I still can’t believe I have a tween daughter. I swear it was only yesterday that she was buttering the Yorkie and squealing with delight at the top of her toddler lungs. But alas, the calendar and her physical traits say otherwise.

From the onset, my little girl was a social butterfly. She simply flourishes in social settings and absolutely loves interacting with other people. She’s been lamenting the fact that she is too young for a Facebook account for quite some time now. So when I received an e-mail invitation to help test a new online social networking site for tween girls I jumped right in. The site is called My Secret Circle.

One of the sponsors is my daughter’s all time favorite girl store, Justice for Girls. This was definitely a great start. The idea is that each girl has her own unique USB port key which allows them to create and share their own circle of information with chosen friends. The set they sent me was a dual pack with one key for my daughter and another to share with a friend or sibling.

What I like about this is the security aspect of my daughter having fun online with her friends. However the security comes with a price. The downside of the network requiring a USB key means there’s a high likelihood the device will get lost or broken.

I am constantly amazed at how much my daughter wants to interact and be a grown up. I think this product has the ability to help fill a specific niche for those girls too young to be teens and doing teen things, but wanting so much to feel as big as one.

I used to dream of what it would be like to have a daughter big enough to do fun girl things with. For a time I cried myself to sleep wondering if it would ever happen and worrying that it wouldn’t. When we began the adoption process I worried about all the unknowns, what our future child might look like. Would she be cute? Petite? Fun? Would she look like me?

Eleven and a half years later, I smile every time I look at and think about my daughter. She’s been a wonderful daddy’s little girl, and as she grows I see more and more fun times ahead for the two of us. She’s helping learn to love shopping with her, reminding me of how much fun it is to be silly and carefree and teaching me how to look at the world through eyes with no guile.

I find myself as excited now as I was when she was placed in my arms. There’s so much out there to experience together. Who knew that such a tiny bundle could bring so much joy and fulfillment? The only sad thing is knowing that this time will pass just as quickly as those baby and toddler years. Before I know it I’ll be looking back wondering how she can already be so big. But just for today I’m going to bask in the glow of a loving daughter who wants to be with me.

This is more closely aligned to the nature versus nurture argument than I’ve realized previously. I’ve made comparisons in the past to life and gardening. There is a great deal of wisdom to be found in these types of comparisons. Today I’m reflecting on the values and impact of past and present actions.

Specifically, I’m thinking on the role of parenting. I’m seeing first hand how so many things I’ve done with my kids are traced back to planting the right seeds. Constant attention and cultivation down the road bear priceless impact, but what was planted in the beginning is absolutely critical. You simply can’t make a tomato plant bear a different kind of fruit.

I’ve always heard how important and formidable the early years of life are. I’ve always known it was true, but I’m only now starting to realize the depth of this truth. As a parent, the number of days you shake your head and wonder if ANYTHING you are trying to teach is making it anywhere are far more frequent than the rays of light when you can see successful penetration. Your kids are like precious little geodes. They are developing the most beautiful and intricate crystals of their character on the inside, but you will most likely be exposed most often to a tough and ugly outer shell as the parent.

Today I’m thinking on how much influence you really do have on those forming crystals inside. It is just like gardening. The best crop comes from early preparation of the soil and care in planting. Cultivation of the growing plants can overcome a lot of problems, but it can’t make up for what was or wasn’t planted. The upside is that it’s never too late to plant. The growth and ability for full potential of what is planted may diminish with time, but the ability to plant new seeds isn’t lost with age.

Some of the most important seeds I’ve been observing in the past several months include:

• Importance of a strong and good work ethic
• Kindness and compassion
• Personal responsibility
• Honesty
• Desire and determination to excel
• Cleanliness
• Respect

There are plenty more seeds that are worthy of mentioning. I think there are core seeds that branch out into other areas, perhaps even become the foundation of several smaller seeds. Equally true is the reality that just planting isn’t enough. Great seeds can be planted and never grow if they receive no care or cultivation. I’ve also been pleasantly surprised in my life to witness seeds that were planted yet remained dormant, suddenly spring to life with great success when the right care was given. Yes, I believe there is a great deal of comparisons to be made between gardening and life. I’m grateful for the seeds I’m witnessing growing with strength in my own children. I hope I’m planting enough of the right ones and cultivating them adequately for full potential to be reached. The harvest is truly the proving point of your greatest satisfaction of disappointment. I pray I fall on the side of satisfaction.

