I couldn’t think of a better title because this one words sums up so much. Since we arrived a week ago tomorrow, I’ve had heavy breathing from full days, lots of work and peaceful evenings with deep breathing as I soak up the peace and calm I’ve only ever found here at home.

As I have many friends that have no reference for the pictures and status updates I’ve been sharing on Facebook about yard work and mowing, I thought I’d share pictures of my mom’s beautiful and LARGE yard to help explain that out of breath breathing.

That makes up nearly two acres of lawn. And if that mowing and tree maintenance weren’t enough, let’s not forget the garden!

And the weeding in the awesome and plentiful flowerbeds!

In the past six days we’ve also had a family outside BBQ, hotdog and smores night at the fire pit, a trip up to the dry farm to visit the old homestead, a few soaks in the hot tub, fun with firework poppers, girl’s camp, to say nothing of the cleaning, unpacking and even some haircuts and pedicures today!

It feels wonderful to be home.

Taylor’s home with a bad cold today, so he took part in some of Cidnie’s school fun. They had fun making their model volcanos. Now, they’re only wishing they could speed the drying process so we can make them erupt!

Taylor also had a fun weekend babysitting his classroom’s silk worms. Mom was a little less enthusiastic about them, but she’s glad he had fun!

Saturday, we took a trip to Muir Woods where the kids got to learn about birds as a bonus to visiting the park. I think hearing what an Owl hears was one of the top day’s events.

This post comes during a “life time-out”, or as it shall be known by me from this point on. A time when the daily life routine is interrupted for an important news flash. I’d be remiss not to follow the pattern and take a time out from my daily routine to write about it.

My heart is as full as my eyes at the moment, which just happen to be overflowing with emotion. I just hung up the phone with a friend. While content is personal, the feeling is universal. This dear friend isn’t someone I can put a tally of years next to, our time together was relatively short. It’s been several months since we had interaction, I’m chagrinned to reflect on the probability that I didn’t even get a Christmas card to her (I so hope I did!!). But here’s the magic, none of that matters because frankly, none of that matters. It’s not how long you know someone - it’s how well. It’s not the things you don’t do - it’s the things you do. Some people you get to know because you work with them, others because you serve with them, others because you share similar life experiences or live next to them, and the list of reasons goes on and on. The bottom line is there is a list and its bottom line is the same: people, that’s what it it’s all about folks, people.

On a day when my mood has been a reflection of the continuous rain outside (for all those friends who endure many days of rain, I have a newfound respect for you!), I can sit here at my computer and reflect how moments of interaction with friends through the day have brought me intermittent rainbows. One doesn’t know this because she was simply sending me an email which brought on some discussion during my day, but it was a rainbow all the same. In fact, most of the people who do much for me probably don’t know it. I try to express my gratitude and love often, but I know I miss more than I catch. If my friends who read and comment on my posts here could see what they do for my heart, they might be surprised. It seems so little a thing, but it all comes back to those who take the time to make the time. The busy dad in Oregon, the friend I met in a chat room so many years ago when our daughters were babes and who bless her heart still finds ways to find me and reach out to me, the co-worker from years ago, and the list goes on and on. Or how about that sweet lady who smiled at me at the grocery store, or the nice man who offered to take my cart when I’d unloaded the bags? Yes, they added rainbow fragments to my day too. If I had but the immediate memory and time to write about each of them I could fill an entire page. If I could extend it to those who have touched my life it would turn into volumes. If I could wrap it all up I’d have a lifting power beyond imagination. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Trust in your heart. Trust in your feelings. When you find yourself thinking you should just call someone you should. It’s the someones in your life that make it worth living. It’s the calls you make that make the difference.

I’m taking a life time out to share my thoughts. To openly put out there how grateful I am for all the people that make my little world go round. You are many. You are amazing. You are what it’s all about.

It all started with a book. Well, I should preface that the most recent event started that way. I’m actually finding this is a repeating pattern in the waters of parenting a teen.

