginning to catch myself and address this ‘knee jerk reaction’ and I’m amazed at the results. It’s just like retraining myself to tell my kids yes more than no - another comfort zone that seems to sneak up on you.

I’m finding this is a lot like exercising. When I feel those sore muscles that cause discomfort I can’t help but smile because I know that by working them positive things are happening. It’s rarely easy, never convenient and always requires sacrifice but the results are always worth it.

I wonder why it’s so easy to establish comfort zones about the silliest things; why it’s so easy to give ourselves ample excuses and reasons to stay there. Now that I say that, I do understand the primary reason because if I apply this to my ability/desire to get out of bed in the morning I totally get it. I don’t want to because I love that warm comfortable spot and the ability to do nothing but sleep!

So what do you do to help you identify and stretch your comfort zones?

I still can’t believe I have a tween daughter. I swear it was only yesterday that she was buttering the Yorkie and squealing with delight at the top of her toddler lungs. But alas, the calendar and her physical traits say otherwise.

From the onset, my little girl was a social butterfly. She simply flourishes in social settings and absolutely loves interacting with other people. She’s been lamenting the fact that she is too young for a Facebook account for quite some time now. So when I received an e-mail invitation to help test a new online social networking site for tween girls I jumped right in. The site is called My Secret Circle.

One of the sponsors is my daughter’s all time favorite girl store, Justice for Girls. This was definitely a great start. The idea is that each girl has her own unique USB port key which allows them to create and share their own circle of information with chosen friends. The set they sent me was a dual pack with one key for my daughter and another to share with a friend or sibling.

What I like about this is the security aspect of my daughter having fun online with her friends. However the security comes with a price. The downside of the network requiring a USB key means there’s a high likelihood the device will get lost or broken.

I am constantly amazed at how much my daughter wants to interact and be a grown up. I think this product has the ability to help fill a specific niche for those girls too young to be teens and doing teen things, but wanting so much to feel as big as one.

I used to dream of what it would be like to have a daughter big enough to do fun girl things with. For a time I cried myself to sleep wondering if it would ever happen and worrying that it wouldn’t. When we began the adoption process I worried about all the unknowns, what our future child might look like. Would she be cute? Petite? Fun? Would she look like me?

Eleven and a half years later, I smile every time I look at and think about my daughter. She’s been a wonderful daddy’s little girl, and as she grows I see more and more fun times ahead for the two of us. She’s helping learn to love shopping with her, reminding me of how much fun it is to be silly and carefree and teaching me how to look at the world through eyes with no guile.

I find myself as excited now as I was when she was placed in my arms. There’s so much out there to experience together. Who knew that such a tiny bundle could bring so much joy and fulfillment? The only sad thing is knowing that this time will pass just as quickly as those baby and toddler years. Before I know it I’ll be looking back wondering how she can already be so big. But just for today I’m going to bask in the glow of a loving daughter who wants to be with me.

This is more closely aligned to the nature versus nurture argument than I’ve realized previously. I’ve made comparisons in the past to life and gardening. There is a great deal of wisdom to be found in these types of comparisons. Today I’m reflecting on the values and impact of past and present actions.

Specifically, I’m thinking on the role of parenting. I’m seeing first hand how so many things I’ve done with my kids are traced back to planting the right seeds. Constant attention and cultivation down the road bear priceless impact, but what was planted in the beginning is absolutely critical. You simply can’t make a tomato plant bear a different kind of fruit.

I’ve always heard how important and formidable the early years of life are. I’ve always known it was true, but I’m only now starting to realize the depth of this truth. As a parent, the number of days you shake your head and wonder if ANYTHING you are trying to teach is making it anywhere are far more frequent than the rays of light when you can see successful penetration. Your kids are like precious little geodes. They are developing the most beautiful and intricate crystals of their character on the inside, but you will most likely be exposed most often to a tough and ugly outer shell as the parent.

Today I’m thinking on how much influence you really do have on those forming crystals inside. It is just like gardening. The best crop comes from early preparation of the soil and care in planting. Cultivation of the growing plants can overcome a lot of problems, but it can’t make up for what was or wasn’t planted. The upside is that it’s never too late to plant. The growth and ability for full potential of what is planted may diminish with time, but the ability to plant new seeds isn’t lost with age.

Some of the most important seeds I’ve been observing in the past several months include:

• Importance of a strong and good work ethic
• Kindness and compassion
• Personal responsibility
• Honesty
• Desire and determination to excel
• Cleanliness
• Respect

There are plenty more seeds that are worthy of mentioning. I think there are core seeds that branch out into other areas, perhaps even become the foundation of several smaller seeds. Equally true is the reality that just planting isn’t enough. Great seeds can be planted and never grow if they receive no care or cultivation. I’ve also been pleasantly surprised in my life to witness seeds that were planted yet remained dormant, suddenly spring to life with great success when the right care was given. Yes, I believe there is a great deal of comparisons to be made between gardening and life. I’m grateful for the seeds I’m witnessing growing with strength in my own children. I hope I’m planting enough of the right ones and cultivating them adequately for full potential to be reached. The harvest is truly the proving point of your greatest satisfaction of disappointment. I pray I fall on the side of satisfaction.

Happy Birthday sweetie!