Happy Birthday sweetie!

I’ve had reason to reflect lately on the difference between knowing what you think and thinking what you know.

A tongue twister and brain bender to be sure, but it’s really not that hard a concept to grasp. Most of us think what we know, we don’t actually know it. I say this because most of the information we absorb isn’t neutral fact, but rather disputed opinions and beliefs. I’m sure this is where the wisdom came from the concept of “taking it with a grain of salt” which to me always meant remembering that there’s room for error.

In no arena does my tolerance, or lack of, for this problem reach boiling point faster than in the social realm. It seems that some people have so much time and energy to waste that their entire existence appears to circle around the discussion of things they think they know about others. Perhaps this is the real definition of gossip. It may not always be intended to slander another or scar their reputation or name but the result is inevitable. It is the very spirit of rumor and mischief, of discord and strife.

Have you ever paused to listen to the way so many people speak today? Listen closely and I’ll bet you’ll hear what I hear. The absolute resolution in their voice is unmistakable. They often speak as if they were not only there when the event unfolded they are discussing, but they take on a film director’s role, doing all they can to ensure the proper level of emotion and interpretation are present during their story telling. Many throw in impersonations from facial expression to voice inflection throughout the dialogue. It’s astounding. Some people must have a lot more time than me or they have found a secret, time traveling transporter allowing them to pop in all over the globe to witness these stories and events.

Equally disturbing to me is the level of absorption from the listening party who takes in every detail as pure truth. Not only do they believe it completely, but if riled with enough passion they’ll quickly assume the ranks of story teller themselves sharing the same story to a new audience. It has to be one of the greatest vices of the human race. The wake of destruction is greater than that of any Tsunami or other natural disaster, yet the only tool required for success is a sharpened tongue willing to spread the disease. I can’t imagine any other force that can so swiftly or completely spread the work of destruction.

Every story is just that - a story. It is painted by the author and thus framed by the personal interpretations and character traits of the artist. Facts are seldom presented and even when they are there is so much cloud cover to sift through that they end up distorted. You may not be able to control what others choose to share, but you have complete control over what you choose to listen to, believe, and more importantly repeat. I think there’s wisdom in taking time to determine if you think you know something or if you actually know what you think.

And in review of my blog, this is a topic of which I obviously have a strong opinion! LOL

Point of View Truths
If You’re Going To Write
What’s In a Name?

Technorati Tags:
Emotions Relationships Perspectives Blogging Deep Thoughts Intellectual

How do I find the words to express the gratitude and love in my heart that you’ve stirred for nearly 14 years? How do I let you know how much you have given to me and to my sweet little family? Do you know you will forever be mama’s baby number one?

I can’t keep from reminiscing today. I think I need to remember all the good things to make losing you okay. Do you remember how small you were? Or how hot the asphalt was on your first walk? I remember how you couldn’t go up or down stairs because they were so much bigger than you. You fit in my hand.

It took some real work wearing down Blake to get you. He may never admit it but he’s never been sorry and he really loved you too. He even had fun playing with you, probably more than you did! And I will always remember the childless years you carried me through. Those were some long and dark times made easier by you. Only those who’ve known this heartache can truly appreciate how much you did, and it makes losing you that much harder.

I remember the ONE and only toy you ever played with. Would that the little alligator could have lasted forever. But then I feel the same way about you.

Or the first time you made the long car drive to Idaho to visit family. You were a real hit!

In your prime you could jump all the way to the top of the recliner where you’d look out the window. You could even make it up on the bed by yourself with some real effort and maybe a little help from a pillow or two.

Oh sweetie, I’m going to miss seeing you sleep soundly curled in a little ball. Not to mention the warm welcome you were always waiting at the door with whenever someone came through it.

And I’m going to miss the pitter patter of those little feet, the snorts in the background and even the snoring. It’s going to be awfully quiet without you.