The new “thing” for my thirteen year old daughter has been to hang out with her friends at the library after school. Generally, I’m cool with this. I’m not so naive as to believe they’re only working on homework, I understand the social elements of this age group. I’m wary of their curiosity - well, more of them educating their peers on their own understandings of said curiosities - but I can’t stop the rain from falling. So I compromise, I take a second glance at the situation and here’s what I see: I can’t control everything, and honestly I wouldn’t want to. Experience is the true teacher, but it can still involve my guidance. So I let my daughter go be with her friends and I maintain a close connection and communication with her about what happens. She’s learning that for her honesty she’s rewarded with more freedoms and can continue to enjoy this activity of library gathering. I’m grateful for this pattern, though I don’t mind telling you it quite frankly scares the snarf out of me. Last week, I learned how her friend sitting next her was chatting with a cute boy on Facebook and how she kept pulling my daughter over to see the conversation. Suffice it to say, the boy was boldly sharing what he wanted to do to her in the too typical crude language of today. Good news, my daughter is frankly sharing an event of the afternoon. Bad news, it is so obvious that this behavior is viewed by kids as both acceptable and just the way things are today. Enter the reason for this post, the book.

We were driving home and my daughter asked me what ‘p u b e s’ spelled and meant. My first instinct is a negative relation, but I answer her honestly that I don’t know, it’s not even a real word to my knowledge. She hands me her book and says, it’s right here. I read the paragraph it was listed in:
~~~~~~~~~~~
Snow Angel: i could NEVER not shave my pubes. that is just gross. but even if i did have a pubic hair problem, which i do not, u and zoe would still luv me, right?”
~~~~~~~~~~~

So my first instinct was sadly right on target. But where did it come from? What’s the point in writing like this? So I go back a few paragraphs to find the reference and find this:

~~~~~~~~~~~
mad maddie: my brother’s new girlfriend doesn’t shave her pits OR her pubes. he brought her to this family party at lake lanier this weekend and she wore a bikini.

mad maddie: it was basically like she had a pelt. the pops pulled me aside and said in this really loud whisper, “guess she forgot to mow the lawn, huh?”
~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m speechless. Between wrestling with the content itself, the idea that dad would talk like this to his daughter, the grammar, etc. I feel like I’ve been swallowed in a torrent of information leaving me disoriented. Knowing that my daughter is waiting for a response, I ask her what caused her to choose this book. She says simply her friend told her she just had to read it that it was really great. She’s just started it, which was true as this was only page three. (Incidentally, later I asked her if she’d been able to realize in her first three pages that the book was going to be full of content not worthy of her time or in alignment with her values. She said no. This, I told her is why she needs to ask for my help so she can learn how to do that for herself.)

Side story, a few weeks ago another “friend” told her about a website she just had to go to because it too was really great. We’ll leave it stated simply that the video chat site referred to is a disaster. So pulling from this experience I gently remind her that sometimes our friends don’t have the best advice and it would be in her best interest to share their suggestions with me before diving in.

Okay, so reality check here. The stuff her “friend’s” are suggesting are definitely morally corrosive. The good news is, she’s sharing them with me. I hope this means I’m playing a few cards right and that I can maintain that relationship. I can’t imagine not knowing about this stuff she’s dealing with every day. It still scares the snarf out of me.

That last line by the way is the crux of this book’s author’s reasoning. Since being exposed to this book I’ve done a little research to see how other parents were receiving it. I found an article where the author addresses being under fire for her books. She states: “…that parents anger springs from fear.”

I would like to address this because there is fear here, as I’ve clearly stated but I don’t think it’s of the variety the author is describing. I’m not afraid of tackling tough and sensitive subjects with my kids. It comes up all the time. I’m actually a very big supporter of my kids hearing the right information - from me. I’ve got a very open door policy on talking honestly about what moral and sensual things mean. My fear stems from the flippant and rampant acceptance of crudeness and lack of moral compass views thrown at our youth. This time in their life is so turbulent anyway, they don’t need any help stirring the waters they are forced to navigate. While it’s easy to recognize the physical changes taking place, they’re far from the only thing developing. These adolescent years are formative brain development years, a time when their development turns to the frontal region as they begin developing their reasoning and impulse control skills - which by the way, won’t fully mature until their mid-twenties. This is one major reason why pleasure seeking activities are so prevalent among teens. Scientifically, we can now prove how their brains are starting to process differently rewards and pleasure. So they turn outward for more social interaction and peer pressure takes center stage.

THIS is what scares me. We’re taking our youth at their most vulnerable state and asking them to process very adult moral concepts and themes. And we’re asking them to do it before their ability to successfully process it is developed. I defy you to find an adolescent who didn’t feel that pleasure and reward rush from reading a book like this, even if they’re able to acknowledge the content isn’t of moral material. With such direct and powerful image wording and descriptions let alone the addressing of topics they’ve been told by adults they aren’t ready for yet, we’ve just sugar coated an already tantalizing treat. The danger to me is how we’re helping them form their thoughts and opinions during a time of key development. Most parents don’t want to be excluded from their child’s process during this time, but tools like this book are aiding that war as well. Morals never have and never will compete with the glitz and glamour of immoral, and those presenting immoral material will never share the realistic results of the behaviors. After all, no one wants to see the disease and hardships that come from immoral choices - there’s no fun, money or profit in that. Parent’s are already at the disadvantage and children are already vulnerable - why do we need to exploit both yet more? I don’t understand it. I mean, kids have every reason to target parents in their battle for independence, we make them brush their teeth, shower and finish homework. We’re evil. Trying to help them process and understand why content like that shared above is morally corrupt is fuel to an already glowing bonfire. This is where my fear turns to anger. So yes, I am angry and it does stem from a fear, just not the fear the author is talking about.

The only thing I know to do as a parent is keep up the second glance. I can’t take it for granted that what my daughter is doing or seeing is okay - even though I know she’s got the foundation of a strong moral compass - I’ve got to take second looks. I’ve got to stay involved no matter how hard because I’m my daughter’s best advocate while she’s growing her own armor. I can’t send her into battle without full protection. So until that brain is developed fully, you can bet your buttons I’ll be crusading in front of her and I’ll gladly take on authors like Lauren Myracle and all the content she’s addressing head on.