Shandi, you’ve been the first baby your whole life; you’ll never be displaced. As your first groomer so aptly put it, you never knew you were a dog. You just thought you were a little person with fur. You were hon, you were. From the chocolate you never should have had to the many vacations you went on. I’m going to miss you so much! My master comforter, trusted confidant and most loyal baby. Thank you for all that you’ve given. My heart will forever have a little empty space surrounding the wonderful and warm memories of you. Thank you sweetie for being you, thank you for aging so gracefully, thank you for giving all you had to all of us. We will always love you!

Technorati Tags:
Family Sharing Emotions Relationships Memories

…And you eat green worms! We learned these lines as children on the playground, or at least something like them. Our parents and teachers frequently quoted lines about how it’s not a competition, not to say anything if you can’t say anything nice and do unto others as you would have done unto you. But this human trait hangs on with brute force. Too often, what was said was not shown, or at least not consistently by those mentoring adults.

This morning I’m reflecting on some recent things I’ve heard my daughter’s friends say. Mostly, they’re things of little consequence but the feeling of telling the world I’ve got the biggest stick and I’m better than you make the ugly trait clearly visible. Sometimes I hear her adding adjectives and attitude that are a mirror reflection of her friends. I know every person struggles with this balance, it still makes me sad though.

The timing is coincidental for such conversations. I’ve been reading some of the thoughts shared by the two presidential candidates now that the election is over this morning. I echo what my husband said last night when he said, “We needed to see more of that on the campaign trail.” The reality is in so many ways we continue as adults to tout those familiar lines from childhood, to raise ourselves by putting others down at least until a victory cry is determined. Then we pull an about face, put all that behind us and talk positively of the other guy. I suppose it’s at least a silver lining that this point is reached, but somehow it just doesn’t feel right to me. I’m grateful that grace paid a visit to the stage of the election, but I’m sick for the example and repeated pattern shown right up to the moment of decision, in short that she wasn’t present for the entire process. I for one was ready to have the entire election over before it began, let alone after a few weeks or months of it. I have no stomach for it.

How can we really teach our kids to speak kindly, not be judgmental and walk a higher road if we ourselves aren’t willing to do the same? It cannot be a lesson of do as I say, not as I do. Example always speaks louder than words. The wording may have changed, perhaps even grown smoother over time, but the underlying beast of competitive meanness remains.

I don’t want to have it said of me one day that it was nice to finally have grace enter the stage of my life and interactions with others but it would have been nicer to have had more of it all along the way. I don’t want my kids to hear me spout off the rules of compassion and social interaction only to ignore them with my example. At the end of the day, does it really matter who’s dad is bigger or what someone else eats?

Technorati Tags:
Emotions Positive Impact Relationships Perspectives Deep Thoughts

I’m finding as I grow older that it’s not about finding time, it’s about making it. There are always so many things that keep me busy, most of it busy work. The crazy thing is that the busy work can so easily crowd out any time for other things, little things that matter - things like taking a few minutes to visit a friend or reading a story to your child.

Years ago I had a friend who always used the phrase, “Don’t sweat the small stuff. And it’s ALL small stuff.” I wasn’t sure I was on board with that thought then but I sure understand it now. Today was a good reminder that the things that really matter can’t be checked off a to-do list.

I hope that among my just enough days and my productive ones that I never forget to take time for the things that matter.

Technorati Tags:
Sharing Organizing Inspiration Relationships Motherhood Balance Deep Thoughts

This post is dedicated to my sister today. It’s her 40th birthday and the motto of doing hard things has been a frequent one in her life this past year. Can it really be so long ago that we were little girls together, playing and delighting in Christmas mornings? The hours we spent playing Little House on the Prairie, Donny & Marie…okay some things are best left in memory but I want you to know I remember well.

You shared me with mom and dad even though they’d been all yours for 3 years, and it was hard but you did it. When I was little you were the one who pulled me in the wagon, even when it was hard. You let me tag along when you played with your friends, even when it was hard. You stood by me through puberty and we both know that was hard! You let me go when it was time to move and start you own family, even when it was hard. As a mother you have known more than a few days of hardship, but you kept at it even when it was hard. You earned your nursing degree with six children growing under your feet, even though it was hard. Today you understand a new milestone of maternal love, even though it is hard. Yes my dear, we can do hard things.

My heart is with you completely today. I’m right by your side just like I have always been and always will be.
Love always, your little sis.

p.s. But I’ll always be 3 years younger than you too! *snort*

Technorati Tags:
Family Relationships Memories