Other thoughts on parenting teens:
Independence

I shared recently how I’ve been working on increasing my own education through available technologies today. I’ve been focusing on taking in at least one lesson a day in various subjects. With a love of history, today I watched the first part of a series on Thomas Jefferson.

It is common knowledge today that Jefferson was well educated and influential with his knowledge. Many declared his writings as “evidencing keen intellect.” It is no wonder that he would be chosen to work on writing our nation’s Declaration of Independence; a document that not only stands the test of time but also personifies the embodiment of educational wisdom.

I was struck with how we owe all we now have at our disposal for learning because of our ancestors like Jefferson. What are we doing with it? What would they say about our education system today? What more would they teach us? I fear we’ve squandered that gift. I fear we’ve lost the very art of learning.

Today we seem to care more about buzz words, statistics, standards, etc., etc., etc. than we do about whether or not our children are succeeding at gaining wisdom and knowledge. Teachers lament receiving students who come unprepared to learn their material and they are quick to point out that they have no time to review or re-teach in order to keep up with today’s schedules and standards. These standards are a direct result of our competitive desire to prove how smart our kids are. No one bothers to take the time to see if our kids are really smart or not, they just see test scores and try to find ways to increase them. One tactic is to throw more content earlier to students. Consequently, we continually increase our expectations of mastery for a broad array of subjects before most kids are old enough to reach the bathroom sink by themselves. And how do we measure the smarts and abilities of students and educators? Why, with a brilliant “one test fits all” approach. Boy we’re smart.

So, in a time when all resources were scarce, computers didn’t exist and there were no endless lists of structured programs and legislation to govern it, the most brilliant minds of our time developed. And now that we have all those things and more we’re producing a generation capable of winning texting contests. In fact, I doubt many of them could hold a candle to the educational wisdom of their ancestors. Interesting isn’t it? And it doesn’t end there. Here’s another interesting comparison between then and now. Jefferson, who we’ve already determined was brilliant and well educated would have been doomed to fail by our ’standards’ today. According to records, he started school at age 9. I’m confident that most people would completely flip over the suggestion of not starting formal education until the age of 9 today. My son is only 8 and he’s in his fourth year of his public school career. We’re not even going to go down the preschool path.

Not only did Jefferson not begin school until the age of 9, his first five years were spent on only two subjects: language and nature. History and science weren’t added until his second school at age 14 and math, astronomy and architecture wouldn’t be introduced until he was 16. I’ve shared before how my son’s kindergarten curriculum had the subjects of data analysis, algebra and geometry. I’m sorry, but I think discrete mathematics at age 4 and 5 is ridiculous. And while my son has probably had more homework in the last 4 years than Jefferson had until he hit college, I would argue that he’s not got anything on Jefferson. None of today’s hype impresses me. I simply don’t buy in to today’s theories and beliefs on education. I think if Jefferson and his peers could talk to us to day they’d have a lot more to teach us and it would have an awful lot to do with backing up, slowing down and focusing on basic and fundamental education.

I’d wager that Jefferson didn’t feel deprived by spending his first 9 years of life free of school. Kids can’t be kids today, they’re not allowed; there isn’t time for it. How can they be when a simple playground accident is treated like an act of malicious intent or they’re supposed to understand and spell words like equivalent and metamorphic by the time they’re 8? (I didn’t make those up, those are straight off my son’s vocabulary list this week.) Our expectations are out of alignment and seriously whack.

When are we going to see there’s more to learning than we’re focused on seeing today? What I wouldn’t give to spend a few days in the same room as our forefathers; we’d have a lot to talk about.

Life gets stale…check for freshness.

My thoughts run amuck this morning on this simple word.

It all began when I opened a can of sugar from my food supply yesterday. To say it didn’t smell sweet would be an understatement. I can’t even describe the smell beyond some horrible combination of musty tin and something utterly undefinable. Stale is the only word that comes to mind. Efforts are underway to determine if the sugar is salvageable, I’m hopeful that aeration will be all that’s required. This is the second time that smells have gone wrong in a 10 can storage container for me. The first was a 72 hour emergency supply kit where even the hard candy tasted like the small bar of soap in the same container - regardless of how many layers of sealed plastic bags were used to separate items. Make no mistake, smells matter and they’re powerful too!

This is about the time my thoughts start pouring out in all directions.

I think about how many things in life go stale quickly, how many of them we remain ignorant to because we haven’t checked on them in a long while, and how many are salvageable. This list is endless. In fact, one could define my inbox today as stale. Ironically, as I’ve been thinking on the need to clear it out again for the past week, I’d read this headline this morning: “It’s time to deal with that overflowing inbox” Fate? Coincidence?

I think most everything is at risk of becoming stale. From dreams to food and everything in between, it seems we’d do well to rotate these things on a regular basis to check for freshness.

But they can be awfully cute!

With the foundation set, it’s time to bring the education players on the stage. Here’s a few lessons to share.

(These lessons apply to majority of people and homeowners in the U.S. today. If you’re lucky enough to be part of a grandfathered property and you, your ancestors and your posterity never have and never will move, pat yourself on the back and don’t bother reading the rest of this. Also, if you can buy a house outright with your own cash, you also qualify for an exemption. If you’re not part of this crowd, you probably should read this.)

Lesson #1) ‘Owning’ a home is a misnomer.
To own something signals to our minds a completeness, a finality if you will. You pay for something and then it’s yours to keep and control. To slap this description on a process that typically spans three decades is where the misnomer comes it. Until you’ve made that final payment you don’t own your home, you’re renting it. The owner is who you borrowed the money from to sign a contract allowing you to move in and become responsible for the property. Oh, and you’re also paying them for the privilege of using their money in addition to your rent. However, when it comes to maintenance and all other related costs, rest assured your ownership is immediate and complete. So what you really ‘own’ for 30 years (or until you’ve paid off your loan) is an expensive rental.

Lesson #2) The lender has one goal.
The lender’s reason for existence in this business realm is simple, they are there to make money. There are several ways for them to do this and they have several backups to protect their investment, some of which include:

• Mortgage Insurance: This can be collected in the event you are unable/willing to make your payments.
• Property Value: They can resell the property for it’s value price should you not fulfill your contract.
• Government Aid: This only applies to the current housing mess, but lenders are receiving bailout money for homes in foreclosure in an effort to keep them from going bankrupt.

When you hit the grand scale of lenders that are so common in the U.S. today, there is no such thing as people and common sense. It’s all business and numbers. Programs put in place to help the people don’t work because of this truth and this single objective. Banks have every reason to foreclose on homeowners, not help them. The point of this lesson is knowing the lender is not there to help you once the contract to secure the home is signed. In fact, after that point you’re on opposing sides of the game.

Lesson #3) The home as an investment is a misnomer.
While this is the number one selling point, it is untrue for the average homeowner. The reason this sell works is because generally we are slow and lazy with no desire to do the math. By definition, an investment provides a return or pay out equal to or greater than the amount spent. Some will argue that this is where your home equity comes in as you can leverage it to borrow still more money. That’s a hollow argument to me as borrowing money isn’t the same as earning it therefore your gain isn’t on the investment or net worth side, it’s simply an expense category item used to satisfy a need or want leaving you with still more debt. The greatest irony of this is the pattern of upgrading we so readily buy into. We believe that to be happy and successful we have to keep getting more which potentially leads us to a bigger house. We fail to recognize that more equals more - more commitment, more expense, more everything. So, to qualify as an investment your home has to provide you payout for ALL the money you put into it with an additional profit above that. And here is where we fail because we don’t do the math. If you’re fortunate enough to sell a home and reap the equity, you may feel like your home was an investment. The problem is you never factor in the rest of the equation which is balancing your gain against your expenses, you simply see money that didn’t exist before. That’s a wonderful thing, also something you never consider balancing with it’s opposite which happens when a home’s value suddenly drops through the floor and you can’t sell it even if you wanted or had to. In fact, it took this experience for me to really think on balancing the equation and here’s what I discovered for myself:

$432K (30/yr, 6% on $200k -$528k if 8%)
+$60k (General guidelines say 1% of a home’s value is a good yearly estimate for routine maintenance)
+$50k (30 years of repairs and major things outside routine maintenance - I know this is low but we’re just getting a framework)
+$50k (30 years improvements - again, low but it’s just a framework)

=$592k - or an even $600k for easy math. So this is the minimum you need to receive for your home to hit the break even point - not make money. Big fail for investment math.

Now if we flip this (and I’m not a mathematician and I don’t play one on TV so this isn’t accurate, just info to get you thinking) by saving that same money you were going to spend on the home (I’m not talking the necessary payment amount here, just that excess for maintenance and such) you’d not only do a great deal to increase your net worth you’d potentially earn enough money to buy a home outright in less time than it would take you to pay for one on the “regular” plan. Especially if you invested it wisely in some compounding interest money market account. Food for thought.

Lesson #4) When things go wrong, they go terribly wrong.
The saddest lesson in home ownership has come in recent years with the mortgage industry crash. The reality is, your home isn’t worth what you paid or even what the economy says it’s worth at the time, it’s only worth what someone is willing to pay for it. And the extension of this is it’s only worth what your lender is willing to accept. To further complicate things, a big mess, like the mortgage industry created with inflated values it couldn’t support, can result in a wave of consequential changes from new programs, to new legislation. The impact is far reaching and will be felt for years to come. The things you know and understand today may not be the same tomorrow. This is also the point at which I learned how the bank is actually on an opposing side from you. See, if they chose not to accept an offer when your home is upside down, you lose and there’s nothing you can do about it. And remember all those ways listed above for a lender to make money? They all work against the buyer. The bank will make more money by refusing or messing up a short sale offer and pushing the home into foreclosure than to help the buyer resolve the debt. Oh, and conditions of need over want in regards to moving - say for a new job, they have no influence. This is all about money and you’re on the short end of the stick. The worst part of all this is learning the hard way about the instability of what you thought was sound. It’s a rude wake up call to realize that circumstances completely beyond your control can change everything and leave you helpless. In fact, it’s a rotten feeling indeed.

Yes, it’s been a wicked learning curve. While we’ve successfully navigated away from the drowning Titanic, we’re still watching helplessly on the sidelines and feeling the waves of the aftermath. But we’re fortunate, we’re fine. Our credit will be marred by circumstances beyond our control, but we don’t need it to live and enjoy life as we’ve known it. We’ve been blessed to have a great job with a terrific raise, a comfortable and nice home we’re renting, money to meet our needs/wants and the knowledge that we did everything we could regarding our home in Arizona. Most people who have lost or are losing their homes today aren’t anywhere near as fortunate. I feel for them. We’re all wiser for our experience, but it doesn’t ease the pains of weathering the storm.

There seems to be more broken about our system than works. Did you know you can’t start a short sale process until you are behind on your payments? For us that meant we had to deliberately not make a couple months of payments to qualify for the only way we could sell our home. Some suggested renting in hopes the value would increase to the point we could sell it. Unfortunately we could never rent it for anywhere near the monthly mortgage payment and a partial payment is looked on the same way as no payment. Further, the recovery time looks to be about 12 years. Two mortgage payments are out of the question, especially when one was already our limit and we moved to one of the most expensive areas in the country. So with no option, we hired a real estate agent to list the home, agreed to maintain our utilities to the property and skipped a couple months of payments. We were encouraged when the bank approved our status for the government short sale program and although that was a bugger of paperwork and red tape, the offer was submitted to the bank. All was looking great until the bank decided they wanted more money and countered asking both seller and buyer for more. That did two things, first it caused the buyer to withdraw their offer and second the added paperwork and process delayed the process. To our disappointment, the next thing we learned was that our approval had been disapproved because of timelines not met - not met because the bank delayed the process. The ray of light was that we had a second offer ready to submit and while it would be a pain to restart the application and approval process for the short sale program it could be done. Well, it was supposed to be an option until we received foreclosure notices in the mail yesterday. Now we’re told that because the process is too far into foreclosure short sale is no longer an option. Apparently, while the left hand of the bank was processing our short sale program, its right was simultaneously pursuing foreclosure procedures. I am so saddened for our good neighbors too. Our home had the potential to be inhabited with new owners and continued home care. Now I fear it will fall into a state of ugly abandonment and for absolutely no reason. While we’ve always known we’re at the complete mercy of the bank and system, it is still utterly disappointing to see it work against us.

So let’s recap. A program is devised to alleviate insurmountable challenges with relocations. Approval is granted and two offers are obtained. The first isn’t accepted and the second isn’t considered. Bank forces both credit damage and foreclosure as a result. Epic fail - definitely broken. Is there any wonder that our legal system is now littered with lawsuits over messes like this?

The fine print is something I’ll not miss again. I may never own a home again - by choice. If I do, it will be when it can truly be an investment because it’s paid for from the start. But through all this, I feel we have been truly blessed. The weight of the ball and chain are gone. The mess isn’t cleaned up yet and I have no idea how long it will take with the bank running the show, but it will eventually be cleaned up. A whole new world is open to us with these cables of home ownership keeping us anchored. Maybe we’ll end up in Spain for employment yet. Regardless of where we go in the future, the knowledge that we can, and the freedom and ability to reallocate our income to our advantage are liberating and wonderful. Life is good.

Chalk it up to lessons learned. One very, big lesson to be exact: home ownership and what it really is and isn’t. Now, to be fair, this isn’t a news flash lesson but it is definitely a course correction and eye opening learning curve. Think of it as an expanded view. I literally feel like I just climbed on top of the barn and got a whole new perspective. This is good, this is a sign of growth and if I can keep it in my memory a sign of potential wisdom.

To understand where I’m coming from I must back up the train about 18 1/2 years ago, for this is where the seeds for independent living and home ownership began. The time is spring of 1992 and I’m engaged. Blake and I are talking about our new life we’ll be starting together in May, we’re making plans, dreaming, plotting our future course and such. One of the topics on the burner is where we’ll live. While apartments are the most common and expected avenue, we start thinking that if we could get into a little duplex we’d have something to show for the 4 or so years of expected rent. Problem: we have no money for a downpayment and we’re going to be living in a new and unfamiliar place. Extension of the problem, we can’t convince Blake’s dad, our only source for a solution to the problem and super smart accountant, that this is a wise investment. He counters that we don’t know where we’re going to be after graduation which is only a few years out and thus staying flexible with renting makes more sense. Hindsight shows this would have been very wise indeed, however all is not lost as through this exercise Blake’s younger brother received the fruits of planting these seeds a few years later. You’re welcome, Ryan. ~wink~ But I digress. The point of this share is that even before I was married I had a belief in the value of owning a residence; an accepted social truth that it would be an investment instead of flushing money down a toilet never to be seen again.

Blake and I spent the next 5 years spending every possible downpayment dollar on taxes. We were DINKS (dual income no kids) and we had no deductibles. It was most disheartening and we grew accustomed to the reality that we were locked into renting. In our 5th year of marriage we moved back to Idaho where Blake had taking a job for a start up company. This was a turning point as after 6 months, Blake’s dad asked us why we weren’t settling down with a home, which would be a wise move. We explained the lack of downpayment and this time he offered to help which made it possible for us to purchase our first home. ~Thanks Dad!~ It wasn’t anything fancy, only 1,000 sq. feet and $65k, but it was ours and it felt wonderful. We spent the next six years making it ours, creating a yard and increasing it’s value. When we moved in 2002, we felt it payed off as we were able to sell it for about $87k. The point of sharing this is the reality that our fist expectation of ‘making money’ or receiving a return on our investment was achieved.

2002 was an ugly year for us. Our business had gone under, I’d suffered a medical disaster that stretched over 3 long months building a mountain of medical bills and there was no work for Blake in the small Idaho town. Suffice it to say it was a miracle we were able to purchase anything when we moved back to Arizona. We found an affordable townhome for about $120k. It took us 5 years to dig out of the hole we’d dug with our financial disasters, but toward the end of year 4 our home provided us some additional help with a home equity loan that helped us clear our consumer debt. In 2006 we were blessed with a nice salary increase for Blake. This coupled with our cleared consumer debt gave us a new lease on life. We decided it was time to really “settle” and bought our first dream home. I describe it this way because the first two homes we bought were choices made by lack of options more than anything. This time we went looking for something we wanted and we found it. A great home, nice sized yard, pool in the backyard, everything we thought we wanted to live the good life and be super happy for the rest of our lives. We had added confidence as the townhome we’d bought 5 years before had nearly doubled which fueled our ability to purchase our dream home for $374k. The point of this share is multi-faceted; 1) we gained experience with the process of buying and selling, 2) we were able to use home equity to help us make progress on financial goals, 3) we capitalized on selling high returning more profits, 4) we followed the typical ‘American Dream’ pattern of upgrading.

So far so good right? I thought so too. However, my lesson was just beginning.

In fairness, things were really good for about the next three years. When the dust settled, our monthly house payment was about $500 more a month than promised when we purchased the home but it didn’t kill us. However, when Blake took a job he really wanted that let him work from home we sacrificed some monthly income and in the 4th year we’d have some bigger home maintenance and growing kid financial needs. We didn’t actually see the results for about a year, when we started noticing the consumer debt had crept back up to compensate. Naturally, this would be about the time the nation would experience financial distress and our area was hit with the demise of bank mortgage disaster. The long and short is that the value of our home fell to half what we paid for it. For the first while this was disappointing to be sure but it wasn’t a show stopper. We had no intention of moving so we figured we’d weather the storm and eventually the value would come back up to what we’d paid for it - by all practical and realistic projections about 7-12 years. I was blessed with a work opportunity about this time that would allow us to tackle the consumer debt and with some diligence we’d be back on top of things soon. If you’ve read many stories, you know this is the point where the curve ball comes. And sure enough it did, Blake got recruited for an amazing job opportunity in a different state. The point of this share is unforeseeable consequences can come from circumstances and factors beyond your control and vision.

So let’s recap the history:

• I believe in the theory that home ownership is a wise investment and will provide a return for monthly money spent on housing.
• I experience this ‘return on investment’.
• I gain experience with the process of buying and selling, am able to see the value of home equity, made a high return on our home sale and followed the upgrading pattern.
• Unforeseeable and uncontrollable events generate substantial consequences on the home buying decision.

I’d keep writing, but I’m exhausted so I’ll break this post out into two parts. I’ll tackle the wealth of knowledge gained and my personal thoughts as a result in Part 2.

It’s long overdue, but I’m finally posting details about our new home in the bay area. Blake came to the bay the first week of October for an introduction to his new job and to find us a new home to move to. This was a daunting task as we only had rental images and information we could find listed online to start with. The number of times he called with a report that a place was really unappealing, super de duper small or not in an area we’d want to live in was by far the norm and disheartening. Further, time was short. However, his first visit to the Admiralty in Foster City resulted in an immediate feeling that he thought he’d found the place. Turns out he did, and the 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath, two-story condo was secured. The kids and I moved here sight unseen, which Blake will tell you had him plenty nervous (and I must add that after driving around he did very well indeed!) I have many thoughts to share on the psychology transition and shift that made this possible, but that’s a post for another day.

I’ll start with Foster City. For reference, we’re about half way between San Francisco and San Jose. The long bridge we’re closest to is the San Mateo bridge and it costs $5 to cross! We learned quickly you don’t want to miss your exit.

For time reference, the San Francisco airport is about 15 minutes away. A drive to either San Jose or San Fran would take roughly 30 minutes by car.

The city sits separate from most of the surrounding area. This makes for a very small town feel and slow pace in our neck of the woods that I’ve really enjoyed. Several of the homes here are arranged on water fronts and the entire little city is connected by bridges to the surrounding area. There are just under 30,000 people, 3 elementary schools and one middle school and the culture is incredibly diverse with people from all walks of life living here. The community is packed with events, classes and activities for families. The city is beautiful.

We live in a central location (the blue ‘Adm’ marks our location on the map below.) The Admiralty was one of the first residential buildings completed on the island in the 60s by reknown architect Edward Durrell Stone, who also designed Radio City Music Hall and the Kennedy Center. (I had to add that tidbit because it just sounds cool)

Ironically, we live in the corner unit of the photo above. The willow tree is right off the end of our balcony. The complex is currently undergoing a major facelift so it now looks like this, which isn’t so fun to look out on. However, it’s going to look really nice when it’s done which we hope is only another 6-8 weeks away.

All the two story condos are on the top two floors. From the photo above you can see what the size of ours looks like from the outside. The two sliding glass doors are on the main floor, one off the dining room and one off the family room and the two windows above are to our and Taylor’s bedrooms.

My only complaint about the new place is the lack of storage. The two inside closets you meet upon entering the unit have both been converted to house a washer and dryer. This is great for laundry, but stinky for storage. When you walk in the front door you look right at two doors, the one to the left is the half bath the other the washer with the family room to the left and the living/dining room to the right. The washer closet is right beside the main entry door, which you can’t quite see in the picture. Oh, also note the coat hooks I put up by the entry - that’s in place of a missing closet for storage, but it works!

The kitchen and office provided some real challenges. The kitchen has cabinets but no pantry, so I had to get really creative. There is no office so I found a corner unit for my computer and a bookshelf to organize all the office papers (why do we alway have so much paper crap?!)

The family room is very small compared to our old home, especially housing the kitchen dining set, so for now the kids are using bean bags for chairs in that room. I’m hoping to make a couple of recliner chairs fit. On the upside I can see the TV perfectly from my favorite computer corner.

Note the conversion of the shelves into a “pantry” by the TV.

While Taylor says we live in a hotel, I think it’s starting to feel rather homey. We’ve even found places for most of the Christmas decor.

And most importantly, we all have our own bedrooms and separate bathrooms! Yes, Blake choose well, and Christmas has found us here just as it has in every other place we’ve lived.

And there you have it, our new life at the Admiralty.